F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • Questionable Records – from Honeysuckle

    Nine men emerged from the gloom to join YHC at the stage on a wet Tuesday Tuff morning.
    They had been promised trivia and records, but first a few things had to be taken care of.  

    Warmarama: SSH, Imperial Walkers, Willie Mays Hayes,Windmills, Arm Circles (F/R), Cherry Pickers, Carolina High Knees, Carolina Butt Kicks, Mountain Climbers 

    Thang 1

    Mosey toward Rich Man’s Loop and stop at The Point.  PAX were divided into two teams.  These teams would be together for the duration of the beatdown.  Team 1 would nur to the next light pole, then run to the following light pole, and then do 5 burpees.  The team could not proceed until all members did their 5 burpees.  Then they would begin again with a nur.  Team 2 would do the same thing, but start with a run and do a nur second.   

    YHC was asked, “Is this a race?”  It was not a race in the sense that who the “winner” was didn’t affect anything in the rest of the beatdown.  The de facto result of being the winner was that you got to the coupons first.  Which was something that would matter (a little) today.

    After some initial jockeying for the lead of the non-race, the two teams became staggered so that Team 1 was finishing burpees as Team 2 arrived to begin theirs.  From a congestion management perspective, this was a nice result.  

    The teams were to not visit Financially Stable Man’s Alley today but instead head straight for the coupons.  Around the same time that Team 1 was arriving to the coupons, which would have also been a convenient time to use the bathroom due to the Port-o-Let there, a mysterious white truck also arrived to the area.  As YHC was with Team 2, it is only hearsay that the Team 1 PAX attempted an EH at which point only the sound of electronic door locks being engaged could be heard.  In reality, the truck was from Lowe’s, trying to track down a pallet load of cinder blocks that a man in alpaca fur stole from them Ocean’s Eleven style. 

    Team 1 graciously grabbed extra coupons for Team 2 so that a full Port-o-Let visit wasn’t required.   

    Thang 2

    After returning to the stage area, the second thang was revealed.  YHC would announce an exercise for the PAX to begin, and play a song from the classic rock era (all well etched in YHC’s memory due to decades of listening to Eagle 98.1), and the team in control (control would alternate between teams 1 and 2) had roughly 30 seconds to name the artist and song title.  If both weren’t named, then the other team would be allowed to guess for 30 seconds.  At the end of this time, a team would have either 0, 1, or 2 correct guesses, corresponding to some exercises.

    0=10 thrusters
    1 = 5 thrusters
    2 = 2 thrusters

    But that’s not all!  The song would continue, and the exercise would continue, long enough for YHC to ask some additional trivia questions tangentially related to the song.  Each correct answer here would subtract one thruster.  YHC forgot the list of exercises at home so we did the best we could.  As you will see, YHC forgot a lot of the results of the day but you will get the gist of it.   

    Song 1 exercise: Crab dip

    YHC continues to try to champion this move but there is little traction so far.  The song wasPurple Haze by Jimi Hendrix.  Team 1 got both these.  YHC asked what brewery makes Purple Haze (Abita), what style beer is it (Lager).  What two types of particles can cause a haze (smoke, dust), and dust from what area sometimes causes a haze in the southeast US during the summer (Sahara desert) 

    Song 2 exercise: Tempo squats

    The song was Slow Ride by Foghat.  I believe this one was split?  Other trivia questions: Slowest mammal (sloth), slowest sea creature (seahorse), name of an air mass over a body of water that can produce fog/clouds (marine layer).  Marine layer was one of the few times the PAX was stumped.   

    Song 3 exercise: Hold Al Gore?

    The song was Won’t Get Fooled Again by the Who.  By this point, it was starting to become clear that America’s Best knew all the answers and was just waiting until time was almost up to sneak in his guesses. Trivia dealt with famous April Fools jokes according to Google, such as what number with non-repeating digits did the Alabama legislature try to change (pi), what did they want to change the value to (3)?  Taco Bell announced it purchased this US Landmark to help pay down the national debt (Liberty Bell).  The last line of the song may be its most famous; what is it? (Meet the new boss, the same as the old boss.) 

    Song 4 exercise: Merkins?

    Radar Love by Golden Earring.  This was split, with AB coming up with the band name in the follow up round.  The trivia dealt with the words making up the acronym radar (Radio detection and ranging).  This took a while, and the PAX didn’t get “ranging”.  But then after we stopped YHC remembered the other questions.  RADAR is spelled the same forward and backward, what is the name for that (Palindrome).  Fill in the blank of this palindrome: A man. A plan. A canal. _____ (Panama).  PAX were on top of all this.   

    Song 5 exercise: Apollo ohnos ?

    FM by Steely Dan.  Did I mention Team 1 wasn’t doing many thrusters today?  Trivia: What does FM mean (Frequency modulation).  The line from the song “no static at all” is a comparative reference to what (AM radio).  What does AM mean (amplitude modulation).  Several PAX knew all these but Goose notably ate these questions up. YHC avoided asking any questions related to the origin of Steely Dan’s name.  

    Song 6 exercise: LBCs?

    LA woman by the Doors.  YHC shouldn’t have even asked Team 1 to get coupons today.  Trivia: YHC is thinking of 10 men’s professional sports teams in the LA area.  Name them.  Credit only starts after 6 are named.  (Rams, Chargers, Angels, Dodgers, Lakers, Clippers, LA Galaxy were all guessed. Others are Ducks, Kings, LA Football Club).  Then, name two women’s professional teams (Sparks (guessed), Angel City Football Club not guessed). 

    Song 7: WWI sit ups?

    Surrender by Cheap Trick. Name the place where Lee surrendered to Grant (Appomattox Courthouse).  Name the country that surrendered to end WWII (Japan). 

    Song 8 (bonus, 1 minute left)

    Kashmir by Led Zeppelin.  This song was sampled by what hip hop artist (Puff Daddy).  What was the name of that song?  At this point, Enron swooped in and answered the as-of-yet unasked question, what movie was the song in? (Godzilla).  This is the question that YHC didn’t think anyone would get the answer to, yet alone offer as a fact unsolicited.  

