An incredible 10 PAX hiit The Stage on a brisk, gloomy Thursday morning. When preparing for the beatdown, YHC struggled with themes and/or purposeful routines that would best serve the PAX. Every time I got close to hiiting on an idea, I would hiit a brick wall. It was frustrating. As of late, with all of the talk of TuesdayTuff and Thursday Thoroughbred, and Saturday Samsonite (Samsonite? I was wayyyy off), YHC was unsure of where the spirit of F3 Thibodaux was heading. It felt like something was missing. Don’t get me wrong…I think our PAX is hiiting on all cylinders, but personally, I was missing something. Then, while doing interval sprint training for the marathon I’ll never run, it hiit me. If you haven’t figured it out by now, you should probably go hiit the Dad Joke chat rooms on the world wide web.
Still nothing? For the love of Goats…YHC needed more workouts known as high intensity interval training or HIIT. These workouts consist of “climbing” the hill with slower, more powerful aerobic exercises, followed by multiple, all out maximum effort “sprints” for a short duration of time. With aerobic (meaning, “with air”) workouts, we can supply enough oxygen for our bodies to produce the energy needed. Anaerobic (literally, “without air”) requires energy production without the necessary supply of oxygen. This is why we can only do these all out “sprints” for short durations, generally less than two minutes. With aerobic exercises, demand matches supply. That is, the oxygen needed matches the oxygen provided. With anaerobic exercises, the supply does not come close to matching demand. Gone, but not forgotten, John Maynard Keynes. Boom goes the dynamite.
ANNNYYway, this is partly due to my most recent cult membership, Whoop. Perhaps, I’m in better shape, but beatdowns are barely getting me above a “strain” of 8. I have no idea if that actually means anything, but the Whoop app then tells me, “going above 16.6 will promote fitness gains.” I’m like, “promote fitness gains?!? I just freakin’ nurred a mile and tossed a cinder block 73 feet, all while pretending that “Lil Jon” is a visionary lyricist.
In the words of Peter Griffin, “that’s enough, Nickleback.” YHC decided it’s time for the F3 “Herman Munster. I’m taking it back like Robin Locksley, rockin’ from countryside to spots where hard rocks be.”
I often wonder if these Pax know how it feels
to dedicate their whole lives to these abs of steel.
It’s not about the guns,
that’s not keepin’ it real.
A lot of yoked up bros, they ain’t got no zeal.
I say, let’s take it back to the concrete crews,
original beatdowns with hard ass Q’s.
With Paradox tactics, no Montana farting sack tricks.
Like YHC yak sick,
just keepin’ it Goose-y-tastic.
I’m not trying to say my beatdowns are better than yours.
I’m just on some other Stage.
I’m all about the planks and the cadence.
So when I deal it, you get snarky.
The vibe is energized by my tadpoles being larky.
Thanks for the cadence, Jurassic 5… (see Concrete Schoolyard…and you’re welcome)
ANNNYYway, yes, yes, I created a HIIT beatdown is what I’m trying to say.
We started out with a typical warm-up, adding in some additional broga stretches (i.e cat-cow’s) because it was going to get nasty. However, for YHC, the most unnerving element of the warm-up wasn’t the snarky 9 PAX around me. It was that those 9 snarky PAX around me weren’t talkin’ smack. There was virtually no mumblechatter. YHC even encouraged it to no avail. Did they know? Did they feel what was coming? Did they not care? Or worst of all, did they not think YHC could handle the chatter? It threw me off my game to be honest. YHC was just grateful to have Fencepost as a partner throughout. My guy has crazy, stoic strength and never seems to even breathe hard.
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That said, we moved into a pre-thang of:
– 100 SSH’s (I’m now realizing how inconsiderate of me this was re: Enron’s ankle…penalty burpees for me)
– 15 triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees (inspired by Steve via Goose)
– 4 P2J2s (alternative name: Piccadilly Dilly’s) – pickle pounders (x4), peter parkers (x4), j-los (x4), jacks of the plank variety (x4) = 1 rep
– Recovery bumper mosey
Still no audible chatter, save the affirming gut chuckle from Goose when the triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees were rolled out. Even Cardinal was seemingly kind and tolerant of YHC’s misplaced anger issues. I mean, seriously, I appreciate the genius of John Cleese and the Month Python crew, but you invest nearly two hours anxiously anticipating the discovery of the Holy Grail. Then, the fourth wall is obliterated and the suspension of disbelief succumbs to a sad and cheeky death.
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HIIT Thang #1 (We only made it through one thang. The sequel coming to a Peltch near you.)
– Partner 1 did 25 goblet squats, while P2 held Al Gore; Flapjack
– Partner 1 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P2 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 (This was BRUTAL. Elbows, knees, hips, ankles, pelvic regions all screaming in terror)
– 50 Bonnie Blair’s 1:1 at sidewalk, both partners together
– Partner 2 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P1 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 back to Stage
– 25 imperial squat walkers 1:1, both partners together
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Then, 30 sec speed intervals (as many reps as possible in 30 seconds)
– Groiners
– Squat jumps
– Mountain climbers
– Bobby Hurley’s
– Recovery pyramid suicides (5 yards, 15, 25, 40, 25, 15, 5)
– 400 meter fast mosey
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Mary Bolt’s
5 minutes; 30 sec speed intervals (get it…ab work…sprints…Mary…Bolt…oh nevermind)
– LBCs
– Flutters
– LBCs
– Hello Dolly’s
– LBCs
– Pickle pounders
– J-Lo’s
COT and Lil’ Cuz’s neck prayed us out.
Doing the exercises is one thing. Going after it like each of you did today is a whole ‘nother level. Thank you for raising the bar for me every beatdown.
SYITG,
IM3 – Yankee Joe
