F3 New Orleans

Tag: French Horn

  • Show Up and Find Out – from Smooth Operator

    Show Up And Find Out

    Paradiddle, Pope, Goose, Paradox, Yankee Joe, Tana, French Horn, Smooth Operator

    After sending some slightly inebriated cryptic pictures as beat down hype, YHC was not sure what kind of turn out to expect. YHC showed up at the Den around 0415 to do a little levee scouting and rack up the ruck mileage for our May challenge. Around 0440, Paradox and YJ pulled into the parking lot and started pounding the pavement making circles around the reservoir. Pope and Goose were the next to arrive around 0450 and had the same intentions. 75% of the Smoothie Kings completed a mile and headed back to the flag. Tana arrived next along with French Horn, and Paradiddle seemed to appear out of thin air.

    Alright warm ups went like this:

    Side Straddle Hops
    Wind Mills
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks
    Arm Circles
    Self Love

    Yankee Joe like worrying about odd numbers so I threw in a 27 count of side straddle hops to make his noggin start hurting.

    I picked 3 people with a special connection to May 18th that I felt exemplified the 3 F’s of F3 and I broke them down into 3 Thangs. I also decided it would be a makeshift guessing game. So let’s get to it.

    Thang 1 (Faith)
    The first guy’s birthday was May 18th 1920.
    Through his Papacy he worked toward ending communism and building bridges to people of different religions.
    He was also a big fan of skiing.
    He is St. Pope John Paul the 2nd.
    Ole Yankee Joe got it right

    From the flag we went ahead and started with an Indian run which the last guy would be doing 5 genuflections while we ran 1 ½ times around the reservoir levee. From here we would be doing some levee climbing.

    We went ahead and did 10 Carolina Dry Docks on top the levee. Ran down the levee and did 10 WW2 sit ups. All of this took place on the front side of the reservoir between the reservoir and Hwy 20 for advertising purposes. All in all we completed between 5 and 6 sets and we moseyed to the baseball field.

    Thang 2 (Fitness)
    Our second guy’s special connection to May 18th was a little different. On May 18th 2004, This 40 year old threw MLB’s 17th perfect game.
    He was a 5 time Cy Young award winner and won a World Series with the Diamondbacks.
    He was also a member of the 300 win club and a 1st ballot hall of farmer.
    He is Randy Johnson
    French Horn got this one correct and knew a lot more about the big unit than anyone else did. T-Claps buddy.

    In honor of his perfect game we would run around the bases 27 times in sets of 6. In between sets we would be doing 10 Chuck Norris style merkins. Around lap 24 or 25 YHC had to call it due to time purposes. It was definitely not due to the stars and black dots that had started clouding YHC’s vision. After this we moseyed back to the flag to find out who our final May 18th guy would be.

    Thang 3(Fellowship)
    As DJ YJ set up the speaker for YHC, we started talking about another man born on May 18th. His birth year was 1952.
    He was dubbed the King of Country Music. After this one a lot of guess started flying. I heard Hank Williams, Alan Jackson, Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash. All wrong.
    He had 60 #1 hits over a 30 year period.
    He is George Straight.
    French Horn got this one correct also. Looks like that college education is paying off buddy.

    The first musical work out would be to the song Fireman by King George. Whenever the PAX would hear “They call me the Fireman” We would switch gears from mountain climbers to merkins.

    2nd musical work out would be the song Murder on Music Row by Alan Jackson and George straight. This workout would be done similar to the first song but the switch would be done on the phrase “music row”. The two workout were WW2 sit ups and Heels to heaven.

    After this song YHC called it at 0559. I had another musical work out planned, but it worked out for the best “A love without end, Amen” would have probably been a little awkward between ole Goose and Pope. From here we counted off one short due to Paradox cutting out 5 minutes early. We had announcements and Tana prayed us out.

    Total count for the May challenge was 150 Merkins, 100 WW2 sit ups, and 2 miles run.

    P.S. Around lap 18 or 20 of running the bases is when YHC realized that he was surrounded by 7 certified beasts. Y’all keep up the good work fellas. I hope one day I can get to y’all level of fitness.

    SYITG,
    Smooth

  • The First(and Probably Last) F3 Presidential Fitness Test – from French Horn

    Four Score and 7 years ago, the founders of our nation based the core values of our nation on brotherhood, democracy, equality(eventually we got there), and most importantly; athletics. The first presidential fitness test was started by the legendary Dwight D. Eisenhower, the GOAT of World War Generals. The test was discontinued in 2013 because the new generation of liberal snowflakes couldn’t take the sheer dexterity and tenacity required for such a task. I was the last of a dying breed, the last breed of young men who attempted this test, and the impact it left on me is incermountable. As so, I thought there was nothing better to begin my Qing career than this test of sheer manliness.

