F3 New Orleans

Category: New Orleans

  • Spring – Blocks – Present – from Mahatma

    April 22nd conditions great: sunny, cool, nice breeze and 11 pax decided to be present….at least one (Rudy) heeded the request to bring a block – YHC had 1 too so that would do.

    Mosey Gr Lawn – circle up
    Scantron stretch then
    10-20 of each
    SSH
    ABSLOWGODA
    MNTMANPOOPERTOGOODMORNING
    MNT CLIMBERS

    4 rounds
    5 merkins – 20 Peter Parker
    5 merkins – 20 Mnt Climber
    5 merkins – 20 Parker Peter
    5 merkins – 20 Plank Jacks

    Line up at speaker
    Red Barchetta – if you’ve done it before then you know otherwise you’re probably not showing up enough or spending too much time Uptown.

    Some mumble chatter about the Q’s Sox having some potential reference as to “Christmas” so YHC was happy to please.

    Line up on the “red” line for a Christmas Tree and a present – 5 of each building on each other with a short mosey between each round ending with 10 burpees.
    1 – merkins
    Run
    Then repeat 1 now 2 – Vups
    Run
    Then repeat 1, 2 now 3 – Bobby Hurley
    Run
    Repeat 1,2,3 now 4 – LBWC – got to show up to know
    Run
    Repeat
    1,2,3,4 finish with 10 Burpees

    Grab the blocks 2 lines mosey to fountain while passing the block overhead to pax behind, once “safely” passed of go to the back of the line. Once all arrive at the fountain

    365 –
    3 somewhat cadence counted burpees
    6 box jumps or modified alternating step ups
    5 rounds
    1 minute recovery
    Rudy was asking for yet YCH is simply out of shape and decided to take a simpler direction to grab the 2 blocks and head to the tree field.

    Again 2 lines over / under for 3 trees all on the team does 5 burpees and back – losing team does another 5 burpees

    Circle up 1 5 minute round of “silence” where Q leads by example – just do what he does. In the F3 ball busting mindset this may “seem” like an eternity!

    Count of 1,2 1,2 harder for some than others 2 teams were formed now same 3 trees block bridge pull (or throw) 5 burpees at mid point and back losers again have a penalty.

    Mosey block pass back to the flag.

    What 3 minutes? We Indian Merkin Ladder

    7:30

    COT

    We are truly blessed!

  • There Goes My Hero – from Paradox

    On a gloomy spring morning on April, 20 2023 7 pax loaded into the back of big brother Yankees Time wagon (it’s kinda like the DeLorean but it runs on veggie juice and compliments) and headed to the Lions Den cinemaPlex circa 1985. YJ successfully posed as our dad to get our R rated tickets at the counter then Tana grabbed us some 64 ounce colas and we headed in after removing Enron from the stuffed animal claw game …”I was on a heater!”
    The cheap orange lights began to dim as Goose unpacked the Big league chew he smuggled in just for YHCs bday. We settled into creaky back row seats. You can smell it now can’t you? A fine mix of popcorn, cigarettes and regret. Cardinal assured us the place was lacking on Holy water. Nothing like a movie theater in the 80s. We covered Young Horns eyes through the atrocities of the first two trailers then came the last….

    A deep baritone voice describes the big screen …

    “This Summer….(screen flashes man loading grenades as ominous music plays) …
    In a world full of corruption (screen flashes man strapping on bazooka ) one man will Q a beatdown to single-handedly save the pax
    (Screen flashes tightening vest ) …
    His mission , relentless cardio (screen flashes JBL ) …
    His enemy …mumblechatter
    (Screen flashes boots lacing up )
    His help…there is none (screen flashes war paint ) …

    POOX Films brings you ….
    A Prestige Worldwide production …
    “Every 80s Action Hero”
    (Ominous music reaches crescendo )

    Duke! Put down those Mike and Ike’s and roll the footage!

    Warm Up

    The usuals with 35 reps of SSH to get the PAX in the right state of mind. Cardinal immediately regretted waking up after the 21st straddle hop.

