F3 New Orleans

Tag: Gnarly Nutria

  • Uptown Wins 2020 Gnarly Nutria!

    Nutria – An Animal You Will Be Seeing More Of

    Winners usually write history but, in this case, you’re going to have to hear it from a loser. The 2020 Gnarly Nutria was epic. Torrential rains, flooding streets, Uptown ringers and police park patrols all contributed to an outstanding event. So without further adieu, here are your 2020 results (confirmed by a team of Swiss accountants no less):

    Uptown-Winner with 828 points

    World-1st Loser with 517 points

    Northshore-2nd Loser with 463

    But hey, who’s kidding who, we’re all winners right?

    And individual results:

    1. LuluLemon (FNG), Uptown, 60 points
    2. In Time, NS, 59 points
    3. Ocho, Uptown, 58 points
    4. Cowbell, NS, 57 points
    5. Bieber, Uptown, 56 points
    6. I Love You Man, Uptown, 55 points
    7. Sphinxter, Uptown, 54 points
    8. Steve, NS, 53 points
    9. Nip Tuck, Uptown, 52 points
    10. Waterpik, NS, 51 points
    11. Catfish, World, 50 points
    12. Chaser (FNG), World, 49 points
    13. TankedUp!, NS, 48 points
    14. Tubs, World, 47 points
    15. El Wire, Uptown, 46 points
    16. Gump, Uptown, 45 points
    17. Bushwacker, NS, 44 points
    18. Mariah, Uptown, 43 points
    19. Three Way, Uptown, 42 points
    20. The Hammer, NS, 41 points
    21. Shorty, World, 40 points
    22. Quarterpipe, Uptown, 39 points
    23. Rev Sox, World, 38 points
    24. Right Cheek, World, 37 points
    25. Tua, World, 36 points
    26. Belloq, World, 35 points
    27. Tinkles, Uptown, 34 points
    28. JAX, World, 33 points
    29. Bones, Uptown, 32 points
    30. Roots, Uptown, 31 points
    31. Moana, Uptown, 30 points
    32. Fez, World, 29 points
    33. Grover, NS, 28 points
    34. Shooter, NS, 27 points
    35. Angie’s List, Uptown, 26 points
    36. Rev It, Uptown, 25 points
    37. Mick, NS, 24 points
    38. Bongo, World, 23 points
    39. Pop A Lock, Uptown, 22 points
    40. KI55, World, 21 points
    41. Tool, Uptown, 20 points
    42. STYX, World, 19 points
    43. Da Parish, World, 18 points
    44. Akbar, NS, 17 points
    45. Dry Socket (FNG), Uptown, 16 points
    46. Squeal, Uptown, 15 points
    47. Old Bay, Uptown, 14 points
    48. Vagabond, World, 13 points
    49. Hot Pants, Uptown, 12 points
    50. CHIPS, World, 11 points
    51. Pelican, NS, 10 points
    52. War Eagle, World, 9 points
    53. Quickbooks, World, 8 points
    54. Moby Dick, NS, 2 points
    55. Amnesia, NS, 1 point
    56. Baby Yoda, NS, 1 point
    57. Jingle Vader, Uptown, 1 point
    58. Kenner Brah, World, 1 point

    Ruckers: Baywatch, Boo-Boo, Fracsac, Gabrielle, Heisenberg, and Triple Shift

    Thanks to all the PAX who posted in the rain.

    Good luck and prayers to RY (and his surgeon Bones) for a successful procedure and speedy recovery.

    Hope to see you all on the Northshore in January for the Krazy Ivan!

  • Gnarly Nutria IV The Uptown Funk

    Gnarly Nutria IV The Uptown Funk

    YHC began Wednesday morning like any other Wednesday morning with a quality 45 minute beatdown at Popeyes (this Wednesday led by the always dangerous Darkwing Duck). YHC’s thoughts quickly turned to the Gnarly Nutria as a nutria was spotted by Hokie Pokey running in the grass near the Pax. YHC took this as a strong omen for an upcoming victory for the World. The native nutria had come out from its hole to bless the World on the morning of the Gnarly Nutria.

    YHC’s confidence continued to grow as he arrived at the Gnarly Nutria to see members of the World surrounding him as the World came out in force. Surely the World would continue their winning streak and extend their dominance over the Uptowners on their home turf. Reluctant Yankee shouted out the rules and scoring system and led the racers to the starting line.