    It wouldn’t be a Horn Q if YHC was fashionably late. I shot in at a crisp 6:34 as the PAX were deep into a warmup led by Goose, the man with the golden bloodline. Awaiting me in the parking lot is a highly touted FNG Andrew, someone who I warned beforehand how different this is from the weight room; he was hard headed enough to scoff at me, he will see what is to come soon. As disciples of the great marketing professor Yankee Joseph the 2nd, we know a thing or two about highly thought provoking ideas. I thought the PAX would be excited and enthusiastic about this workout when they knew about the prize I had. The F3 world championship belt. Here we go:

    The Thang:
    A good beat down includes a song, and what better song to start a hot muggy summer than some good ole Pearl Jam.
    Song: Alive with air squats through the song until the chorus when therefore we burpee.

    The Test.
    Merkins
    Big Boys
    Coupons Curls
    Shuttle Run
    Augmented Mile Run
    Montana’s Choice(I gave tana man the choice of workout as he was the reason I’m here with you fine gentlemen, and I will be forever grateful for this unit of a human)
    Pull ups
    Mosey Back

    A nice session of mary concluded with Pope becoming the champion and Coyote as 2.0 champion. As I said before, Goose has thoroughbreds as children. Slots from Katy came in 2nd, a performance for the ages, massive respect for him as he came in and out in 110% effort and was a beast for all 60 minutes. I’m also rocking the Katy F3 sticker on ole Bessie as we speak(it’s fire). 3rd place was Dox, you can always expect Dox to compete and show off his grit and wherewithal. FNG Andrew did a little better than I expected, he was a fish out of water without his pre workout and creatine, but it meant a lot to me that my brother from another mother made the trip to come to my VQ, as well as being given maybe the best name in history, Frankenbeanz(already legendary). Special mention to Wet Tap, as the F3 version of Hulk Hogan(always winning brother) suffered a weird off day, which was escpially weird as the ole taking off the shoes trick didn’t go in his favor. The animal recipient was Paradiddle, the first time I saw him at a beat down and I was extremely impressed, T-Claps to my guy. Gigi recipient was Wet Tap, it really essintiates his biceps. All things considered the beast will continue to conquer. Prayer intentions and then Wet Tap with a strong prayer out.

    I wanted to end this blast off by getting a little personal. Growing up I was a chubby kid. I was always athletic and always wanting to be active, but I was always heavyset no matter what I did. When Covid-19 hit, I was encouraged by my friends to start being active again. And so I started running(Forrest Gump voice). By the time 2021 rolled around I was chilling at 190, down from 265 in May, a massive drop. I was encouraged and happy, until I wasn’t. My dad dropped dead offshore from an aortic dissection. It was the darkest point in my life. I started making bad life choices, not having a clear path or clear sight of where life would take me. Down to 165 pounds, I was literally close to my body shutting down from lack of food. Then I had that moment where I realized I had to change. I started going to the gym and bulking up, continuing to try my best to make my dad proud along the way. The last year has still been difficult, as my mom and I’s relationship has been very shaky at best. I really have no guidance or adult prescense in my life at this point, so I was trying my best to stay afloat, at this point worse than before. One day during that roughy time while working at CC’s, I saw the great drug dealer from Napoleonville BJ Antill sipping his cup of hot coffee in visible pain. I asked him what’s up? He replied,”Cinderblocks man.” I was instantly intrigued. Then the sultan of stocks Adrien Maught realized our mutual connection to BJ. It was then they both began recruiting me, and I can say, F3 has been a blessing. It has gotten me involved with a group of amazing guys and i’m in a setting where I can be myself and do things that I love. I love and appreciate all of you gentlemen, and I hope to continue to grow and improve myself as time goes on within F3. Thank you gentlemen for everything.

    French Horn

  • The First(and Probably Last) F3 Presidential Fitness Challenge – from French Horn

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-8zgfUK4szaMrEe3Cm7g8Stc-9dystwj6decwRhL8lY/edit

  • Crack a Cold One and Tip it on Back to ‘Merica – from Lil Cuz

    That’s right Merica, U S and A
    We invented mud tires, aluminum cans, and freedom
    I’m from Merica, how ’bout you?
    Got that right
    In 1776, Uncle Sam and this bald eagle found Lady Liberty and her rocky mountains
    They knocked boots and yelled Yee Yee
    And boom, there it was, just like that
    Merica was born

    I’m Earl Dibbles Jr and I approve this message
    Yee yee!

