A beautiful Saturday morning at The Peltch welcomed six Pax to her warm yet menacing embrace. It was about to get real…like real real…not iron challenge real…but def second to last level, Fake Bowser real.
Still recovering from the St. Vincent 500 race deep in the swampy gloom of Thibodaux, LA, YHC spent last week painfully reflecting. Pulled by the mighty Enron through the latter half of the race, YHC had been front row to witness the unbelievable prowess of Tanked Up (respect) and Speedy Gonzalez (hate hate). YHC’s hopes had loomed large that morning at the stage. However, as Daft Punk so aptly put it, Tank was Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. Ego appropriately deflated, YHC could have simply been a good little 90’s Red Sox fan and said, “Just wait until next year.” BUT with only 364 days remaining until next year’s race, YHC broke the cycle and immediately began crafting a plan. After an honest assessment of that day, YHC identified two specific moments in the race from which he would never recover: 1) Dora’s with 150 Big Boy Sit-ups and 2) Burpees. Taking Saturday’s Q was the first step (or burp) toward glory.
By 7:30 am, each individual Pax had completed 285 merkins, 200 thrusters, 230 squats, 100 yards of crab walks, 100 yards of bear crawls, and 150 LBCs.
High Country Chatter:
– Welcome two new FNGs: Toe Loop and Pill Poppa!
– Bosé up in this piece
– Goats in the Machine making a bid for comeback pax of the year!
– Enron is apparently moonlighting at the AO in Lake Norman, NC, but then bailing to the wilderness.
– Paradox not only refrained from mentioning JBL, he was supportive and dare I say, friendly toward Bosé. Mark my words…there’s something sketch going on like keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.
– Montana (and also a legit Montaña) broke out 100 yards of crab walks like they were nuttin’.
– Kilo apparently can do 3,732 LBC’s without breaking a sweat…
– Percleator is pure machine from the waist down (enter Michael Scott)…c’mon, I’m talking about rocking 205 squats and nearly 4 minutes of Al Gore’s.
Warmarma:
Side straddle hops
Windmills
Wrist circles
Arm circles forward
Arm circles backward
Cherry pickers
Self love
Arm stretches
Imperial walkers
Grass grabbers
Mosie
Mini-Thang: Cotton Eyed Joe
– Hillbilly walkers; squat with side leg kicks on banjo; merkins on girl singing; rinse and repeat
Real Thang: Painful Reflections (with soundtrack)
Per YHC’s assessment, Burpees created some problems…so we dissected the problem and deconstructed the burpee.
Part 1: Deconstructed Burpee w/ crab walks
– 10 Squats, 10 leg thrusters, 10 Merkins, 10 leg thrusters, then crab walk 10 yards to opposite marker. Decrease reps by 1 each time until you get to 1 each. (110 thrusters; 55 merkins; 55 squats; 100 yds crab walk)
Also, Dora’s wreaked havoc, so we got lazy, but not really.
Part 2: Lazy Doras (no running, but jack up the pain)
– Partners perform 100 Merkins each (total 200), 200 LBCs as a team, and 300 Squats as a team.
– P1 started with Merkins while P2 planked, then switch until 200 merkins reached
– Then, P1 did LBCs while P2 performed a 6″ leg hold, then switch until 200 total.
– Finally, P1 did squats while P2 held Al Gore’s, then switch until 300 total.
Painful Reflections Playlist:
Crazy Train (Ozzy), Hells Bells (AC/DC), Another One Bites the Dust (Queen), Raise Your Hands (Bon Jovi), Enter Sandman (Metallica), Jump (Van Halen)
Real Real Thang: The Umpire Strikes Back (110 merkins total; 100 yards bear crawl)
Death Star, but set around a little league infield, base paths divided in segments.
– Pax started at home plate 10 merkins, bear crawl halfway to 1st base – 10 merks, bear crawl to 1st base – 10 merks
– BC halfway to 2nd base – 10 merks, BC to 2nd base – 10 merks
– BC halfway to 3rd base (that’s what she said) – 10 merks, BC to 3rd base – 10 merks
– BC one third of the way to home – 10 merks, BC to next third – 10 merks, BC to home – 10 merks (as Paradox reminded YHC that Tank was out there probably doing something harder)
– Finally, BC to pitcher’s mound – 10 merks
– Sprint to center field, wait for pax, then merkins until muscle failure (this last bit did not happen for some reason, but YHC was too gassed to notice)
Mosie back to the flag…er…the spot where the flag normally goes for COT. Montana prayed us out.
359 days until SV500 2023. But first, painful reflections followed by painfully righteous solutions.
I continue to be humbled by your fellowship. Thank you.
SYITG,
Yankee Joe
