776 BC is widely recognized as the year of the first Olympic games. It began with an annual foot race, a stadion, and blossomed into the over 200 competitions we have today. Origin stories vary but many agree the race began as a simple challenge between friends…or rivals (perhaps both). Many Greek men of this era were very practiced at coalescing into groups at a predetermined area, in the wee dawn hours, one leading calisthenia while the others followed. In Greece, just as in F3 , It only takes a few meetings for the bonds to build, then the comparing of athletic feats follows. As one can imagine, these groups consisted of a variety of characters from the community and YHCs research led to the discovery of ancient sea scrolls depicting an early gathering (meticulously translated to Redneck) as such :
Upon the Peltchaneus thoroughfare these men gathered:
Maximus Goosicus -aged learned philosopher, forged in the wisdom of deka kids but the fire within steadily burning though know one truly knows are the flames of his heart or of his bowels?
Valvenus Saefetyfurst- arriving in the days highest technology chariot. He considers his bronze edition the best, if he only knew his descendants would go platinum and beyond.
Cuzin Lillius de Punisher-
beard so thick and luxurious he regarded all face shields as the highest insult. Teaches in the vernacular of Yee Yee.
Cardinalus of Thebodux- constantly boasting his athletics feats were better served in the Aegean Sea, he would be the origin of all future Olympic swimming. It would take a few years for the sport to gain popularity but it would take millennia to remove his fartsack reputation.
Montanius de Wilford – returning to glory after many pickled countries were conquered. Only Hippocrates could explain how a 1 day knee injury in February led to 46 pickle tournaments and zero beatdowns but we’ll leave that to the medical historians.
2,800 years later another group of men would establish another great tradition of athletic excellence. This one to honor the physical, mental , and spiritual battle of being a dad.
Welcome to the Dadlympics
Duke
Light the torch and Roll the beautiful footage !
Warmup
9 pax for an intimate Saturday setting and the only thing you really need to know about warmups is Goose unveiled The Fire Within. The remaining warmup period was spent sneaking looks while Goose shook his head and said “hey my eyes are up here buddy! “
Like a true work of classical art you can appreciate a different beauty with every glance. Huge shout to Gooses M for finding this diamond and allowing it to serve the masses.
YHC then announced that this day we would honor the duties of a father in 3 parts of Dadlympic glory.
1. The Track
2. The Field
3. The Battleground
Opening Ceremony
Indian Run to EDW track with the “torch “ (ole hickory bar)
Last man drop to 5 torch raises
Thang 1 —-TRACK
It doesn’t take long to learn lesson number one as a father…. that your kids are stone cold crazy and programmed to run themselves into direct harm.
So our first feat would be a “catch me if you can”
-P1 5 burpees, P2 bur until caught
-complete 1 track lap
This crew was barely ruffled and Valves whoop was still logging a sleep HR.
Next we needed to switch gears into the fatherhood mental toughness test. Balance the budget? Practice a parking lot confrontation? No my friends, we had to go into the deepest waters of Dadversity …the dad joke. Goose had been training us since mid May with his legendary 300 plus merkins dad joke mile and YHC wanted to gift him a few chances to flex his talents and test his troops.
YHC would give 1/2 of the dad joke then we would fartlek our way around the track with time to think and taste our own brand.
The answers were then revealed and merkins were used as reward or punishment.
Here’s a sample of my fave 3 :
-I have a joke about trickle down economics….(pause and heavy breathing) …but 99% of you won’t get it.
-I used to run a dating service for chickens…but I was struggling to make hens meet
– Why couldn’t the produce manager make it to work …he could drive but he didn’t Avacado .
Goose set the tone with early recognition of ole Phillipe Flop (a Frenchman’s sandals) and Lil Cuz consistently sprinkled in multiple timely assists including a full length dissertation on poultry pronouns. Valve thought alot about the lack of quality neighbors and PCPs in this region. Tana seemed to enjoy the cardio without the heavy burden of paddle sponsorships and endorsement obligations.
We swapped the fartlek transport for burpee broad jumps (to simulate jumping living room legos) and continued the competition.
Ending with this doozy….
-You used to be able to get air at the gas station for free, now it’s a dollar …guess that’s inflation for you .
A mosey was necessary just to clear the air of the stench of a joke of that caliber .
The heart can only withstand so much.
Thang 2—Field
A dad must be able to flex his dad strength with a legendary single car load trip. The goal here is to show the other dads on the beach where the straps were digging into your wrist so they will burn with jealous rage.
Carry the Beach Equipment
P1 garner carry through the “crowd”
P2 flutter kicks
The most important of the field events involved practicing to throw your child into that dizzying hybrid of joy and fear.
Toss your kid to infinity and beyond
P1 Thrusters
P2 coupon piggy back ride (nice edit on a YHC miscalculation)
The Thang Finale —-Battle Field
American Dadiator
Rules :
3 cones in a rough triangle (non Bermuda because I’m still mad) with a bucket of water balloons at each .
2 pax with a 2.0 defender at each station.
Center hoola hoop with 10 tennis balls
Goal is to be the team with the most tennis balls at the end of the game .
-2.0 defend the nest with pool noodle (3 burpees if hit)
-5 merkins to get a tennis ball
-If you get hit with a balloon you owe 3 burpees and you drop your tennis ball
-10 minutes on the clock
Teams :
TanaCuz (picachu )
ValveDox (gecko)
Office of Parish Support (Duke)
Notes :
– very firm water balloons dont burst and become rubber riot control pellets , there are tattoos to prove it
– The 2.0 defended nests with deadly accuracy.
– Several alliances were formed, broken , betrayed, reformed and in general I think we covered 1000s of years of world history with balloons and pool noodles.
When the smoke cleared Lil Cuz and Tana took the W by one tennis ball thanks to a late assault on the office parish support castle.
Gear up and back to the flag
YHC awarded the first Golden Dad to Lil Cuz for his overall performance in the battle, sharp dad joke knowledge and outstanding attitude to laugh and display joy when faced with burpees in soaking wet socks.
Goose awarded YHC with The Fire Within for cooking with excessive shenanigans when today’s recipe only called for mild shenanigans.
Lifetime YhC achievement list update :
1: children being born
2: being awarded TFW
COT and Cardinal prayed us out
At the end of the day as Fathers we are preparing our sons and daughters for the spiritual battle of real life. God provides us many tools of both offense and defense. And just like in our ballooned battle today it doesn’t stop each day from feeling chaotic. It doesn’t stop us from failing when we feel so close to a victory. In fact it can often feel like being busted in the neck with a water balloon after sprinting 50 yards only to do 3 burpees and try again . But if we can stop in the midst of the battle and see His provisions all around us and if we can trust Him, then we can lean on what He gives us. Looking back on the last few years I am truly grateful for the crew He has provided in F3. I hope you all enjoyed a day honoring your fight as Dadiator and I look forward to struggling along side you.
See you at the ‘25 games
Dox