    Today we honored an American Legend, Earl Dibbles Jr., he’s a country boy. He wakes up, straps on his overalls and puts a good dip in. His heroes include Chuck Norris and Uncle Sam, and his hobbies include breakin’ out the cooler with a 12 pack and breakin’ line fishin’ on a creekside. YEE YEE!

    Old Fashioned Warm up with all the usuals and a little added request from the previous night’s group chat of Hillbilly Imperial Walkers. Your Welcome Yank! I hope I didn’t mess you up too much with my sporadic cadence counts.

    Thang 1: ‘Merica by Earl Dibbles Jr
    Hold Plank for duration with a slow burn Merkin for every ‘Merica. We would also do a Merkin for every “Yee Yee!” heard today.

    This was a slow burn to prepare the Pax for what was in store near the end of today’s beatdown. Everyone faired well with comedic stylings of Mr. Earl Dibbles Jr. himself paying respect to the #1 country in the whole universe. U, S of A baby! Back to Back Undefeated World War Champs!

    Thang 2: Mini IPC – Single Shot
    25 Curls for the Gurls,
    Farmer Carry Coupon across field
    25 Goblet Squats
    Farmer Carry Coupon back to Starting Point
    25 Overhead Press
    Farmer Carry Coupon across field
    25 Coupon LBC’s
    Farmer Carry back to starting point.

    This warmed the muscles of all Pax as they started to notice some signs behind us creating a little mumble chatter as to what they may be starting to recognize form last year.

    Thang 3: Workaholic by Earl Dibbles Jr.
    Hold squat at different levels (High, Mid and Low) changing level for every workin’, workaholic, and breakin’.

    After this song, YHC gave a little background on Mr. Earl Dibbles Jr, AKA Granger Smith. Granger and his wife lost their youngest son a few years back and Granger has spoken about the struggles he has dealt with this and being finally able to accept the loss of his youngest child. I cannot imagine what Granger was going through in this time and I prayed for him and prayed that I never experience this great loss. This also got me thinking about the hardest thing I have had to do in F3 since joining and of course IPC comes quickly to mind. I jumped into the middle of IPC at only my second beatdown and struggled very heavily through the entire thing. I accomplished it and still to this day I am not sure how. I’ve grown a lot since then, and so too has Granger Smith it seems. Recently, he has decided to end his music career to focus on ministry and aid other people struggling through losing a child. I cannot commend this man enough for wanting to share what God has done for him and his own healing and how he has been able to turn such a loss into a way to do God’s work here on Earth.

    Thang 4: IPC 2022 Week 4 Re-do
    Center Station of 5 Man-Makers to start and moving to each station to complete the exercise posted there and coming back to center for 5 man-makers between each station.
    1st Station: 15 Coupon Swings
    2nd Station: 10 We’re Not Worthies
    3rd Station: 20 Overhead Tricep Extensions
    4th Station: 15 Goblet Squats

    This was continued for the duration of the beatdown and lasted around 30 minutes.
    I am solidly impressed by the work the Pax put in today through this IPC re-do. All Pax took the challenge in stride, never blinked and got to work. Pouring sweat and pushing through the pain moving to the next station. I am looking forward to IPC this year and the work this group can put in to show the rest of F3 what the Thibodaux Pax are made of.

    6 Minutes of Mary, Potluck Style

    Moments to Note:
    Never Give Goose a chance to potluck Mary because Dr.W’s are coming, I promise.

    French Horn got to practice his cadence before his VQ and honestly he is already leaps and bounds better than Tana. Great Job!

    ANIMAL shirt bestowed to the Animal himself, Smooth Operator! What a beast this guy is! Always ready to work harder than anyone else around! Congrats brother!

    COT and Yankee Jeaux prayed us out. Looking forward to seeing the slo-mo video Yank! If you know, you know.

    SYITG,
    Lil’ Cuz
    YEE YEE!

  • Down Here, it’s Our Time: A Story of Revolution, Nerds, and Kumquats – from Yankee Joe

    Over the course of history, man has always been restless, chafing under any force that threatens his most sacred right: Freedom.