    By the way, the name of the song is “Come with me”.  Time ran out before YHC got to ask a few sweater-related questions (“No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for asking”).  And several songs remained unplayed, including one by Cream which would have made Popeye happy, along with some cooking related questions.  Maybe next time.    

    Announcements; Wet Tap prayed us out. 

    YHC is impressed once again by the dedication and effort of the PAX, and today their mental muscles were on display as well.  It was a privilege to Q this morning.  

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle  

  • Lab Rats – from Goose

    I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that YHC enjoys digging into the kinds of interpersonal dynamics that bring about surprising chemical, pscychological, emotional, and spiritual reactions. Like, why are we willing to undergo so much physical stress and call it fun when someone else is doing it with us for no reason to bad 80’s music? Why do we push so hard just because everyone else is? What moves us? What causes us to fear and move into self-preservation? What causes us to let go of our calculations and abandon ourselves to something bigger, even if that something is just a bunch of other goofballs crawling around sweating in the grass in the dark?

    The question we’d be covering today was “Why are we constantly wondering how we measure up to the men around us?” Like, why do we subconsciously measure one another to the point where we have a pretty good sense of where we stand in the pecking order of performance for pretty much every exercise? And, in whatever field/type of exercise where we don’t exactly know how we measure up, we are very motivated to find out.

    YHC was interested in breaking this down, to see how each man responded to the measuring process, and what that challenge did to his effort. The results were fascinating.

    After a substantial warmup including Lafayette Nightclubs (sans pelvic thrusts, for most of us), old school, clapping grass-grabbers, and carioca and skip running to the sidewalk and back, we completed yet another new kind of Indian Run. (YHC has been loving the creativity with these, so wanted to keep that train going, and knew we’d be sprinting with tight legs, so…) We took the mile track around Rich Man’s Loop and through Financially Stable Man’s Alley with the last man running back to the previous light pole before catching up to the front. Yes, this was a gamble, and yes, it led to a lot of running for some, especially Paradox, who ended up having to run the length of the alley approximately three times.

    Upon arrival back at the flag, YHC announced we’d be doing merkins to failure, but each man had to do more merkins than the guy to his left, otherwise he’d incur a 10 burpee penalty. And, you got to pick who you stood next to in line. Starting with Safety Valve, each man in turn chose a place in line where he thought he could do more merkins than the man to his left and less than the man on his right. Choices were made quickly–confirmation that each man already knows his place in the pecking order, or at least thinks he does.

    The only exception to this was Smooth Operator, who constantly reveals a deep, yet lighthearted appreciation for being challenged. He chose the front of the line, the strongest position, every single time. He wanted a reason to push hard, and he wanted the burpees. Seriously. He wasn’t just looking for attention. He loves being in over his head–it lights him up in a way that reveals a deep strength, a deep stability. It’s incredible to witness.

    Here were the exercises we got to (about half the ones on YHC’s list):
    -Merkins
    -Sprint (from AB’s truck to the Stop sign)
    -Plank
    -Overhead Press (coupons)

    For the merkins, the second half of the line monitored the first half for form and counting, then flip-flopped. There were definitely some miscalculations there, but nothing egregious. Most were at least within 5 of their expectations.

    The sprint was another story. I guess we just don’t do this enough, and when we do, we’re so focused on the guy we’re trying to beat or on our own need for oxygen that we don’t get a solid bead on the men around us. Cuz, Lil Cuz was lined up as second slowest, and when he blasted off the line in a powerful, white blur, all PAX knew they had chosen poorly. YHC thought later that it might have been better to have all run at once in order to have each be motivated by beating the man next to him, but we would have missed something special. The chance to watch each of the PAX powerfully give it all for almost 100 meters was a sight to behold. These are men we know, respect, and care about, so to witness each one in turn in full effect, at 100% capacity, really did something to the heart.

    This was followed by plank to failure. We chose our places in line, per usual, and then got into plank position, staggered, head to head with the men next to us. YHC didn’t know what to expect on this one, but the rest of the PAX seemed to. Safety Valve and AB lined up in what seemed to be pretty confident positions near the front (just behind Smooth), and after three or four minutes, were still planking. Paradox won his first of two awards for one-liners when he, noticing that two eye doctors were planking head to head to the death, said something about removing the plank from your brother’s eye. AB eventually melted in the face of quiet, smiling confidence, and only one or two guys had to do burpees.

    The overhead press was squeezed in with three minutes left, and after the planks and merkins, this proved to be a killer. Brains and shoulders were mush, as made clear by the amount of burpees owed afterward, so YHC just decided all would complete the 10 penalty burpees to transition us into a panting COT.

    The rugby shirt of competition was given to Valve for his impressive holdout in the eye-plank stare-down. YHC thought he was clever in offering the temporary nickname Plankopotamus, but Dox countered with his second award-winning line of the day, Plank Williams, Jr. (YHC is comfortable in my place in the pecking order, being the one who says things that are funny enough but really just serve as fodder for Dox’s wit cannon.)

    Thanks for being willing lab rats in the pitre dish of the sweaty test tube of the Bunsen muscle burner of the exerscience lab of man-fun.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Rugby: Played by men with odd-shaped balls – from America’s Best

    This day, the last day YHC could proclaim himself 47 years old, we would do what I’ve been waiting to do for a long long time: we would play rugby. YHC knew this would be a challenge, not only because of the length of time that has passed since I last touched a rugby ball, but because almost all of the PAX has likely not even watched rugby before. Luckily, Yankee Jeaux is a fellow Virginia rugger from the same era. What are the chances? YHC would lean heavily on YJ for help with this beatdown.

    Warmarama: Co-Q’ed by Yankee Jeaux (see?) as I tended to my ball.

    The first quick Thang (bc we can’t go straight to the fun):
    Ostensibly, we learned to slide-dive, by deconstructing it into a deep squat and a “Mike Tyson merkin.”
    This was actually just YHC’s way of introducing yet another type of merkin to the PAX. Someone asked: “Why are they called Mike Tyson merkins?”
    The answer is simple: Because that’s how Mike Tyson does them.

