The man was struggling to breathe. The grimace on his face betrayed him– he was pushing his body to the limits of extreme exertion. His heart raced. His muscles strained. His crocs almost fell off. Seemingly defying the limits not only of his own physical ability, but of physics itself, he hurtled himself toward the boat dock. “Move!” he shouted, as his compatriots shuffled along behind him. His patience was being tested. His cargo shorts were also being tested, both in capacity of the pockets and tensility of the waistband. Somehow he careened himself and his giant double-stroller onto the waiting vessel before it departed. Yes. Success. Today they would make their journey without waiting another 20 minutes for the next boat to Hollywood Studios.
Watching all of this unfold, YHC’s mind went one place: This is a beatdown.
Warmarama
SSH (Safety Valve rolls in)
Windmills
Imperial Walkers
Carolina Butt Kickers
Lafayette Night Clubs
Tie Fighters
Arm Circles
Cherry Pickers
Mosey over to Aldi and back to the first sidewalk for
The First Thang:
Get on the Bus/Don’t Miss the Boat/Monorail More Like Boraphyll/Skyliner is Floridian for Gondola
Partner up, start with a standard (reverse) Dora.
200 curls, bear crawl
100 goblet squats, murder bunny
50 burpees, rifle carry
During this the PAX would be required to come up with and call out one the 4 modes of transport between Disney parks. Upon the call out, we would all run to one of 4 designated areas to do something.
I thought it might be somewhat challenging to think of all 4 MOT at Disney… then Safety Valve disclosed that he had EH’d a ringer… TexicoCat has been to Disney something like 47 times.
At WDW you have to keep you head on a swivel for those characters that your kid has to get a photo with. So another addition to this beatdown was to listen for a mention of a Disney character in the beatdown soundtrack.
Valve called out “boat” first. Strange. Although this was the MOT that inspired this beat down, it’s the one least used. We took our coupons to near the reservoir and completed 10 thrusters.
A bit later, Valve called out “bus.” YHC was starting to think he was being coached by TexicoCat. We brought our coupons to the bus stop to do 10 man makers. Just as we were getting there, YHC lamented, “The bus is the worst mode of transport at Disney.” Safety Valve simply added “Yes.” But in that word I could feel the deep shared suffering that we both knew from riding that horrible bus. So it would be only five man makers. Because solidarity, brother.
We had almost completed the Dora when someone mentioned a monorail, so we moseyed to the Aldi parking lot for a quick parking lot suicide. Then nurred (nar?) back like we were in that backwards facing seat on the monorail.
From there, we visited the skyliner, which was bunny hopping up the Civic Center stairs and performing 10 Bobby Hurleys up top.
We moseyed back to compete the Dora and then were ready for
The Next Thang: The Long Line
Studies have shown that 95% of the time at Disney is spent standing in line. Which studies you ask? To that I respectfully say shut your pie hole and have a magical day.
We would simulate the never-ending line which seems to take longer the closer you get to the front:
Start under the trees and do 3 BBS
Move up in line to the first sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins
Then move to the second sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies
And then just when you get almost to the front of the line (the wall at the front of the civic center), someone has to potty.
So get out of line, then head back to the beginning and start all over again
Start under the trees and do 3 BBS
Move up in line to the first sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins
Then move to the second sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies
Then finally move to the wall and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies + 7 Burpees
Once at the wall, it was time for
The Final Thang: Don’t Stand in My Way, Don’t have a Seat
Sometimes in life (and usually at Disney) you accidentally beat yourself down. YHC did this while being forced to watch Mickey’s Magical Friendship Faire for the 17th time. Near the front, but right in front of a small pillar seemed the optimal spot to watch but not be in anyone’s way… as long as you were lower than that pillar. The only way YHC was able to make that happen was to basically wall-sit against the pillar.
So now the PAX would wall sit while we reviewed our soundtrack.
First question: Did anyone hear any Disney characters mentioned in any of the songs?
Popeye was the only one to answer, quickly with “Cinderella. From Celebrity Skin…. I mean, what was that song called?”
Yes, that is exactly what that song is called. But nobody else had heard a thing. So we listed to them all while intermittently picking up our coupon children during our wall sit. Most characters were easily identified once we listened for them, except “Snow White” in Enter Sandman, and of course Rapunzel. (Thanks to YJ, DMB gets no cred.)
Finished up with 1min of Mary (WWI sit ups).
Final question at the COT: Sometimes at Disney, you unexpectedly run into someone you know. Today, one of the songs included the name of one of our men here today. Who knows it?
Again, Popeye was quick to answer, “Honeysuckle.” Again, from Celebrity Skin by Hole.
Wait. How was Popeye able to Live Through This beatdown with such great success?
Let’s just say if anyone sees a Courtney Love body pillow on sale, please let me know before Popeye’s next birthday.
COT completed as Honeysuckle prayed us out.
SYITG,
AB