    We’ve seen the proletariat rise up against Louis XIV in France, the Bolsheviks tear down the republic to establish communist Russia, and American colonists rail against the tyranny of taxation without representation. Most recently, there’s trouble down on the bayou that includes Bluetooth factions and wayward Geese flying north for the winter.

    Though history points to a series of causes that lead up to these revolutionary movements, there are usually a couple key moments that trigger the tipping point.

    Perhaps, after years of schisms, history will cite the spark that ignited the Great Rebellion of F3 Thibodaux. Maybe it was leadership deviating from the vision. Maybe it was leadership sowing seeds of division between competing AO’s. Or maybe it was the moment leadership demanded full grown men (seeking fraternity and exercise) to wear women’s clothing.

    Of course, it could be just a function of a college professor desperately trying to maintain some shred of professional decorum in front of PAX that also happen to be his students. Though that professionalism bar is admittedly low, somehow rocking a women’s aqua athletic tank top – with a single euro trash strip in the back – seems…I dunno…a little like credibility suicide.

    Indeed, Live Oak historians will say that I am a liar, but history is written by those who have hanged heroes. Who can say where the road goes? Where the day flows? Only time.

    In our modern era, we see this gross abuse of power best personified in Hollywood. Namely, the varsity letter jacket wearing jock of the 80s and 90s. YHC showed up to the Peltch at 6:29 to find Enron and Paradox most likely planning a beatdown for two. YHC hopped out the minivan with BAPS, a Cindy, and his very own letter jacket. It looked to be a tenacious trio of varsity prowess, brotiful and stUdfast.

    Warmarama: the usual stuff, made more satisfying when, per Enron’s prediction, French Horn tore into the parking lot five minutes late. His presence would be greatly appreciated, as the Horn dismantled YHCs trivia, thus saving the PAX 31 burpees at the end.

    The Thang

    – Mosey to treehouse, nur to stations
    – After each song, sprint to treehouse (approx 100 yards), nur back
    – Complete exercise at station, all 30 reps

    Stations in 30s
    – Squat butterflies with bricks
    – Hold Al Gore, Punch ups with bricks (2:1)
    – Coupon overhead press
    – Groiners

    –———
    Songs

    Song 1
    The Breakfast Club
    Jock: Andrew Clark
    Played by: Emilio Estevez
    Song: Don’t you forget about me
    Exercise: Burpees on “don’t, down, and la,la,la”
    Ssh or IWs in between

    Song 2
    Varsity Blues
    Lance Harbor
    Paul walker
    There goes my hero
    Bird dogs (alternating)
    Chilcutt PPs on refrain

    Song 3
    Back to the future
    Biff Tannen
    Thomas Wilson
    Roll with me Henry
    Burpee on every “roll”
    Bobby Hurley’s otherwise

    Song 4
    Revenge of the Nerds
    Frederick Aloysius palowaski
    Donald Gibb
    One foot in Front of the Other
    One leg hops
    Bonnie Blairs on refrain

    Song 5
    Grease
    Danny Zuko
    John Travolta
    Summer nights
    Pickle pounder when Danny sings
    J los when Sandy sings
    Chilcutt plank jacks when both sing
    Catalinas on chorus

    Max Heart rate Song
    It is Well (with my soul)
    Burpees on “well, soul, God, Christ”

    Namorama and French Horn prayed us out.

    Gentlemen, I write this as my last backblast for the Thibodaux PAX. I’ve kept it to myself, but my M and I are embarking on a new journey. As a former account manager at Google and Yahoo, Rebecca has accepted a job with Amazon HQ in Seattle. It’s an opportunity she can’t pass up.

    For me, as some of you may already know, I have a somewhat random passion for farming. Nothing like new beginnings to make one take a risky life plunge. That said, I’ve found a job on a small kumquat farm that specializes in organic kumquat products such as juices, jams, and face creams. It’s obviously a huge change, but I’m really excited. The name of the farm is Kumquat May. So clever…check it out. One of my jobs will include selling kumquat of the month subscriptions. Hope you’ll think of using us for some of your holiday gift ideas. Unfortunately, we don’t have much lead time, so we’re moving the family by end of April. It’s been a huge honor and pleasure getting to know each of you. I’ll be around for a few more beatdowns.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Pyramid and the JERF – from Wet Tap

    YHC pulled up to the Stage only a few seconds late to see the PAX eagerly awaiting a beatdown. Somehow subconsciously, the PAX had unassumingly formed a circle. This instinctive skill must be a defensive mechanism. Never-the-less, despite vomit, monsters, and God Thunder, YHC was ready with a quality Tuesday Tuff beatdown.

