The year is 2011. Adeles “Rolling in the Deep” topped the charts. The Jefferson vs Lee qb controversy raged across the state. Wilfred Montana was ranked internationally in Call of duty. F3 was just 30 dudes at a park in North Carolina. What a time to be alive !
It was this very year YHC and his future M had advanced into that special realm of the relationship called “meeting the family”. The mission of this weekend trip was simple: meet family , make a good impression and hide your IBS at all costs. Well they say everyone has a plan till you get punched in the mouth. And most of the IBS crew will add that you also have a plan until you heap salad on top of Billy’s boudin balls (pepperJack of course, shout out Krotz Springs) ) and sprinkle in the nerves of meeting your potential future in laws. It was amidst these trials and tribulations of gastrointestinal chaos that YHC was handed an even greater task. Returning from yet another bathroom break YHC was ambushed by his Ms sister holding a pint sized human, colloquially known as a “baby”. I would later find out this was my Ms niece who was thrust into my arms with the awkward wink and even more awkward comment to the baby “it’s your future uncle Devin “ …
I held her with both arms extended from my body like a diapered grenade, unsure what to do next. My future sister in law saw the panic set in.
“She…she won’t explode ..ya know. Just walk with her, she likes that.”
I began a slow rhythmic walking and patting of the tiny human that any Native Americans would have appreciated as a rain dance. She found it neither comforting nor humorous and began to sing the song of her people. I immediately handed her back. “Is there an off button?” I asked and was met with shaking heads and pity.
Later, on the long road back to Shreveport, Ashley inquired further. “So is that like the first baby you have ever seen in your life?” She asked as hwy 90 zipped by. I pondered it , then agreed
“Yea , I think so. What a strange thing, I’ll try to limit my exposure in the future. Hey we are coming up on Billy’s! Want an order of boudin?! …
And so we fast forward in the back-blast Time Machine and bring you to this morning at the Lions Den. Where 12 men showed up to help YHC shake off the rust (it’s been 7ish years) and welcome my 2.3. YHC is not the only pax with a baby on the way and figured September is a fine month for sharpening skills.
Duke get the Boudreaux butt paste and roll the footage !
It’s a baby dedication beatdown !
Warmup
The usuals with Tana doing whatever he pleases in stark rebellion. Smooth looked dashing in Hawaiian print and Ronnie wanted it noted that after silent reflection he has named most of the Thibodaux pax.
Mosey to Hill and some of the pax had the early itch we call the basketball Jones. Goose practically begged for it to be played so JBL serenaded us with the Cheech and Chong classic. (Sorry AB, you missed it again)
Thang 1
First things first
Getting the Baby News
Arms Wide Open – Creed
On the hwy hill, lunges up to backward lunges down with a Navy Seal burpee on “With arms wide open”
The PAX cut the total time in half with correct answers from Enron, Dilly and Goose about Creeds 1999 Human Clay album led by Scott Stapp. A nice warmup.
Next to rush to the hospital for delivery :
Indian Run around the reservoir to the bball court with last man dropping off to do 3 flying squirrels for some hidden IPC prep
At the ball court:
There’s no point in even having a baby these days if you can’t blast it on all your socials right?!
YHC took center court for “Baby” by Justin Bieber (2010’s My Way 2.0 album )
The pax failed to guess these (Horn was sorely missed) but a gracious YHC gave DJ Ronnie credit for knowing Ludacris was featured. Deep rap knowledge from dem 318 bawzzz!
Additional credit for pax guessing each round of Babies at 18 reps .
Tin soldiers on song
Bobby hurleys on Baby
For a ten count YHC requested Dad Jokes and was not surprised to find the pax can go deep into the night before that tank is empty.
So now we are home with a new human and excited about it. What’s next ? Hello darkness my old friend for 6 months?
No Dox! no , we’ve been through this.
Do Tanas restorative yoga breathing ? ? A useful tool yes , but some of us aren’t that advanced in the ways of eastern medicines.
It’s time for the cry baby checklist !
(No not the one one about Jeauxs manniversary , that’s another beatdown)
Here’s the essential question I remember from 7 years ago , the question that all actions revolve around for months.
The question is:
What in Sam Hill could that baby have to cry about ??
Furthermore why did it not listen when I told it in my plain broken English to please stop crying ??
Duke! Get the checklist!
1.) Does the baby need diaper changed?
Rule: Assess the Damage and watch for shooters
“7’s” donkey kicks/jump tucks
Start out with 7 DKs to get down low and assess the damage and sprint to other end of court 1 JT so you can avoid the shooter (urination from a male baby) then Nur back for 6 DKs/2 JTs
Repeato
2. Proper Waste Management:
Rule : Kobe 4 Lyfe
If you are not involved directly in the changing of the waste then you can atleast take part in its disposal. One absolute necessity as a father is that you take the #1 diapers and shoot them into the trash can like Kobe. It’s an innate talent passed on from our own fathers who shot the urine cotton conglomerate and whispered “mJ” or “Wilt” But for YHCs generation there was no greater jeer than landing a nothing but net shot with a wad of college rule paper right in your 7th grade janitors face (and maybe a crowd of 8th grade girls) and hitting him with the “KOBE!!”
Side note: It’s been a while but I do strongly suggest this with only the #2s dipes.
This logically lead us to …
F3 Put Out (Gotcha)
SSH in line while waiting
Mosey the court once you are out
Last man standing
YHC could tell Tana was in the zone early when he renamed the game Diaper Dandies. It came down to Dilly, Goose and BoneT to hold him off but his game was too strong today and he took the trophy and awarded the pax 10 burpees.
#3 Is the baby Gassy?
Rule: baby pat rain dance
Partner Up:
80 no cheat merkins 10 at a time while partner does gas pumps.
YHC introduced Tana to concrete back farts while Enron and Valve listened to his mounting concern that we should call GI Joe for consultation. Hypotenuse was silently googling CrossFit locations.
#4 Is the baby Hungry ?
**this was scratched for time, you’ll thank me on Saturday**
Moseyed back to the flag for :
#5 do they need to be held ?
So Close by Calvin Harris
We took this jam to the buzzer with mixed Abs and Freddy mercuries.
COT
Announcements : IPC week 1 Saturday at the peltch. Watch the vids and practice your flying squirrels at home.
Shoutout:
T-Claps to Hypotenuse with back to back posts looking like a very solid addition to the already stacked ‘23 draft class .
our intentions and prayers for expecting families
Popeye prayed us out
Thank you for the lead today men
It was a much needed reminder at the difficulties ahead but also for the gratitude of this community and strength God provides through your brotherhood.
Epilogue :
2080
West Lafourche
“Baby ,baby ,baby ahhhh, like baby, baby, baby awww, I thought you’d always be mine “ the man sang has he jogged into Highland Lakes wrapping up his sprint home from his 60th manniversarv.
He walked inside after giving the ole Sprinter (with the personalized RONNIE plates) two pats on the hood. “She’s still got it” he said walking in to find his M in need of help to dispose of a diaper from their great great grand-baby (4.0). He grabbed the diaper, side stepped the defense and drained it into the waste basket 30 feet away. “Kobe” he whispered looking at the old framed picture of the bayous finest men around a shovel flag. “Kobe …”
SYITG
Dox
