F3 New Orleans

Category: New Orleans

  • Keep Thibodaux Weird – from Paradox

    YHC has been privileged to play a role in many of the storied F3 Thibodaux Schisms through the years. Sometimes as an ardent supporter, other times, ashamedly, as a lead instigator. As the great Creed Bratton once remarked “…more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader”. While his comment may have been referring to cultish behavior, I think the general principle applies here and I’ve now met my weekly quota of Creed quotes. And so, it’s with this schism experience that YHC feels qualified to observe the subtleties present in schism infancy. It starts at an almost undetectable level. Just a slight twitch of the eyelid during Smashmouth Allstars. Then it builds. A facial wince when you hear mainstream 90s classics and you start to avoid people that use the term “Champagne Supernova” for all the things that are great in their life. Followed by audible disdain to your cohorts about one genre/decade being more elite than another. Then, like clockwork there is a “boiling over” event. For example, no one recognizing “Lucas with the Lid Off” followed by GroupMe affirmations for the more recognizable 3rd Bass “Pop goes the Weasel” (complete random example). And just like that we are off to the races. A few laugh emojis don’t go your way and your supper doesn’t taste as sweet. You get backed into a corner and know the only way out is weapons of eardrum destruction you’ve been hiding in the dark for years, ready to lash out at moment’s notice. You dig in, readying your Spotify missiles for a lengthy war and you begin searching through old LimeWire and Napster accounts…

    But not today my brothers.

    Today, just like your optometrically prescribed headband, we will promote healing!

    But how?

    How could we thaw the frozen hearts of 90s genre elitism?

    YHC saw only one way out.

    A single artist.

    His work spanning 4 decades.

    No genre left standing in his wake.

    Today we would utilize him as an instrument of peace.

    Today..we would get WEIRD.

    Duke get your accordion and play that funky bean footage!!

    9 pax warmup of the usuals, highlighted by two late arriving ecofriendly PAX vehicles. Tanas fueled by the hard labor of rural PCPs and ABs running off his own supply of colon-to-tank methane.

    THE CONCERT THANG

    Simple and direct today.
    We would take the top 5 Weird Al hits, modify them a touch and enjoy some of the finest lyrics created in the last 40 years. YHC would sprinkle in trivia between songs.

    Correct 10 curls

    Incorrect 25 Monkey Humpers because with the trivia masterminds present you have to up the ante. These llamas play for keeps plus Pope is now 20/20 on beatdown Star Wars trivia.

    # 1 White and Nerdy
    Holding coupon Scissor Kicks , Swap on White and Nerdy , Coupon presses while holding 6 inches on song

    What famed physicist is in his library? (Hawking)
    In the song He denotes a numeral value referencing a polygon associated with this famed mathematician? (Pascal)

    10 Curls for Correct Hawking, 25 MH’s for lack of Pascal knowledge.

    #2 The Saga Begins
    Trigger on Star Wars characters and planets , and Jedi
    Around the galaxy lunges during song, Jungle Boi squat on triggers

    Which Star Wars movie specifically was Bring parodied in this song? (Phantom Menace)
    Jar Jar Binks species and home planet ? (Gungan, Naboo)
    Meaning youthful and untrained , anakin is referred by this term during his early Jedi training? (Padawan)

    # 3 Eat It
    Big Boys with Coupon , Sitting OHP on Eat It’s

    Beat it 2008 was a poorly received tribute done by this pop group ?
    Black eyed peas- Again, YHC’s error at mis labeling legumes and black eyes but the pax really needed dat lactic acid boost so we did 25 MHs.

    # 4 Amish Paradise —YHC’s personal favorite of the collection.
    Inchworm crawl out to HR Merkin during song
    Thrusters on Paradise

    The song parodied here was the #1 teach featured on the soundtrack of this 1995 movie ? (Dangerous Minds)
    Can’t you just imagine AB in his freshman dorm watching Dangerous Minds in his Jncos and chain wallet, a couple Oasis poster on wall. Life is Good!
    The teacher in this film played by whom and is nicknamed what? WHITEBREAD
    Goose was awarded partial credit for attempts at White Witch and 10 MHs were deducted.