    The usual warm-a-rams without haste:
    SSH, high knees, Butt-kicks, arm circles F/R, Self-love

    The JERF goes back as long as time itself. Some say this was the brainchild of Moses, others Ancient Egyptians. I personally believe it pre-dates most of written history. Somewhere in the late 80’s an F3 folk legend names Yankee Jeaux eagerly typed these instructions on his state of the art typewriter (with delete function). The JERF is a mighty foe in itself, yet YHC yearned for more, call it ignorance.

    In typical fashion, the JERF includes 10 sets of:

    10 coupon curls
    30 squats*
    10 merkins
    10yd bear crawl
    10 merkins
    20 American Hammers (2:1)
    30 Lying leg lifts
    20 LBC

    YHC wanted a throw back pyramid training in-between each set. The standard pyramid sprint cycle goes like this:
    50 yd, 100 yd, 200, 300, 400, 300, 200, 100, 50

    The sprints would immediately follow each set.

    The eerie quiet of the PAX made me consider I bit of too much. Perhaps we’d run out of time? With the flash of lightning and rumble of thunder the party began.

    As we climbed the pyramid, all hopes of a low strain were gone; and at the summit a much needed 10 count ^2 let us admire the view. Back to work with high hopes. As we descended the subtle sounds of back against pavement cued Paradox to enforce form police mode. Without even a glance, Paradox can tell if those leg lifts are hittin’ just right!

    Beast mode was attained as Enron hit a 5th or 6th gear, leaving us wondering how and why? The unexpected strength and stamina exhibited by the PAX as we all finished together was something awesome. Leave no man behind was in full force as we all ran a little harder to finish the beatdown ( FrenchHorn-Goose).

    A 2 minute Mary was all we had left, giving us plank hold shoulder taps in sequence and a final 6 “ leg hold slow and steady fall.

    COT and prayer by French Horn
    @Goose, @FrenchHorn, @ Enron, @ Paradox, @Smooth Operator,

  • Catch Me If You Can Handle the Heat: Featuring 21s and Dora 1-2-3 – from Goats in the Machine

    The 5 PAX arrived, ready to take on whatever the Exicon had in store for them. Goose led us through a thorough warm-up to get the blood flowing and muscles loosened up.

    Thang 1: “Catch Me If You Can”
    PAX were partnered and thruppled up in the field between The Stage walking loop and the subdivision entrance. Round 1 consisted of 5 squats while chasing each other via sprint and nerr for 5 laps across the field (edge of the parking lot to the white fence at the front of the subdivision). Round 2 was 6 standing lunges and 3 laps.

    Thang 2: “Global Warming”
    The PAX formed a circle of pain and held the Al Gore position while slowly shuffling in a circle. The music played, and we did 10 merkins and 10 BBSUs on “sun” to Smash Mouth’s “Walking on the Sun.” Then we switched to Johnny Cash’s “Five Feet High and Rising” and did jump squats based on the number called out by the song.

    Thang 3: “Indian Run”
    The PAX formed a single-file line of runners, and the last guy in line ran to the front. We ran around the perimeter of the stage walking loop and pergola for approximately a quarter-mile.

    Thang 4: “21s”
    The PAX did side straddle hops in unison, counting reps 1-5 out loud. Reps 6-21 were all mental, and everyone had to stop together at 21. If anyone stopped early or went over, the YHC had the PAX perform penalty burpees. The PAX performed 3 rounds.

    Thang 5: A modified “Dora 1-2-3”.
    PAX worked in pairs, with one partner doing the exercise while the other sprinted across the lawn. The exercises were 100 bunny hops, 200 LBCs, and 300 squats.

    COT:
    Announcements: Lumin Christi beatdown on Saturday, more details to come in the GroupMe chat.
    Intentions: Lots to be thankful for today and prayers for families.
    Prayer: Smooth prayed us out.

    Moleskin:
    YHC is suffering from a shoulder injury due to a late-night rooster wrangling incident (see the group me for the security camera video). Additionally, Goose is suffering from a sore shoulder as well. His injury and athletic ability are a testament to the fact that age is just a number, but there are consequences for trying to turn back the clock. Therefore the decision was made to modify the beat down to minimize arms and exploit legs, core, and cardio.
    YHC gave the Pax an option between a 1 Thnag beatdown and a 5 Thang beatdown. The Pax opted for some variety. To craft this beatdown YHC used a number gereratoe to randomly select workouts from the Exicon. There are 31 web pages with 25 line items on each page. YHC had the number generator select 2 numbers. The first number select was between 1 and 31 and the second number selected was between 1 and 25… and BOOM! A “Tuesday Tough” BEATDOWN WAS BORN!
    The Pax enjoyed a beatdown that was mor Cardio heavy that usual. According to Enron’s apple watch we ran approx. 2.75 miles.