    The Main Event: Rugby

    For the first time in a quarter century, YHC donned his old rugby jersey.
    We held plank whilst the instructions and rules were outlined.
    And upon the start of play, there was much confusion. YHC almost immediately forgot one of the most important rules (allowing Goose to accidentally cheat), and YHC forgot Enron was on his team. And confusion runs downhill…

    The highlights:
    –Mom Jeans again materialized out of nowhere, and he and a shoeless Wet Tap made a living swatting passes down like Dikembe Mutombo.
    –Enron ran the sideline to the end line more than once… once as dummy half. He didn’t attempt the try but passed for a teammate to score… this caused great controversy and YHC has still not figured out if it was legal.
    –Safety Valve was awarded 1/3 of a point for kicking the ball into the top of an oak tree.
    –Cardinal and Lil Cuz caught on quickly and by halftime (there was one?) they actually looked like rugby players.
    –Goose and Paradox showcased a rivalry not seen since Deion Sanders and Jerry Rice.
    –Yankee Jeaux played with effortless confidence, shouting down the opposition with, “I wouldn’t recommend it” in a voice that was at once Michael Caine and also the “seats taken” kid from Forrest Gump.
    –Popeye lived offsides, realizing that creating mayhem was more fun.
    –Pope is fast.
    7:30 came way too soon and we moseyed back to the flags.

    COT.

    As the PAX lamented the (hopefully temporary) loss of Animal, Gigi, and The Fleece, YHC remembered he had an old practice jersey in the truck, and made a game-time decision to award it to “most competitive.”
    (“Most competitive” and “biggest cheater” are actually the identical award, with the former being a member of one’s own team, and the latter being an opponent.)

    Cardinal prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out my dudes. As always, I hope the fun outweighed the confusion.

    SYITG,
    America’s Best

    AB Sees:
    An opportunity to ramble and reflect.

    This beatdown started as a tribute to my past, a swan song to my inner Uncle Rico. But it became a celebration of the present and future. The number 47 became significant to me 30 years ago, and I began see it everywhere… and I don’t just think it’s the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon. (If you need to know what that is, please see Dox, as I’d wager he’s already on the third page of his Google search results by now).
    So I always hoped that the age 47 would bring something meaningful. . .

    Eleanor Roosevelt said, “The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.”
    But Michael Jordan more eloquently said, “The ceiling is the roof.” Really makes you think. Perhaps the most profound thought, however, comes from 20th century philosopher William Madison, who said, “… the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution.”

    Where am I going with this? I have no idea.
    But I bid adieu to the past with this soon-to-be famous quote: “To everyone who wrote ‘stay cool’ in my middle school yearbook, I have some devastating news.”

    And the future? Well, in the past, the future was so bright, we had to wear shades.
    But that future is now the present. And now my future’s not so much bright as it is blurry, so I have to wear prescription multifocal lenses.

    So the present, it is a gift. Thanks to all of you for being a part of this extraordinary gift of F3 that came in my 47th year.

  • Stay off the grass. – from Popeye

    YHC arrived early to the den, noting a special kind of gloom in the air…
    Was it rain? No, looked good despite early forecasts. Perhaps the prospect of just two more days of work drudgery left in the week? No, my morning trek to the big sleazy and hours of staring at screens and tiresome conversations lied in wait.
    No, this special kind of gloom is the kind that brings a smirk to all smirkster’s faces… the kind of gloom one only gets to relish once in this life: when a VQ becomes a Q.
    Primed at the thought of getting comfortable being uncomfortable and sharing some positive pain with my fellow man, YHC dashed around the field of play like a cardboard sign fairy placing treats for the pax. It was going to be a fine morning.

    Warmarama:
    Imperial walkers (yes, a strict violation of protocol – one of YHC’s favorite things)
    Willie Mays Hays
    Mountain climbers
    (confessional about hating SSH)
    SSH x 50 just to throw fuel on the internal fire
    Wamarama complete, time to do some work.

    Preface:
    As most know, YHC has spent his adult life wearing the uniform of this great nation, and as such I felt compelled to share some similarities between F3 and military PT basics. Fun/bizarre names for calisthenics, “starting position move, in cadence – exercise!”, people taking it too seriously or not seriously enough – it’s the stuff that forms your foundation. But one specific element is different: in the service, you stay off the grass.
    For walking on the grass is indicative of a weak moral fiber; the man who needs to cut across the grass is the man who needs the shortcut. He’s the guy who fails to plan, and thus plans to fail. He’s the guy who orders his fitness regimen in a shot he can administer himself at home while watching sitcoms and eating chips.
    For today’s beatdown there were two rules:
    You rest in the forward-leaning rest position, and you stay off the grass; violations incur a 5 burpee fine.

    Thang 1:
    Pax directed to form 2 ranks. YHC immediately realized the pax were not accustomed to miltaryish terminology, so I directed 2 columns. Still not quite there, but it was time to mosey.
    Lap 1: Grass-free lap around the far reaches of the Harangarang, including the rarely-traveled sidewalk out front. Easy 20-30% effort pace, the kind that encourages chatter from the AB’s and Enrons of the world.
    Lap 2: The Pax upped the ante a bit, pushing the pedal to 60-70% effort. Not a sprint, but a heavy stride – the kind that breeds more gasp and less chatter. Lap ended in a pseudo-tunnel along the edge of the Harang center for fine arts and bullriding.