    YHC gave the disclaimer that today we would honor two great gifts from the 80s. YHC andddd the great 80s action hero. Take a look at this list :

    Terminator
    Predator
    RoboCop
    Bloodsport
    Die Hard
    Lethal Weapon

    That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
    What a time to be born !
    Before CGI and remakes, no stunt doubles needed. Just a bazooka and a one liner and the lone hero saves the world. So we set out to honor the 80s action hero.
    But first some training.

    Bazooka Indian Run to the ball park. Last man does 3 bazooka squats with Ole hickory (30 lb bar) and runs the bazooka to the last man then sprint to the front. (I love the word bazooka , it just rolls off the tongue …bazooka)

    Arrived at the ball park where we learned lesson 2, shooting a million nameless henchmen.
    YHC dialed up that ole nurturing lullaby from Drowning Pool.

    “Let the Bodies Hit Floor “
    Bobby Hurley on Floor
    IW on song
    Air raises on 1..2…etc
    And there’s still nothing wrong with us !

    The Main Thang

    Jacked and Tan Circuit

    The 3rd and most important lesson of the 80s action hero is to always look good. So we needed a full body circuit.

    Setup: 7 stations , 1 central cone for the Hero who would serve as our timer while surrounded by goons with different weapons.

    Monkey Humper Trivia before each round

    Our first paradox hero was John Matrix , who YHC dressed as today
    He was the star of this 1985 action movie about a retired army colonel who must track down his kidnapped daughter ?

    COMMANDO

    What actor played John Matrix?
    ARNOLD

    I’ll stop here to note that watching 21 yo French Horn nail every single 80s trivia question when he wouldn’t be born for another 15 years is astounding. Like seeing Beethoven with his first piano. The kid has a gift. Keep shining Horn. T claps.

    Round 1 John Matrix Commando
    Center Cone – 35 big bar boy sit-ups

    1. KB swings
    2. Jump rope
    3. Coupon curls
    4. Brick flys
    5. Med ball Slams
    6. LBCs

    Round 2 John Rambo (1982)
    This 80s action movie launched an entire franchise
    About a Vietnam vet who wanders into a small town looking for a friend.
    Sly Stallone -Rambo-82
    15 monkey Humpers

    Central Cone – 20 squats

    Round 3 John McClane (1988)
    This 80s action movie is about a grizzled veteran cop who only wants to get home to his family but must batted 12 terrorists instead.
    Bruce Willis

    10 monkey humpers

    10 Peter Parker’s at central Cone

    The muscle fatigue was so intense that the distractions ranged from open air 5 year Thibodaux hard commits to YJ calculating how shredded he will be at 65. The pax (YHC included) continue to struggle with jump rope and it seems Enrons lack of rhythm is infectious.

    We ended with an all out “it’s gonna blow “ sprint to the flag where Goose let us know his shoulder may be injured but nothings wrong with the quads fellas. The old man is pure smoke in those new brooks!

    Some Mary where YJ melded animal noises with a cadence that created the time vortex to bring us back to present day Thibodaux.

    COT and the Goose prayed us out.

    NMM

    Has there ever been a more stupid phrase than “single handedly”? What has any human ever done completely by themselves? We are created by an all knowing , all powerful God , then birthed by our mothers and cannot provide a single bit of support for ourselves for roughly the first half decade of life. Yet here I am , time and time again, and with that special brand of pride. I can do it, I can pull it together, I can do this, just put it on my shoulders. And while that trope sells all the Hollywood tickets for action heroes, it’s only a path to destruction in the real world.
    For what did our real Savior look like. A bazooka? Nope just a legion of angels he left uncalled for. Surrounded by his enemies? Absolutely. So he went for nunchucks right? Nope, he took the relentless suffering then while nailed to a cross , forgave them instantly. And with his dying breath he must have nuked the place in a slow mo sprint ? Although it’s what I would have done it’s a nope again. Instead he poured out an ocean of Divine mercy and single handedly Saved the whole world.

