“There are two types of men in the world…Those men who fart and simply go on about their day…and then there are those who jealously guard their “silent but deadlies” like temporary super powers, strategically unleashing bombs on their children before ghosting. Of course, these two types…”
DUKE! What are you doing? That is not the bean footage I told you to roll! I swear, you partner up with Paradox, Montana, and Cardinal ONE TIME, and it all goes off the rails.
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Let’s try this again and let that lime flavor Shasta flow.
“Okay…There are two types of men in the world…Those who embrace technology and read eBooks, and those who swear they can still smell the ‘bookishness’ of a room.”
DUUUUKE! C’mon bro, this is serious. Also, I’ll have you know I can totally smell the bookishness of a room.
I’ll take it from here, Duke. What’s that? Well, I don’t care if Paradox gives you space for your “creative process” when writing his backblasts. Your one job is simple. Show up to the beatdown, pay attention to what the Q says, and don’t get sucked into the shenanigans of, let’s say for example, pharmaceutical sales reps and diocesan priests.
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(Turn cassette over to Side B)
So, YHC was really excited about this morning’s beatdown. It would be an exclusively partner workout filled with unique partner exercises. Lately, YHC has been researching the Exicon and YouTube for innovative partner routines.
Why is this worthy of mentioning? Well, I used to hate group or partner ‘anything’ before I got to F3. If you’re like YHC, when a project presented itself in the past, you either a) just wanted to get the job done without being bogged down or b) you were concerned you wouldn’t bring value to the table and thus bog others down. So it was with F3. I cringed every time the Q would say, “Partner up.”
Over the past two years, it is not an exaggeration to say that F3 has almost exclusively shifted this mindset, carrying over into my work, my social life, and even my marriage. These days, I can’t get enough of partner focused beatdowns.
That all said, It would appear that the partner beatdowns are trending across all Q’s during the past six or so months. I firmly believe this awesome PAX culture shift is due to the 2023 F3 Thibodaux Draft Class. It’s unparalleled. For perspective, I would argue the 1981 NFL draft class – Mike Singletary, Lawrence Taylor, Ronnie Lott, Howie Long, Rickey Jackson, Russ Grimm and Kenny Easley – is the best class of all time. Well, it doesn’t hold a candle to the 2023 F3 Thibodaux class. See list below.
2023 Draft Class (FNG Date):
– Baggins (January 9th)
– Smooth Operator (January 12th…crazy…feels like Smooth has been around for years!)
– AOL (January 19th)
– French Horn (February 7th)
– Prius (March 20th)
– Econoline (April 19th)
– Frank n’ Beans (May 13th)
– Shart’eh (July 1st)
– Michelin (June 15th)
– Honeysuckle (July 4th)
– America’s Best (July 11th)
– Bone Thug (July 18th)
– Safety Valve (July 29th)
– Dumbledore (August 10th)
Not to mention our badass Welcome Back Cotters, @GoldiloX and @Popeye
Nuff said! These men have dropped an atomic verve bomb right in the middle of the PAX, creating a core that I believe could hold its own anywhere in the country…except for maybe F3 Milwaukee…I mean how do you do burpees next to Lake Michigan with a -40 degree windchill?
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The Forecast:
11 PAX showed up to a surprisingly cool morning at The Lion’s Den. As mentioned prior, YHC was excited to share his partner exercise concoctions. Straight out the gate, however, trouble began. Across the Warmarama circle, Paradox’s IBS somehow took the Northwest Passage to his mouth. YHC responded with 30 cherry pickers. Didn’t phase him. Like not at all. I was optimistic though. That is, until Dox thrupled up with Montana and Cardinal. To be fair, YHC did not do a good job in accommodating any potential thruples. This is my fault, and I own it. That said, I had no idea of the intolerable…nay the mutinous repercussions that this oversight would have.
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The Setup:
There would be six rounds (we only got through four) with the following format. 1) partner transport from sidewalk to sidewalk (approx. 20 yards); 2) partner exercise; 3) partner transport back to start; 4) Dora with 100 reps of various exercises.
For music, there was a clear theme of “two” across the playlist with two additional songs from one of the greatest brotherhood movies of all time, “Stepbrothers.” In honor of that masterpiece, each team during the beatdown could yell out “Boats and Hoes.” That team could rest for 30 seconds, while the rest of the PAX sprinted to touch either a tractor or bucking milk cow with…balls (I have so many questions).