    Thang 2/Main event:
    The Pax were introduced to 5 stations:
    1 – 10 flights up near stairs; single or double step
    2 – 10 x WW3 sit ups + 10 Block-ees
    3 – 20 Bus Stop Derkins + 20 LBC’s
    4 – 20 Kettle/Coupon swings + 20 Apollo Ono (2=1)
    5 – 5 flights up yonder stairs, bunny hops

    Pax reluctantly broke into groups of 3, headed out to starting points, and we were off. Most teams made 3ish rounds of exercises, with YHC making some mental notes while playing third wheel to a Goose/Dox man date:
    – Not all stations are created equal, which disrupts the time/space continuum. Next time spread out the most painful station.
    – Even the JBL has its limits on the field of battle, the volume peaked but couldn’t really reach all stations (much to AB and YJ’s delight).
    – You never know who you’re going to meet at the bus stop! While derkining, MomJeans appeared out of thin air and joined in, and YHC was thankful for another member to break up the Dox/Goose blossoming bromance. As an aside, it was impossible not to be impressed with the bus stop’s solar-paneled roof – what is this, the future!?! Perhaps Thib is more progressive than I realized; I knew we were ahead of the times in teenager-looking eye doctors, but this was really inspiring.
    – Bunnies are underestimated in the animal kingdom, hopping doesn’t get easier the more you do it.
    – In a circuit format beatdown, insert rests, lest the the Pax take it upon themselves to insert slow strolls between stations like they’re browsing at TJ Maxx.

    Time was called and Aslan beckoned, with most Pax opting to traverse the grass and close out with a 5 burpee fine.

    Announcement:
    Downs 5k for Saturday, for those few who have miles left in them after RCR.

    COT / Ponzi prayed us out.

    Appendix: Appreciate the opportunity to lead the beatdown, and there will be more to come down the line. It’s funny how after being “in charge” so many times in my adult life, for a while now I’ve just enjoyed just doing as directed by the Q and seeing our brothers grow in ability and creativity. And it’s not lost on me that in the past I’ve led some people who are literally being paid to work out and push themselves physically don’t show the drive and passion and camaraderie we have amongst our group. Proud to be a part of this and SYITG.

  • Luck of the Pax – from Paradox

    7:05am March 16
    Nicholls University Campus Police Blotter

    Early calls from the freshmen dorms reporting a group of middle aged vandals loitering around the soccer fields and hollering “do your burpees” at each other . Several shirtless. Smells like Mountain Dew. Others with matching insignias and new member initiates forced into green mullets. Clear gang affiliates. The tall one responding to honks seems to be the gang leader. And looks like the goalie is the enforcer, clearly he’s done some time but gosh he looks familiar. Like I just saw him teaching supply chains familiar…weird
    .Student Officers in bound…Tasers on the ready…

    …40 minutes earlier

    Peltier Park Tennis Courts

    **YHC and Gecko putting out cones in a beautiful gloom at the tennis court, walking though the game plan and contingencies.

    YHC: “Chillier than I expected , did you bring your gloves bud ?”

    Gecko (looking at the blueprint):
    “I think I might get warm when we do burpees , if not we should just run more.”

    YHC : (silence) *A single tear of pride rolls down one cheek. “You’re right buddy, you’re so right..**adds more burpees to notes section **
    Let’s go find some bully boys! “

    Duke!!
    those beans are not magically delicious!
    Roll that beautiful footage!

    Warmup
    YHC and Gecko rolled in from setup to unveil the newest F3 Thib Logo shovel flag to 13 other Pax ready to roll.

    Wet Tap has been working overtime in the studio to crank out a high quality shovel/pole setup and we finally put the components together for a world premiere. It was glorious.
    Will be a great addition to rep our crew at major gatherings.

    ParO’dox McBurpee and GeckOCallahan took care of the rest of warmup with the usuals.
    Some pax commented the Irish accent had declined with a whole year to improve and these pax were politely asked to write their local representatives with further complaints.

    Proper Irishmen Run

    Drop off man does 3 Bonnie Blair’s on our way to Tennis Court.

    At Tennis Court :

    Irish Trivia Opener

    AB, our most Irish heritaged Pax, lended YHC a beatdown consult with the below trivia opener.

    YHC tried to give this nugget of info but the caffeine and nerves sometimes make me delete entire words . It came out “yours Truly Americas Best made these trivia “
    Not accurate but I think “yours Truly , Americas Best” has NYT bestseller potential.

    I’ll wait on my royalties check.

    The Questions :

    1.) Contrary to urban legends (possibly meant to deter tourists from fully experiencing the attraction), local teenagers and drunkards do not pee on this Irish landmark.
    Answer: The Blarney Stoney

    Goose picked this one up immediately and YHC Introduced the Blarney Stone…

    We would roll a large dice with 6 options
    1: Trivia
    2: Trivia
    3: Burpees
    4; Merkins
    5: BBSU
    6 Bonnie Blair’s

    We did assorted rounds of the above with 10 reps each and the below trivia mixed in . 10 merkins correct , 10 burpees in correct

    2.0 question for the next generation of Llamas:

    What’s the tagline for the cereal Lucky Charms?
    -“they’re magically delicious “

    **FNG (soon to be named Daryl Starwberry) took care of this one! Strong Work

    According to legend what is a Leprechsuns occupation?
    -shoemaker

    What meat and vegetable dish is trademarked as the St Patrick’s Day meal.
    -corned beef and cabbage

    *late edition asked post beatdown

    This common term defines something “broken into many pieces”
    It comes from the Irish word, “Smidrini “

    Smithereens !

    Next was a clover Dora to honor the Prayer of St Patrick a
    D work the quads into Smithereens!

    In this prayer St Patrick asks God to remind him of his presence during all things.
    (Excerpt below)

    “Christ on my right, Christ on my left, 
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, 
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me”

    So we would honor this with a Dora with multiple exercise positions .

    Partnered up for :
    100 Apollo Ohno (1:1) Lunge walk
    200 Heels To Heaven – Nur
    300 SSH- Mosey

    YHC cut this a bit short so we would have time for some proper Irish competition

    The Grand Finale

    F3 Gaelic football

    Rules
    -goals scored by kicking the ball in , this can be accomplished by kicking the ball from the ground or dropping the ball from your hands to feet.

    – You can only take 4 steps then must pass advance the ball by throwing or kicking BUT every time you pass you must pay in burpees kick (1 burp) or throw (3 burp)
    – after score opposite team inbounds the ball

    To be honest this was one of those F3 games that YHC thought could either be fun or turn into a raging chaotic lava dumpster of epic proportions (like a Maui thang but with a soccer ball if you need a visual)
    But with the pax help on some minor tweaks (shout out to YJ for the “only kick goals in ” idea and Goose for switching us to shirts/skins) we settled in for a fiercely competitive yet tremendously fun game of Gaelic foosball.
    One of YhCs many favorite things about F3 is watching Pax of all ages switch into their respective competitive modes…it’s pure magic.