    A record 91 men lined up for the 4th running of the Gnarly Nutria. 51 for the World. 28 for the Uptowners. 12 for the Northshore. After an odd 2 minute countdown, the runners were off in the humidity and the heat for 5.4 miles of sweaty, stupid joy.

    As YHC rounded the first turn of the Gnarly Nutria with Tua and Heisenberg by his side, he his extreme confidence in a victory began to fade and he knew the world might be in trouble in spite of their superior numbers. A mass of Uptowners burst forward past him with a speed the World would be unable to match.

    Then the funk hit. YHC doesn’t want to know what the Uptowners are doing in their fabled Audubon park but the stink of the park was strong last night and surely slowed down the time of the World and the NorthShore who aren’t accustomed to the Uptown Funk.

    Flatline can hold his head high and claim the title “Fastest Man in F3NOLA” for the next 12 months. Flatline finished the Gnarly Nutria IV in a blistering fast 33 minutes. ESPN8 came in second with 35 minutes. In-Time came in third with a time of 38 minutes. Mulligan finished fourth with 39 minutes and Isobar rounded out the top 5 with 39 minutes and 40 seconds.

    4 of the top 5 were Uptowners with In-Time the top finisher for the NorthShore and Shuffles coming in 7th with the top place for the World. Thanks to their domination in speed, the Uptowners overcame the World’s superior numbers.

    The Uptowners won Gnarly Nutria IV with 326 points.

    The World came in second with 260 points

    Northshore came in third with a respectable 127 points coming from only 12 runners.

    Tripleshift wins the award for most significant run of the night as he rucksaked the race in honor of Terabyte who went to be with his Savior, Jesus Christ earlier this year.

    Bogey wins the award for most beautiful face of the night. Thanks for keeping score and being the pretty face waiting for us at the finish line.

    The After Party

    The Pax of 91 – 5 gathered together for post-race Name-O-Rama and the announcements of the winner and top finishers. The Pax began with a moment of silence and prayer thanking God for Terabyte and the role he played in F3NOLA.

    Followed by a far too long Counterama, followed by a far too long Name-O-Rama, the Pax named 9 FNGs. I am guessing that is a new F3NOLA FNG record. Welcome to Mallrats, Bangs, Johnny Football, Polaroid, Mumbles, Body Shots, Incandescent, Apollo, and Hot Pants.

    The Pax gathered together for the infamous sweaty ball-o-man as YHC closed the Pax out in prayer thanking God for the evening and asking Him to use F3 to impact the lives of more men in NOLA. F3 means so much to all of us and may we not hog and hide the friendship, accountability, and growth we have received in F3. Continue to find those men at your work, neighborhood, and in your families who are isolated and struggling. The average American man has less than one friend. YHC has 91. You have 91. Pass this friendship on to others.

    Your Humble Correspondent,

    Rev Sox

    The Results

    1. Flatline
    2. ESPN8
    3. In Time
    4. Mulligan
    5. Isobar
    6. Waterpik
    7. Shuffles
    8. Turbo Tax
    9. Cavalier
    10. Mahatma-Ice
    11. Screw Top
    12. Cowbell
    13. Tinkles
    14. Saban
    15. Fetch
    16. Baby Bjorn
    17. FNG Alex
    18. El Guapo
    19. Sea Biscuit
    20. Sandbar
    21. Rudy
    22. Ya Mom’n Dem
    23. 86
    24. Shorty
    25. SOGO
    26. Jadaveon
    27. Two Yutes
    28. FNG Deano?
    29. Backdraft
    30. Jesus Juice
    31. Nip Tuck
    32. FNG
    33. Heisenberg
    34. Speedy Gonzalez
    35. Quarter Pipe
    36. Bartman
    37. Rev Sox
    38. Tua
    39. FNG
    40. Shooter
    41. FNG
    42. Pai Gow
    43. Amnesia
    44. Bongo
    45. FracSac
    46. Ocho
    47. FNG
    48. Einstein
    49. Nine Lives
    50. Kuch
    51. Kiss
    52. Tool
    53. Baywatch
    54. Gideon
    55. Chewy
    56. Reluctant Yankee
    57. Gumby
    58. FNG
    59. PoBoy
    60. Woz
    61. FNG
    62. FNG
    63. War Eagle
    64. Tanner
    65. FNG
    66. Hawg
    67. Surge
    68. Chowda
    69. Chips
    70. Darkwing Duck
    71. Hokey Pokey
    72. Triple Shift
    73. Jose 10k
    74. Bushwacker
    75. Brown Bag
    76. Earmuffs
    77. Squeal
    78. Moist
    79. DaParish
    80. Uncle Si
    81. Colonial
    82. Mambi
    83. Short Bus
    84. Left Eye
    85. King Kong
    86. Amnesty
    87. Seaman
    88. Cash Bar
    89. Gold Bar
    90. FNG
    91. FNG

