F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • Tribute: Bishop Mario Dorsonville – from Goose

    YHC was in the process of building a fun Saturday beatdown when Cardinal called with some devastating news: Bishop Dorsonville had passed away at 6:50pm from complications due to to treatment of liver issues. He had been dealing with a lot of pretty major medical stuff over the past couple of months, but he wasn’t anywhere near death, so this came as a shock to everyone. After some time grieving with the M and connecting with friends and family, YHC knew there was still a beatdown to be built for the morning, and the original theme wasn’t gonna work anymore. A solid tribute would be the only appropriate way to move forward.

    F3 tributes are usually put together for fallen soldiers or policemen killed in the line of duty, and they’re defined by a single, very difficult routine that provides for maximum effort to honor the fallen. Though not a soldier or a policeman, Bishop Mario Dorsonville offered his life deeply and continuously for the people of the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux in a uniquely heroic way, and his untimely death deserves such a tribute.

    When he was named Bishop of Houma-Thibodaux, he had no idea where it was or what to expect, but he accepted it as the Lord’s will and resolutely headed this way. After his installation, he told me (on multiple occasions and with deep, passionate sincerity) that this was not going to be a stop on the way to a bigger assignment for him. He had already made up his mind and had communicated to his superiors that these would be his people for the rest of his life. These would be the people to whom he would belong, and they would belong to him until his death or retirement. He had no family left on earth outside of some distant relatives back in Colombia, and he didn’t know anyone here. But, he quickly connected with YHC’s family and with Cardinal and his family. Cardinal would become his secretary, his right hand man in all things, his brother in every sense of the word, his companion on the journey. We just had no idea the journey would be so short.

    The PAX gathered in the cold gloom and YHC was grateful to sink into what has become a strong brotherhood, a team of HIMs defined by gratitude and humble grit. It was nice to enter that circle and let the chatter wash over us. YHC could tell the 2.0’s were grateful for that, too–they were close with Bishop, like an uncle, and they had just received the hard news that morning in the truck on the way there.

    A warmup of the usuals, including the introduction of what YHC labeled “Lafayette Nightclubs”, a weird but extremely effective arm exercise experienced in Lafayette a couple of weeks ago (they called them “Moroccan Night Clubs”, but anyone who’s been to Morocco knows better). It starts with hands up, elbows down at your sides, then extend up and outward about 45 degrees before coming back down. This one’s quickly becoming one of YHC’s favorites since it works out an area that’s been hard to loosen up.
    Also, Duke unwittingly provided some comic relief as he covered his whole face with his knit had to ward off the cold wind and kept drifting into Safety Valve’s circle of safety and windmilling him in the face. I think he actually wore it like that for the entire warmup.

    YHC then explained what we’d be doing and why–some of the PAX knew already and some didn’t–and we split into teams of three, grabbed one coupon per team, and headed to the lower field.

    The tribute would consist of a Dora-like routine wherein teams of three would complete the following exercises/reps:
    -B: Burpees 200
    -I: Imperial Walkers 300
    -S: Side Straddle Hops 400
    -H: Heels to Heaven 300
    -O: Ono’s (Apolo Ono’s) 200 (2:1)
    -P: Peter Parker Merkins 100
    There were two cones set up about 15 yards apart, and while one of the trio chipped away at the burpees, another at the other cone started on the Imperial Walkers, and the third traveled from the first to the second via block-and-bear. Upon arrival, he took over on the Imperial Walker reps, and the second traversed back via block-and-bear to take over on burpees. Once a rep count was completed, that side would move onto the next letter’s exercise.

    Yankee Joe came running over just as YHC was completing the explanation, but unfortunately, he made number 13, so we had to send him all the way back to grab another coupon so he could join one of the groups and make a foursome, requiring two men to block-and-bear together. He didn’t complain, though, and shared that he had heard about Bishop that morning, and though he may not have planned to be there otherwise, he had rushed out to the door to support YHC. That was deeply moving, and YHC was almost sorry to have to put him through such a grueling routine…almost.

    It started rough and remained rough throughout, especially with the cold coupons numbing the fingers, making it hard to tell if you were fully gripping the block on the pulls. But, the variations of exercises and switching between them made it a little more doable (a little). Once all had finished except Suckle and AB (that’s how you know there may have been some widespread form-fudging), the rest of the PAX took 5 PPMerkins apiece to fill the gap, and we lined up for the next movement.

    Indian Run via the road to the far gate (by the chimney field), the last guy dropping to do 3 genuflections before running to the front. This was tougher than it otherwise would have been, obviously because of the effort that was just poured in by the PAX, and the cold wind was a-blowin’. Once we arrived at the gate, YHC called a halt to share some words and an explanation of what we’d be doing next.

    Bishop Dorsonville loved intensely. He yearned for familial relationships, and he naturally gave himself over, opening his heart wide to those he encountered. This was often exhausting for him, especially as he encountered more and more people here, and many of them weren’t always sure how to receive such an intense, sincere, familial love. This was painful for him, particularly since he had no family or friends here to fall back on, no place to be safe and comfortable with people who knew his heart, to whom he already belonged. But, he didn’t stop. He continued to press on and show up and pour himself out, praying for strength and growing connections with people here. Thankfully, Cardinal’s prayer led him to say yes to the request to be Bishop’s full-time secretary (which is more of like a partner/assistant), and God allowed he and his family to provide a “home” for him. God also allowed YHC and family to give him some harbor in the storm when he’d visit the house to feel at home with the mess and beauty of family life.

    To honor this intense, often painful journey of pouring himself out unreservedly for the people here, we would run as hard as we could from there via the road to the parking area in front of the main building, just past the Thunderdome. It was about 1/3 of a mile, which was long enough to be friggin’ hard, but not long enough to get into a groove or find a good pace. He was the Bishop for only 9 months, which was long enough to be deeply difficult but not long enough to get comfortable.