    #5 FAT
    Squat side Kicks , Bonnie Blair’s on fat
    This parodied song was originally planned as a duet with what other royalty of 80s rock ? (Prince)
    **As the day unfolded our local investigative journo Mr. Wilford Montana unearthed an entire Prince vs MJ beef that is quite a rollercoaster including Prince trying to run over MJ in a parking lot followed by MJ calling Prince a “meanie” for the attempted vehicular manslaughter.

    We needed a recovery mosey to really smell the Nirvana and Goose needed to show King Pickleball he still has enough Sprint coverage for all the dead zones.

    Captain D’s bestowed the Animal to Valveline, noted that he rubbed some dirt on a fractured foot and posted all week.

    Valve awarded Jedediah Dawson aka Pope yet another well-deserved Fire Within for pumping out sitting OHPs while telling YHC Weird Al was too weird for his taste..hmmm…must be a Pete Gabriel guy.

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Thanks for getting Weird with me today fellas

    POSTingSCRIPTs

    You know those safety signs in plants that denote “X number of days since the last safety incident”?

    Well, at F3 Thibodaux the peace of Weird Al led to a combined schism healing of 32 minutes before a recurrent 90s Pax villain threatened to reveal his Offspring and an Ace up his sleeve in the near future. This, in turn, stirred up at least two other delinquents who promptly started calling each other Aswads… and we were back at square one with 45 minutes of hard earned therapy down the toilet. The only course left was an apology…

    To Mr. Weird Alfred Matthew Yankovic:

    I tried your methods and found them useful but we may need a longer treatment plan to Smash these Pumpkins. Its like I’m trying to Reel in a Big Blowfish, not just a Hootie, but I’m keeping a Third Eye Blind to the mid 40’s Dinosaur Jr’s with no respect for the Pax still in the Green River of their youth.

    I’m just trying to save some Collective Souls in this Asylum but the more I fight for the Right to Party the more I realize that some of these Ricks just like to Roll and the rest of these goo goo dolls prefer to troll. Some are happy to see Dave Mathews churn, but some, well some just want strike a Matchbox 20 and watch it Burn.

    Thank you for keeping it Weird Mr. Al

    See you in the Grunge

    Dox

  • The Uptowner brings Gabrielle – from Pool Boy

    After a brief disclaimer, PAX moseyed across to parking lot by the Pavilion for some warmups.
    Low slow squats
    Arm circles
    Burpees
    Scantron stretch
    Cement grabbers
    Abe Vigoda’s

    Thang 1(Under Pavilion)
    Dips
    Stepups
    Decline Merkins

    Mosey to the gym for Thang 2
    Set 1 – 10 Burpees, run around gym
    Set 2- 20 donkey kicks, run around gym
    Set 3 – 30 imperial walkers, run around gym
    Set 4 – 40 merkins, run around gym
    Set 5 – 50 LBC’s, run around gym
    Set 6 – 60 squats, run around gym
    Added some decline planks and calf raises.
    Mary
    COT
    Thanks for showing up guys!

  • Lone Warrior – from Pinewood

    Arrived at the Okwata AO this morning, greeted by the serene sound of the lake and the solitude of the early morning. Though the rest of the PAX couldn’t make it today, the mission of F3—fitness, fellowship, and faith—remains steadfast. As a lone PAX, I embraced the challenge and got to work.

    Warm-Up:
    SSH – 20 IC
    Abe Vigodas x 10 IC
    Grass Grabbers x 10 IC
    Forward Arm Circles x 10 IC
    Reverse Arm Circles x 10 IC
    Self Love x 10 IC
    Moroccan Night Club x 10 IC

    Thang 1: Recovery Run with step-ups and incline merkins
    Run from Mardi Gras Fountain to Landry’s and back to Canal Blvd
    At each set of palm trees
    10 Step-Ups (5 left, 5 right)
    10 Incline Merkins

    Thang 2: H8te
    Scaled version of H8te
    2 rnds: 4 and 2 burpees

    COT:
    As I finished the workout, I took a moment for the Circle of Trust. Though physically alone, I felt the presence of the F3 brotherhood and the shared commitment to improving ourselves and our communities. Reflected on the importance of perseverance and self-discipline, especially when no one is watching.

    Even as a lone PAX, the mission continues. This morning at Okwata was a reminder that the true strength of F3 lies not just in numbers, but in the resolve and commitment of each individual. Whether surrounded by brothers or standing alone, we push forward!