    ….There goes my Hero

    SYITG
    Dox

  • 4×20 on 420 – from Rudy

    Delightful gloom at the lakefront! 8 PAX celebrated 420 day. Thanks to all of the millenials who were able to explain to YHC *why* 420 is now associated with weed. Rest assured, no weed was present at the workout.

    Mosey to the foot of Canal Street for a quick warm up, then lets get to work.

    4×20: Run up/across/down/across. At each corner, 20 reps of an exercise.
    * Hand Release Merkins (Jesus Juice notes that “4 sets didn’t sound so hard when we started”)
    * Big Boy SitUps (High Rise wants Crunches. YHC says “Listen to the Q”)
    * Lunges (Glitter Balls rejects the “2 is 1” count, YHC concurs. 1 is 1 it is)
    * Peter Parkers (Kuch – my gosh, the man is a never ending stream of conscience. QUIET PLEASE)

    Head to the top of the levee – 10 burpees OYO.

    4:20 of Quadrophelia

    Off to the house of pain for 1 round (all we had time for)
    * Pull Ups (Ya Mom and Dem casually knocked out about 75 pull ups. Impressive)
    * Step Ups
    * Crunches
    * Up the hill for 5 burpees

    Back to the flag for a last 5 burpees and a few rounds of Mary

    COT, Name-o-Rama. There’s a lot of 39 year olds out here…

    Be on the lookout for the 40th Lake View beer run in the coming months.

    Intentions and a prayer to close out a glorious morning.

  • Ab-solutely Ab-surd – from Goose

    With two days to fill, YHC was happy to kill the legs yesterday before focusing on the glorious death of the abs today. Interestingly, only Paradox and Yankee Joe showed up to have their core sploded, and though they didn’t actually know what was coming, they knew Tuesday Tuff wouldn’t leave them where it found them.

    We started with a warmup of the usuals minus cherry pickers, which caused YJ to experience his first brain glitch of the day. There would be many more, and though most of these glitches worked themselves out through his colon, they did cause him some havoc with counting before being released into the atmosphere.

    Moseyed to the bumper and stop sign and back before diving into the first ab routine I found on the Exicon: Bruce Lee. This consisted of 20 reps apiece of 6 different exercises with no breaks. We did the recommended three rounds total with a 30 second rest only between each full round. The exercises were: American Hammers, Leg Raises, LBC’s, Penguins, Crunchy Frogs, and 100’s. After all the core work we’ve been doing over the past few weeks, this one wasn’t as bad as I expected, though the crunchy frogs got old quick. We probably could’ve gone for a few more rounds, but there was more on the docket that YHC wanted to get to.

    Next was 11’s–stage front to sidewalk, Van Goghdas on one end and static hold wife pleasers on the other, carioca there, nur back. Van Goghdas are basically Abe Vigodas (Windmills), but done lying on your back–so spread eagle, bring one arm up and over, lifting upper body so as to reach down and touch the opposite toe; the other hand stays where it was on the ground. These were eventually less awkward than YHC thought they’d be, and the first five or so weren’t that hard, but they began to deliver pretty well after that. Static wife pleasers are wife pleasers with a three second hold at the top.
    We stayed together and did the wife pleasers in cadence so no one was tempted to rush them. It was good to have some camaraderie and solid mumblechatter during 11’s for once–that’s usually somewhat of a solo experience–though, toward the end it was nothing but panting and grunting. That last round was a doozie.

    The last routine was called “The Hands of Time”. The PAX hit their sixes in a circle (triangle?) with heads toward the center, hands under their rears in leg raise position, and legs up at 90 degrees (top of a leg raise). In ring of fire fashion, each would count off and lower their legs to 6 inch hold position until it came back around, and the count would continue with each then lifting the legs back up again, and then back down, and so on until the Q stops it.
    The glitching and subsequent colon activity really ramped up from both YJ and Paradox at this point, to point where not only was counting a problem, but laughter and toxic fumes made breathing a problem. The Hands of Time movements combined with deep fatigue, endless counting, and methane seemed to operate as a sort of time machine that brought us back to a time when we’d sleep over at each other’s houses and fart and laugh till we farted again. YJ even started quoting Adam Sandler albums (this actually happened).
    YHC knew the only solution was to just keep going, and going, and going in order to ride the time wave and push the body beyond its limits until nothing remained but the PAX’s desire to to fill every open Q slot for the next two years so nothing like this ever happens again.

