F3 New Orleans

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  • Fall Back, Spring Ahead! – from The Hammer

    We lost an hour of sleep, and hour of morning light. It was dark, chilly, and a bit eerie at the playground this morning.
    Sounds like a solid beatdown at the marsh
    Warmups- Apparently there was a switch with the Q. Akbar had it originally, but the hammer chose to take over. SSH, self love, grass grabbers, imperial walkers, toe touches, etc…
    A beatdown of epic proportions.— upper body overload thanks to Hammer!
    First, Five rounds of 5 pull-ups, 10 merkins, and 15 squats.
    2nd- mosey to the street to begin our trip to the lake front.We stopped at every other stop sign with merkins and core work Classic Hammer move ignoring the legs, continuing the upper body trauma from Waterpik, huh? And then finishing it off with dirkens, sit-ups, LBCs, and irkens at the lakefront..

    There was some good mumble chatter too. Hogsbreath on the job hunt, Hammer’s Houston museum trip, and Wicked going full primal mode for his track event — except he wanted to go no shirt, no drag, just speed. Upset that he had to wear his tank top, complaining that it only slows him down. Love it. Poor Jose, though, four and a half days of work… rough life. At least he only has 49.5 work days left until Summer break, 30 days until Spring Break. Damn, he doesn’t work much…

    What’s the next workout plan looking like? You hitting it again soon or resting those arms a bit?

    The Q sheet is open, the workouts are free, EH some new blood, headlock some brothers who haven’t shown up in awhile.

  • Pax Choice 12 or 2? – from Bolt

    As the pax gathered with no definitive Q signed up and KB presuming MacGyver’s declaration to post was also a commitment to Q,—YHC, still gimpy, gave the disclaimer and off to the warmup pad we went for IWx10, MMPGMx10, Abe SLOWgodas x10, Tie Fighters x10 a la Charmin (forward, backward per usual plus side to side with both chinooks), self love x10, SSHx20 and mosey to JPAX via KNOTs, shuffle each way, karaoke each way, high knees. Retrieve coupons.
    The pax were each asked 12 or 2? The votes favored “12” and thus it would be…12 exercises in succession per round (10 reps each) with 10 celebratory Blockees before starting the second round.

    Not only did MacGyver break a coupon as a Kotter, he also tried to “save” his blockees til the end, presumably bc he fell behind the old men??? YHC had none of it so we synced up and brought him into a soft landing with us before starting round two together (leave no man behind).

    Monkey Humpers
    Shoulder Taps
    Big Boys
    Bonnie Blair’s
    Merkins
    Leg Raises
    Scoop Squats
    Carolina Dry Docks
    Compound Ws
    Burpees
    Mountain Climbers
    SSH

    Return to the flag just in time to burpee each “Knocked down” of Tubthumping as time expired. COT.
    NMM: we only talked sh!t about you, Pinewood…

  • DST at the Renni – from Fracsac

    The day of DST when we spring forward an hour always makes us tired. YHC knew a dose of the Renni was just the thing to combat this sleepiness in the gloom.
    With pax still slowly filtering in, YHC gave the disclaimer and we faced the bacon for a warmup with the usual stuff.

    Mosey to the tulips and some 11s with burpees at the tulips and step ups at the fountain.

    Mosey to the side of NOMA and do BLIMPS using the zig zag path to the steps and back. All in cadence.

    Back of museum for Sunday Mornings x 5.

    COT followed by PLC (parking lot coffeteria) where all participated and even a few others joined.

    SYITG 

  • Let’s Get Physical…and Possibly Excommunicated: White Meat, Maneater, and the Chatter That Broke Me – from Yankee Joe

    Alternate Blast Titles:

    1) Catholicism, Burpees, and Heresy—Oh My!
    2) Lent, Lamentations, and the Theology of Bad Ideas
    3) Deconstructed Burpees and Doctrinal Confusion
    4) Apolo Ohno, Olivia Newton-John, and the Road to Redemption

    ———-
    YHC grew up Episcopalian, and most of what I knew about Catholicism came from Robin Williams’ stand-up line: “I’m Episcopalian – that’s Catholic-lite. Same religion, half the guilt!” For YHC, Lent usually translated loosely to giving up Cokes or committing to finally get a six pack.

    Honestly, I had no idea what Lent was about.

    Honestly, neither does the Episcopal “church.”

    Thus, my integration into the Lenten season has been both brutal and emancipating. But, you’re probably asking yourself, “What does this have to do with Apolo Ohno’s, Olivia Newton John, and White Meat’s comfort level with F3 intimacy?”