    AI Generatede Linerick:
    “We started our workout with glee
    Excited for what it might be
    Catch Me If You Can, a race
    Partners pushed each other’s pace

    Global Warming had us in pain
    Jump squats and merkins, sweat like rain
    Indian Run, kept us on track
    21s and Dora, no turning back”

  • How To Bear Your Soul – from Yankee Joe

    YHC showed up to the stage for his first Tuesday Tuff Q. The occasion was marked with nine PAX, including Kilmer DR’ing from the exotic land of dying college basketball regimes – Raleigh, NC (though he’s actually from Carey). He definitely brought some much needed and appreciated energy.

    Warm-up
    – Side straddle hops
    – Windmills
    – OG Grassgrabbers
    – Arm circles forward
    – Arm circles backward
    – Cherry pickers
    – Self love
    – High knees
    – Butt kicks
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bumper mosey

    Honestly, YHC had no idea what to do for his first Tuesday Tuff beatdown. By 8:30 pm the night before, while in a meeting, he knew time was up. The pre-blast hype GIF’s had to go out. YHC panicked. He looked around. Nothing. Then he remembered a theme he had been playing around with as his manniversary approached.

    Ok, hold on. Let me back up. F3 is an interesting concept. It’s premise bears special attention. On one hand, you are voluntarily suffering through what seems unbearable. In almost all cases, rookie for veteran, you bearly make it to the end of a particular exercise. The camaraderie is powerful, but the expectations can be overbearing. The real power kicks in when you are convinced you can no longer bear it. To give up would be unbearable. So…you have only one Singletary choice. You bear your teeth and crawl on. There is much to be learned from our forbearers as they bear the torch of humility and forebearance. Your arrogance is left threadbear as fellow PAX come bearfoot, bearfaced, bearchested (embearassing for some), and bearhanded (except for a few hand models). We give each other manly bearhugs and vicious bearberries. In short, we grin and bear it.

    So, as it is now probably obvious, YHC’s theme centered around not eating spicy food the night before a beatdown.

    C’mon…seriously…It’s about bears (so now you know YHC can actually spell…you got it. Good job. Good for you.). Though food choices prior to beatdowns is a serious matter and should be taken up at the F3 Senior Leadership Team level, if not nationally. What Goats and Enron are capable of manifesting in this particular arena is concerning even for a bear.

    So, we did bear crawling for 35 minutes with intermittent merkin and core exercises spread throughout. It was beary beary nasty.

    ————————————-
    The First Thangggg

    Paddington Bear

    As we all know, Paddington was shipped off to England by his Aunt Lucy from “Darkest Peru” with a sign that read, “Please look after this bear. Thank you.” Goose answered that piece of trivia correctly, saving the PAX five burps.

    The Brown Family finds Paddington sitting on a suitcase in a railway station in Paddington, England. They can’t understand his Peruvian name, so they call him Paddington. We can all relate. When I first met Paradox, I had no idea what language was falling out of his mouth. For the first few weeks, I thought his name was Fart Knocks.

    To emulate this enormous literary moment in history, we set out to find Paddington.

    – One PAX lunges to the marker, then the remaining PAX bear crawl to the marker to “find Paddington.” PAX then bring Paddington home, all bear crawling back to start. Paddington, while waiting in the station (marker), is sitting on his suitcase. But since we don’t have a suitcase, Paddington held Al Gore while waiting for the PAX to come get him.

    – Next single PAX lunges to marker while remaining PAX hold plank, then repeat until each Paddington has been found and brought home. In all, each PAX bear crawled 255 yards. Yo, at the age of 60, Kilmer was dominating…it was crazy. He even had enough wind to throw out some chatter about “Damn” Yankee Joe and why it didn’t make sense that the Brown Family would be bear crawling if they weren’t bears. YHC was too winded to retort at the time.

    Also, T-Claps to French Horn, who in just a few weeks, has caught his stride and is hanging with the elites such as Goose, Enron, and Paradox.
    ————————————-
    The Second Thangggg

    Winnie the pooh

    Winnie the Pooh
    Winnie the Pooh
    Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff
    He’s Winnie the Pooh
    Winnie the Pooh
    Willy nilly silly old bear

    Always getting into the honey pot, Pooh Bear just can’t keep from getting his head stuck. Like Montana in Wing Stop 30 piece wing combo box (lemon pepper of all things), we had to get Pooh’s head unstuck, while also attacking some of that ‘tubby little chubby fluff’.

