F3 New Orleans

Tag: Fence Post

  • Practice?! We Talkin’ About Practice?! – from Goose

    Yes. Yes, we are talkin’ about practice. This PAX has been leaning way to heavily on their natural athletic abilities and playground skills, but that’ll never get us to perform on the next level. This morning it was time to get back to fundamentals, back to teamwork, and back to puking. So, YHC dusted off his collared high school basketball coach shirt (yes, it was girls’ basketball, and yes I was just the assistant, but I am a treasure chest filled with knowledge and leadership) because it was time to give these thugs a proper basketball practice.

    Pre-warmups consisted of hugging the lion’s head for those deep calf stretches on the statue’s pedestal. Warmups consisted of the usual plus high knees and butt kicks to get the ankles and lungs moving. During the warmups, YHC kept looking over his shoulder to see if Tana was gonna pull in late. (Maybe he thinks “HC” stands for “Fart Sack”. Like in a different language.) We had five solid, which would work fine for what YHC had planned.

    We then moseyed over to the basketball court through a growing line of cars with people waiting in them (no idea), YHC carrying our high quality basketball (gray, perfect for the gloom, and nice and smooth after months of four-square in the street). I then shared some of my experience as a high school basketball player (“more of a defensive guy”) with a Cuban coach. I started the practice with one of his favorite inspirational speeches (in my best dramatic Cuban accent):
    “Every day in Africa, a lion wakes up. And, he knows he must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or he will starve.
    “Every day in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. And, he knows he must run faster than the fastest lion, or he will be eaten.
    “So, gentlemen, how do you know if you’re running fast enough??
    “SWEAT!!”

    Trying to get your head wrapped around that? Don’t. Just start running. And, that’s what we did. We started with single-file figure 8’s around the court. Starting in the corner, sprint to half court, slap the ground, side-shuffle across to the other sideline, slap the ground, sprint to the opposite baseline, slap the ground, side-shuffle across, and repeat back to start. This was tough, so we did it twice to get the system nice and woke.

    After a ten-count, we split into partners(ish) and did chest pass drills. Two men faced each other about 15ft. apart and side-shuffled from one basket to the other chest passing it back and forth and finishing with a bounce pass and layup at the other end. The next pair was waiting there to take over going the other direction. For every dropped pass or missed layup, the pair were penalized with 15 crunchy frogs. We did a lot of crunchy frogs. Passes were better than I expected, but the baskets seemed to have force fields around them. We were celebrating made layups like they were 3-pointers.

    After about 10 minutes, we switched to a rebound tip-drill. PAX lined up single file facing the right side of the backboard, and the first guy in line tossed the ball off the backboard for the next guy to jump, grab the ball, and put it back off the board before hitting the ground. Each guy in turn had to do the same and then run to the back of the line. If the ball hit the ground, all PAX were penalized with 10 jump squats. I have to say, I pictured this one being a bit of a train wreck, but the PAX who showed up this morning were all athletes, even if in a former life. From the get go, that ball stayed up and the line kept moving through multiple cycles before dropping. It was beautiful. But I couldn’t tell them that–I had to stay in character. And that character would always say, “Perfection–is that too much to ask?!” So, after about five minutes on each side of the backboard and only about 40 total jump squats, we lined up on the baseline for a well-deserved suicide.

    The next drill was supposed to be 3 on 2 on 1, but since we only had 5 guys, it was just 3 on 2, and it worked fine. This is a fast break drill to help with of getting more of your men down the court faster and taking advantage of numbers for a quick score. Two PAX played defense while three brought the ball downcourt to try to score. Offense won if they scored, and defense won if they got the ball. Winners did 20 LBC’s while losers did 10 Big Boys. Then, we just rotated so we all had turns in each position.
    Again, latent athleticism revealed itself here and there on the ground, but the basket seemed to be playing better defense than all of us. It was fun to play some ball after so many years, though, but after about 10 minutes, it was time to shift into fourth quarter, game-on-the-line training.

    YHC had the PAX run a quick half court and back, full court and back just to wind us a bit and put the pressure on. Each PAX, starting with Enron (since he sprinted for the win on that first half-court) was given a chance to make a free throw to win the game and send us home. If they missed, it was another half-court, full-court sprint. We had about five minutes remaining on the clock, so any made shot could have officially ended it for us and given us a nice, slow mosey back to the flag. But, we all missed. Every single one of us. I think a few of us hit the rim, which was encouraging, but we had to mosey back to the flag knowing that we had been defeated at the last second of the game. I think that’s what made Smooth puke. (It’s ok, Smooth. It’s just a game.)

    COT with prayer intentions between panting breaths and Cardinal prayed us out. Heckuva job, team. I think we just might make the tournament next year.

  • A Lion, A Partnership, and a Tank Top: A Short Story – from Yankee Joe

    Seven PAX showed at the Lion’s Den, which was a nice surprise. The night before, YHC had shared a pre-blast with his M, and she responded with something like, “This is why you have difficulty making friends.” Ouch. But, she’s kinda right.

    The idea was inspired by Goose’s Burpee Time(r) beatdown the Tuesday Tuff prior. In that beatdown, PAX rotated through a variety of exercises for the duration of however long it took one PAX to complete 20 burpees. Though grueling, YHC noticed how much more eager he was to push through the pain of 20 burpees when other PAX’s suffering was hanging in the balance. So YHC attempted to take that “leave no PAX behind” commitment to partner commitments. In this episode of “we’re not medical or even fitness professionals,” Partner 2 would work through a combined 15 minutes of elbow plank work, while Partner 1 (the Timer) worked through sets of varying stupidity.