  • The Thrillabon in the Audubon

    Being an F3 Nation member for only 10 months (last race I was nothin but a gleam in a Hawg’s eye), the Gnarly Nutria was the stuff of legend. A back and forth sporting event like the world has not witnessed since Ali vs. Frazier. Two heavyweights going toe to toe for 5.4 miles with the Uptowners dominating Gnarly Nutria I and The World squeaking by with a narrow victory in Gnarly Nutria II.

    This year The World looked to overwhelm the smug Uptowners with numbers, and we have been recruiting. I was even dreaming of running the first race of my life but fell to the wayside with a calf injury on Friday. Although The World would now be missing their best runner, they still persevered and began the race with a distinct advantage in numbers.

    Following an epic lightning storm, the race began at 9:10pm. Our first finishers were a family group, and hat’s off to Sandbar who brought two of his 2.0s who finished the first lap in solid time.

    I knew the Uptowners were going to be in trouble when the first runners to not complete all three laps were Uptowners. Then the top two finishers of all three laps were both from the World and the landslide began. Like an over-the-hill Frazier against Ali, the Uptowners were no match for The World in Gnarly Nutria III.

    The final score was 446 The World and 354 Uptowners. The World is so fast, we turned off the lights in our bedrooms when we got home last night and we were in bed before the room was dark.

    We welcomed 4 FNGs into our numbers in the largest sweaty ball of man I have ever seen. I got to hand it to the runners, the names for our new members were great. We welcome Tubbs, Tramp Stamp, Right Cheek and his brother Left Cheek to F3. May we forget your real names and always refer to you by your F3 names in public.

    Here are your Gnarly Nutria top finishers:

    1. Smooth – The World

    2. Turbo Tax – The World

    3. Pony Boy – Uptowner

    4. El Guapo – The World

    5. Mulligan – Uptowner

    6. End Time – The World

    7. YSR – Uptowner

    8. Swampcock – Uptowner

    9. Cavalier – Uptowner

    10. Mahatma-Ice – The World

    11. Right Cheek – The World

    12. Nip/Tuck – Uptowner

    13. Jadaveon – Uptowner

    14. Cowbell – The World

    15. Hawgcycle – The World

    16. Thighs – The World

    17. Freedo – Uptowner

    18. Cornbread – The World

    19. El Wire – Uptowner

    20. Mariah – Uptowner

    21. Rudy – The World

    22. Rocket – The World

    23. Peppa – Uptowner

    24. Saban – Uptowner

    25. Tubba – The World

    26. Tramp stamp – The World

    27. Bubba – The World

    28. Shorty – The World

    29. Brownbag – Uptowner

    30. Landing Strip – Uptowner

    Left cheek, Bad Moon, Two Yutes, Shooter, Bushwacker, Einstein, 86, Pi, Walleye, King Kong, Triple Shift, Reluctant Yankee, and Roots fell just outside the top 30 in this order. I couldn’t keep up with the names after Roots. Congrats to all who finished and all who completed 1 or 2 laps. Thank you for helping us all be better men as we do stupid, pointless things like run for no reason in the middle of a lightning storm while chased by Jaguars.

    I’m inviting you to our next AO at “the Boxing Match” sculpture in Kenner’s Rivertown. The first Wednesday of September will be the launch of the F3 NOLA “Fight Club.”

    Your Humble Scorekeeper (I don’t plan on doing this next year, so someone else better get hurt right before the race in 2019),

    RevSox

  • Gnarly Nutria 2017

    The night was hot and humid and dark.  By 8:45, lots of PAX and a few coolers started rolling in (thanks Brown Bag!).  Uptowners, Mid-city denizens, a clown car from the Northshore and a lone rep from Destrehan.  All gathered to see who would hoist the coveted Gnarly Nutria trophy for 2017.  Could the influx of young guns in Uptown be enough to hold off the growing World presence?  Could anyone or anything stop the unstoppable force called TurboTax? Would Da Parish show up in running clothes or spandex cycle suit?

    But first, Yankee gave his best Amnesty impersonation with a 10 minute disclaimer, attempting to explain the overly complex uptowner scoring system (and thanks to Quick Draw and his daughter Katie for taking on the scoring duties).

