You’d think that you wouldn’t be able to build an entire beatdown around calf raises. But you know what? You’d be wrong. You’d think that the pax – which consisted of a Bushwacker still on duty, walkie in hand, and a Waterpik who did his own warmup running to the AO – you’d think, hey, these guys would be very unhappy if they got up this early, braved the cold and ice for… calf raises? But again, you’d be wrong. You might also say, but Steve, can calf raises alone keep you warm, what with arctic blasts rolling through the area and sub-freezing temperatures?
Well, ok no, let’s be honest – no they cannot. But still….
It started off as it always does, with measly side straddle hops, a few wimpy butt kicks, some piddly grass grabbers and lame imperial walkers. Then a warm up lap around the trailhead before we got to the heavy stuff, the real meat of the workout and, that’s right, we’re not talking about absolution or kraken burpees or even those beloved Bulgarians, we’re talking about calf raises.
Now Russo has always maintained that 3 calf raises per step up the pilot house is the perfect amount. And I’d agree, except that I think there’s poor form on the first one, since you are stepping up to that step and probably haven’t quite settled before you begin. And of course, by that logic, there’s also poor form on the last one, as you start to jump up to the next step. So what happens in this 3-per-step scenario is you’re only really getting one good calf raise with proper form per step. Now, at 5 per step, you’re actually getting three good calf raises per step, as intended.
Lucky for us, form was not an issue. With icy conditions, we were forced to take things slow up the stairs for fear of slipping. With so many trips up the pilot house steps, YHC had time to reflect on the mechanics of calf raises, how they engage your core, help with balance awareness, heck, maybe even improve your posture. It’s very nearly a full body workout. Nearly. And to do this for 45 minutes would probably be some sort of record, right? Is there a Guinness World Record for calf raises? If not, I’m just going to go ahead and claim that Waterpik owns this record. I mean, who’s to say?
Ok, ok, perhaps there were other options at this beatdown, which were determined by a roll of the die:
1- 10 derkins off stage, bear crawl to platform and back
2 – 5 calf raises up each step
3 – 20x freak nasties, 20x merkins
4 – race down corridor, winner 5x merkins, losers 5x burpees
5 – 25x burpees
6 – Jane Fondas, pulses, and heel-to-knee x12 IC
BUT… Waterpik did roll a hell of a lot of 2’s in a very short period of time, and Bush was rolling 6’s like nobody’s business (and then pondering how appreciative his wife might be of his sudden glute development). It was a vicious cycle of calf raises and Jane fonds for a very long stretch.
Anyway, t-claps to these two men, who were gracious enough to get out there when even the Q didn’t want to go. Pik prayed us out with intentions for everyone to stay safe in this icy weather. Thanks for the opportunity to be out there with you gents, appreciate you guys.