    YHC sent Yote and the 2.0’s on the shorter route between the fields, and we lined up. On signal, we took off at a hard pace and kept it hard–YHC could hear the footsteps of Suckle not far behind, and the rest were not far behind him. The body was exhausted, but we had a good reason to offer it up, to not measure how much more we could take, especially because we knew it would end soon enough. This part hit YHC hard, and the tears wanted to take over, but the opportunity to pour it all out and the support of this awesome crew provided the drive needed to put the pedal to the metal. (And, it almost provided YHC’s first career pukeage, too.)

    We went down to the field and grabbed the gear before heading back to the flag for COT, and Dox prayed us out, all of us focusing on Cardinal’s grief and Bishop’s eternal rest.
    Thanks, again, gentlemen, for your support and for entering into an unforeseen tribute beatdown in sub-freezing temperatures. F3 continues to be a deeper, more important gift than I know any of us could’ve ever expected.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • I Want Candy – from Cardinal

    Isn’t it funny that you always want the thing you can’t have? YHC and a number of the PAX are in a period of not eating sweets, so to channel the newfound desire for anything with sugar, YHC dove into the exicon to see what sweet treats could be unearthed. After a little thought, a beatdown was born.

    Warmorama was almost the standard fare (IW, WM, AC, HK, BK, SL) except knowing what was coming next, SSH were skipped. This presented to be a real issue for a number of the PAX and was perhaps the most controversial part of the whole beatdown.

    All chatter was quickly silenced by the next thang – featuring the classic “I Want Candy” by Aaron Carter. The PAX would to SSH for the duration of the song, with a burpee on every time they hear “candy.” If you made it through the brutal marathon at the end, that’s 26 burpees in just over 3 minutes.

    After that, we moved into Double Apple Sauce, a 2-column Indian run where the last man in one line would run to the front of the other. This was met with varied success, looking beautifully choreographed at times and looking like a mob at other times.

    We ended at the baseball field, where the PAX were introduced to the Sugar Cookie. In the outfield, PAX did called Scuba Steve’s and leg raises, then sprinted to home plate to do 20 hand release merkins and 20 BBSU. Ideally, the dew from the grass would leave the PAX nicely coated like a sugar cookie. Alas, the moisture wasn’t there, but it was still a killer thang.

    We then DAS’d again to Aldi’s (possessive because that’s how you do it) parking lot for some Apple Turnover races – switching between bear crawl and crab walk. After that, round 2 was a Hot Apple Turnover – crawl bear and walk crabs. The PAX pushed and showed their prowess (or lack thereof) in each leg of the race.

    We moseyed back to the flag for 5 minutes of people’s choice MARY- which featured Dr. W’s and dolphin hops to no one’s surprise.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. Mom Jeans bestowed the VEST upon Smooth for pushing harder than anyone, both on and off the court so to speak.

    Grateful to the PAX for letting me take them on a sweet journey! Till next time…

    -Cardinal

  • Every Morning in Africa… – from Paradox

    “Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up and knows it must be faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
    Every morning in Africa a lion wakes up and knows it must be faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve.
    It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle, when the sun comes up you better be running “
    -African proverb

    Todays beatdown inspiration was a bit of a “give a mouse a cookie” situation. YHC recently saw the above quote and tucked it away into the “beatdown ingredient “folder for later. Shortly after that YHC read a Nola backblast (shoutout to Charmin) with a “catch me if you can” modification called lions and gazelles. Shortly after THAT Gooses new years beatdown had pax 1 mile run times posted and YHC wondered what type of burpee handicap would put the pax on an equal running field. The blend was coming together, was just missing another ingredient when I saw my 2.0s running scared in the yard…hmmm….a dash of fear…just right! Now just need a heat source to cook this meal …or perhaps …perhaps this is a dish best served cold…

    Duke!! Get away from that watering hole and roll that beautiful beatdown footage!

    7 pax fought through icy windshields and hastily searched pants drawers to get better on a Tuesday Tuff at the stage. 25 degrees at alarm time with 15 mph wind puts us at a respectable F3 nation GMI of 14 (32-current degree F plus PAX attendance). We felt the kindred spirit with our F3 brothers in the northeast and midwest that call this weather “spring” .

    YHC started the partner work early at home when attempting to unfreeze the truck too late but Valve was ready and waiting with the cutting-edge Ford technology across the street so we headed down 308 together silently waiting to see if Yankee ever found pants. Team Platinum soon found Goose and Ronnie (with leg coverings!) loitering in the cold with Jeaux and Popeye close behind.
    Today’s goals were simple. Never stop moving and get the pax home with all their fingers and toes and wives leggings intact.

    Warmup
    Heavy Cardio warmup with a double dose of MCs to get the heart charged and blood to the fingers if only for a second.

    Continued Warmup
    Indian Run around Richmans Loop to let the pax see the Serengeti and prime the watering holes (drop off cones)
    Drop off to 3 Jillian Michael’s (haven’t missed those)

    YHC tried to find the song that would transport the pax to a sunny tropical state of mind so we ran while the Beach Boys told us about a place way down in Kokomo. This served to warm our hearts for about 2 seconds until turning the corner on the flat land of richmans loop and feeling the full force of the wind. We did not get there fast or take it slow and the Beach Boys would be ashamed but we did end up where we wanted to go and picked up a wild Dilly while out in the bush!

    Da Main Thang a Lang

    LIONS VS GAZELLES

    Da Rules:
    -Lion starts by doing 15 burpees while gazelles take off from starting line
    -Gazelles must do assigned exercise and reps at each “watering holes” before progressing
    -the lion can kill (tag) you at any time and is immune from watering hole exercises
    -You can only run forward
    -Pax must stay on the road
    -When tagged you are “dead “, complete 10 burpees and mosey back to starting line
    -if you make it back “home” no penalty
    -The lion will do 2 penalty burpees for every living gazelle who makes it home.

