It’s been a minute since YHC has gone full “get off my lawn” but nothing brings out the rose colored glasses quite like a good Americanized holiday so just hear me out.
(If you can imagine me in a rocking chair with a pipe, jorts, mason jar, and a sleeveless Skynyrd shirt then it will help)
Here’s the simple fact to address today boys…Trick or Treat has gone soft. I see you nodding at home. You have all seen it. Full sized candy bars, watered down jump scares , all treat with no trick. Amazon stock costumes that were 2-day shipped cus their parents forgot . Is this KitKat sigma or will I have to use your Skibidi? Does my hulk have enough Gyat for you?
Where do we draw the line?
Back in myyyy dayyy you got dropped off to “go work the hood” with a home made power ranger suit that was a red hoodie and a piece of rope for a belt and when you stepped on a porch the response could be anything from grandmas cough drops to a full R- rated murder simulation. Your jr high janitor dressed as a zombie and loaded on 5 bud heavies may grab your ankle as you run from the yard. You fled with a single kernel of candy corn and your life intact then you reset and head to the next house. Adrenaline in its purest form right there in the fall of 1995.
And so today YHC says enough is enough. This is where I put my untethered hulk foot down.
For 45 minutes we would harken to the days of old and restore the mystery of trick or treating .
Duke!!
Put down that Chinese menu and roll the footage! It’s the Halloween beatdown.
8 pax strong at the Den which had been prepped and ready for Popeyes mayorial campaign rally later in the day. His 3 pronged platform has a massive following already but I’ll lay it out for you:
1. bbq 2. Beer 3. Reduce unnecessary emails.
(People with follow up questions are asked to leave)
The pax pivoted to a well lit corner setup for the usual warmups as YHC arrived in full flex and had early concerns for vasoconstriction in my nether regions. They say you should dress for the job you want (more on that later) and while I’m not sure what that means for YHCs career our other costumed hero’s wanted a clear vision for their players and an infinity and beyond buzz from their drugs.
Fred Lasseauxs whistle threatened to lead the beatdown all by itself but YHC pushed through and we got to the thang.
***Hidden Costume Honorable Mentions:
-Goose as an alpha male that loathes a soft cadence
Brick Indian Run
Drop to 3 brick stars jumps while we got a good lather of Haloween tunes and YHC tried to drop a few lyrical hints for later.
Da Thang
Brick or Crete
Each pax would experience the adventure of uncertainty and pick 1 ticket from the bucket.
A few on there we didn’t get to so you can appreciate them now in the safety of your snuggy.
B- Brick
C- Crete
L- Lyrics
T- Trivia
BRICKS
1. Brickicide – Brick Release Merkins
2. Brickicide – Brick SSH
3. Brickicide Brick Star Jumps
4. Let the bodies hit the Floor (plank – donkey kick on bodies , merkin on counts)
5. Brick Thriller – brick burpees and side lunge brick raises on song
CRETES
1. When the Saints Go Marching In
2. P1 OHP p2 run a lap around field
3. 50 curls
4. 50 skull crushers
5. 10 saint makers
LYRICS
Incorrect guess will add 5 reps (5 guesses max)
L-1Thriller
L- 2 Superstitious
L- 3 Werewolves in London
TRIVIA
T 1 Which Celtic festival did our modern customs of trick/treat and costumes originate ?
(Samhain )
T-2 In France this costume is illegal to wear over the age of 13 .
(CLOWN)
T 3 National retail federation names these the perennial number 1 costumes . One for adults , one for kids.
1- witch
2- princess
Notes:
-The pax burned up those two mosey breaks early and as predicted performed honorably in the trivia and lyrics divisions.
-Saintmaker debut didn’t make any immediate Saints and may have destroyed a few friendships.
-YHC lost his bricks in the Bermuda grass triangle of center field so often I think HS was chunking them when I wasn’t looking.
-Brickicides might be my new fave routine. Def sequel material.
We geared up and finished with a traditional “brick stabbed a guy with a trident” sprint to the flag to hide the evidence.
Animal to Uncle Ronnie for his curling prowess.
COT and HS prayed us out
Thanks for monster smashing with me fellas. Grateful to lead.
A Full Size Dox of Chocolates
The Zordon Problem
Ok, I’m officially off my soap box.
I’ll put the pipe and mason jar up until next year. (Don’t take my Skynyrd shirt though )
We’ll just let trick or treat be on probation for now. But here’s something for your coffee break.
Every fall when it’s costume time I think back to the magical years of childhood where, for a few moments, it felt like I could actually become the red power ranger. Sure, Part of me realized that there may be far better career choices (stupid left brain) but the part that dominated YHCs psyche in 1995 was like “hey, I’m pretty decent working with others , the sword skills will follow right ? ”. But even with the gear, the attitude and the ninja skills I realized as a deflated 7 year old the real hard truth:
I didn’t have a Zordon.
As a quick crash course for the elders , Zordon was that floaty head guy that was responsible for fitting all the Power Rangers with their range of powers. He was essential for morphing Californian teens into legends of after school tv.
So I had a clear goal and all the tools but realized I could ninja till ninjafinite and with no Zordon I would never don the red helmet. A real problem I couldn’t solve so I moved on to more immediate returns like bass fishing and Pokémon.
I’m reminded of this , mostly , due to CS Lewis. Because at a certain time of my life this is exactly where I was “stuck” with Christianity. I had the mess that I knew my own self to be (a ratchet costume at best) on one end and the goal of being Christ-like (da OG Red Power Ranger) on the other end. Between the two seemed to be a mountainous gap of “well I’ll try to white knuckle it” or lots of “ it sure seems hopeless”.
But CS Lewis’s book “Mere Christianity” helped to change this problem for me in a very powerful way. In the chapter “Let’s Pretend” he lays out the groundwork for truly being little Christs. You guys know I’m not much of a paraphraser so I’ve provided the two areas from the chapter that really brought this home for me:
“You see what is happening. The Christ Himself, the Son of God who is man (just like you) and God (just like His Father) is actually at your side and is already at that moment beginning to turn your pretence into a reality.”
“ It is not a question of a good man who died two thousand years ago. It is a living Man, still as much a man as you, and still as much God as He was when He created the world, really coming and interfering with your very self; killing the old natural self in you and replacing it with the kind of self He has.”
There was the solution to the Zordon problem.
We will never get there on our own or with purely human help but only with Him.
Slowly and sometimes painfully morphing our make believe into His reality.
Transforming our ambition into His will .
Injecting our fears with His own Love.
We are called to Put on Christ and my hope is it’s the last true costume we’ll ever need.
SYITG
Dox
