Talk about a dark warmorama. About the only definable figure I could make out was, well nobody, really, since Shooter wasn’t there. Of course I knew Jose was present from the early morning grumbling, but the rest of the crew were shrouded in mystery. Given such circumstances, YHC delivered a clear disclaimer in case there were any FNGs (turned out there were two), and we got things rolling.
Started off with the usual – good mornings, windmills, torso twists, arm circles, IW’s, Hillbillies, SSHs, High Knees – mostly at 10x IC, but a 15 and a 30 crept in there. I like to say those instances are “to keep the pax on their toes,” but of course the pax is smarter than that – they know it’s just early morning brain fog.
We hadn’t moseyed to the playground in a while, so that was on the menu today, stopping at each intersection for a set of 10x deconstructed burpees. Zoolander’s No-Booze-November had hit a snag the night before (a snag by the name of Woodford Reserve), and so my originally planned set of x20 burpees seemed cruel as he had, not but 5 minutes before this point, requested “no burpees, please.” So we deconstructed instead, which would mean 10x squats, 10x groiners, 10x merkins, and 10x jump squats. Knocked those out at the three intersections and then hit a fourth one when we reached the playground.
Then it was time for one of my lakefront standards, a partner routine where P1 wall sits and performs overhead air presses while P2 hits three stations: 10 t-merkins, 10 jump squats, 10 big boys. Three rounds of that and it was on to neighboring grass patch for a few games.
That’s right, games. Let it not be said (Toto) that I do not include any fun in my beatdowns! First up was a game called When Animals Attack, which features one pax (it) bear crawling to tag any of the other guys, who are all crab walking. Any one who is tagged then performs 5 burpees and immediately joins in as a bear, to help tag the rest of the crew. I had initially envisioned a rabid, growling Tanked Up tearing through that patch of grass, but alas, when the sun finally rose this morning and it was clear who was standing before me, there was no Tank to be found. Grundy was the next best choice, so he became the first bear. Now, whoever invented this game clearly did not know the Northshore region’s distaste for crab walking because when the game finally began, the crabs all just sat in place waiting to be tagged. Some even moved closer to the bear! It seemed unanimous – the guys would rather do their 5 burpees and half-heartedly attempt to tag others than crab walk five steps. The next round was hardly better than the first, with Zoolander and his stomach of steel as the bear, and so we moved on to another game: Duck Jousting.
To say duck jousting was more successful might be a stretch, but it was certainly more entertaining. In this game, it’s every man for himself. You get in a low duck walk position with your arms across your chest, and hobble over to the nearest pax to try and topple him without the use of your hands. Once you’ve been knocked over, you start high kneeing until the game ends.
Though this was totally a Mathlete type of game, a surprise attack by Zoolander knocked him out early on. It came down to Jose, Swole, and Zoo. Swole attempted a Switzerland type of strategy, where he simply sat (or squatted) off to the side and awaited the victor between Jose and Zoo. But this proved faulty when Zoo took him down by surprise. By this point, our two gladiators had entirely abandoned the rule of duck walking (well, let’s be fair, Zoolander was never actually duck walking from the start). Even with an assist from Bird, Zoo was unable to take down Jose, but one final assault sent both men to the ground in a tie.
Time to head back, so we formed two lines and Bataan Death Marched back to the flag. Once back, we did some single leg squats to the sea wall while Turbo graciously picked up the six. Quick Mary and time for COT. Welcome FNG’s Slater and Woody, and t-claps for hanging in there. Hope to see you guys back out soon. (And a personal thanks to our FNG’s for forcing me to write a backblast after months of negligence.) Hammer prayed us out and off to Book and the Bean for coffeteria. Appreciate the opportunity to lead you men, SYITG.