    Round 1
    Lion Goose vs Gazelle PAX—Score: Goose 6 Gazelles 0
    Gazelles made a respectable trek to in between the second and third watering hole before Lion Goose unleashed carnage. The ever cunning strategist Lion Goose ran down the leaders in cold blood then circled back for the rest. I shudder to think what Pope will do in this format.

    Round 2
    Lion Jeaux vs Gazelle PAX- Score Jeax 1 Gazelles 5
    Only change is 10 merkins which in Jeaux’s defense went much quicker than YHC expected and may have put us ahead early. Most of the gazelles made it home to their families. Lion Jeaux did not starve but later commented that the Gazelle Dilly was “a little gamey” for him. Sadly there will be a zoo truck coming soon to “transfer him to a better place”.

    Round 3
    Lion Popeye vs Gazelle PAX- Score Pop 6 Gazelles 0
    12 Burpees for the Lion this round to start, 5 Jump Squats at watering holes.
    Lion runs forward while pax Nur and stare down our impending death. YHC tilted this one a touch in the favor of the Lion to ensure maximum effort. The nur/jump squat combo took the gazelles down fast and Popeye came around the first bend of Richmans loop like a persistent tank rolling down gazelles with reckless abandon. He took YHC and Goose just after cone 2 with a gentle tap that and nod that it was time death and for more burpees.

    Round 4 – Partner race for home
    P1 sprint to next light and MC
    P2 MC till p1 is stopped at next light
    YHC sowed some confusion early by saying leap frog but performing something different. The pax adjusted well and every team stayed in close contention.

    Formed up to finish a standard Indian run home with a sprint finish

    Just enough time for a little Proud Mary, this is an old Goose classic and never gets old
    Assorted abs on the song with Big Boys on “Rolling”.

    Just before the song we realized the wind had taken down Ole Glory on our shovel flag. Goose fiddled with putting it back together but he is not one to miss a session of Mary so he resolutely held the stars and stripes up and off the ground while torching abdominals down below. Never been prouder of my site Q.

    The Counting, the Naming and we found ANIMAL inside of the seventeenth layer of YJs clothes. It was given to Pop in honor of his Gazelle feast in round 3.

    Announcements:
    RCR sign ups and prep
    It’s Only a Mile – Feb 17th

    COT and Ronnie prayed us out

    Moleskin:
    We can be motivated, at least temporarily, by many things.
    There can be comfort (Kokomo in 25 degrees weather), control (how many reps?), fear (is that Popeye or the grim reaper?). These are mostly internal motivations that we reach for in the face of adversity. But what the pax of F3 Thibodaux consistently teach YHC is the value of an external motivation. One detached from my own needs and desires. Reaching outside of oneself for your children, your spouse or just that sweaty dude next to you who keeps making 3 inches jokes. When we find this extra gear of shared suffering it’s amazing to see the reservoir of strength that God provides with it.
    Thanks for the effort despite the brutal condition’s today men.

    It’s a privilege to lead

    Epilogue

    Every morning in Thibodaux the Gloom awaits men knowing it will capture many with struggle and snares.
    Every morning in Thibodaux the pax wake up knowing they must work hard to beat the gloom.
    And that when the sun rises, there will be men at his side, pushing to make each other a little better each day.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Gose’-palooza – from Goose

    YHC showed up solo to a beatdown for the first time in quite a while, and sat solo in an empty parking lot wondering if the Goose hype on GroupMe on another Sunday night caused the fartsack factor to rise in PAXville to a dangerous, pre-2023 level. Actually, YHC was gonna have to split 10 minutes early to get Pope to Schriever to catch a bus to D.C. for the March for Life, so it was gonna be a weird morning, anyway. Going back home was starting to look the least bit attractive when Hyundai lights swung lazily around the corner carrying a VESTED Cardinal into the lot. A Cardinal one-on-one actually sounded like fun, but not nearly as much fun as a foursome with Safety Valve and the brand-spankin’-new Mom Jeans! t’s been over a week since YHC was with the Thib PAX, and it was so good to be back!!

    Warmups started a minute late, though MJ side-straddled-hopped deftly from his Dilly truck all the way to the circle. We utilized the usuals, but YHC introduced the crew to the Lafayette version of Moroccan Night Clubs, which is more like a grizzly bear roar move–arms up and toward the front at like 45 degrees. It was different, but, man, you can feel the much needed popping and creaking.

    After a bumper to Stop sign mosey, YHC unveiled the “FNG”, the newly minted “Gose’”, a bluetooth Christmas miracle of clarity, bass, volume, connectivity, and dashing good looks. Though the tunes chosen for the morning weren’t the best examples of artistic complexity, Gose’ cranked them out with noticeable expertise. The PAX can expect many great things to come from this specimen of sound output.

    Once YHC started the song/exercise pairing, ideas came flowing like Snapple. Late 90’s garbage piled up on YHC’s Spotify list, and muscle burn was on the menu. It would be a Gose’-palooza until 5:50am, after which the PAX would receive instruction for how to finish the beatdown without a Q.

    1. “I Wish (I was a baller)” by Skee-lo: hold plank, merkins on “wish”
    2. “Funky Duck” by Vulfpeck: burpees on “duck” (This is a fun one–stupid enough for the kids, funky enough for the adults).
    –YHC: “Just chill between burpees.”
    –Valve: “So, solid burpees.”
    –YHC: “You’ve learned much.”
    3. “Mari-Mac” by Great Big Sea: hold flutter kick position, flutter on every “Mary” or “marry”
    4. “Brimful of Asha” by Cornershop: heel raises for the duration, genuflection on “45” and “bosom”
    5. “Here Comes the Hotstepper” by Ini Kamoze: penguins for the duration, big boys on every “murderer”

    At this point, it was 5:50, so YHC trusted Cardinal to lean into the VEST and lead the remaining PAX around Rich Man’s Loop and through potluck Mary till 6:00. YHC drove by at exactly 6, and it looked like he pulled through. It was a heroic, complex task requiring intelligence and leadership, but he still pulled it off. Well done, Cardinal.