    Nothing, but I bet you’re paying attention now.

    ———-

    Anyway, I hastily designed a Lenten beatdown theme, awkwardly linking F3 mantra to Christ’s three temptations in the wilderness. Oh…and dear Reader, when I say awkwardly, I mean like forcing a kangaroo into roller skates or stuffing a marshmallow into a piggy bank slot or cramming one leg into Wet Tap’s Mudgear shorts.

    Some – things – just – don’t – fit.

    Perhaps comparing America’s Best’s take on deconstructed burpees to Jesus’ resistance to Satan and his ultimate victory over death was a bit…I dunno…misguided. Indeed, as the beatdown progressed, YHC realized he was recklessly walking a thin line between ‘theological misstep’ and…well…HERESY.

    Oy gevalt! Mel Brooks would have a field day with me. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, amirite?

    ———-

    Thang 1:

    Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

    Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

    The Heresy:

    Then America’s Best was led by Goose into the Sweet Grass to be tempted by Paradox. After researching EV’s for forty days, he was a Socialist. Paradox said to him, “If you are indeed a rugby playing optometrist from Virginia (It’s for luvahs), then turn these stones into merkins.

    AB answered, “The PAX does not sweat on merkins alone, but all aspects of exercises that come from the Burpee. (So, for AB…his favorite and superfluous deconstructed Burpee.)

    Bear and Block to marker 40 yards away

    – 20 coupon LBC’s
    – 20 merkins
    – 20 curls
    – 20 squat jumps

    Return Rifle carry

    – 20 coupon LBC’s
    – 20 merkins
    – 20 curls
    – 20 squat jumps

    ———-
    Thang 2:

    Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

    “He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”

    Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.”

    The Heresy:

    Then Paradox said, “If you are truly part of the Thibodaux PAX, throw yourself down to the ground. For it is written: “The Q will be gracious and not let you endure a beatdown with planking.”

    AB answered, “Do not put your Q to the test.”

    Broad jump burpees to marker 40 yards

    – 20 chilcutt peter parkers 1:1
    – 20 mary poppins
    – 20 J-Lo’s 2:1
    – 20 chilcutt jacks

    Sprint Return

    – 20 chilcutt peter parkers 1:1
    – 20 mary poppins
    – 20 J-Lo’s 2:1
    – 20 chilcutt jacks

    ———-

    Thang 3:

    Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

    Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.”

    The Heresy:

    Paradox showed AB all the AO’s in the world and you can start your own F3 cartel, call it a nonprofit, and then forget about executing the correct form on any exercise.

    AB said to him, “Away from me Paradox! For it is written that a proper Apolo Ohno requires one hand touch to the ground and the other behind your back.

    Coupon lunges to marker, 40 yards

    – 40 toe taps to coupon 2:1
    – 40 apolos 2:1
    – 40 bonnies 1:1
    – 40 climber merkins (one mountain climber, then merkin)

    Sprint Return

    Regardless, the Thangs were challenging and the chatter was unbelievable. Now, please don’t misunderstand…the chatter was actually, mystifyingly unbelievable. I couldn’t actually believe the sheer volume of garbage spewing forth from these clowns.

    It was nonstop. It was off the rails. It was maddening. It was…then it happened.

    Working through Apolo’s, came the next generation of chatter. Not since the Enron/Paradox chatter pair burst into the gloom have we heard such meaningless banter. Even the Popeye/AB fragrance, Eau de ‘self righteousness’ wilts in comparison. From the midst of the Den, White Meat and Maneater engaged in what has to be improv at its finest.

    It went something like this…

    Maneater (to White Meat): “You look like Olivia Newton John.”

    White Meat: “Who?”

    ME: “You don’t know Olivia Newton John? Hopelessly Devoted? Let’s Get Physical?!? Grease?!?”

    WM: “Nope. I don’t watch musicals. You like them?”

    ME: “I was born to hand jive.”

    WM: “Come again?”

    Paradox (singing): “Let’s get physical.”

    WM: “No thank you.” (staring at Dox in disgust)

    We finished up with a last ditch effort to quell the chatter. By this time, YHC had lost his patience, dropping random passive aggressive shots at nobody in particular. Muttered comments like, ‘running their mouths too much to be exercising’ and that ‘the Pax in general had too much energy’ and that ‘I would show them a thing or two about a…whatever’. This ain’t even my whole night, bruh.

    So, to the musical and redundant stylings of Bill Withers’ “Lovely Day,” the PAX did various leg work during verses and then star jumps for every “Lovely Day.” In case you were wondering, there are 96.