    – Bear crawl 360 clockwise to marker, 100 LBCs (for the 100-acre wood, of course)
    – Bear crawl 360 counterclockwise back to start, 100 pickle pounders

    Here, Kilmer raised the pickle pounder bar (I dare you, Michael), encouraging the PAX with noises that truly justified the “respect” during nam-o-rama. Smooth Operator, not to be outdone, showed us why he’s the “diamond life, lover boy.”

    —————————————–
    The Third Thangggg

    The Yogi Bear Circuit

    Of course, we can’t have a bear themed beatdown without our ever foraging for a pic-a-nic basket, Yogi. To honor this great historical and significant bear, we utilized the six pic-a-nic tables at The Stage. Each table would increase in increments of 10 with a designated exercise (i.e. 10 Derkins, 20 incline dancing chilcutts, 30 creature merkins, etc.

    But how will we get from table to table? Well, my friends, the Exicon delivers again. Who was Yogi’s best friend? You got it. The Boo Boo Bear Crawl. A bear crawl using only ONE LEG. God, I love this shizz.

    It goes a little something like this…
    – Boo boo bear crawl to first picnic table, 10 derkins
    – Boo boo bear crawl to second picnic table, 20 dancing incline chilcutts 2:1
    – Boo boo bear crawl to third picnic table, 30 creature merkins
    – Boo boo bear crawl to fourth picnic table, 40 leg ups 1:1
    – Boo boo bear crawl to fifth picnic table, 50 freak nasty’s
    – Boo boo bear crawl to sixth picnic table, 60 incline merkins

    Unfortunately, after table 3 (30 creature merkins), YHC had to call an audible based on PAX logistics as well as time. So, instead, we finished with:

    40 yard Boo Boo Bear Crawl, switching legs at each picnic table back to the flag. Once you reach the flag, 100 merkins or fail. This would take the last three minutes of the beatdown. It. Was. AWESOME. Goose was the only PAX to hit 100, but we’re pretty sure Enron did too, but he forgot to count. Imagine that…a financial advisor that forgets to count. I’m sure it gives his PAX clients great confidence considering his F3 name. But what do I know? I’m just a Marketing guy, and we don’t do maff.

    COT and Smooth Operator prayed us out. His prayer was short and powerful.

    “Dear Lord, thank you for letting us be warriors for you today. Amen.” Should be the F3 official prayer, in my opinion.