    No idea who got the VEST, but YHC is grateful for this crew posting on a Monday and working through the ridiculousness. Looking forward to great things from Mom Jeans! It’s nice to have some respect around here!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Gold, Frankinscence, & Myrrhkins – from Paradox

    These the kings of Thibodaux are.
    Bearing gifts they travel so far.
    Field and fountain .
    Moor and mountain
    Following yonder star!

    Duke! Get the Camels!
    We’re going to Bethlehem
    Roll that beautiful beatdown footage !

    18 pax, with assorted 2.0’s, gathered on a chilly Peltch gloom for a journey…well actually 3 journeys (it’s well documented YHC has a problem maintaining a single theme during beatdowns)

    These leagues of learned men were hungry for a cardio feast and little did they know YHC had a buffet ready to serve from the East….hold it right there…I see you shaking your head…If you have a medical condition that is affected by wisemen puns, please exit this backblast. Your condition will not improve

    YHC rolled in on 2 camel humps after an extended garage search for Balthasar and Melchior but had to settle for jump ropes and tennis balls. YHC then moseyed into a gaggle of waiting magi and saw one foreigner towering above the rest. The unmistakable visage of Toe Loop had the pax in a frenzy and it was great to see him back in mix. Goose screeched in with the Van of Truth right on time. These pax were frankly incensed to get started and myrrhbe just myrrhbe we could go for gold today. Pleasantries, insults, and coupons were dispersed and we got down to business .

    Warmup
    Colder than expected winds from the east and a larger than expected group led YHC to some high rep counts to buy time for internal calculations. Plus the added benefit that nothing gets the pax full attention more than shoulder centric warmups.
    YHC then split the pax into teams of 3/4 (math is an elective at Homer High) each with a coupon and we headed for the thunderDome.

    Journey #1
    Two of today’s journeys would have clearly defined geographic destinations with goals to accomplish, lakes to sit by and a King to honor in the process. Before starting these though, YHC wanted to continue Gooses recent individual appraisals of our first F journey.
    YHC instructed the pax complete AMRAP burpees, merkins , bbsus.
    All for one minute each with a goal of establishing a benchmark for the year. We will return to these quarterly to assess progress and videos of form will be periodically sent to Sheriff Jeaux’s office for review.
    Lil Jon led us in the greatest of motivational hymns and all considered what they would turn down for.

    Journey #2 Santa Fe

    It’s the new year and if we want to set fitness goals then the first step is to know exactly where we are (see journey #1)
    The logical next step is to take a look at your own version of the mall map and find the arrow denoted “you are here “ then have a long think about where you want to be.
    Well, if there is any place in the world where I’d like to be to have a really deep think then it’s prolly an adoration chapel….BUT if there were a second place then it’s right next to that Lake …you know the one…it’s just 80 miles to Santa Fe.

    Dean Summerwind led us and we completed:

    “Santa Fe”- Bonnie Blair
    “Parked” Squat
    “Lake “ – Tin soldier
    With Al gore holds for maybe 5 seconds.
    The pax thoroughly enjoyed it with Popeye adding it to his “play at my funeral “playlist.

    Da Main Thang a Lang

    Journey #3 Arabia to Bethlehem

    We were feeling pretty dang good about ourselves with the 80 miles to Santa Fe so we set our sights a little farther …

    800 miles to make Santa Pay.
    That’s right , Jan 6 is STILL Christmas on my calendar you jolly fat man and we got 800 miles to get to baby Jesus so you better hop aboard , this pain train is leaving the station!

    3 Rounds of reps to complete as a 3 King Trio representing the aforementioned 800 miles .
    We would intermingle trivia and the fine arts to hone our wiseman skills. The trivia was hand selected from ABs learned league sample questions and YHC went easy on the pax with only the “ >50 percent correct” categories.
    There would be burpees on the line and we all know Cardinal does his best work when threatened with cardio. I mean seriously if you grew up a Dragon Ball Z nerd like YHC you can imagine ordinary Cardinal going full Super Saiyan when you challenge his heart with burpees but leverage it with trivia.

    Round 1 – 300 curls
    P1 coupon curls
    P2 run to the gate and back (timer)
    P3 Mountain climbers

    Trivia Round 1
    1.) Fill in the blank
    Mega, Giga, Tera, -blank-, Exa

    The pax made a few educated guesses here but took 5 burpees on the chin.

    2.) Herbaceous plant known as scientific name Trifolium
    Cardinal honored his namesake answering that St Patrick’s trinity Clover was correct and saved us from 5 burpees

    3.) a spiders organ used to produce silk ?
    Goose used his experience Cosplaying as SpiderDad to answer Spinneret and save us another 5 burps.

    After our penalty 5 burpees we stopped to consider what the magi may be feeling 300 miles in. Should we “turn around” ??

    JBL fired up a F3 Thib classic with Bonnie Tyler’s Total eclipse of the heart. (See GroupMe Diagram for belting vs crooning concerns)

    Flutter kicks on song
    Leg Raise on all Turn Arounds

    Round 2 200 Thrusters
    P1 jump rope
    P2 run around thunderdome building

    Round 2 Trivia
    1.) What word is the motto of a western US state, a brand of vacuum cleaner, and what Archimedes is alleged to have exclaimed before he left his tub and ran naked through the streets of Syracuse? EUREKA! Not sure who had credit for this one but they saved us 5 burps.
    2.) Dantes Divine Comedy is an epic poem divided into three canticas. The first is Inferno, what are the other two? PURGATORIO, PARADISIO – Cardinal for the win!
    3.) With the single exception of 1989 when Darrell Waltrip passed the checkered flag on Hoosier tires, every Daytona 500 winner since 1969 has driven on tires from what manufacturer. GOODYEAR
    Pax went 3/3 and enjoyed a pleasant 5 burpees.