    Tough to describe but A few examples may suffice.

    Goose turned into a field general seeing every angle of competitive advantage. Lox turned shimmering golden and started calling his quads “Goku” and “Gohan”. Dilly had eyes every where, seeing passes with Lebron like court vision and flexing lightning fast twitch pickle ball calves. YJ turned back the clock 20 years diving on saves, you can replace those joints later my friend . Valve was basically imported straight from Real Madrid and kept saying “Olayyy” and doing knee slides . Captain D’s transformed into Captain Defense locking up the opponents top talents. Ronnie’s eagle vision noted pax rule infractions from 100 yards away as he led a legion of 2.0 goalies. Suckle was simply every where , in every play floating butterfly like on defense, only out done by his offensive sting! Pope did athletic Pope things that only a Sports Science episode could break down. Smooth broke the all time Gaelic football assist record despite previously asserting he would only participate in American football.
    The 2.0s scrapped about biting ankles and popping up from falls that would put their Dads in the stretcher.
    No clue where we ended on the scorecard , yHC just knows he was ready to announce we were going to play till the street lights went out and our wives came looking for us but alas 7:30a came too soon.

    A mosey back to the Flags (plural!) and some Mary to wrap a bow on it.

    Announcements:

    Getting rolling with some Brothers Keeper work.

    Check GroupMe for updates and marathon commitments/decommitments.

    COT and YJ prayed us out

    Welcome Daryl Strawberry !!
    (Genius name)

    It’s a privilege to lead you men.

    Epilogue

    University Police
    7:25 am

    The officer walked back to his car slowly as he reported his findings to his superior on the radio.

    “No arrest , not even a ticket to show! “

    His hands were raised in disbelief.

    “I don’t get it. The reports were clear. No vandals, no gangs, no lewd behavior…heck not even a mid life crisis !!”

    He paused and stared out the window of his car as the men cheered at a final goal scored.

    “ Just a couple men playing a hybrid soccer game…diving into stickers to do burpees and calling each other weird names …seemingly in the prime of their life. It’s crazy , my Psych 100 class says these are the guys that are lonely, depressed , and mad at the world and I tell you the crazy part …it looks fun …like they are really having fun”

    “Huh…just lucky I guess “ the supervising officer quipped

    “I don’t know ..” he said back as he watched them disappear into the gloom.

    “Doesn’t seem like luck has anything to do with it ….”

    SYITG

    Dox

  • St. Joseph and a Psycho Killer – from Goose

    There are rare occasions upon which YHC comes to discover that his firm opinions about some or other aspect of life may not be as accurate or informed as he once thought. And, sometimes, on even rarer occasions, YHC might even seek out deeper or unknown aspects of a particular area of life that much of the population seem to value but YHC sees as worthless or worse. This morning, YHC would share the results of one such venture.

    in a sliver of openness to potential value of country music, YHC stumbled across an old gem: “Psycho” by Jack Kittel, recorded in 1974. And, that’s as far as it got. No need to foray any deeper. The refrain starts, in a slow Texas drawl, “You think I’m psycho don’t you, mama?” So much for country.

    When YHC revealed that we’d be utilizing the results of his recent country study in this morning’s first exercise, the PAX had high hopes for either a country-conversion or something funny like “I Wanna Marry the Troops”. It didn’t take long for those hopes and giggles to fade into a few quetly uttered, “Oh, no”s.
    -Plank for the duration, merkins on “mama”.

    We recovered (physically), and moved into the actual theme of the beatdown, St. Joseph’s Day.
    St. Joseph went through some tough stuff, but it allowed him to participate at the deepest level in the most incredible, important event that has ever occurred on earth: God became man and lived among us. But, it wasn’t until he allowed himself, his decision-making to be led by a God he trusted despite not being able to see where it was all going.

    St. Joseph Dora–partner up for:

    1. St. Joseph finds out she’s pregnant and tries to sneak out and hit the road, but is stopped by the Angel Gabriel and runs back to Mary and her child: 100 Australian Sweat Angels, P2 sneaks out to the street and runs to the stop sign and nurs back.

    2. The governor selfishly calls for a census and forces everyone to travel back to the place of their heredity, and Joseph leads pregnant Mary all the way to Bethlehem, where he finds no room for them. But all these horrible circumstances lead to the fulfillment of many important prophecies and ultimately the revelation of God-become-man in a newborn: 200 genuflections while partner bear crawls to the sidewalk and runs back. (The Bonnie Blair b-day celebration yesterday made for some slow, sloppy genuflections.)

    3. The psycho king moves to kill all the young children in Bethlehem, and though God saves his son from an early death, He doesn’t stop Herod (or anyone else from then till now) from causing unimaginable suffering. Joseph flees with the baby and his mother to Egypt in obedience to the angel: 300 mummy walks (straight legs, toes touching outstretched hands) while partner cariocas to the sidewalk and back.

    After this, YHC waxed a bit on the nature of God’s decision to allow evil and suffering to continue in order to safeguard man’s freedom, which is required for his capacity to fully live and love. Instead of messing with that, in a genius stroke, he entered into our suffering, united himself to us exactly where he knew we felt most vulnerable, alone, and human. He knew that sharing our suffering (completely) would be an infinitely greater gift than taking it away, and he allowed St. Josph to do this with him from the very moment of his conception in Mary’s womb.

    They went through some tough stuff, but St. Joseph also got to live with him in their small little family and help form him into the man God had planned for him to be. Life in this family had to be incredibly blessed, so we would share in that blessing by sharing some suffering, too.

    Split into groups of 3: while one does 15 8-count bodybuilders, the other two are doing either LBC’s or SSH until he’s finished, then they rotate. Once done, they caught a quick 10-count before heading up to the Stage with 5. minutes remaining on the clock.

    One of the things St. Joseph is most known for is being upside down, buried in someone’s yard. The homeowners are under the impression this will somehow bring about the speedy sale of their home….No idea.

