30 years ago today: August 10, 1994.
Do you know where you were? Of course not, you were probably a preteen or a baby. But old man AB does. Lollapalooza, Raleigh, North Carolina. Green Day. The Beastie Boys. A Tribe called Quest. Smashing Pumpkins. George Clinton. The Breeders. Even Shaquille O’Neal.
Could this PAX even identify the music of these performers?
Probably not without Honeysuckle, and definitely not without Popeye.
The warmarama:
SSH, Abe Vigotas, mountain climbers, slow high knees, regular butt kicks, crazy arms circling whilst picking cherries, maybe something else.
The First Thang- Left my gas card in El Segundo:
Begin with a mosey down the road…
(YHC still clearly remembers casting off his mother’s suggestions to bring extra snacks and drinks for the journey. “Mom- it’s not the Oregon Trail. We can stop at any gas station if we need any of that.”
Unfortunately, 18-year old AB didn’t think to stop at a gas station for gas… and car no go without the gas.
It was a different time. It was the 90s.
No cellphones, no internet. Not a single luxury. So when you run out of gas on the interstate, you just … wait.)
So we stop on our mosey and just wait.
And just listen to A Tribe Called Quest (and another yet-to-be-identified band)
Hold Al Gore until you can’t anymore. Then hold plank until you can’t.
The 2nd Thang:
Boulevard of Broken Dreams
The girls spent too long getting ready, some of the crew wants to stay in the car a while longer, and the guy with IBS has to find a porta-potty immediately. The result of all this nonsense is missing almost all of Green Day’s set.
Because YHC is still a bit salty about that, the PAX gets to relive some of the frustration of traveling back and forth to the car before finally getting into the show.
11s
Start with one Bobby Hurley(at the gates) then run to do 10 no-cheat Merkins (at the car), then bear-crawl back to the start. Continue the process until the physical pain erases the emotional anguish.
3rd Thang:
A Brass Kicking
First song: Brass Monkey
(Like I said, it was a different time. The 90s were wild with songs normalizing questionable social practices).
Curls during the song, and monkey-humping goblet squats on each “monkey”
Followed by “Can I Kick it?”
Yes you can… flutter kick until you hear that question, then heels to heaven.
Final Thang: Again, Again, Again
The best and worst thing about Lollapalooza is all the music and all the stages. Here the PAX got to celebrate and lament moving between the stages.
4 stages (corners) escalator
Stage 1: 10 burpees
Run to
Stage 2: 10 burpees+20 BBS
Run to
Stage 3: 10 burpees+20 BBS+30 merkins
Run to
Stage 4: 10 burpees+20 BBS+30 merkins+40 air squats
About halfway through, the PAX flexed its music chops, as Popeye ID’d Kim Deal’s band The Breeders, then Honeysuckle the Album name, and Cardinal called out the year released (he was 1).
Then, sometime near the end of the escalator, Popeye made me question my memories, nay, my entire existence, insisting that the Beastie Boys surely didn’t play Sabotage at Lollapalooza ‘94.
But I SWEAR they closed with it. What was happening? At this point I was somewhere between burpee number 40 and my 112th merkin, so I was beginning to question everything. What if Puddle of Mudd IS my favorite 90s band? Am I actually a fan of Depeche Mode? Maybe I do enjoy omelets?!?!?
YHC was beyond confused, like Arnold Schwarzenegger at the end of Total Recall, or Joe Biden at the end of breakfast. “Who ate all my toast?”
Thankfully the beatdown was ending. I pushed Popeye’s ill communications from my mind and stumbled to the flag for COT.
Super-stoked to have Cardinal out there again, and honored to have him pray us out.
Always an honor to lead this group (and subject you to some of the Best American music history).
SYITG,
AB