    SYITG

  • A Stroll Down Lack-of-Memory Lane (Minus the Stroll) – from Goose

    The presence of good ol’ Safety Valve has become synonymous with the F3 Thibodaux beatdown experience for months now since he decided to show up for just about everything. And, when that kind of thing happens, long-term absence of said individual has major affects not only on the the morale of the one absent but on that of the whole PAX (i.e., Y.J.). So, after hearing that Valve’s broken foot hadn’t improved much over the two-week rest period, YHC knew it was time to take matters into his own hands.

    It was time to build a beatdown that would kill four birds with one coupon:
    1. Allow Valve to fully participate without having to worry about the foot (hard to modify a mosey).
    2. Allow YJ to participate a little more fully knowing we wouldn’t be doing any major leg stuff.
    3. Come through on my vow to bring more 90’s hits that those who were in their prime during that awful decade may have erased (or claim to have erased) from their memory.
    4. Still bring the kind of challenge that these PAX show up for.

    Warmup: started with arm circles, which bent a few brains, and focused heavily on upper body and lower back (not one, but TWO Lafayette exercises).

    Thang 1: “I bet you don’t remember this one…or wish you didn’t.”

    1. “Scat Man” by Scatman John: Flutters for duration, but LBC’s during any scatting (the musical variety).
    A few remembered this one, and YHC remembered in the moment that this one may have been used at a beatdown before. Lots more LBC’s than flutters, and we were all a little dumber afterward, but nowhere near the low point of dumbness that would be achieved.

    2. “Pop Goes the Weasel” by 3rd Bass: Plank for duration, Kneel Diamonds on every “pop goes the weasel”.
    It seemed only Popeye remembered this one, and that it was an entire rap song about (bashing) one individual, Vanilla Ice, and that it also sampled a song by none other than Peter Gabriel. And, Dox wasn’t there to guess it.

    3. “Ninja Rap” by (none other than) Vanilla Ice: Bird dogs for duration, kneeling curls on “ninja”.
    Vanilla’s only other (vaguely) known hit featured in the old Ninja Turtles movie sequal, wherein rubber suited turtle dancers lit up the club with a choreographed dance to this jam. The bird dogs were similar, but different.

    4. “Hell” by Squirrel Nut Zippers: Penguins for duration, heels to heaven for the refrain.
    These guys signaled the start of the ska movement in the 90’s, which was an important movement that had lasting cultural significance. And, that many penguins is rough.

    5. “Gypsy Woman” by Crystal Waters and The Basement Boys: alternating side planks for the duration, toe-tap merkins during the droning refrain.
    This one is a remarkable 7.5 minutes of brain-numbing repetitivity. Don’t pull it up–you’ll remember it and regret it. You did it, didn’t you.

    Thang 2: Flora 1, 2, 3

    100 WW3 situps, 10 at a time, while partner does 6-in hold
    200 skull crushers (modified to 100 for time) 20 at a time while partner does X-factors
    300 shoulder shrugs (mostly didn’t get to it) 30 at a time while partner holds Al Gore
    PAX requested more ska, so Reel Big Fish was called upon followed by the man of the hour, Vanilla Ice.

    YHC wishes he’d have made more time for this one–lots of variety, and a solid muscle burner. Gypsy Woman should have probably been skipped, and been lost to the ANNALS of time (I’m sure there’s some connection to the anals of time, but I’ll let Maneater work that out along with his comfy pillow and Fire Within jammies).

    COT and Smooth prayed us out.

    It was great to have Valve back in the mix, and it’s been inspiring to see YJ work through what’s clearly a lot of pain to stay in it. Much respect to you both! And, thanks to the rest of the PAX for muscling through the playlist.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Blazing 80 Degrees of Swolefest – from Squints

    The temperature on the dashboard said 80 degrees as I pulled up to Swolefest today. I’m going to take the car in later today to have that checked out.