    Eventually, we stopped and moved onto five minutes of Mary…to work the core. And, just to be sure that the motivation to fill the Q sheet really took root, we did 51 Freddys (2:1), 53 flutter kicks (2:1), and 25 dying cockroaches (2:1) before time ran out.

    Ashley and Rebecca, you’re welcome for the ripped abs you’ll observe developing on the abdomens of your respective men in the next day or two. Just don’t make them laugh or do anything that requires counting–a glitch at this point may result in the need to purchase new underwear.

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Be sure to sign up to Q!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Something About Mary – from Heisenberg

    Having worked out at Wolfpack on Friday with Gabby (still waiting on backblast) and Mothership with Rudy on Saturday, my arms and legs were a little sore. My core was not, so with the intent to make my core sore I devised an ab-centric workout. Arriving with 45 seconds to spare at the NOMA fountain I announced the theme to Tool, Vagabond and Catfish. Abdominal workouts and abdominal surgeries are in conflict, so Catfish went for a run.
    Everything was “in cadence”.

    Warm-up Imperial Walkers, Abe Vigoda’s, Grass Grabbers, (We were joined by Fracsac and Triple Shift each of whom were four minutes late) Arm Circles, on our faces for W’s, Y’s and T’s. To the top of the NOMA steps for a Deep Sea Diver with shoulder taps

    Crunch O Rama
    1. LBC
    2. Raised Leg – Crunch
    3. Freddy Mercury
    4. Right Side Crunch
    5. Left Side Crunch
    6. Reverse Crunch

    Lap around NOMA
    Plank O Rama
    1. Front Plank
    2. Nolan Ryan
    3. Low Right Side Plank
    4. Low Left Side Plank
    5. Back Plank

    Run to back of NOMA for some . . . . Mary
    1. Heels to Heaven
    2. Gas Pumps
    3. Fire Hydrant
    4. Crunchy Frog
    5. Tin Snips
    6. Penguins
    7. Flutter Kicks
    8. Wide Legged Dying Cock Roaches
    9. Hello Dolly

    Finished with obligatory “Sunday Mornings”.
    COT.

  • To plan or not to plan – from Kenna Brah

    18 total PAX chose to start their weak with an invigorating if not mind numbing beatdown by yours truly:

    Heart and Soul Warmers:
    GoodMorning Moutain Man Pooper
    Arm Circles
    Toy Rockette Soldiers (;>})
    SSH at various speeds

    DORA ( or somethin close to it )
    100 w/rock
    Merkin
    Curl
    OH press
    Squat
    All together is “1”

    Timer: Run to light poel about 70 yds away, 5 burpees, run Backwards on the way back. Those who get to 100 can continue or assist another pax.
    We all finished so the rewards 2 rnds:
    On the table bench seats:
    Dip/Leg Raise combo I call Dippity-Do Rockettes 10x
    Lay on table top:
    Low Slow Leg Lift – legs go below horizontal and the raise to 90′

    Mosey with rocks to drain pumps – Mary to finish out – COT

  • Runners, Stretchers, and Runners Who Became Stretchers – from Bolt

    After the Monday fartsack I decided to drop a comment in the Pontiff channel as a form of commitment to showing up today and upon rising I saw Pillsbury had made me accountable with a thumbs up emoji—no choice now; thank you, Pillsbury! As 530 struck, a dozen pax took to the track or the pavilion for their preferred version of the gloom—track sprints with Pai Gow or S&M with YHC. Triple and Mahatma split time between both. 45 minutes elapsed, then COT.

  • Research and DeveLEGment – from Goose

    It was about 5:12 and YHC was still sitting in an empty parking lot beginning to wonder if the double Goose threat had scared all the PAX away. But, then YHC heard a choir of angels behind him and knew that the Tana had descended. He shared how many of the other PAX were shaking in their exclusive text thread boots, but that he wasn’t gonna miss out on an opportunity to get stronger.
    Since it was just the two of us, we realized we had a golden opportunity to answer the question that has been burning in men’s hearts for generation upon generation: how much punishment can a human quadricep take?

