A farmer with a wolf, a goat, and a cabbage must cross a river by boat. The boat can carry only the farmer and a single item. If left unattended together, the wolf would eat the goat, or the goat would eat the cabbage. How can they cross the river without anything being eaten?
YHC gave the PAX too much credit thinking this riddle was already familiar to most of them. Alas, these kids are products of always having the internet… all they know these days is skibidi toilets.
My generation had to busy ourselves with riddles and Lollapalooza. Now these guys are all like, “Oh, is this kombucha rizz?”
And
“Cusak is so obsessed with lookmaxxing thinking he’s gonna mog everyone else on the gram with his digital drip.”
And that’s why you couldn’t figure out the riddle, Montana.
Our riddle went like this:
You have 3 burdens to get across the River (between the sidewalks)
A bear (coupon)
A rabbit (coupon)
A bag of grain (coupon)
Same rules, you can only bring one burden at a time. And because the bear would eat the rabbit, or the rabbit would eat the grain, you can’t leave those two coupons alone.
MOT when moving the bear=block bear
MOT when moving the rabbit= murder bunny
MOT when moving the grain=Cusak (so it doesn’t get wet obvs.)
It’s a Dora, so partner will be doing
100 goblet squats
200 merkins
300 imperial walkers (1:1)
BUT FIRST: Cusak
PAX circled and listened to (who else?) Peter Gabriel. For the first half of the song, we’d run in place and curl on every “eyes.” Second half, we held Cusak (coupon overhead) and did overhead press on each “eyes.”
Uneventful, although when YHC asked the PAX to identify the language PG was spouting at the end, Goose confidently said “Swahili.”
Dox was so in awe of Goose’s ability to figure this out that YHC didn’t have the heart to tell him it was actually Wolof.
Can you imagine the heartbreak of learning your hero doesn’t even know the difference between eastern and western African languages?
And then we began the chaos that was The Riddle Dora. I have little idea what went down, but it seemed like most people were struggling mentally and physically, and I can’t ask for much more.
Upon completion, YHC kinda said, “ok, let’s run it back,” and some of us maybe reversed the process and went back across the river.
YHC finally called it, and we moved into the final thang:
F3 exicon trivia
Having finally convinced TeraVanilli to join the cul… er, free men’s workout, I thought it would be good to intro him to all the stupid names for stupid exercises we have. So to help remember the stupid names, I came up with a stupid trivia question for each one.
YHC named an exercise, and each man performed one, ring-of-fire style. Then I asked a question based on the name, and we did more for each wrong answer.
Dubbed by Doc “The Around the Horn Massacre,” we didn’t do a single proper ring of fire for any of the following:
Merkins: a merkin is a garment/accessory worn in what profession?
This first one went Around the Horn without a correct answer. YHC, in all his graciousness, accepted “porn” as a correct answer from TV.
Groiners: what TV bartender sang an awful rap that included the line “a groin injury”?
Goose called out “Moe” — incorrect, more groiners.
At this point, Dox was livid. “You skipped me! You skipped me!” Ok, sorry Dox, your turn.
“Moe!”
Still wrong. More groiners
Burpees: What Full Houser wrote and performed the song “The Burpin Chili Man?”
White Meat knew it. But he didn’t know “the annoying guy’s” name. Popeye nailed it. Teravanilli opined “isn’t it ironic?”
Big Boys: Big Boy is a restaurant chain featuring a mascot holding up what item?
Popeye nailed this one immediately.
LBCs: Little Boy is famously the name of what historical one-time use device?
Anthough my favorite answer of the morning, SV’s guess of “a condom?” Was not correct. HS correctly identified it as a nuke.
Goose augmented the name of the plane that carried Little Boy to something like the Esmerelda Gay.
Thrusters: Thrust is one of the four forces that act on an airplane. Name the other 3.
Unintentionally, Safety Valve’s turn had just passed. Dox was very happy with his answer “lift” until I repeated that I needed all 3 other forces. The question moved to Honeysuckle and around this time Dox took his stethoscope and went home.
HS got drag and then Goose or someone got weight. Probably should have given HS credit for gravity.
Apollo Ohnos: Apollo Creed was played by whom?
HS didn’t know Carl Weathers, but Goose did.
Bonnie Blairs: what does Bonnie mean in Scottish?
Goose knows all things Celtic.
Manmakers: The song “I’ll make a man out of you” pertains to which Disney Princess?
TeraVanilli’s turn, and because he likely knew every one of these answers except this one, it was perfect. Once opened up to the floor, several girl-dads knew it was Mulan.
Absolutions: Absolute zero is 0 degrees on what scale?
Back to Pope, who likely knew it but wanted to practice more absolutions so took a dive and said Farenheit. This set up Yankee Jeaux to improve his science score dramatically with the correct answer of Kelvin. It was later determined that this was coincidental, as White Meat had just asked him who was his cousin from East Saint Louis.
COT and JY prayed us out.
SYITG,
AB