    Ok, so my way of making friends looks different. But is it effective? Well, probably not. Regardless, YHC was happy to see Fence Post who has started to become a mainstay of the Thursday Lion’s Den. In the mold of Lil’ Cuz, his quiet, methodical movements through a beatdown inspire a sense of deep respect. His sheer strength is still unnerving. YHC can’t wait to see him in action come Iron Pax. Part of the reason the Lion’s Den came into being was to be closer to Chackbay. As the Cardinal flies, it is only a few miles. That said, Cardinal does not fly, and he showed up “on time” in the same way crawling “backward is forward” for a crab. Goats in the Machine apparently wants to be a crab too, though he probably still thinks beatdowns start at 5:30 and not 5:15. But the man keeps showing up, and that’s all that matters. Enron made his appearance in an unpredictably good mood. Erich the Great aka Ragnar aka Tana showed sporting his newly acquired six pack abs courtesy of F3. Goose showed up wearing a tank top reading ANIMAL on the front. Enron somehow said nothing about it. I’ll get to that in a bit.

    Warm-up 5:15 – 5:25
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills 15 ct
    Arm circles forward 15 ct
    Arm circles backward 15 ct
    Cherry pickers 15 ct
    Self love
    High knees 15 ct
    Knoxville cherry pickers 15 ct
    Mountain climbers 10 ct
    Mosey around civic center

    The Thangggg 5:27 – 6:00
    Partner up; Start on embankment in front of civic center
    P1 exercise represents the timer for each station
    P2 exercise happens simultaneously until P1 has finished
    P1 & P2 bear crawl between each station
    At end of circuit, P1 & P2 flapjack, then work their way back through stations
    Mosey around civic center between rounds

    Circuit Round 1
    Station 1
    P1 does 25 decline groiners on embankment
    P2 does decline peter parker merkins on embankment
    When P1 finished, both bear crawl 15 yards to Station 2

    Station 2
    P1 does 25 monkey humpers
    P2 does chilcutt peter parkers
    When P1 finished, both bear crawl 10 yards to Station 3

    Station 3
    P1 does 25 burpees
    P2 does J-Flecks (J-Lo both sides, then pickle pounder)
    When P1 finished, both bear crawl 10 yards to Station 4

    Station 4
    P1 does 25 coupon thrusters
    P2 does dancing chilcutts

    When P1 finished, partners flapjack and work back through stations

    Mosey around civic center

    Circuit Round 2: Rinse and Repeat
    Mosey around civic center

    2MOM
    Leg lifts
    Freddie Mercury’s 2:1
    Pulsing Supermans? (Goose called them Lois Lanes, so now that is what F3 Thibodaux will call them.)

    After namarama, Goose explained the tank top. YHC couldn’t help saying an internal prayer of gratitude. Had Goose meant to wear it without any explanation, our friendship would have been examined more carefully. In the end, Goose, always thinking about how to serve the PAX, announced (mandated, commanded) that after each beatdown the ANIMAL tank top would be bestowed upon the PAX that most exemplified the nature of an animal.

    Or maybe it was the PAX that most sounded like an animal? Maybe it was the PAX that best blew ass like an animal? What constitutes the definition of a “beatdown ANIMAL” is still unclear. In Enron’s case, perhaps it represents the PAX that taunts the Form Police most like an animal. But again, I have no clear evidence.

    COT and Cardinal reminded YHC he needed to pick someone to pray. Thus, Cardinal prayed us out.

    Always grateful for each of you and your willingness to push through to your inner animal.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • The Ultimate Sprint: Outsmarting 5th Graders and Conquering the Grave – from Goats in the Machine

    Today’s workout was a true test of both physical and mental strength. The Ultimate Sprint: Outsmarting 5th Graders and Conquering the Grave was a challenging journey through the pathways and bridges of the Civic Center Park area, aka The Lion’s Den. The air was ideal for a beatdown, and the ground was the perfectly saturated.
    Just before the workout began, First responders, including several police cruisers and an ambulance, rushed to the scene with their lights flashing. When they arrived a Police Officer, Officer grabbed a 10-pound maul and approached the door of a temp building with determination. He raised the maul high above his head and brought it down with a loud crash multiple time. Unable to help and wanting to stay out of the way, the Pax continued with their workout.

    Warm-O-Rama:

    The usual stuff

    The Thang:

    The workout kicked off with wind sprints between the sidewalks in front of the Civic Center. We completed two rounds of sprints, planks in between. This served as a groundwork for the challenging exercises ahead. Additionally, the ground was the perfect level of wet for my Choco sandal theory to be tested. YHC successfully avoided soggy sox by utilizing this footwear method. Unfortunately, planks were kind of awkward.

    Next, we made our way over to Aslan for a musical workout with “Ain’t No Grave” by Molly Skaggs. We performed Grave Diggers with burpee on the “down” and SSH on the interlude (“if you walk out of the grave…”). This was a great test of our endurance as we pushed ourselves to dig deep and keep moving. It also gave us a great view of what seemed to be the most action the TPD has seen in years.

    We then returned to the sidewalks for another round of wind sprints, this time with 4 rounds and a plank break between each. The Pax paused for a brief prayer for the emergency situation that was occurring nearby.

    Afterward, we moved to the bridge for a round of 11’s. This included overhead presses and goblet squats in round 1. Followed by kettlebell swings and BBSUs with the coupon in round 2. The coupon mosey back to Aslan was a welcome break before the final challenge.

    The last challenge was a true test of our intelligence with a game of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” with two teams. Correct answers meant a quick plank and incorrect answers meant 5 BBSUs. With questions ranging from history to science and everything in between, this was a fun and challenging way to end the workout.

    In conclusion, today’s workout was a true test of our physical and mental toughness, and I’m proud of everyone who stepped up to the challenge. The Pax of F3 Thibodeaux are grateful for the first responders who showed up this morning to help someone in need. They were a true testament to the bravery and dedication of those who serve and protect their communities. Until next time, stay strong and keep pushing yourselves!