    Finally – its time to line up under the first lightpost, and Yankee mumbles a “ok, lets go” under his breath.  Slowly the group of confused PAX begin to move, before the front runners (TurboTax, Barcrawl and the soon-to-be-appropriately-named FNG Ringer that the Uptowners recruited just for this event) took off.

    3 laps in the humidity.  Yuck.  YHC enjoyed the run with SOGO, Butt Splice and Hawg.  Great conversations, even as they all passed me by as the humidity and fast out-the-gate pace took its toll.  Meanwhile, out in front, Cowbell took care of some competition by gently nudging last year’s winner, Nip/Tuck, off the path and out of the race.  Sayonara, Nip/Tuck.  Hope you learned a valuable lesson – watch your back.

    Final Standings:

    Place
    Name
    Where
    Laps
    Place Points
    Total Points
    1 Barcrawl Uptown 3 35 38
    2 Ringer Uptown 3 34 37
    3 Turbo Northshore 3 33 36
    4 Mulligan Uptown 3 32 35
    5 YSR Uptown 3 31 34
    6 Cowbell MidCity 3 30 33
    7 Jadaveon Uptown 3 29 32
    8 Sogo MidCity 3 28 31
    9 Hawg MidCity 3 27 30
    10 Rudy MidCity 3 26 29
    11 Butt Splice Northshore 3 25 28
    12 Shorty MidCity 3 24 27
    13 EIEI Northshore 3 23 26
    14 Landing Strip Uptown 3 22 25
    15 Sandbar Uptown 3 21 24
    16 Revit Uptown 3 20 23
    17 Brownbag Uptown 3 19 22
    18 Walleye MidCity 3 18 21
    19 Roots Uptown 3 17 20
    20 Triple Shift MidCity 3 16 19
    21 Stub Hub MidCity 3 15 18
    22 Tool MidCity 3 14 17
    23 Reverend Uptown 3 13 16
    24 Hasselhoff Uptown 3 12 15
    25 Buckle Bunny Uptown 3 11 14
    26 Ocho Northshore 3 10 13
    27 FracSac MidCity 3 9 12
    28 Joe Dirt Destrehan 3 8 11
    29 Da Parish MidCity 3 7 10
    30 Yankee Uptown 3 6 9
    31 Colonel Uptown 3 5 8
    32 Splash Uptown 2 0 2
    32 Whoop Uptown 2 0 2
    32 Seaman Uptown 2 0 2
    32 Milkman MidCity 2 0 2
    32 Nip/Tuck Uptown 2 0 2

    Uptowners led the way, taking 5 of the top 7 spots.  Kudos to Barcrawl on his victory.  And welcome to F3 Ringer!

    The final tally: The World: 363 (249 from MidCity, 103 from the NorthShore and 11 from Destrehan) Uptown: 360  A final difference of 3 points.
    Participants
    Total Laps
    Place Points
    TOTAL
    Uptown 19 53 307 360
    MidCity 12 35 214 249
    Northshore 4 12 91 103
    Destrehan 1 3 8 11
    World 17 50 313 363

    Finished with our Countoff, Name-o-rama (was there ever a doubt on the name of our FNG) and a prayer.  Then dive back into the coolers (thank you again Brown Bag) to grab a cold one (YHC was very very pleasantly suprised with the Mango IPA), and enjoyedanother hour of F2.

    Kudos to the few, the proud, the strong who made the follow on Thursday am post: FracSac, Cowbell, DaParish, Milkman, Butt Splice, Ocho (Hrm… What do they all have in common?  Oh yeah – THE WORLD!)

  • The Inaugural Gnarly Nutria

    18 F3 Men and about 25 Pokemon Go players invaded Audubon Park last night looking to do something completely stupid and utterly pointless. The F3 men were a success and I can only assume the same for the Pokemon Go players.

    Put this on your calendars for July 19th, 2017 @ 2115 hrs

    The Thang

    It was Uptown vs. The World.  The World team consisted mostly of men from Lakeview and Metairie, although we will accept F3 men from all parts.  There was some controversy as to which team Jingle Vader would be representing.  As we all know, he is a man of the World; however, on a postal code technicality he was relegated to the Uptown team.

    The competition consisted of 3 laps around Audubon Park, roughly 5.33 miles in total.  Each man received 1 point per lap.  Anyone completing all 3 laps received 1 bonus point for each man he finished ahead of (including teammates). In the end our Uptown brothers prevailed 105.5 – 81. Results are below:

    Uptown 105.5
    [table “” not found /]

    The World 81
    [table “” not found /]