    In reparation for our boy being put so often into the dirt headfirst like a tent stake, the PAX took their positions, each near a column, for a Balls to the Wall Merkin Ring of Fire. Upside down, with feet up on the post and hands on the ground, the PAX took turns doing an upside down, head-first merkin, counting by each up to 40. Any further and more than one PAX would have passed out (and dental waivers may have needed to be passed out, too).

    We finished exactly at 6:00 and stepped down for COT, and Valve prayed us out.

    St. Joseph gave one of the best examples of how shared suffering is more of a gift than any comfort, knowledge, wealth, or fame could ever provide. He was allowed to share in God’s own suffering and life. This may sound unrealistic, but why else would 8 men show up at 5:15 am to let someone else tell them what they’re all gonna do, and the only guarantee is that it will hurt. And we can’t get enough. It’s not because we’re crazy, but because we were made for so much more than just avoiding pain and getting through day. We were made to choose to enter into life fully, and to do that with and for others in spite of (and actually through) suffering.

    Thanks for being willing to suffer with me this morning, fellas! I’ve never felt so alive!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Bonnie’s Bithday Bash – from Safety Valve

    Today we gathered to celebrate and commemorate the career of Bonnie Blair. Today is her birthday. On March 18, 1964 a legend was born. Speed skating was in her blood. Her Godmother was a Canadian speed skater and Blair herself started skating at the age of 2, becoming competitive by age 4. She was 19 when she debuted for the United States for the Olympics. During her speed skating career she amassed several World championships, and was the most decorated female speed skater of her time with 5 gold medals and a bronze medal during the Olympics. Today is for you Bonnie. Thank you for all the pain and gain that your namesake has created over the years.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Wind mills
    Willie Mayes Hayes
    Mountain climbers
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward

    The Thangs
    Mosey to Rich mans loop. The loop became our ice rink/circuit with some imagination.

    Loop 1
    Speed skater training – Bonnie wasn’t born going as fast as she could. It took years of training to ultimately beat the World record and then beat her own world record several times. We focused on lower body strengthening to make us go fast.

    We ran the length of the loop stopping at every other light post, at which time an exercise was called out. The PAX were to complete 10 reps of that exercise and we moved on to the next light post. On the last two light poles, we pretended to speed skate (basically a run lunge kinda thing) and then sprint to the finish. PAX stayed together.

    10 squats
    10 squat jumps
    10 One legged squats right
    10 One legged squats left
    10 Apollo Oh nos

    Loop 2
    World skating competitions- this is where athletes compete yearly to improve themselves for the big stage (Olympics). Same as the last loop, we ran the length of the loop stopping every other light post to do the exercises below. We finished again with a pretend speed skater and a sprint to the finish. Pax stayed together.

    5 Bonnie Blair’s
    5 Goosies
    5 Gold Stars – Bonnie Blair then star jump
    5 Burpee Blairs – Bonnie Blair then Merkin
    5 Bonnie Blairs

    Loop 3
    The Olympics – we made it. No more Mr. Nice guy. This is the time to show what you have been training for. This one was on your own. Run the loop and complete the previous Bonnie exercises at each of the four corners of the loop. 15 reps instead of 5.

    15 Bonnie Blair’s
    15 Goosies
    15 Gold Stars – Bonnie Blair then star jump
    15 Burpee Blairs – Bonnie Blair then Merkin

    Gold medal – Pope
    Silver – Americas Best
    Bronze – Lil Cuz

    Completed our mile back to the flag and the finalist led us in a Mary. Pope calling for flying cockroaches, AB calling for “proper” leg raises where the feet never touched the ground, and Lil cuz finishing with penguins.

    COT, intentions and Cardinal prayed us out.

    Reflection on Bonnie’s success – Bonnie started skating at the age of 2. With constant instruction/coaching and with continued practice, it took her 22 years to earn her first Gold medal. Even with everything on her side going perfectly, it took 22 years for her to receive the ultimate “prize”. She truly was an amazing athlete to accomplish what she did, but Bonnie didn’t break a record every time she skated. Her best was a sub 39 second 500 meter sprint – she beat her own world record then. Her worst the next day was probably 45 seconds. She didn’t give up because one day was tough. She kept going to try and be the best version of herself possible. Things in this life may not work out when or how you want them to every time. Sticking to what you believe in and following your calling will bring you success. Maybe not in the way you think now, but in the way God wants it to happen later. Don’t ever give up on trying to be a better version of yourself. There is always potential to grow.

    Side note – Bonnie Blair supposedly is from a Scottish-Irish background. Thank you AB for the constant reminder of things that YHC does not know. The random bits of trivia you know never ceases to amaze. This is why YHC has not been invited on a trivia team trip yet. Waiting on that call though

  • “Pain exists in the mind.” – from America’s Best

    What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An ear (ehr)worm?
    No… a free men’s workout. Resilient… highly contagious. And once an idea for a beatdown has taken hold of the brain, it’s almost impossible to eradicate.
    Months ago, the idea for this beatdown was planted into YHC’s fragile eggshell mind by Paradox.
    Now, YHC had not seen Inception in years, so a refresher was necessary.
    (Since the movie is currently available only on Canadian Netflix, YHC may have had to commit some “light violation” of Netflix’s terms of service in order to view the movie.)

    Began as usual, with Warmarama, but YHC wanted to set up the disorientation and confusion early. Only 3 SSH were done; Enron looked up from setting his Whoop, and it was over.

    The first thang:
    The entire PAX enters together into the first dream layer:
    Dream on (Aerosmith)- Hold Al Gore during music, SSH during lyrics. Burpee on “sing,” merkin on “dream”, then change to hold plank and and merkins all subsequent “sing”s and “dream”s.

    Second Thang: for the next dream layer, it’s necessary to break into smaller groups.
    So we divided into partners and performed a Musical Dora – one partner does curls during song 1, and thrusters during 2nd song. Other partner is running a lap, and doing 5 derkins on the hill.