    COT:

    • Count-O-Rama • Name-O-Rama • Announcements • Prayer Requests

    PS:

    IF you lift1 coupon with 2 hands and 2 toddlers with one hand, then you might be a Thibodaux PAX.
    If you typically spend your 10 count saying “ I used to be able to do that when I was younger” then you might be Yankee Joe.

  • HIIT Me With Your Best Shot (Part 1) – from Yankee Joe

    An incredible 10 PAX hiit The Stage on a brisk, gloomy Thursday morning. When preparing for the beatdown, YHC struggled with themes and/or purposeful routines that would best serve the PAX. Every time I got close to hiiting on an idea, I would hiit a brick wall. It was frustrating. As of late, with all of the talk of TuesdayTuff and Thursday Thoroughbred, and Saturday Samsonite (Samsonite? I was wayyyy off), YHC was unsure of where the spirit of F3 Thibodaux was heading. It felt like something was missing. Don’t get me wrong…I think our PAX is hiiting on all cylinders, but personally, I was missing something. Then, while doing interval sprint training for the marathon I’ll never run, it hiit me. If you haven’t figured it out by now, you should probably go hiit the Dad Joke chat rooms on the world wide web.

    Still nothing? For the love of Goats…YHC needed more workouts known as high intensity interval training or HIIT. These workouts consist of “climbing” the hill with slower, more powerful aerobic exercises, followed by multiple, all out maximum effort “sprints” for a short duration of time. With aerobic (meaning, “with air”) workouts, we can supply enough oxygen for our bodies to produce the energy needed. Anaerobic (literally, “without air”) requires energy production without the necessary supply of oxygen. This is why we can only do these all out “sprints” for short durations, generally less than two minutes. With aerobic exercises, demand matches supply. That is, the oxygen needed matches the oxygen provided. With anaerobic exercises, the supply does not come close to matching demand. Gone, but not forgotten, John Maynard Keynes. Boom goes the dynamite.

    ANNNYYway, this is partly due to my most recent cult membership, Whoop. Perhaps, I’m in better shape, but beatdowns are barely getting me above a “strain” of 8. I have no idea if that actually means anything, but the Whoop app then tells me, “going above 16.6 will promote fitness gains.” I’m like, “promote fitness gains?!? I just freakin’ nurred a mile and tossed a cinder block 73 feet, all while pretending that “Lil Jon” is a visionary lyricist.

    In the words of Peter Griffin, “that’s enough, Nickleback.” YHC decided it’s time for the F3 “Herman Munster. I’m taking it back like Robin Locksley, rockin’ from countryside to spots where hard rocks be.”

    I often wonder if these Pax know how it feels
    to dedicate their whole lives to these abs of steel.
    It’s not about the guns,
    that’s not keepin’ it real.
    A lot of yoked up bros, they ain’t got no zeal.

    I say, let’s take it back to the concrete crews,
    original beatdowns with hard ass Q’s.
    With Paradox tactics, no Montana farting sack tricks.
    Like YHC yak sick,
    just keepin’ it Goose-y-tastic.

    I’m not trying to say my beatdowns are better than yours.
    I’m just on some other Stage.
    I’m all about the planks and the cadence.
    So when I deal it, you get snarky.
    The vibe is energized by my tadpoles being larky.

    Thanks for the cadence, Jurassic 5… (see Concrete Schoolyard…and you’re welcome)

    ANNNYYway, yes, yes, I created a HIIT beatdown is what I’m trying to say.

    We started out with a typical warm-up, adding in some additional broga stretches (i.e cat-cow’s) because it was going to get nasty. However, for YHC, the most unnerving element of the warm-up wasn’t the snarky 9 PAX around me. It was that those 9 snarky PAX around me weren’t talkin’ smack. There was virtually no mumblechatter. YHC even encouraged it to no avail. Did they know? Did they feel what was coming? Did they not care? Or worst of all, did they not think YHC could handle the chatter? It threw me off my game to be honest. YHC was just grateful to have Fencepost as a partner throughout. My guy has crazy, stoic strength and never seems to even breathe hard.

    ———————————–

    That said, we moved into a pre-thang of:

    – 100 SSH’s (I’m now realizing how inconsiderate of me this was re: Enron’s ankle…penalty burpees for me)

    – 15 triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees (inspired by Steve via Goose)

    – 4 P2J2s (alternative name: Piccadilly Dilly’s) – pickle pounders (x4), peter parkers (x4), j-los (x4), jacks of the plank variety (x4) = 1 rep

    – Recovery bumper mosey

    Still no audible chatter, save the affirming gut chuckle from Goose when the triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees were rolled out. Even Cardinal was seemingly kind and tolerant of YHC’s misplaced anger issues. I mean, seriously, I appreciate the genius of John Cleese and the Month Python crew, but you invest nearly two hours anxiously anticipating the discovery of the Holy Grail. Then, the fourth wall is obliterated and the suspension of disbelief succumbs to a sad and cheeky death.

    ————————————

    HIIT Thang #1 (We only made it through one thang. The sequel coming to a Peltch near you.)

    – Partner 1 did 25 goblet squats, while P2 held Al Gore; Flapjack
    – Partner 1 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P2 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 (This was BRUTAL. Elbows, knees, hips, ankles, pelvic regions all screaming in terror)
    – 50 Bonnie Blair’s 1:1 at sidewalk, both partners together

    – Partner 2 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P1 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 back to Stage
    – 25 imperial squat walkers 1:1, both partners together

    —————————————-

    Then, 30 sec speed intervals (as many reps as possible in 30 seconds)

    – Groiners
    – Squat jumps
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bobby Hurley’s
    – Recovery pyramid suicides (5 yards, 15, 25, 40, 25, 15, 5)
    – 400 meter fast mosey

    —————————————

    Mary Bolt’s
    5 minutes; 30 sec speed intervals (get it…ab work…sprints…Mary…Bolt…oh nevermind)

    – LBCs
    – Flutters
    – LBCs
    – Hello Dolly’s
    – LBCs
    – Pickle pounders
    – J-Lo’s

    COT and Lil’ Cuz’s neck prayed us out.