    Round 3 – The Home Stretch
    This would have originally been 300 SSH but time required us to adapt the 300 miles into a full Rarajapari sprint home .

    With the goal of bringing your 3 gifts (pax , tennis balls , and coupon ) safely to Bethlehem (the flag) and a penalty of 5 burpees for the last team.
    YHC tried to be slick and set his team on a “around the crapper “ track but we got bogged down in the marsh only rescued by SuperFast and Maneaters willingness to dive into ankle deep puddles .
    It came down to the wire until AB took a dagger to our hearts with a Beckham bending kick to the flag.
    Team Goose took the win and a poorly led team dox ate the burpees.
    (Can someone teach me to futbol’ )

    3 minutes of Mary at the flag to finish where we wafted many backblasts and only dreamed of smelling sweeter incense.

    The counting
    The naming
    YHC gave ManEater the inVESTment for eating those coupon thrusters like they were breakfast muffins.
    Dilly Dilly prayed us out .

    RUN CAJUN RUN SIGN UP
    ITS ONLY A MILE – FEB 17

    Looking forward to an awesome year of progress with you chaps.
    It’s a privilege to lead.

    Epilogue

    The following is an excerpt from the award-winning biography of Dave Mitchell

    “America’s Best of Times”

    Written by the Pax of F3 Thibodaux

    Foreword by Squanto

    Chapter 18 : The Best of Us

    “We buried him on a Tuesday. Tuff was always his favorite beatdown ya know…its where he got his start. Goose at 106 years old, sang a stirring rendition of “Wind Beneath My Wings” followed by Valve ceremoniously sprinkling flourescein into the dirt. A light wind stirred the leaves on that quiet Virginian hillside. We had a few last moments to spend with our friend, the best of America. He looked solemn in that home built brewpon casket. Like any moment he would growl and do one last leg raise. The gray of his beard shimmering like the alpaca vest he had worn hundreds of times in a decorated life of service. We waited around at the grave after, swapping stories of beatdowns long blasted.

    Thats when the great granddaughter of the beast approached us with an envelope.
    “My great grandad had two requests in his will” she said.
    “#1 Make sure Yankee Jeaux is doing full extension Apollo Onos. I don’t know who Jeaux is but make sure he knows he was very adamant about this.
    And #2 Give this letter to the men. She opened it and read aloud.”:

    “In the waiting list of life you brothers were the wisest of men, my true learned league, never forget what we did, it was important”

    She hit play on a small musical device and walked off as we staired out across the fading twilight, the music played and somewhere in the distance a whippoorwill crooned softly.

    “Once upon a time I was falling in love. But now I’m only falling apart. Theres nothing I can do …a total eclipse of the heart

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Run, and let Die – from Honeysuckle

    On a chilly morning, YHC plus 14 or 15 HIMs convened at the Lion’s Den to raise the temperature of Thibodaux a few degrees. After a pre-beatdown site survey of the greater Warren J Harang Jr Municipal Auditorium area, YHC determined that most of the grassy area was too wet due to the previous day’s precipitation, which partially put a damper on some of the plans. At this point, a gravel road and an Aldi were willed into existence so that the beatdown could commence.

    Warmarama: SSH, Windmills, Arm Circles (F/R), Mountain Climbers, High Knees, Butt Kicks, Toy Soldiers, Willie Mays Hayes

    Don’t tell Goose, but it is indeed true that opportunities for on-the-clock stretching can be found in the Warmarama if one looks.

    Mosey to the playground

    The Thang:

    YHC explained that there is no point in trying to follow an America’s Best beatdown; no amount of creativity could compare. In fact, YHC was dealt a Paradox, YJ, Goose, Goose, America’s Best hand to follow, so why even bother. So to help out with the lack of detailed planning, the specifics of today would be a little random. The beatdown was based on a random waypoint concept, where six locations around the area were chosen as the waypoints. At each waypoint, some exercises would be done. The choice of which waypoint to go to would be determined by the roll of an allegedly fair die. The waypoints and exercises were as follows

    1: Lion statue (50 Moroccan Night Clubs 2:1)
    2: Gravel road near stop sign (50 Apollo Ohnos 2:1)
    3: Gravel road near exercise equipment (30 tempo squats)
    4: Gravel road near gate (25 LBCs + 25 Big boy situps)
    5: Playground (30 Derkins)
    6: Aldi parking lot near the broken glass (15 burpees)

    Transport between waypoints would be a faster-than-a-mosey run, except if a 1 is rolled in which case there would be a hard run to the Lion statue area. Another rule that did not need to be enacted today was that if the same number were rolled twice in a row, PAX do 10 burpees and roll again.

    The PAX spent a lot of time bouncing around between 4 and 2, so some good core and lower body work was done while getting to know the new gravel road well. Popeye questioned the fairness of the die, but surely the quality control department of Milton Bradley would not let a biased die be packaged as part of a Yahzee set.

    Finally, a 3-5-6-1 sequence was rolled, allowing the PAX to enjoy some change of pace with some squats, derkins, burpees, and Moroccan nightclubs. The visit to 6 also let the PAX get a close look at the Aldi parking lot. Interestingly, neither the gravel road (which appears to be an extension of N 10th street) nor the Aldi parking lot were planned to be a part of today’s beatdown, but as luck would have it, the conditions forced us there and they stole the show. I know Goldilox’s first choice was to give the vest to the gravel road.

    As there was still time left, of course a 4 was rolled so the PAX headed back to the yellow gate to work on their 4 packs. The beatdown would be finished via an administrative decision to hit waypoint 5 for 10 more derkins then sprint to 1. Apparently without the Moroccan nightclubs.