    After a brief warmup of nothing but legs and a few arm circles, we moseyed to the bumper and stop sign and back. Then, it was onto the first stage of research with a new one: something called Dutch Skaters. These are meant to be used by a group as a way to traverse a long distance in single-file Indian run style. YHC and Tana tried it around the track to get a sense for how it might be used in future beatdowns. You’re basically leaping from one leg to the other at a 45° angle and bringing your back foot to touch the opposite calf. So, you’re moving forward, jumping side to side as if you were ice skating and touching your laces to your opposite calf each time you land. It wasn’t too hard, but we were starting to feel it toward the end. It’s not the manliest of movements, but compared to the rest of the beatdown, it was the high point of our looking masculine and dignified.

    Next, we did 11s starting at one picnic table with 10 heel raises on the side of the benches so the heels would go below the bench on each raise, and then 1 alternating stepup (2:1) on the picnic table across the field, descending and ascending in rep count in typical 11s fashion. The transportation between the two tables was the kicker…this was a partner exercise. Big Tana and Lanky Goose squatted back to back and moved first forward/backward, then backward/forward, then sideways, then the other sideways. It was admittedly a little awkward at first without anyone else out there, but once we found our sync, we were unstoppable, kind of like when the Power Rangers linked up their individual robots to make that big huge robot, and you knew it was game over.
    The quads were burning more than YHC expected even after just the first set, but Tana’s positive attitude carried YHC despite heavier than usual car traffic passing through. I have no doubt the neighbors knew exactly what we were trying to accomplish and were cheering us on quietly from the confines of their vehicles: “Look at those two large, fit men making such progress in the fields of leg science! I feel proud that this is happening in the front of my neighborhood!”

    Once this was done, and the quads were sufficiently smoked, it was time for some howling monkeys. This consisted of a ring of fire with all participating PAX holding the ankles while each one in turn does 10 monkey humpers. Since it was just the two of us, we took turns and each did about five sets. As it turns out, holding that position after doing more monkey humpers than science has (up to this point) allowed is pretty dang hard, but we knew the passing neighbors were cheering us on, so we hold our ankles proudly and pressed on for the good of human progress.

    The next routine didn’t have a good name, so we decided to name it either Countdown to Death or The Nuclear Option—it was like Al Gore, counting down to when he turns the key and destroys the human race via nuclear holocaust in order to save the environment. It started with 10 jump squats, and then holding Al Gore position for a 10 count, then nine jump squats, followed by holding Al Gore for a nine count, then eight, then, seven, etc. But, instead of ending with one, we, of course, ended with 10.

    After this, we completed a much needed recovery lap, and though Tana at first questioned whether it was actual recovery, he quickly came to the conclusion that whatever came next would likely make the lap feel like recovery in comparison. And he was right.

    After the spaghetti-leg lap, it was time for The Motivator, a side, straddle hop routine used to burn out whatever legs and cardio you might have remaining. It starts with 10 regular SSH, then 10 half SSH, then 10 quarter SSH, then 10 hops with your feet together. Without stopping, you then do nine of each, then eight of each, then seven, etc., But, again, we ended with 10 instead of one because it’s F3.

    We had 8 minutes left for Mary and rejoiced at the chance to lie down and get off our legs. We did: WWI sit-ups, Freddy’s, heels to heaven, crunchy frogs, slow flutters, slow penguins, and leg raises.
    COT, and YHC forgot to pray (my bad, Tana!).

    Though the question remains unanswered, two brave PAX got stronger this morning thanks to the Tanacity of the big man. T-claps! Thanks for the camaraderie this morning, bro! Your legs are now scientifically classified as beefy.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Swinger in Da House – from King Kong

    Thunderstorms passed through last night. I woke up to a wet, cool April morning with low humidity. Rain had stopped around 6 a.m., and the sun was creeping up. What a beautiful morning!!! We saw a white minivan pulling up to the parking lot with an unfamiliar face. His name is Swinger from down range Houston (Sugarland). He’s called Swinger because he swing dances. But we all thought he lied about the origin of his name.