    Doing the exercises is one thing. Going after it like each of you did today is a whole ‘nother level. Thank you for raising the bar for me every beatdown.

    SYITG,

    IM3 – Yankee Joe

  • A Taste of Tuesday – from Enron

    The Stage was set with an unexpectedly larger amount of rain than forecasted coming down in the darkness, making it feel necessary to give the PAX that can’t make it to Tuesday’s beatdowns a little taste of what it’s like. Additionally, after missing this week Tuesday Tough beatdown, YHC was ready to step up the action for Thorsday. “Yankee Joe, stop trying to make Thorsday happen, it’s not going to happen”. Anticipation increased upon hearing the night prior that Cardinal would be making his triumphant return to action from injury. And after receiving medical clearance from Paradox’s wife, a new pair of Nike Pegasus’, and listening to him give a 10-minute speech on why we should all be in attendance for the beatdown today, along with some EHing on the Groupme, and side texts. Cardinal … fartsacked. Resulting in disappointment that resonated all the way to Chackbay. Thus, later nominating him for fartsack of the year at the inaugural Thibby awards. In other fartsack discussion, after YHC requested for Paradox to bring JBL, he was nowhere to be found. Resulting in a potential allegiance shift to another speaker along with some last-minute changes to today’s routine. Although it felt like we were missing quite a few familiar faces including the mentioned absences above, the beatdown began with 7 PAX.

    PAX: Goose, Superfun(d), Lil’ Cuz, Paradox, Piccadilly, Fence Post, and much later, Kilo

    Warmup: The usual minus a bumper mosey

    Thang 1:

    The Burpee Mile:

    1 mile run through rich man’s loop stopping every quarter mile. Each stop was the following:

    1) 20 burpees
    2) 15 burpees
    3) 10 burpees
    4) 5 burpees

    The burpee mile was tough enough to make YHC appreciate the rain that was coming down steadily at this point.

    Thang 2:

    DORA 1-2-3

    Partner up and grab 1 coupon per pair:

    100: Partner 1: Overhead presses
    Partner 2 : carioca to the sidewalk and back and flapjack with your partner taking over on the count to 100
    After the first set, Goose (aka the Paxville Grinch), was feeling so strong that he grunted and slammed the coupon to the ground shattering it to pieces, intimidating the remaining PAX before quickly carioca’ing into the dark and rain.
    Next, out of the dark rainy gloom from a vehicle never seen before by any of the PAX, and most likely repossessed from a previous job, Kilo arrived and jumped right into the work.

    200: Partner 1: Coupon Curls
    Partner 2: Nur to the sidewalk and back, flapjack until 200 is reached

    300: Partner 1: SSH
    Partner 2: 1st round – lunge walk down mosey back, round 2 bear crawl down mosey back, rinse and repeat

    Thang 3: This is where a great song was planned on being played but will have to be forced into another beatdown in the future due to the lack of a consistent audio source.

    Thinking quickly, the dice from YHC’s custom F3 Christmas present from his M were presented. Until time was called (about 8 minutes). The PAX alternated rolling the dice while Siri called out random numbers 1-30 for the amounts of the exercise printed on the dice.

    COT and Lil Cuz prayed us out. Thankful for all the guys that came out and toughed it out in the rain this morning.

    SYITG,

    Enron

  • Sir Pax-A-Lot – from Yankee Joe

    The power sub-station is down. It could be hours before power is restored. It typically takes me three hours to write a back blast regardless of quality. My laptop has about an hour of battery life remaining. This will be the biggest challenge of my F3 career. Bring it.

    It is final exam week, and I am desperately treading water in an ocean of incompetent student essays, projects, and presentations. With every group presentation, I further doubt my own competence as an instructor. How did I fail them so completely? From this group of poor victims, comes interactions that make every painful moment worthwhile. I offer some real gems below:

    Presentation Q&A Example 1:

    – YHC: In what ways did Covid-19 impact the supply chain logistics within the automobile industry?

    – Student: Great question. To be honest, we can say that the supply chain was totes jacked up. In fact, I’m pretty sure the expression, “off the chain” came from this issue.

    – (YHC Internal Monologue): Well crap, it was indeed totes jacked up. I know this did not spawn the term, “off the chain”…right? I don’t even know what’s real anymore.
    —————–
    Presentation Q&A Example 2:

    – YHC: You mention that customers in China had trust issues with the company’s distribution channels?

    – Student: Totally. The products were all warehoused in the U.K.

    – YHC: Ok. What was the issue with products being warehoused in the U.K.?

    – Student: I mean, it’s a bunch of college students running the company?

    – (YHC Inner Monologue): Oh…oh no. No, no, no…She thinks that “UK” stands for University of Kentucky. Oh God…what do I do? Keep a straight face, keep a straight face. It’s too late for her. I can’t help. This is not the hill.

    – YHC: GO Wildcats!
    ——————
    Presentation Q&A Example 3 (and my absolute favorite so far):

    – YHC: You talk about the challenges of Starbucks entering the Indian market? Why was market entry so difficult?

    – Student: Well, it seems that they didn’t really have the right equipment and gear.

    – YHC: Explain

    – Student: Well, as you know, the northern border of India has the Himalayan Mountains, which make entering the country really hard.

    – YHC: (stares at student)

    Student: (stares at YHC)

    – YHC: (realize that student isn’t kidding)

    – Student: They’re really high mountains.

    – YHC: (long pause) Welp…sounds good to me! Moving on to the next question.
    ——————-
    What does all this have to do with a beatdown? Per usual, it is a very weak connection, but if I am good at anything, it’s forcing a square peg in a round hole. I use Backblasts for cathartic journaling as much as…well that’s it actually. Does anyone really read these things? If yes, post your favorite meme from The Office.