I should note that there were two tractors, one 40 yards away and one 10 yards away. The PAX were CLEARLY instructed to run to the far tractor (or cow), NOT the near tractor only 10 yards away. As would be expected, The Triage Trio of Tana, Dox, and Card, who were yapping during the instructions, ran to the nearby tractor. As a result, the rest of the PAX followed them and were thus robbed of precious moments to get stronger. Perhaps robbed of precious minutes from their very lives. Further evidence that mumblechatter not only hurts the perpetrator, but those around him as well. Chatter kills.
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The Thang:
Round 1
– P1 Piggy back P2 to sidewalk
– Partner derkins
– P1 elbow plank, P2 perpendicular to P1 with feet on P1 on upper back
– 30 derkins, Flapjack
– P2 piggyback P1 to start
Dora
– Bonnie Blair’s with bricks (2:1) 100 reps or each pax runs twice, whichever comes first
– P1 run to parking lot and back, Flapjack
Round 2
– P1 partner drag (backward holding P2 under armpits – or man breasts in Popeye’s case) to sidewalk
– Partner Nolan Ryans with back of hand high five x25 each side
– P1 and P2 both in high side plank, back to back; Flapjack
– P2 partner drag P1 to start
Dora
– Butterfly squats with bricks – 100 reps or each pax runs twice, whichever comes first
– P1 run to parking lot and back; Flapjack
Round 3
– Partner lunge to sidewalk
– Partner OHP Al Gore style
– P1 facing P2 crotch (pre-blast should ask PAX to wash ahead of time) with P2 ankles on shoulders
– In Al Gore – 25 OHP; Flapjack
– Partner lunge back to start
Dora
– Leg raises with bricks held out to side, full arm extension
– P1 run to parking lot and back; Flapjack
Round 4
– Partner synchronized Mario punches interlocking elbows to sidewalk
– Burpee high fives x 25
– Partner synchronized Mario punches interlocking elbows back to start
Dora
– J-Lo’s – 100 reps
– P1 run to parking lot and back; Flapjack
With four minutes remaining, the PAX circled up to do partner Mary. First, we did 20 (2:1) partner gas pumps (both PAX on six, butt to butt, holding hands by hips, and legs alternating sides with partner’s legs). We finished with 20 Partner plank jack shoulder taps (both PAX head to head in high plank, doing plank jacks in sync, while alternating tapping partner’s shoulder on each jack).
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T-Claps to Pope and Paradiddle for cruising through the beatdown like it was a stroll in the park. Huge shout out to YHC’s partner, @Popeye, who has now joined Enron in the “my back hurts from always carrying Yankee Jeaux” Club. Apologies to Popeye for the man boob assault during the backward partner drag. It hurt you more than it hurt me.
Goose and Piccadilly were methodical as always, plowing through the pain without a single complaint. You’re both heroes in my book. Same goes to Dumbledore and Honeysuckle (sorry about those fire ants, Suckle…yikes), who didn’t even seem to break a sweat. Then Honeysuckle ran home. Like I said…2023 Draft Class…one for the ages.
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Epilogue:
After dropping off one of YHC’s 2.0’s, I had the pleasure of grabbing a cup of coffee with @Montana. During that chat, we recapped how The Thwarted Thruple (Tana, Dox, Cardinal) made accommodations for each exercise. I’m here to tell you that what was described to me was nothing short of genius. In fact, YHC has already redesigned this morning’s beatdown sequel to be thruple focused. But still…how grown men gonna act like that?
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Have a Cup of Jeaux!
Drivers who neglect to pull up for a left turn epitomize incompetence. Their inability to grasp basic traffic flow patterns disrupts everyone behind them. Who are these people? I want to pull them over not to yell, but to ask questions. I just want to understand what it is that, in their minds, would justify such callous immorality and a complete disregard for civilized society.
Where can you find these monsters? That’s easy. Perhaps, the nation’s greatest example of this unscrupulous behavior is on full, incomprehensible display in Thibodaux…when trying to take a left on the bayou bridge at the corner of Canal and HWY 1, heading toward Nicholls.
Don’t tell me about traffic laws. As an American, it is my responsibility to defy any law that I deem corrupt and unethical. I mean, c’mon dude…just pull up five yards. We added the yellow light to street lights back in the 20’s. You’ll be fine.
SYITG,
(Damn) Yankee Jeaux