    Warmarama started with a mosey over to the Foundry.
    SSH x 15
    Grass Grabbers x 10
    Windmills x 10
    Mountain Climbers x 10
    Shoulder Taps x 10
    Arm Circles F & B x 10
    Overhead Claps x 10
    Pull Ups x 5
    Dips x 20
    LBCs x 30

    Mosey Back to Children’s Museum

    The Thang was timed by a PAX member thrusting a 50lb slam ball across the Children’s Museum walkway, while everyone else:

    Bench
    Skull Crusher
    Curls
    Squats with Cinder Block
    Cinder Block Burpees
    American Hammer w/Cindy
    Rows
    Cinder Block Swing
    Heavy Freddie
    Heavy Step Ups

    Finished up at 6:15.

    COT: Count-A-Rama, Name-A-Rama, announcements and prayers.

  • American History F – from America’s Best

    HC arrived this morning to find a Den with no way in, as our lot had been barricaded. What a way to start a manniversary.
    First they came for our lion, and we did not speak out. Then they came for our parking lot, and we did not speak out. Not sure what comes next, but I think the general idea is to just ignore it.

    Warmarama began one minute late, mainly due to the PAX needing to inspect buckets of concrete and to check if pull-ups could be done from tent poles.

    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Mountain Climbers
    Arm circles of varying speeds
    Cherry Pickers

    F3 changes a man, in big ways and in small ways. But also in medium ways. For example, I will give you an example, through this illustration, vis-à-vis, case-in-point: I don’t listen to music in the same way anymore— now every time I hear a song, it’s immediately “could this be used in a beatdown?” So while the skeleton of today’s beatdown would be trivia, it’s disgusting sinew and adipose and entrails would be the best found songs of the year. And I guess the skin would be, like, the locations represented by our stops. Or something. Let’s just get on with it, ok?

    Moseying to the Aldi parking lot, we were met again with the barricades. While most of the PAX went around, Paradox apparently sensed the beatdown was heading to Germany, and leapt the wall like an East German gazelle in a terrible metaphor.

    The First Question was read, and the PAX contemplated the answer while squatting and Bobby Hurley-ing to An Arrow in the Wall by Death Cab For Cutie. The song was quickly and relentlessly abused as an obscure, ancient dirge from YHC’s past. (In reality, it was actually released less than a year ago, and while it was never “nominated for an Emmy” it has been met with critical success. But I’ll leave that alone; whatever is the opposite of “preaching to the choir” seems to be what I am doing here…)

    The correct answer to Q1 was (a very controversial) “omelette.” Nobody guessed correctly (likely another alternate-reality-induced schism), so we did (8×5) 40 Carolina Dry Docks (a hint to the next location)

    Next stop, next question. Maneater identified the place as NC. Then the PAX held 6” and Wheezied with every “gonna.” While the song began as a DMB classic, we were quickly Rick-Rolled for 4 minutes.
    The answer to question #2 was “cropdust” and Popeye and Paradox easily sniffed this one out. Yankee Jeaux was very proud of his guess, and legend has it he is still insisting that YHC also coined the term “douchebag.”
    The PAX was penalized with only (6×5) 30 gas pumpers.

    3rd stop around the world was Hawaii. The PAX nailed the location, then did an exercise known (by YHC at least) as the Makhtar N’J-Rod while Eric Clapton narrated.
    YHC’s favorite 90s band (who is still making music Today) was correctly answered only by Yankee Jeaux. Popeye’s guess of “Puddle of Mudd” may be the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.
    (7×5) 35 BBS was the penalty

    Location #4 was Ohio. And in spite of the smell from the dumpsters, it was not identified— our penalty would be doubled.
    We monkey-humped to “Let me be your Hog.” Burpees on some trigger words, but none of them occurred during the full 17 seconds of this song.
    The urinal of choice is “lowest/shortest” which 5 PAX answered correctly.
    Popeye’s guess of “fullest” wins Very Best Wrong Answer.
    (3x5x2(penalty)) = 30 BBS

    Next stop was VA- again an easy one. And it was time to listen to that other favorite band, whilst pondering the next question and doing a burpee for each “ever” or “never.” Here’s some trivia for you: “ever” and “never” are heard only 13 times in Oasis’ “Live Forever.” However, we were again quickly rolled into Rick. And that dude says “never” like 40 times.
    The F-4, the greatest fighter-bomber ever built, was correctly identified only by Maneater.
    35 Burpees were the penalty.