    7 Pax at the Stage. It’s been awesome as of late. The addition of Fence Post has raised the bar and the regs keep it consistent. Montana’s newly styled Sumo bun is looking on purnt! It was 43 degrees. As mentioned in prior blasts, YHC is not a tough guy when it comes to cold. The wind was blowing. I, with my tights and hooded sweatshirt felt very weak next to Enron in his shorts and short sleeves.
    —————-
    Warmarama
    – SSH – 30 ct until YHC felt some blood moving
    – Windmills that YHC thought were arm circles
    – Grass Grabbers w/ the Clap so YHC could feel like the NOLA PAX
    – Finally, real arm circles, but YHC forgot to call out the exercises
    – Some high knees, some Derricks…maybe (taken from the now famous Enron Re-VQ)
    – And a Mosie

    (now that I’m writing it down, it was pretty much the worst Warmarama since Montana)
    —————-
    ON to the Thangs…No real theme except that YHC misses IPC like the deserts miss the rain.

    The Beatdown: Sir Pax-A-Lot (three-part thang)

    AKA: 30-60’s – 20-40’s – 30-60’s (You’d get it if you had it goin’ like a turbo ‘Vette.)
    —————
    Set up:
    cones in a square of 20-yard sides. PAX moves starts at the lower left corner, then moves to the upper left corner, then diagonally to the lower right corner, then to the top right corner, finally diagonally to the lower left corner.
    ——————
    Round 1: 30 – 60 (transport – bear crawl)
    – 30 merkins
    – 60 arm raises
    – 30 Carolina dry docks
    – 60 seal jacks
    – 400 m run
    ———————-
    Round 2: 20 – 40 (transport – lunge walks)
    – 20 leg thrusters
    – 40 prisoner squats
    – 20 Bonnie Blair’s the hard way 2:1
    – 40 side to sides 1:1
    – 400 m run

    **the Bonnie B’s following the lunges, following the prisoner squats, following the leg thrusters suuuuuucked!
    ———————–
    Round 3: 30 – 60 (transport – crab walk)

    The subordina…er, I mean, chatter really picked up here. Goose had “so many questions” and Cardinal kindly reminded YHC that only 12 minutes remained. Montana announced 4:1 flutters equaled 120 (all by hisself too!). Enron questioned the exercise in general, forgetting the vendetta YHC had on he and Goose from a couple weeks ago…nobody can remember about what though.

    – 30 flutters 4:1
    – 60 low plank leg lifts 1:1
    – 30 Poppin Dollys (hello dolly followed by 90 degree leg lift)
    – 60 J-lo pickle gobblers 1:1 (J-Lo then two pickle pounders = 4 ct)
    – 400 m run

    ** I still can’t figure out how Cardinal so effortlessly glides through a crabwalk. YHC tried to keep up, which resulted in a muddy backside. I think he’s tired of hearing about it. Seriously, just let a playa’ play.
    ———————-
    Not Mary

    – We did something…whatevs…this ain’t even my whole day
    – Lastly, we did three level push-ups (up à quarter merkin hold, up à half merkin hold, up à full merkin hold; same thing down, BUT no hold at the bottom, which was a huge missed opportunity. That said, Enron was doing the wide arm mission impossible to hold the WHOLE DANG time at the bottom. I was very impressed…Enron was very pissed. My B.

    COT

    Goose prayed us out.

    Not my best work fellas, but I appreciate you powering through and raising the bar with every beatdown.

    Ooohh…the power just came on. Time to hear more inspiring presentations.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • Butterball Flight School – from Yankee Joe

    First things first. At 11:50 am yesterday, YHC hopped on the phone with Goats in the Machine. In the background, I could hear his 2.0, Sonic, playing. Or at least I thought he was playing. Goats, as the de facto PE coach, was actually running Sonic back and forth across their two acres. “Take another lab, bud. Goood. Yep. Keep going. Keep goingggg. To the tree and back…the far tree way, way over there. Good job.”

    This gave us a few moments to talk. Goats had an idea to raise money from the Pax to purchase a bicycle for a child in need. Better than that, he wanted to bake it into a beatdown. Even better than that, he wanted to take over YHC’s Thursday Q and run his own. Even more betterer than that, this would be his VQ! We got off the phone at 12:03 pm. By 1 pm, he had created his plan and shared it with the Pax. By 1:15pm, he had his Venmo ready. By 1:45 pm, there were enough donations to buy one bike. By 4pm, enough for four bikes, by 7pm enough for 12 bikes, and by 5am this morning, enough for 16 bikes. Y’all when this guy gets an idea, the Southern Goats Express is rolling through and rolling fast. You better get on board or take a powder and kick rocks (aka..get the heck out of the way). After getting a glimpse of his pre-blast VQ, we are in for a deliciously brutal treat!
    ————–

    That’s a tough act to follow, but on to the beatdown.

    A record seven PAX showed up at the Stage. 44 degrees, but the chill factor had ebbed since the day before, so YHC was whining far less audibly. Thanksgiving is a holiday that often gets overshadowed by Christmas (the commercial, Santa version), like an underwhelming opening act to the main event. As such, we often forget to take a moment to be thankful as we head into the true season of celebrating our Savior.

    As my children adorably sang Thanksgiving songs during their Pre-K performance last week, one verse stuck out to me:

    “I’m a little pilgrim on the run, here is my knife and here is my gun. When I go a-hunting, hear my shout – Deer and turkey better watch out!”

    Cute, if not a tad unnerving. I pondered about what the turkey thought about all this? I asked myself, who will speak for the Turkey? I’ll tell you who…the men of F3 Thibodaux. And the only way to do that is to think like a turkey, sound like a turkey, move like a turkey, and fly like a turkey.

    Wait…can turkeys fly? Ahhh…and thus our beatdown was birthed.

    Warmarama with the regs, followed by a bumper mosey.