    Real Talk:
    The song choice was not a product of repetitive triggers perfect for F3. Well, it was, but not completely. Since joining F3 as well as converting to Catholicism (and yes…I do mean ‘conversion’…there ain’t no catholic-lite about it), my concept of Lent has moved from, “Do I have to do this?” to “I get to do this.”

    That doesn’t mean it’s not hard or that I don’t take it out on fellow PAX when they aren’t following my very simple instructions. In truth, it is hard and I do take it out on White Meat…and sometimes Paradox.

    Good to be back, Fellas.

    SYITG,

    Jeaux

  • Financial Literacy – from Jose10k

    Moby, a 75-year-old legend who claims he once out-sprinted a bill collector, and Jose10k , a young guy who thinks “compound interest” is a gym move, squared off in a workout that was equal parts sweat and financial reality check.

    The session kicked off with burpees—because, just like credit card interest, they compound quickly and make life miserable when ignored. Jose half-heartedly flopped through them, much like someone making minimum payments on a maxed-out credit card. Meanwhile, Moby, fueled by decades of discipline (and probably black coffee), executed each one with the precision of a man who never paid a cent in overdraft fees.

    Next up: core squats. “Think of this as your savings account,” Moby wheezed between reps. “The stronger your foundation, the less likely you are to collapse under debt.” Jose nodded, then immediately wobbled under the weight—just like someone living paycheck to paycheck with no emergency fund.

    Sprints followed, symbolizing the financial journey of many athletes who go from millions to bankruptcy faster than Jose’s short-lived attempt at working hard. “Basketball players sign a $50 million contract and end up broke because they don’t understand debt-to-income ratio,” Moby barked as Jose gasped for air. “You know what happens when you take out a loan with no plan to pay it back? Declines. Just like this incline sprint you’re struggling up.”

    Jose groaned but managed to stumble to the top. “But what if you’re not college-bound?” he asked, doubling over.

    Moby chuckled. “Then you learn skills, kid. Not everyone needs a degree, but everyone needs a way to earn money. You think the guy who built this gym needed calculus? No, he needed to know about supply, demand, and not blowing his paycheck on things that lose value faster than your stamina.”

    By the time they wrapped up, Jose was sprawled out like a busted investment portfolio. Moby patted him on the back. “Remember, kid—money and muscles work the same way. Put in the effort, stay consistent, and don’t expect overnight results. Otherwise, you’ll end up weak… and broke.”

    With that, Moby walked off, he had given all of his Financial Literacy wisdom he could share. Jose10k could only try to apply his lessons. But he thought to himself, what about Darkwing, Fletch, B.B.Q., and Einstein? Shouldn’t they know the truth?

  • Bringing back the F3 to F3 – from Waterpik

    Two runners, one Rucker!

  • Takin’ it to Das Streets – from America’s Best

    Sometime back in February, “the algorithm” presented to YHC a video of Klootschiten, a wintertime Dutch road-bowling game that includes pulling along a liquor wagon. It’s a team sport, with rules similar to golf, and the course is a series of roads. So, in the spirit of “everything is a beatdown,” it seemed like a good way to get some running in for a Tuesday during RCR… but the full Q sheet pushed it into March. Instead of a wagon, one team member would haul a coupon. And before each throw, the team would do the number of burpees corresponding to which number throw they are on. The man with the coupon would do 2x curls instead.

    On Kloot-day, however, YHC’s back was tweaked, so I opted to alternate Goosies on the even numbers. And when you get to throw number 20… no, 10, you start over at one again. You know what, let’s make it 20.

    But first, Goose requested trivia. And we had a downranger MerMan to impress…
    So, what are the 3 main countries who participate in this sport?
    YHC pronounced “Klootschiten” with the hardest, most severe German accent I could force. Of course, Goose’s first guess was “Ireland.” Which was correct.
    Yankee Jeaux obviously knew the answer, but apparently all he heard was a challenge, and could only chatter back a seemingly unending string of Germanic jibberish.
    Still, after 5 penalty burpees, YHC counted that as a correct answer.
    Montana rounded out the correct answers with The Netherlands. The man was burned by those Aldi cookies, and now knows that things inspired by Germany may actually be Dutch.