    We started off with warm-ups: Self-Love, Windmills, Imperial Walkers, Hill Billies, Arm Circles, Slow Low Squats, Halos, Bottle Caps, and Around the World.

    The Thang 1 OYO:
    10 single handed curls
    10 single handed rows
    10 Lunges with bells (2 is 1)
    10 burpees jump over

    15 triceps extensions
    15 two handed rows
    15 Leg raises with the bells
    Bear crawl to the parking lot and back

    20 overhead presses
    20 kettle bell swings
    20 goblet squats
    Overhead carry to the parking lot and back

    The Thang 2 in cadence:
    Rinse and repeat all the exercises above. Except this time, we did everything in cadence.

    The Thang 3:
    Dora 1, 2, 3
    100 curls, 200 kettle bell taps, 300 flutter kicks with the bell
    While one pax was doing the exercise, the other pax was carrying his bell to the park lot and back. (dealer’s choice – could be overhead carry, suitcase carry, etc.)

    COT

    Dinghy, Moana, and Sphinxter met us at Wakin’ Bakin’ for some breakfast.

    SYITG

    Kong

  • Dewars, Storks and Peanut Butter and Butter – from Rudy

    Yesterday (April 14th) was 3rd anniversary of my dad’s passing. YHC brought some memories to the beatdown this am. At 628am, YHC opened up the Mini, asked everyone to grab a pair of bricks. At 630am, YHC turned on the 80s playlist, and the 13 PAX moseyed (with their bricks) to the Peristyle.

    But wait – Cheese Steak rolled in hot. YHC back to the car to get one more set of bricks. A few minutes later, our DR visitor from Chicago (Bob the Builder) rolled in. Hokie went for more bricks.

    After a brief warmup (thank you Mahatma!), we got to work. We were going to visit a few places in the park. At each place, we’d have a cycle of exercises – 60 seconds on, 20 second rest.

    Stop #1: The Peristyle with bricks. My father’s favorite evening night cap was a splash of Dewars. We still keep a bottle of it around with my family to periodically celebrate. 2 rounds of exercises to spell out DEWARS

    Donkey Kicks
    Eagle Wings (bat wings stuff – with bricks)
    Wonderbra (peoples chair – then push the bricks out, then push’em up)
    American Hammer
    Rocky Balboa
    Starfish crunch

    Stop #2: Return the bricks to the Mini, and head to the rocks by the fountain. My father was an OB/GYN. His passion was delivering babies. What else delivers babies? 2 rounds of exercises (con roca) to spell out STORK

    Squats
    T-Merkins
    Overhead Press
    Rows
    Kettlebell Swings

    Triple Shift gratefully let YHC have a shot with TS’s rock while TS proceeded to one-arm Overhead Press YHC’s rock. Eventually, Frac relieved YHC.

    Stop #3: Return the rocks, mosey to the little foundry. My father’s favorite treat that he introduced to my kids – the Peanut Butter and Butter sandwich (only to be made with spreadable tub butter). 2 rounds of PBB exercises

    Pull Ups
    Burpees
    Big Boy Situps

    Stop #4: Stop by the Tool Wall. As the cancer took his life, he lost strength in his legs. YHC will pay a bit of honor with some leg strengtheners.

    Calf Raises
    Monkey Humpers
    Bonnie Blairs (modify to Lunges)
    Calf Raises

    Couldn’t get through 2 full rounds as. we were already late. Back to the flag – getting their about 5 minutes late. YHC didn’t apologize for the delay, as he didn’t feel bad about it.

    Finished with our COT. Prayers offered for other PAX who also go through struggles with their aging parents and health concerns.

    Thank you all for allowing me to celebrate my father’s life. He meant the world to me. I miss him daily. But I know he has moved on to the next phase of his life, and I know I will be rejoining him again one day.