    Then, YHC began the beatdown with the following beatdown intro:

    “Today, we’re all a bunch of turkeys. But I’m proud of that fact. There are haters everywhere. They say that we’re delicious. They mock us saying gobble gobble. Who even says that? Their kids trace their hands on construction paper and slap some feet on them and say, “Look mommy, I made a turkey.” Like it’s a genuine Turcasso. Sorry kid, your teacher found the turkey hand template online because she’s bored and doesn’t like her job. However, she is worried (or pissed) that you use so much dang Elmer’s glue when all you need is a dot. Just a dot. Seriously. But I digress.

    I could deal with all of this if it weren’t for the worst thing. They say we can’t fly. Bobby Joe and Jessie Pearl call us flightless birds. Flightless! Oh yeah, Bubba Sue, how the hell did I get up in this tree? Well, I say horsefeathers. They think they’re the cat’s pajamas, drinking all that giggle juice. Well, I say they don’t know their onions. Until now, we’ve made a right pig’s ear of things. But that ends now. Today, we will show them a thing or two about a thing or two. We’re going to learn to fly. Welcome to Butterball Flight Academy.”
    ————-
    Lesson 1: Arm and Leg Warm-up
    To the tune of “Learning to Fly” by Tom Petty, these parakeets did:

    – 1st verse – Imperial walkers; Refrain – Merkins
    – 2nd verse – seal jacks; Refrain – Merkins
    – Bridge – chill
    – 3rd verse – squats; Extended refrain – Merkins
    (potential total for 95 merkins)
    ————-
    Lesson 2: Coordination and Flight Training

    – Tie Fighters modified with forward arm circles through lunges
    – Lunge walk to sidewalk (approx. 30 yards)
    – Jungle Boi’s X20 (at this point, YHC was questioning his…well everything)
    – Backward tie fighter mods – BACs during backward lunges to start point
    (half way through, YHC called an audible to change Bonnie Blairs to a 1:1 ratio)
    Bonnie Blairs x20
    ————-
    Lesson 3: You Must Focus. You Must Think Like a Crane, not a Turkey.
    To the tune of “You’re the Best” from Karate Kid (Part 1, of course), these flamingos did:

    – 1st verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 2nd verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – Bridge – chill (YHC forgot that we were supposed to be doing speed humpers); Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 3rd verse – Arm raises; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    (By the end, it is impossible to describe whatever the hell any of us were doing. They weren’t crane kicks.)
    ————-
    Intermission: You can only push a bunch of turkeys so far without giving them some reward. So, we took a break and like any good family thanksgiving, we had a pot-luck Mary session. (Poppin Dolly’s were not included.)

    – Montana: V-ups
    – Fence Post: LBC’s (we were all thankful)
    – Kilo: Penguins
    – Goats: Protractor leg raises (20, 45, and 90 degrees) – one of the many advantages of having an engineer in the PAX
    – Goose: Box cutters
    – Enron: I can’t remember. Maybe Big Boy’s? I’m sorry, buddy. I can be such a turkey sometimes.
    – YHC: Flutter kicks – 4 COUNT – but I was actually doing a 5 count. Goose and Enron graciously corrected me. Then I graciously began planning their punishment.

    The Q is not always right, but he is NEVER wrong.
    ————–
    Lesson 4: We Fly!

    – Sprint to sidewalk with tucked wings, intermittently screeching “gobble, gobble.”10 big boys sit ups
    – Nur sprint back with tucked wings
    – Sprint to farthest cone, 10 BBS, Nur sprint back
    – Sprint to second farthest cone, 10 BBS, Nur sprint back
    – Sprint to third farthest cone, 10 BBS, Nur sprint back
    (Thank you Goats and Montana for your enthusiastic gobbling.)
    —————
    Lesson 5: Stabilizers

    Our wings are curved, our tail feathers are straight up, our bones are dense. We are fluffy, not fat. As such, our last lesson dealt with an oft overlooked facet of turkey flight training…stabilizers.

    To the tune of Gobble Gobble (by Matthew West…it’s a good one), these cockatoos engaged in a combination of low plank holds, J-Lo’s (low plank, alternate hips touching ground), and the newest Thibodaux Pax fad, the pickle pounder (low plank with hip thrust down and up).

    Together, the J-Lo’s and the Pickle Pounder are called the ARod’s. But for obvious reasons, this name is no longer appropriate. For the consideration of F3 Thibodaux and Nation, I offer the J-Lo Pickle Gobbler. It’ll catch on.

    – 1st verse – low plank
    – J-Lo on gobble gobbles
    – Refrain – pickle pounders
    – 2nd verse – low plank
    – J-Lo gobble gobbles
    – Extended Refrain – pickle pounders
    (By the end of the extended refrain, Montana, Kilo, and Fence Post were all calling out YHC. I was gassed, flat on the ground, moving my hips from side to side. I believe the term “wounded walrus” was suggested.
    ————–
    Encore! 90 seconds remaining

    YHC deliberated with great pains on which Karate Kid song to use for the Crane Kick lesson. It came down to “You’re the Best” and “Glory of Love.” The former won out by virtue of faster cadence.

    So, to the tune of “Glory of Love,” we held Al Gore for the first verse (about one minute) and ended the last 30 seconds in mission impossible plank. In a vulnerable moment, Goose shared that this was the first song to bring him to tears as a child. I can tell you that YHC has never felt so seen.
    ————–
    COT and YHC prayed us out. As always, I am thankful for F3, the men of the Thibodaux Pax, and most of all the values that we share and espouse to the community. Thank you Goats for bringing those values front and center as we head into this season of gratitude and humility.

    SYITG and Gobble Gobble,

    Turkey Joe

  • Skid Marks – from Goose

    I know, that’s two backblasts in a row from YHC with a toilet humor theme–I may or may not be working on a streak here.