    Teams were formed and off we went. Team Goose-Dox-Merman cleverly threw their kloot under the dumpster early, so they could not hear (ignore) an important rules change that would undoubtedly change the course of Kloot history forever.
    Sometimes you get a feeling that Goose is going to beat you, but what can you do? I’ll tell you what you can do—you don’t just roll over and let it happen. No, what you do is you make the rules ambiguous enough, or you change them enough times that Goose accidentally cheats.
    And so the righteous teams did probably like 3 times more burpees and Goosies and curls, but Team Green was gracious enough to come back and pick up the losers.
    While two teams were still hammering away on the course, the other team was hanging out at the flag. YHC had a contingency plan. A reverse Dora was written on a cardboard box. 400 Imperial Walkers (MOT Fox Holes), 200 curls (MOT lunge walk), 100 WJs (MOT mosey). Team Yankee Popeye Pope was instructed to begin.
    But there was too much confusion about whether a backwards Dora could actually exist, or if there was some new reading style in which you read the bottom-to-top. The schism resulted in Popeye Imperial Walking Alone. (For the record, there is no language on Earth read bottom to top).

    YHC’s team limped into last place with time enough for a quick YJ favorite. With Lent nigh, it was time to “Give it Up.” YHC had spent an inadvisable amount of time selecting the right remix… but ultimately found one in which there are somewhere between 40 and 50 triggers, 75% of which occur in the last 30 seconds. So we held plank, merkined on each “give it up,” and mountain-climbed during any musical interludes. While most of the PAX were groaning, Yankee Joe was grinning, and at least once I swear I heard him mutter “my precious.” There has since been wild speculation of a YJ 45-minute “Give it Up Remix” BD.

    All that was left was a few minutes of Mary, primarily to answer the burning question “What does WJ stand for?!?!”

    COT
    Push up Pimp was transferred sub rosa from White Meat to Pope
    Goose prayed us out

    Always an honor to lead you men.
    SYITG,
    AB

  • Takin’ it to Das Streets – from America’s Best

    Sometime back in February, “the algorithm” presented to YHC a video of Klootschiten, a wintertime Dutch road-bowling game that includes pulling along a liquor wagon. It’s a team sport, with rules similar to golf, and the course is a series of roads. So, in the spirit of “everything is a beatdown,” it seemed like a good way to get some running in for a Tuesday during RCR… but the full Q sheet pushed it into March. Instead of a wagon, one team member would haul a coupon. And before each throw, the team would do the number of burpees corresponding to which number throw they are on. The man with the coupon would do 2x curls instead.

    On Kloot-day, however, YHC’s back was tweaked, so I opted to alternate Goosies on the even numbers. And when you get to throw number 20… no, 10, you start over at one again. You know what, let’s make it 20.

    But first, Goose requested trivia. And we had a downranger MerMan to impress…
    So, what are the 3 main countries who participate in this sport?
    YHC pronounced “Klootschiten” with the hardest, most severe German accent I could force. Of course, Goose’s first guess was “Ireland.” Which was correct.
    Yankee Jeaux obviously knew the answer, but apparently all he heard was a challenge, and could only chatter back a seemingly unending string of Germanic jibberish.
    Still, after 5 penalty burpees, YHC counted that as a correct answer.
    Montana rounded out the correct answers with The Netherlands. The man was burned by those Aldi cookies, and now knows that things inspired by Germany may actually be Dutch.

    Teams were formed and off we went. Team Goose-Dox-Merman cleverly threw their kloot under the dumpster early, so they could not hear (ignore) an important rules change that would undoubtedly change the course of Kloot history forever.
    Sometimes you get a feeling that Goose is going to beat you, but what can you do? I’ll tell you what you can do—you don’t just roll over and let it happen. No, what you do is you make the rules ambiguous enough, or you change them enough times that Goose accidentally cheats.
    And so the righteous teams did probably like 3 times more burpees and Goosies and curls, but Team Green was gracious enough to come back and pick up the losers.
    While two teams were still hammering away on the course, the other team was hanging out at the flag. YHC had a contingency plan. A reverse Dora was written on a cardboard box. 400 Imperial Walkers (MOT Fox Holes), 200 curls (MOT lunge walk), 100 WJs (MOT mosey). Team Yankee Popeye Pope was instructed to begin.
    But there was too much confusion about whether a backwards Dora could actually exist, or if there was some new reading style in which you read the bottom-to-top. The schism resulted in Popeye Imperial Walking Alone. (For the record, there is no language on Earth read bottom to top).