    Goldilox returned the vest to its original owner, Paradox, who as legend has it is thus now obligated to destroy it. If he can.

    Announcements revealed that Paradox has Saturday, followed by Smooth on Monday, and Pope on Tuesday. Also the buzz around Run Cajun Run is noticeably increasing.

    Yankee Joe prayed us out. Dox photoed us out.

    Thank you to the 14 or 15 Pax who showed up this morning. It is always one of the most enjoyable parts of my day to sweat and suffer alongside this group. Tclaps to Maneater and Jackknife for yet another post!

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • Start From Where You’re At – from Goose

    Six committed PAX started 2024 the best way possible, by posting at The Stage to face unknown suffering with anticipation and a desire to grow. YHC was excited to enter into the new year with such a solid group of brothers, but also dreading what was on the docket for the morning.

    Warmups were the usual, full 20-count all around to work through the soreness from Saturday’s 12 Days of Something. Then, to work through that initial cardio wake-up burn, we did a set of 11’s: merkins and jump squats, carioca both ways. These proved to be quite the wake-up burn, to say the least. The merkins and jump squats were very much the break. Popeye settled into his steady groove, guffawing at the sprint pace that Tap and Pope started with. Cardinal and Cuz took the Popeye approach in order to save some steam for later, but this one lasted about five minutes longer than anyone hoped, and there was very little steam to be had.

    Two ten-counts later, YHC took advantage of the opportunity for a new year’s pep speech to get the heart back to a sustainable pace. The gist was this: no matter how lofty the goal or courageous the journey, we all have to start somewhere, and that somewhere usually isn’t too pretty. Most of us focus on how awesome the destination will be, but once the reality of where we currently are and the difficulty of the grinding journey toward growth comes crashing in, many let the waves of discouragement wash them into a numb, disconnected state of sedentary survival. But, not this crew. Not today. Not this year. We would embrace the limitations and weaknesses that still linger within, see them for what they are, and push them hard. Real hard. It would be uncomfortable. Real uncomfortable.

    No one was prepared to do it, and no one was really in a good state to do it, including YHC, but we would run a mile as fast as we could and time it to get a solid baseline, an authentic hard-stare at where we are right now. We had all stayed up later than we should have and ate and drank more junk than we should have, and our legs and hearts were still burning form the 11’s, but life is demanding, you know? And, it doesn’t wait for you to be ready. So, everyone on the line: get set, go!

    Pope stayed with YHC (actually a few steps ahead) because he didn’t have a watch, and the rest embarked on 6-9 minutes of lonely maximum effort. It was truly impressive to watch each man roll in knowing that he didn’t have to do it, but he did. Here’s the numbers:
    * Cardinal: 8:40
    * Tap: 8:14
    * Cuz: 8:04
    * Popeye: 7:47
    * Goose: 6:32
    * Pope: 6:30

    After this, we gathered for a few Rings of Fire to burn the muscles out a bit and give the lungs a much needed break. Learned this one from Fracsac a couple of weeks ago:
    1. hold plank, one man does 5 merkins counting out loud, then the PAX to the left picks it up and does 5 out loud while the first does those next five silently. So, each PAX does 10 in a round, overlapping on 5.
    2. Same system, but holding Al Gore and doing Monkey Humpers (lots of great comments that I can’t remember here).
    3. Same system, but holding 6 inches (tee-hee) and doing Leg Raises

    We had 8 minutes left for a solid Mary, which consisted of: wife pleasers, static wife pleasers, Little Manny Crunches, high, slow flutter kicks, Nolan Ryans, and two minutes of reverse plank.

    COT and Tap prayed us out.

    Super grateful for the effort of these men to post early on Jan. 1 and then to push so hard against felt limitations. So proud to be a part of this crew!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Everybody’s an Expert – from America’s Best

    Ten genetically-modified hyper-intelligent HIMs posted this cold morning to exercise minds and bodies.

    And the categories are:
    The 4 P’s of Marketing
    Programming Languages
    Irish Musicians
    The Four Pillars of Catholicism/Christian Life
    Antibiotic Classes
    Versions of Halo
    Things on my Desk
    Minor Bluey Characters
    Harry Potter

    One thing I love about this PAX is that each member brings specific acumen to the table. Everyone is an expert in something. But first, YHC had to ascertain exactly what that was for each dude.

    Jackknife immediately impressed, not only showing up as a 2.0 on a Tuesday Tuff, but also by conveying one of his areas of expertise during YHC’s intro/example. Seriously. This kid is awesome. And he knows some Bluey.

    As for the rest, we went on an Indian run of discovery. As each man at the back sprinted to the lead, he declared his area of expertise for all to hear.

    Upon our return to the flag, we began this thang:

    Circle up, and each expert first chooses an exercise, then we all get to embarrass ourselves with our lack of knowledge in his area of expertise.

    YJ was first, and tried to suggest simply “merkins.” Of course, YHC predicted this, and so the box of destiny (formerly the box of Ballard Designs) was consulted.

    The options were: Absolutions, 4x4s, Manmakers, Thrusters, Goosies, No-cheat merkins, Burpees, WW3 sit-ups, or M.H.G.S. Amazingly it was the same number as number of categories/PAX (minus the moderator). Thus is the magic of the Box of Destiny.

    We went around the circle attempting to name the 4 P’s of Marketing, and for each answer that remained after each guess, we did that many of the named exercise. Of course, only YJ could answer most of these (although the judges gave credit to Dox, for “placement”); so we did a fair amount.

    Maneater was next, and I’m sure shook his head as we struggled to identify programming languages, although YHC was impressed with the knowledge of many in this area (Cardinal schooling YHC with HTML –mind blown).

    Irish Musicians was a surprise addition, and YHC’s favorite category. YJ used this opportunity to showcase his deep-rooted hatred of Oasis, refusing to identify either of the Gallagher brothers as musicians, instead opting for the pain of more beatdown.