    YHC has been yearning to take advantage of the random brick piles strewn about the neighborhood construction sites, and there was a particular exercise routine I remember both hating and marveling over from my time on the Northshore. This seemed the perfect morning to pull it out of the bag.

    After a warmup of the usual exercises and mumblechatter topics (including Goats’s late night GroupMe activity followed by a fartsack), we moseyed to the corner at the beginning of Rich Man’s Loop where we usually stop so the exercise can be both explained and groaned about.
    For the first Thang the PAX were just told that we’d be bear crawling to the next light post and then given further instructions. YHC didn’t notice that Yankee Joe hadn’t heeded the glove recommendation–what was to be a bit of a rough morning began for him at that point–that pavement’s got some wicked grooves. At the time, though, he thought, “Surely this is why he recommended gloves, but whatever–a little bear crawl never hurt nobody.” YHC could smell his thoughts, and they stunk of misplaced confidence, so I responded with thoughts of my own: “Don’t call me Shirley.”

    The next lightpost distance would be traversed via THE crab walk. All eyes were on Cardinal to see what kind of technique or mental prowess he employed to smoke everyone so completely and consistently. He did not disappoint as he completed the entirety of Rich Man’s Loop twice before even one of us had made it halfway to the next light post. And no one could evaluate his form because when you crab walk, you face backward. There was plenty of time, though, to make educated guesses: maybe it’s his arm to spine length ratio? his red hair? the grace of ordination? his youth? helium bags hidden in that sweatshirt? crab-derived steroids? Regardless, his prowess didn’t seem to be limited to just the crab walk this morning. Some leftover Q-drenaline, or maybe the lead-drenaline was kicking hard, and he would not be beaten for most of the light post transports.

    The next two posts were side shuffles (right-facing, then left facing) mostly so YHC could have a few seconds to get his courage up for the next two…

    The next light post was traversed via 44’s: 4 bear crawl steps and 4 merkins in turns all the way there.
    Wet Tap had graciously joined The Stage crew this morning, and this is where he made his presence known (not surprisingly). YHC is pretty convinced that he walked on his hands growing up and did push-ups continuously during class while his schoolmates sat in desks. (“I just learn better that way.”)

    After this, we switched the number “44” around to make it “44”: this time with crab walks and whatever you call the exercise where you do basically a standing, full extension wife pleaser. So, in crab position, you do like a mini dip (butt hits the ground) followed by a wife pleaser fully off the ground. 4 crab walk steps to 4 of those.
    This, again, was brutal for everyone who wasn’t Cardinal, especially since some sort of breach in the space time continuum caused the next lightpost to keep getting farther away and the one we just left to follow us like a puppy.

    Next post was The Groucho Walk, which was a pretty unique, dizzying experience in a tight group of 8 large men. The comparisons to West Side Story and the Anchorman rumble scene were the perfect distraction from the deep quad/groin burn.

    We ended this routine with one more interval of nurring before moseying, not back to the flag, but to the brick pile.

    Thang 2: S**t Brick Sliders

    YHC was first introduced to this routine by Crawfish from F3 Birmingham(?) when he made a cameo at Granny’s on the Northshore about three years ago. It was so creative and ridiculous and hard that it stuck in my head, and I’ve been doing the typical “avoiding it/can’t wait to try it again” dance.

    YHC mysteriously grabbed two bricks from the pile and led the mosey backtracking to the dead end in the middle of the loop (to the right after the long east/west straightaway where the burpee station was for the SV500), which will heretofore be known as “The Dead End of Solace” because of how pretty that area is, and because the 44’s were over. Montana felt the need to mention aloud that he would not willingly participate in any breaking and entering, and Enron actually agreed to take part in any revenge based activities that might be planned.

    Instead, each PAX, one at a time, took the two bricks, placed them on the ground, and pushed them down the street, driving with the feet and having to stay low because of the friction, and leaving red, stinky skid marks all the way to the manhole cover about 25 yards away. Before starting, each PAX would assign the rest of the group an exercise to complete AMRAP until they returned, and upon their return, each PAX would comment, “That’s harder than it looks!” Seriously, I think we heard that four times.

    We ended with all PAX running to grab two bricks apiece and lining up so we could all do it one more time together. Enron got off to an impressive start but face planted after the right brick caught a mud spot, though he still finished first after a solid recovery. Not much pride earned by any of the PAX on that last one, but the marks of our immense efforts will remain. At least until Wednesday when it’s scheduled to rain.

    Moseyed back to the flag for LBC’s and flutters, COT, and Paradox prayed us out. It was an awesome morning–definitely one that brought the PAX together and made YHC grateful for time with this crew! Very much looking forward to a Goats VQ on Thursday!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Fartlek: It’s a Swedish Word, You Juveniles – from Goose

    YHC pulled up earlier than usual to an empty parking lot with some distant hopes that the beatdown that I created last night might actually be avoided. But, Enron drove in only seconds later followed closely by Fence Post, so I pulled up my big boy pants and stepped out into the cold.
    Enron was in his typical warm weather gear, and Fence Post was following suit, though we still had a solid 7 minutes to wait to see if Goats would make good on last night’s commitment. So, despite the warm mumblechatter, these two scantily clad men were shivering as 5:30 slowly arrived. Slag was thrown on Goats for not showing after talking it up again, and the warmup began with the usuals.
    Then, quite unexptectedly, just before the high knees and butt kicks, Goats actually showed up–he had been wrestling muddy dogs, otherwise he would have even been on time. So, it would be four of us after all.