    YHC’s team limped into last place with time enough for a quick YJ favorite. With Lent nigh, it was time to “Give it Up.” YHC had spent an inadvisable amount of time selecting the right remix… but ultimately found one in which there are somewhere between 40 and 50 triggers, 75% of which occur in the last 30 seconds. So we held plank, merkined on each “give it up,” and mountain-climbed during any musical interludes. While most of the PAX were groaning, Yankee Joe was grinning, and at least once I swear I heard him mutter “my precious.” There has since been wild speculation of a YJ 45-minute “Give it Up Remix” BD.

    All that was left was a few minutes of Mary, primarily to answer the burning question “What does WJ stand for?!?!”

    COT
    Push up Pimp was transferred sub rosa from White Meat to Pope
    Goose prayed us out

    Always an honor to lead you men.
    SYITG,
    AB

  • Afternoon Delight – 3-5-2025 – from Almonaster

    We heard the Penguins were flying to the North Pole and decided to lay down on the banks of the Audubon Lagoons.

    The PAX were motivated to perform some Nickles and Dimes. 50 Penguins or Core exercise and 10 merkins, shoulder taps, or squats at each 3rd running man. We finished with Penguin Ring of Fire!!

    Subprime, Strings, Voila, Couch, Big Willie, Blowout, SOGO, and Almonaster

  • Takin’ it to the Streets – from America’s Best

    Sometime back in February, “the algorithm” presented to YHC a video of Klootschiten, a wintertime Dutch road-bowling game that includes pulling along a liquor wagon. It’s a team sport, with rules similar to golf, and the course is a series of roads. So, in the spirit of “everything is a beatdown,” it seemed like a good way to get some running in for a Tuesday during RCR… unfortunately the full Q sheet pushed it into March. Instead of a wagon, one team member would haul a coupon. And before each throw, the team would do the number of burpees corresponding to which number throw they are on. The man with the coupon would do 2x curls instead.

    On Kloot-day, however, YHC’s back was tweaked, so I opted to alternate Goosies on the even numbers. And when you get to throw number 20… no, 10, you start over at one again. You know what, let’s make it 20.

    But first, Goose requested trivia. And we needed to show downranger MerMan what we are all about? So, what are the 3 main countries who participate in this sport?

    YHC pronounced “Klootschiten” with the hardest, most severe German accent I could force. Of course, Goose’s first guess was “Ireland.” Which was correct.
    Yankee Jeaux obviously knew the answer, but apparently all he heard was a challenge, and could only chatter back a seemingly unending string of Germanic jibberish.
    Still, after 5 penalty burpees, YHC counted that as a correct answer.
    Montana rounded out the correct answers with The Netherlands. The man was burned by those Aldi cookies, and now knows that things inspired by Germany may actually be Dutch.

    Teams were formed and off we went. Team Goose-Dox-Merman cleverly threw their kloot under the dumpster early, so they could not hear (ignore) an important rules change that would undoubtedly change the course of Kloot history forever.
    Sometimes you get a feeling that Goose is going to beat you, but what can you do? I’ll tell you what you can do—you don’t just roll over and let it happen. No, what you do is you make the rules ambiguous enough, or you change them enough times that Goose accidentally cheats.
    And so the righteous teams did probably like 3 times more burpees and Goosies and curls, but Team Green was gracious enough to come back and pick up the losers.
    While two teams were still hammering away on the course, the other team was hanging out at the flag. YHC had a contingency plan. A reverse Dora was written on a cardboard box. 400 Imperial Walkers (MOT Fox Holes), 200 curls(MOT lunge walk), 100 WJ(Wheezy Jeffersons) (MOT mosey). Team Yankee Popeye Pope was instructed to begin.
    But there was too much confusion about whether a backwards Dora could actually exist, or if there was some new reading style in which you read the bottom-to-top. The schism left Popeye Imperial Walking alone. (For the record, there is no language on Earth read bottom to top).
    YHC’s team limped into last place with time enough for a quick YJ favorite. With Lent nigh, it was time to “Give it Up.” YHC had spent an inadvisable amount of time selecting the right remix… but found one in which there are somewhere between 40 and 50 triggers, 75% of which occur in the last 30 seconds. So held plank and merkined on each “Give it Up,” mountain climbing during any instrumental breaks. While most of the PAX were groaning, Yankee Joe was grinning, and at least once I swear I hear him mutter “my precious.” There since has been wild speculation of a YJ 45-minute “Give it Up Remix” BD.
    All that was left was a few minutes of Mary, primarily to answer the burning question “what does WJ stand for?!?!”

    COT
    WM conveyed Push up Pimp sub rosa to Pope
    Goose prayed us out

    Thanks men, always an honor to lead.
    SYITG,
    AB