    YHC’s poor phrasing of the next category left everyone except Cardinal confused as to what the question was actually asking for. This worked out, because only Cardinal could decipher YHC’s intent, and so we got to do more Absolutions. What didn’t work out as well was that Cardinal’s way of explaining was basically just murmuring all the answers! YHC will soon begin a journey that will hopefully help with improved trivia in this category.

    Other than Goose’s surprise guess of “penicillin” right out of the gate, only Dox was able to name 3 other antibiotic classes. Best wrong answer award of the day went to young Jackknife for his guess “Cocaine”. Dox enjoyed doing extra Thrusters with each wrong answer from the PAX.

    Although other guesses were counted as correct, only Pope truly knows which versions of Halo exist.

    And then we came to Lil’ Cuz. What do you do about a man like this? His acumen in so specialized YHC could not begin to pierce the veil of his true knowledge. He is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma… covered and smothered in perplexity. Even trying to guess what might be on his desk proved a challenge. Especially since most guesses would lead one to believe that Lil’ Cuz works in the 1950’s. Have you people only ever seen a desk in “Mad Men”? I’m pretty sure the next few guesses would have included “an ashtray” or “an empty whiskey glass.”

    We ran out of time, but allowed ourselves just a few more burpees while Jackknife rattled off at least 5 or 6 minor characters in Bluey. And Goldilox’s category will have to wait until Double-Jeopardy.

    Yankee Jeaux allocated the AlPAXa inVESTment to Goldilox

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out.

    America’s Got ToVent:

    The seed for this beatdown came from YHC’s exclusive double-secret trivia league, which YHC introduced today to those present. While YHC only gets 2 referrals into this league per season, I am happy to offer them to anyone in this PAX (even Dox). Although as I write this, I actually already have added my 2 referrals to the waiting list! So instead, let me just say I am glad to add another inner-circle for YJ to strive towards– Maybe next season, my friend.
    Thank you all for what you have done to challenge and change YHC in ways you might not even know.
    Well-done showing up and showing off your brains and brawn. You guys always impress me.

  • 12 Glorious Days – from Goose

    It was a chilly morning, and YHC was still filled with the Christmas spirit on this sixth day of Christmas. There may have only been one Goose-a-laying, but there were 16 PAX who gathered late in the gloom, including a brave FNG and his 2.0.

    After the disclaimer, warmups were quiet as they typically are without Dox, though Enron bared the InVESTment early, giving hope to the thicker PAX that the zipper might be zippable after all. There was no short-changing on reps or exercises as YHC needed some serious motion-lotion after this PAST week’s Dox/YJ leg destruction combo.

    All grabbed coupons and Duke grabbed YJ’s Goose-Grinch head-on-a-stick and we headed to The Chimney, which is always much farther than it should be. The head was planted in the permafrost with much effort and YHC revealed the theme: the 12 Days of Christmas/Fitmas, to be performed in traditional F3 style. YHC tried to focus on the great gift of getting to really dig into Christmas for an entire two weeks, but most of the PAX just heard “ascending ladder of ridiculousness”.

    The routine went like this: YHC would reveal the exercise of each ascending day and write it on the back of the Goose-Grinch head (couldn’t find the marker board or anything that would stand up in an open field). Each new day’s exercise would then be added to the previous in ascending ladder style. This meant we started with Day 1, then did Day 2 and Day 1, all the way until Day 12 through Day 1 (or almost). Here’s the list of exercises:
    1 Bear crawl to the chimney (about 20 yards, sung by all the PAX in unison with gusto, or maybe just Duke and Jack-knife)
    2 Diamond Merkins
    3 Jump Squats
    4 WW3 Situps
    5 8-count Manmakers
    6 Freddys Mercurying (4-count)
    7 Triceps extending
    8 coupons curling
    9 Bonnies Blairing
    10 Peter Parkers Merkining
    11 J-Lo’s hipping
    12’s (a set of 12’s with burpees at the head and genuflections at the chimney; run there, nur back)

    Even before the 12’s were introduced, one of the PAX, who shall remain nameless, suggested that the 9th day should be changed to “9 legs kicking Goose’s crotch”, and though Duke tried to comply, the Bonnies continued Blairing and order was restored.

    There was one incident wherein YJ, the ever-vigilant form policeman/expert, concerned for the health and joint strain potential of the clydesdales on the far side of the group, came over and joined them to watch to see if there speed was a result of poor form. Turns out, it wasn’t, and he finished that set faster than he had originally thought possible because he was keeping up with the guys around him. Another proof of the strange psycho-physical dymamics at work in the mind of man and further confirmation of the massive value of F3. YJ quickly took up his former position after that set.

    YHC’s singing of the entire list after announcing each new day’s “gift” gave the PAX a solid break between sets, and so it wasn’t until the 12th Day was revealed that mutiny again threatened to prevail. A rousing speech about squeezing every last drop of Christmas wonder out the season up to the very last minute of the 12th day was heard by the PAX as, “Here’s something really stupid since you’re already worn out and hoping it was almost over.” Anger and scheming were brewing as YHC explained that the 12th day would be a set of 12’s including burpees and genuflections. Thankfully, concern for the health of the fading FNG diverted their attention long enough for YHC to shout “On your own, begin!” And, they did. Incredibly, they did. And they didn’t stop until YHC had to call it for time.

    Encouraging words were given by many to the FNG as we gathered our coupons and layers of winter clothing for the long mosey back to the flag. The last minute was filled with a high plank before count-off, name-off and FNG naming ceremony. Dean Roy (10) was named jack-knife due to his cache of pocket knives and other weapons, and Daryl Roy (38) was named Maneater despite the many interesting facts and unique traits that he shared. His first name, Daryl, is shared with Daryl Hall of Hall and Oates, the duo who sing “Maneater”, and, most importantly, he winced at the suggestion, which solidified his new identity.