    The final song was played, and the PAX were instructed to right-foot lunge on each “pizza” and left-foot lunge on each “taco.” And what to do in-between? Turns out, it doesn’t matter. “It’s the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.”

    A weary (from all the “Sweatin’ to the Weirdies”) and downtrodden (from all the not-knowing) PAX assembled back at the flag, still pondering the answer to question #6.
    Several horrible guesses were defended. The answer?
    Will be revealed in a future beatdown.

    Until then, look for Death Cab for Cuties’ upcoming single “A Very Controversial Omelette”

    COT and Maneater prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Afternoon Delight – 7-10-2024 – from Almonaster

    11’s and BLIMP’s!

    PAX:

    – Stork
    – Strings
    – Doc Oc
    – Couch
    – almonaster
    – Bulleseye for “Coffee!”

    Warmup:

    SSH – 20 IC
    Stretch
    Arm Circles -10 IC
    Reverse Arm Circles – 10 IC
    Imperial Walkers – 10 IC
    The Morpheus – 10 IC
    Grass Grabbers – 10 IC
    Windmills – 10 IC
    Mountain Climbers – 10 IC

    The Thang:

    We went to the Levee to take in the sites at the River.

    11’s
    – Start at the bottom with one Merkin and at the top with 10 Wife Pleasers. Inverse each way until opposite, making for 55 reps of each.

    Mosey to the Statue

    Mary
    – Flutter Kicks – 20 IC
    – Vkadimir Douillies – 20 IC

    Mosey to Oak Alley

    BLIMP’s – Cumulative down Oak Alley
    – 5 Burpees
    – 10 Lunges – 2 is 1
    – 15 Imperial Walkers
    – 20 Merkins
    – 25 Plank Jacks
    – 30 Squats

    Back to Flag

    Birthdays
    Anniversaries
    Announcements
    Intentions
    Prayer

    Thanks for the opportunity to lead

  • First Q With No Hate! – a Beatdown for the Ages – from Charmin

    Birthday Q

    19 x SSH (2 count)
    10 x Grass Grabbers
    10 x Slow Vagodas

    Arm Circles x30
    Forward
    Backward
    Seal Claps
    Overhead Claps
    Chinooks
    MNC’s

    Mosey to the Coupons

    The Thang

    “Ages”

    11’s but instead of 11 it’s the individual pax’s age.

    Each round decrease first exercise by 5 & increase the second excercise by 5. So for YHC my first round is 29 & 1, second round is 24 & 6, etc.

    50 & over can decrease by 10’s.

    Bottom exercise is bench press with coupons.

    Top exercise is squats

    Firing line – 94 Calf Raises.

    Ring of Fire Thrusters (x10)
    Resting is plank with coupon
    Give YHC some advice when done.

    Put up Coupons and mosey to pad

    Penguins x 19
    Protractors
    Freddie Mercury’s
    Box cutters
    Appreciators

    YHC is so appreciative of the role that F3 has been in my life for just over 2 years now. It has helped me grow, not just physically, but mentally and as a leader. YCH cannot express the value that has been added to my life through this group of men who get up early and workout. It was a pleasure toto kick off the third decade leading the Pax through a beatdown for the Ages.

  • A VQ to remember, a sacrifice was required – from SamBreaux

    4 men gathered on Independence Day-eve to witness my VQ. Little did we know it was a going away party for my wedding ring. RIP

    Disclaimer and mosey to the football field

    Warmup: SSH, windmills, grass grabbers, arm circles, self love, low slow squats

    Grab a rock and regroup at the north endzone where he honored US Marine Capt. Garrett Lawton, killed by an IED in August of 2008 while serving our country in Afghanistan.

    North endzone (with rock): 20 curls, 20 chest presses
    Sprint 100 yards
    South endzone: 20 air squats, 20 merkins
    Sprint back

    x5 for 100 reps of each exercise and 1,000 yards

    Bonus work:
    Overhead press x 10
    Rows x 10
    Mountain climbers x 10

    Return to rock pile

    6MOM: Flutter kicks, dolly, LBCs, freddie mercurys, dying cockroach, wife pleasers, leg lifts

    Mosey back to flag

    Count-o-rama
    Name-o-rama
    Announcements
    Intentions
    Prayer
    UGSFSR (Unsuccessful group search for Sambreaux’s ring)