    Deepest dream layer: Limbo, on your own.
    In the world of Inception, Limbo is an “expanse of infinite raw subconscious,” described as “unconstructed dream space.”
    And so it came to be that we would suffer the deconstructed burpees of Yankee Jeaux’s dreams (Jurpees) in unconstructed dream space. AMRAP. On your own.
    For your listening pleasure: Sweet Dreams (are made of these) and Good Old Fashioned Nightmare.
    Not sure if the entire PAX experienced the extreme time dilation YHC did here, but these two songs seemed to last about 4 hours.

    “Non, je ne regrette rien” was the song used in Inception to alert the dreamers to wake into the higher dream state.
    So when it played, we ran a lap around the civic center to “kick” back out of limbo and up into the second dream.

    Second Thang again:Repeated Musical Dora, this time with sit ups on the (up) hill.
    May I submit that this exercise henceforth be known as “the drug mule”? Because when I was done I had so much grass in my crack I felt like I was crossing the border with Cheech and Chong.

    “Non, je ne regrette rien” played again, so again we ran a lap around CC (before song ends!) and reunited entire PAX to finish up in the original dream.

    And the last thang:
    “Wake Me Up” : flutter kicks until chorus. Big boy sit ups during chorus, Big Boy Sit Up Ups (stand ups)on “Wake Me”; Freddy Mercury during breakdown

    “Non, je ne regrette rien” was supposed to play one final time. Maybe we were supposed to run one more lap?
    Either way, not sure if we got to that final bit… but I hope this blast has summed up the rigorous confusion of the beatdown.

    COT. Goose prayed us out.

    Thanks for showing up for the mayhem. Always an honor to lead you maniacs.

    AB Sees…
    A parallel between Han Solo and Yankee Jeaux:

    How was I confident that we could make the lap around the Civic Center before that French song ended? First, a story:
    Han Solo claimed that his Millennium Falcon “made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.” Critics and nerds love to point out that this makes no sense, because a parsec is a unit of distance, not time.

    A few weeks ago, YHC was planning this beatdown and so asked YJ “how long does it take to run a lap around the Civic Center?” His answer: 0.3 miles.

    So how was I confident we would make it in time?
    Not at all. But Goose was back! And showing up only minutes after me, informed me “I’m going to run a few laps to warm up.”
    Giving me the perfect opportunity to time him… as long as we can all run like Goose, we should be fine. How confident was I that we could all run like Goose?
    Not at all. But sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. Or otherwise, “become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone.”

  • Ease the Knees, Flex the Pecs – from Goose

    Having tweaked the spine somethin’ fierce last week, YHC is pretty much limited to merkins, and a few arm movements, which was conveniently similar to the PAX who ran in It’s Only A Mile on Saturday. So, YHC decided not to relinquish the Q, but offer a clinic in stretching while also completely burning out the one muscle group least used on Saturday. It was time to loosen the legs and challenge the chest; ease the knees and flex the pecs; salve the calves and test the breasts. Know’m sayin’.

    Warmup: Imperial Walkers (cuz that’s all YHC could handle, and we’d be stretching the legs nicely for the rest of the beatdown), AC both ways x20, Cherry Pickers x15, Lafayette Night Clubs x15, and Self-Love x20 to get the upper body nice and loose. It wouldn’t be enough.

    The Thang for the duration of the workout would be a Tabata style, AMRAP/stretch routine consting of 30 seconds of stretching (x2 of each) followed by 30 seconds of a given merkin variety AMRAP. If the stretch was one leg at a time, or one arm at a time, we’d alternate two types of merkins since there would be four rounds of merkins altogether for that one stretch (each limb needing to be stretched twice, you see).

    It went like this (all x2):

    -Feet together, touch toes; regular merkins
    -Quad stretch; Werkins and Diamond merkins
    -Calf stretch on the curb; staggered merkins w/one hand up on the curb (2 L, 2R)
    -Butterfly groin stretch; Ranger Merkins
    -Butt/IT stretch (laying down, pull knee to opposite shoulder); Hand-release merkins and Shoulder-tap merkins
    -Ab stretch (on elbows, up like a cobra); Peter Parker Merkins
    -Tricep stretch (against a post); Irkins and Derkins on the Stage wall
    -Chest stretch (between posts); Carolina Dry Docks

    The stretches were deeply welcomed by all, but the merkins quickly became something to be dreaded as the timer ticked loudly toward another round, and chatter was at a minimum. By the time the Derkins were upon us, the bird poop on our resting faces didn’t seem so bad. And, the Carolina Dry Docks had YHC thinking we need to EH a dentist soon if we’re gonna keep declining on dead arms.

    YHC was impressed by Popeye and Yankee Joe posting after such a grueling feat of endurance on Saturday (Pope, too, but he didn’t really have a choice). And, it was great to have Safety Valve with us again–nobody quite matches the smiling-while-complaining wit of our very own 16-year-old surgeon.

    We never left the stage area, and we never ran, but we heated up nicely in the cold weather, and the fire that burned in our chests warmed the cockles of our innerds as we circled up, grateful for another fulfilling experience of shared suffering. COT and YJ prayed us out

    N.B. The neighborhood has been given yet another reason to put forth (almost) 0 FNG’s during YHC’s tenure here–the tricep stretch had us leaning against various posts on the stage like a 90’s boy band right before walking over to the half wall for some manly irkins. They don’t know what they’re missing.

  • It Was Only A Mile – from Paradox

    Journal entry
    Feb 17, 2024
    An eventful morning on the Farm

    My family has lived on this property out along Hwy 1 since around WW2 and most mornings I follow a strict but enjoyable routine. Up just before the sun rises over the cane fields , I brew a pot of coffee and check the weather. Then I enjoy a quiet morning with my thoughts, some prayer and maybe even a good book.

    But this morning …this morning my routine was , well, I’ll put it politely and say it was disturbed. You see, shortly after the weatherman informed me that today’s forecast was not fit for man nor beast , well I heard just that. A man , my nephew, in the yard hollering at some sort of animal. On closer inspection out my kitchen window it was no beast making these noises but a hybrid redneck dialect being emitted from another human he insisted on calling a paradox. He was in a truck loaded nose to tail with tents and tables like Jed Clampett. “Shoot fire Yankee this is a mighty fine residence, hope tha skeeters ain’t neer bad as the peltch last beatdown” he said while looking around the farm. I expected him to have no teeth at all but he only seemed to be lacking inseam in his shorts. A paradox indeed.