    Enron inVESTed YJ with The InVESTment for his foray into more challenging waters, even if for one set, and even if it was in an effort to try to blow the whistle on someone sacrificing form for speed. Motivation is motivation, I guess.

    Announcements: New Year’s Day is Monday, and a beatdown at The Stage is the perfect way to start 2024 (at the regular time!). It’s also a great day to start Exodus 90 with a solid number of this awesome PAX. For those still on the fence, the first meeting is Friday, 5:30am at St. Thomas if you want to check it out.

    Lil’ Cuz prayed us out, and the PAX basked for a while in the glory of shared suffering well earned. Grateful for such an awesome, hard-working, strong-hearted crew!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The ButtCracker by ThighKowsky , Act II: Revenge of the Fartlek – from Paradox

    One of YHCs favorite aspects of F3 is that every pax brings a different service to the table. For some it’s quiet strength , for others maybe it’s cutting edge Bluetooth technology. Physically there’s Clydesdales , Greyhounds , crabwalkers and some bodies held together by a patchwork of novenas. We have certified poets, storytellers and beatdown historians. Medical professionals, theologians, engineers, secretive government clearances, professors, …the list goes on.
    Personally speaking, YHC bears the heavy burden of being the cultural educator of our pax. As a byproduct of being raised at the epicenter of cultural awareness I am most useful in pronouncing Anglo Saxon terms like “cone” and explaining complex family dynamics like the “uncle cousin”.
    Thus it’s YHCs duty to stay vigilant when there are clear gaps in pax knowledge. It’s with this awareness and responsibility that YHC must present the annual review of the greatest of classical ballets.

    Today we complete Act II of …

    The BUTTCRACKER
    By ThighKowsky

    Duke!!! Take off that tutu and roll that beautiful beatdown footage!!

    6 sugar plums warriors fought through the Christmas calorie coma to post at Tuesday Tuff. YHC stirred the pot a bit by leaving JBL on the sidelines today. Every good coach knows you have to keep your best player motivated. YHCs 2.1 received a Bluetooth microphone for Christmas and it was barely out of the box before YHC had Lil Jon coursing through its veins. With a 10 page rental agreement signed , YHC was allowed to enlist it to help aid in today’s education.

    Warm up
    The usuals while we got mentally ready by listening to a completely random selection of unrelated classical music by a hot new SoundCloud artist Pyotr Tchaikovsky (no relation to the great ThighKowsky) Good stuff though, he should think about having ppl dance to it. Anyway…

    We left off last Decembers Act I in a cliff hanger. The evil Mouse King slain by the Nutcracker, He and Clara are whisked away through the snow forest to the land of the SweetGrass loop.

    Thang 1
    Around the World

    Daft Punk – “Around the World”
    Front Left Lunge , Front Right Lunge
    Side Lunge Right , Reverse Lunge Right, Reverse Lunge Left , Side lunge left
    **Attempt to stay in rhythm with the chorus
    Tin Soldiers during rest

    Goose gave us updates from the land of teenage 2.0s that techno is now called EDM. What a time to be alive!
    YHC pointed this out as a TECHNOcality…..Valve promptly threw up in his mouth then he made mental notes to check 2024 wellness center rates.

    Completely warm we headed for the Land Of SweetGrass Loop

    Indian Run to Back Corner lot
    Drop off 3 star jumps

    Da Main Thang

    We arrived at the back lot of SweetGrass loop and a glowing marker board full of treats held our gaze.
    It was here that the newest wearable trophy was presented to the pax.
    Due to the recent MIA reports of Animal and GiGi the need for a new badge of honor was evident.
    It’s been clear that it’s something worth inVESTigating but we could wait no longer. YHC had to convince the pax that your legs are worth inVESTing in and that today and so forth on all days this inVESTment would stand for a man that pushed passed the comfort of warm sleeves and into the wild blue yonder of shared suffering.
    A mere vest you say???
    No says I !!
    The inVESTment was hewn from the tender follicles of 1000 newborn Himalayan alpacas. It’s waterproof, sweat proof, fire proof and chatter proof. It will prevail through countless reps to the man that is pushing to max effort and it won’t sleep till it finds its next victor.

    The pax were now frothing at the mouth for some cardio so we got down to business .

    The idea was to gain treats as we traversed the SweetGrass Kingdom all while licking the air and tasting the delectable treats.

    Start at Corner Lot
    Add exercise each round
    (Billy Madison format)
    Fartlek 1/4 ish mile while you taste the air of the flatulent man in front of you
    Fartlek modes : Nur, Low gear (mosey) medium gear , high gear (sprint)

    The exercises…

    10 Goosies
    15 Apollo Onos (2:1)
    20 ballerina squats
    25 gorilla humpers (wide stance)
    30 Star Jumps

    The lactic acid cups over floweth and the pax pushed it to the limit. we narrowly missed completing every round but finished all 5 exercises in sequence in round 4.
    Suckle led the pack with Goose and Pope hard on his heels. YHC and Valve discussed the finer things in life and Cuz kept pace with dat dawgggg in his chest and the steam on his brow.

    Much fun was had and the complaint box at Site Q headquarters will be full with concerns about ballerina squats for a few weeks. Good luck with a reply.

    Indian Run back home as our dreams of sugar plums faded into jello pudding legs.

    COT HoneySuckle prayed us out.

    Announcements
    -Sign up for Run Cajun Run
    -“It’s Just a Mile” Feb 17
    -Get on da Q sheet
    -Exodus 90 around the corner , info meeting on Dec 28 if interested.
    -The Investment was awarded to Lil Cuz for consistent effort in the fartlek straight away. May he wear it well.

    Looking forward to pushing past comforts with you men in 2024 and helping to fulfill what God has planned for you this year.

    Thank you for the opportunity to lead

    Invest in the man next to you, you won’t regret it.

    SYITG
    Paradox