    Thang 1: Fartlek
    So, Burpee is a guy’s last name–the exercise has nothing to do with burping, and any association is purely coincidental. Fartlek is a Swedish word that means “speed play”, and it has nothing to do with licking farts. Any association is purely inappropriate, so stop thinking about it. What are we, 7th graders? You can’t even lick a fart anyway, it’s gas. You want to argue about that? What would you do to test it, pinch your nose and waggle your tongue around in the air? It wouldn’t work, so cut it out. I’m trying to write a decent, mature backblast here. “Fart lick” sounds like an insult from a late 80’s/early 90’s movie, and I would hope we’re beyond that now. It could also be an F3 name for an FNG who’s a big runner, but that would be distasteful and rude. (I guess a gas could technically be frozen quickly into a solid at some ridiculously low temperature, but I can’t imagine the effect that would have on your tongue, or your rectum, so just stop it.)

    A Fartlek is basically a training routine for runners to increase speed and endurance by varying your speed at different intervals while continuing to run. So, this morning, we would run the mile around Rich Man’s Loop and and through the townhouses for a full Fartlek mile, sprinting from every third to fourth light post and jogging the rest. Goats and Fence Post were none too excited, but they kept up much better than they expected, both showing massive improvement over the last few weeks.

    Thang 2: Lt. Dan
    Since we’ve had so much focus on upper body recently, YHC decided we needed a good leg shredder, so after Fartling, I mean Fartlicking, no, leking, we would throw down on some Lt. Dans. (“But, Lt. Dan, you ain’t got no legs.”). Starting at the edge of the concrete with one squat and two lunge steps, then 2:4, then 3:6, we made our way past the benches and to the street and back continuing to add one squat and two lunge steps up to about 12:24.
    At this point, the legs were dead, so it was time to get back to the upper body.

    Thang 3: More Than a Feeling
    YHC cranked (after a few tries) the song “More Than a Feeling” by Boston. PAX held high side planks (with opposite hand in the air) during the verses (alternating on each verse) and during the refrain, held two-handed high plank and did merkins for every “more than a feeling.” And, more than a feeling it certainly was.

    Jumped up on The Stage (a.k.a. “The Bird Bathroom”) for 15 L-Leg Step-ups (it had been a while since we did legs), 15 Irkins, 15 R-Leg Step-ups, and 15 Derkins.

    7 Minutes of Mary including Freddies, The Alphabet (uppercase), LBC’s, Wife Pleasers, and Penguins (nice and slow)

    COT and Fence Post prayed us out. Much gratitude for this awesome crew and for the men who were willing to enter into what looked on paper to be a stupid workout. We completed it because we got up early to do something hard together, and we’re now stronger for it. Honored to grow with you gents!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Make it STOP! – from Goose

    YHC rolled in at 5:28 after a wild goose chase at home trying to locate Anker, who had been commandeered by a gosling at some point yesterday and left in the garage. There were already five PAX gathered at the Stage, but YHC only had eyes for one: Yankee Joe. I had assumed he was still at home on IR, weeping into his cereal, so to see him out there with his shiny sweatshirt and shiny head, YHC quickly lost sight of the other PAX and embraced him like a a prodigal son. The rest were a bit indignant, like the older brother in the parable, but the Montana-led warmup and the late arrival of Goats quickly brought plenty enough distraction.

    Montana, having had his first free hit of Q-drenaline not too long ago, was predictably jonesing for more, and last night he was trying to find a way to get another hit ASAP. YHC agreed to let him Q the warmup and Mary this morning on the condition that he practiced his intros and cadences in the mirror for at least 30 minutes last night. It helped…a little.

    After a warmup of most of the usual, a bumper mosey, and plenty of mumblechatter, which Montana plowed through with admirable fortitude, it was time to STOP and STOP hard.

    The Thang: Love for the lonely STOP sign

    YHC recently observed that the STOP sign on the far side of the parking lot may as well not even be there. No one ever goes in that direction, except for YHC on the way home from beatdowns, so no one ever looks him in the eye (or the “O”). Well, this morning would be different. It was his day.

    Phase 1:
    PAX would complete 820 reps consisting of 8 different exercises for 100 reps and 2 sets of 10 8-count body builders in honor of his 8 even sides and his 2 characteristic colors. The eight exercises would start with the four letters of his name, in two sets.

    The first set–(including a run to go high five the STOP sign between each exercise)
    -Shoulder Taps x100 (1:1)
    -Toe Taps x100 (1:1) (plank position–one hand reach through and bring opposite foot up to tap)
    -Overhead Air Presses x100
    -Plank Jacks x100
    Seal the deal with 8-count Body Builders x10

    8-count rest from Montana, then the Second Set (also including the high-five run between each exercise):
    -Side Straddle Hops x100
    -Toe Touches x100 (warmup exercise: bend over straight-legged and touch toes, then up to touch waist, then hands up high and heel raise–all in fluid motion. Dizziness was a factor after about 75.)
    -One Hundreds x100 (Lazy Boy position with hands pointed down toward legs, and flutter hands 100 times)
    -Prisoner Squats x100 (that’s right–hands behind head and do squats, 100 times in a row)
    Another round of 8-count Body Builders x10 to get us to 820 total reps.

    Phase 2:
    Songs to honor the power and dignity of the word “STOP”.

    First, “Stop Your Sobbing” by the Pretenders: flutter kick position, and hold static, but flutter every time you hear the word “Stop” (over 40 times in a 2.5 minute song)

    Second, “Stop in the Name of Love” by The Supremes: Imperial Walkers for the duration, burpees on every “Stop” and “Think it over”.

    There was supposed to be a third, but we ran out of time because YHC’s cell service decided to crap out after the first song. Thankfully, Yankee Joe came to the rescue for the second song with his foreign device, which somehow was still able to connect to well-known services such as Spotify.

    We only had enough time for a couple of minutes of Mary, which was providential since we definitely didn’t get enough of Montana’s leadership and were jonesing for more. That insane two minutes of Mary made it clear that another Montana Q is an absolutely necessity ASAP, even if that means enduring sky bunny murder makers.

    Had a blast this morning, guys (and I’m already feeling the aftermath). Thanks for pushing through, and for the light-heartedness at the beginning of the day. Loved it and needed it!

    SYITG,
    Goose