    To my amazement, my nephew, the one he kept calling Yankee, seemed to know and welcome him and they began putting out cones and yard signs in a cold rain storm just happier than two pigs in the sunshine. Things were getting quite strange here , and little did I know it was just the beginning.

    By 7:15 the rain had let up but the floodgates of middle aged men with knee braces and headbands were now wide open. Short , tall, thick , thin, they all piled in helping setup a flooded tent and passing around gold baun sticks and theraguns. Some dressed for the weather while others invested in Himalayan technology to keep there mammary glands chafe free. There seemed to be no distinction in vehicle either as they stepped from punisher Tundras or eco friendly wagons. They greeted old friends with butt slaps and elbow taps yelling obscenities like FracSac and Goosey. Quite frankly , I don’t even care to know why a Hawg would even need a cycle. This ceremony continued until there were dang near 30 of them loitering around our property! I had the authorities dialed up when I was informed they had gathered on purpose AND for a charity cause AND my nephew had actually planned on them being here! Tomfoolery! The very definition!

    I settled back into my armchair to take a breather. That’s when the foghorn went off …and they started running.

    The first one I saw break away from the pack looked like he had been taken right off the cover of one of those running magazines. A stride so Smooth you would swear he was standing still but hard to reconcile that with the 1/2 mile lead he had most of the day.

    Behind him were 3-4 others seemingly using this gazelle as a pace car and weighing options that he couldn’t keep that pace all day..right..right?! (He would)

    They had one young enough to be 15 with spring loaded rubber for legs and others flexing the scars of midlife ,held together with bioflex and gorilla glue.

    Behind this second group were the real rabble rousers. A pack of 10-15 wild dogs complete with mobile tunes, homemade JV shirts and promises every turn that “I think this is it for me boys..wink, wink”

    A few ringleaders in this pack but the real Don Corleone was a highlighter vested gentleman they all called Popeye. He was not blazing land speed records but something about the way he set his jaw let any observer know he wouldn’t be denied his mileage goal.

    They all hit the first corner in site of the quarter mile cone and stared down a cold and wet 15mph headwind, lovely. Gosh I wonder if any of them had cozy pickleball scheduled today.

    In between miles I saw various strategies of recharge. Some gorged calories , others walked it out , and some stood still contemplating the next lap. Many of these hooligans searched for a man who I guessed to be their local shaman but lap after lap he wore many more hats (and one whistle) . One part coach , one part field general, his intimate knowledge of the men was palpable . Some he pushed harder, others he let down easy, both equally effective in getting his men’s best effort. He delivered speeches to ward off ego and checked joints for oil leakage like a seasoned mechanic. With a firm nod or a head turned grin he communicated his trust. This was a leader of high impact men from any viewpoint. He whistled and they ran. They ran and he whistled.

    The wind blew. The socks got wet, got swapped out and got wet again. Many met their goal mileage, passed it and kept on churning. By about 11am most having exceeded a half marathon at this point, most took a bowl of delicious pastalaya and continued to cheer on the rest.

    By around 2pm there were 4 still running . And when I thought I had heard it all one yelled “back the cones up” and they took off for one last trip, this time for 1.2 miles. The gazelle in front still as fresh as mile 1 but that ole hawg wasn’t far behind. They all knew he had a little sand left in those bags. The third man was a true bewilderment. His physique suggesting he could walk on as an NFL tight-end but his running demeanor at mile 26 was simply unbothered. The redneck brought up the rear and surely he thought there was a bud light promotion for finishers. (there wasn’t, but a Coors from a friend was even better)

    The gazelle found the finish line first only a second in front of the hawg and the artist they called Tana only a furlong after that.

    And as the miles piled up I pondered to myself “why would they do something so utterly stupid “. With time on my hands, as the trucks loaded with tents and boxes dispersed , I came to three potential conclusions.

    Was it fitness driving them ?

    Surely this looked plausible as some had clear physical gifts and several maintained peak cardio strain. Were these average Yankee Jeaux’s striving to be Americas Best athletes? Unlikely. But I can only say it seemed the fitness got them here, but it was not the reason they stayed for more. An appetizer of sorts, maybe stellar quads is just the byproduct ….so I kept searching.

    Were they just here to fellowship? Some signs pointed in this direction. As soon as I saw the Solo Stove fire pit I knew a high fluting party was in full swing. This crew obviously knew how to have a good time and the verbal assaults flying along with answered grins of disdain indicated enjoyment of each others company. I’m Closer to the mark here but…but no. Not quite the primary driving factor I could sense.

    So if they weren’t fitness professionals and most would think a better party is available at any other watering hole then what’s left ?!

    Hidden amongst the laps, intertwined between these fun loving family men, was the intrinsic need to put ones own pain aside. To combine that suffering with the brother next to him and have it all be for something much larger than themselves. That’s why they ran. Every step counted , every lap mattered. It was “only a mile” they said to each other .

    But it seemed like so much more.

    This was a fine day.

    Postscript

    Congrats to NOLA’s Smooth for winning the first annual IOAM! See ya next to year to defend .

    Second place – The OG sandbagger himself Mr. Hawgcycle

    Third place – Wilford Montana – forged in the fires of deep Bourg pickleball this was truly impressive brother!

    To all that ran today (and one that whistled), thank you for your time , effort and commitment to raise money for several great causes today and during RCR.

    Thanks to Rudy for the ground support and motivation. You really stepped RCR up this year!

    Special Thanks to Enron and Bourgeois Meat Market for the awesome lunch!

    As usual artistic liberties were taken in portrayal of backblast characters but Reluctant Yankee and his family were overwhelmingly gracious hosts . Huge thanks to his family for having us invade their Saturday!

    It’s a privilege to lead.

    SYITG

    Paradox