    Next stop…Manniversary

    SYITG,

    (Damn) Yankee Joe

  • Kill or Be Killed (by Pope) – from Goose

    Some things you never get too old for. On the morning of March 4, YHC showed the PAX that grown men can run around (a lot) and play like the young men they once were. YHC showed up at the Peltch with a bag-o-flags filled with a limited amount of belt flags… the more PAX showed up, the more uncertain YHC became. YHC probably did more head counts in five minutes than he ever did in one day (impressive considering the amount of potential 2.0s at YHC’s home).
    We began with the usual warmup routine (SSH, imperial walkers, windmills, high knees, butt kicks, arm circles, cherry pickers) and headed to the EDW field. There, YHC distributed the belt flags which, thankfully, were distributed among all the PAX (Sonic and FNG each used one). We then split into teams and stationed at opposite goal lines for F3 Braveheart.
    To begin the first round, all PAX bear-crawled to the 20-yard line, then stood up and began the battle. Enemy PAX attempted to pull off their opponent’s flags (PAX had two flags; two lives) until one team is utterly vanquished. When a PAX was slain, he would drop and hold plank until the end of the round. The second round began at the 30-yard line with defeated PAX holding Al Gore. Finally, with the adrenaline of battle pumping through the veins, the third round resolved—every man for himself. YHC and FNG tied for winner because of unclear regulations concerning if someone went out of bounds. (Note: none of the rounds ended with any prize for the winning team, but no one asked…so…)
    The next thang involved a choice made by each PAX individually: 7 burpees at the start and halfway point of the entire track with sprints in between, or 20 Catalina Wine Mixers and a full-track sprint. Preference differed among the PAX. The second round, however, was an easy choice for most: 25 burpees and a full-track “sprint”, or 15 merkins at each corner, with lunge-walks for the straights and jogging on the curves (this obvious choice was YHC’s way of weeding out those who were NOT good candidates for the next ANIMAL). YHC, Goats in the Machine, Smooth Operator, and two of the four 2.0s chose the lunge-walk. Goats and the 2.0s switched choices a quarter of the way through… YHC was determined to finish when, two-thirds of the way through, Goose decided to catch the “ill-choosing” 6. We began to regroup and prepared to mosey, when we noticed Smooth still hammering out his third set of merkins! We picked him up and moseyed to the lower field with a pretty clear idea of our next ANIMAL.
    At the field Goose and YHC set up a small field about 30 yards long and initiated a game of PAX-&-Minnows. Goose started as the voluntary first shark and took his position at one end line while the rest of the PAX lined up on the other end. Throughout the two games played, the sharks began each round with two burpees with the minnows completing four merkins, then the minnows tried to make it safely to the other end line without being devoured (tagged) by a shark. Wounded (tagged) minnows dropped and performed LBCs until the round was over, while successful minnows did 10 star jumps in celebration of their survival. Coyote was the last man (well, person) standing at the end of the first game, and Lil’ Cuz remained after the second game.
    Back at the flag, Mary was performed in potluck fashion, with Coyote initiating box cutters and Lil’ Cuz calling leg lifts. Smooth was eager to lead us in burpees, and YHC reluctantly trumped with crunchy frogs. In COT our FNG, 2.0 of Superfun(d), was dubbed Superfas(t), reflecting his self-proclaimed performance in Braveheart and adding to our list of tee-tiny 2.0s. And of course, Smooth Operator left that morning with the well-deserved title of ANIMAL.
    SYITG, Pope

  • SPORTSman Paradise VQ – from Superfun(d)

    YHC showed up at 4:55 to be the first one at his VQ since he usually shows up 2 minutes before to maximize his sleep. All behold, French Horn swoops in right before YHC like he’s preparing for Yankee Jeaux’s final. T-claps for him for his dedication and time he spends with his mentor. While sitting there waiting for more PAX to arrive, a douche wagon pulls up even with me but on the highway, the bald-headed man nonchalantly backs up to the entrance thinking no one is watching. A strong PAX of 12 showed up on this warm humid morning to witness my VQ.

    Warmarama: SSH, Imperial Walkers, Arm Circles (Front and back), Cherry Pickers, Self Love, Grass Grabbers with the clap

    Moseyed to the BB court. YHC jokingly wanted to have his VQ at Schneider Park for home field advantage. The park has the football and baseball field, but a while back, they demolished the tennis/basketball court. So the PAX was going to take a mosey down Chackbay until we found someone’s house to play BB.

    Thang 1: Basketball (Gotcha )
    – Chatter from the PAX(Paradox) murmured that they called it “Put Out” in the North. Well ole friend, this is bayou country, anything south of I-10 is Gotcha, Yankee! Knowing the PAX is very competitive, I made sure that the two basketballs were the same size with exactly 7 PSI each so I would hear no complaining. Once you were out, SSH until the game was over. Winner gets to pick the punishment exercise for the PAX for a 10 count. Knowing the Lions Den always had a double rim, I was waiting for some good laughs. Not thinking that 12 PAX would show up, the game lasted longer than expected. Eventually Paradox battled out Lil Cuz and became the victor. Paradox graciously gave out 10 burpees to the rest of the PAX. There was going to be round 2 but didn’t want to run out of time. Moseyed to baseball field.

    Thang 2: Football (11s)
    – Started with 1 squat, karaoke from the edge of the infield until the outfield fence (switch direction on each round), 10 Bonnie Blairs (2:1) then Nur back. Repeat. Moseyed to home plate.

    Thang 3: Baseball
    – The PAX split into two teams. This exercise was timed. One member at a time would run the bases until they got to home plate, then the second teammate would start and so on. Here’s the catch, each base had its own exercise to complete. 1st base: 10 merkins, 2nd base: 10 BBSU, 3rd base: 10 Toy Soldiers (1:1), then run home to tag next teammate. Team 1 would go first while Team 2 would plank the whole duration then vice versa. Team 1 edged out Team 2 with a time of 5:11 to 5:38. Team 2 graciously gave Team 1 15 burpees while they effortlessly did 15 imperial walkers. Moseyed back.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. Thank y’all for coming out to support my VQ. The fitness, fellowship, and faith is powerful in our group, and I greatly appreciate the F3 Thib PAX.

    Until next year,
    Superfun(d)