F3 New Orleans

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  • Don’t You Wish You Had Mandals.

    15 strong at The Stomp for a rousing round of rarájipari. We divided into to 4 teams and YHC gave the obligatory disclaimer about the inherent dangers to your ankles. I then called out a destination that only a few were familiar with and the race was on.

    The Thang

    Two teams headed down Roosevelt Mall toward the museum and two headed the opposite direction. YHC gave the team of Screwtop, Shuffle, and Manscape some bad directions a couple of times which allowed our team of Bongo, Kuch, El Guapo, and me to catch up. Once we made it to the woods we could hear another team. After much wandering around in the Couturie Forest, the team of Tool, Fracsac, Rev Sox and Abacus made it to the top of Laborde Mountain first, where Tool being the HIM that he is, immediately started leading everyone in some Mary. After a couple of rounds of Mary there was still no sign of team four (Dirty Dell, Briefs, Room Service, and Half Nelson). Being up against the clock, YHC had everyone start race #2 back to the flag while I went deep into the forest to locate the Team Dirty Briefs. They were close. YHC led them to our city’s highest point for future reference and then we were off to the flag. When I caught up to the other teams, Team Screwscape Shuffle was nowhere to be found. They were about a mile ahead of everyone else. My team made the decision to take Marconi on the way back and we got to the flag with about 5 minutes to spare. Still no sign of the Screwscape Shuffle. We found them at 6:15 apparently running victory laps around City Park.

    The Skinny
    • Mandals are freaking awesome for playing rarajipari. It’s as if the game was invented by people that wear them. Just ask Kuch about my sandwedge ability to get the ball out of the rough
    • T-claps to me, Bongo, and Kuch. We were on a team with El Guapo and he didn’t run off and leave us. Maybe he could have, but I’m going to believe that we hung with him out of our own improvement
    • Marconi is definitely the fastest way to Laborde Mountain. We will have to outlaw that route in the future.
    • T-claps to the Lakeview Krewe as they continue to successfully EH every man in the greater New Orleans area. This is Hall of Fame type EHing that we are witnessing by Screwtop et al., a la Reluctant Yankee 2015-16, 2017 Triple Shift, or the HNJ Flood of 2018.
    • T-claps to Rev Sox for rocking the tank on an unofficial Tank Top Tuesday.

  • Bacon Rarajapari with a slice of ultimate burpee bacon

    It’s my birthday week so indulge me and let me do what I want with this beatdown. 70 degrees cool and beautiful outside. Showed up with my bucket of baseballs, and a frisbee. The pre-beatdown chatter focused on the Bourbon Rodeo on Monday night – total FOMO from me. I had a great B-Day with the fam but totally jealous of the food and booze beatdown hosted by Sandbar, Squeal, and 86.

    Started off with grabbing some baseballs out of the bucket. We ran to the parking lot in front of the zoo. SSH x 20. Imp Walkers x 20 and Morning Glories x 10. Drop your ball and run to Audubon Statue.

    At Audubon we did around the clock merks x 15 at 3,6,9,and 12 – That means inclined merks, right arm raised merks, decline merks, left arm raised merks.

    Drop the ball and run to the FLY beach playing Rarajapari with partner – only rule is that you can’t kick the ball twice.

    At the FLY beach we did Monkey Humpers x 20 and Mtn Climbers x 20

    Drop your ball and run the big hill with your partner and your ball – finish by kicking your ball over the hill.

    At the FIELD we played Ultimate Frisbee. We divided teams based on F3 shirts. 2 burpees for a change of possession. 7 burpees for a score. Final score was 7-3. So my team did 49 burpees and the bad guys in F3 shirts who enjoy ruining birthdays did a mere 21 burpees. Not including turn overs.

    Some observations–Angie’s List is the Honey Badger of ultimate – knocking frisbees out of peoples hands with reckless abandon, Bones used to play professional ultimate – he even knew the correct terms for different plays,etc. If you ever need a ringer call Bones. Nip Tuck has a ridiculous wingspan – he was pulling out some crazy plastic man long arm catches. Peaches can sail a frisbee – his first kick off was two football fields away–guess I made the field too small for him, G-Spot has Drew Brees like accuracy with the frisbee – he landed 2 kickoffs on the goal line, Quarterpipe also may have played ultimate in Division 1 – punk, King Kong got attacked by the wet grass monster – I hope your knee and your groin are OK, he is not afraid to dive and finally Wipeout is a post up beast. Just throw it up in the air and he will come down with it. Nice TD. Sorry to the guys who didn’t get a mention.

    Rarajapari back to Audubon Statue. At the Statue LBCs while you wait. Also had a minute for Low Country Crab x 20. It wouldn’t have been my beatdown without them.

    Finally back to the FLAG with some Rarajapari. Careful crossing Magazine. Got back 30 sec early so we did MISSION IMPOSSIBLE to finish.

    Thanks for allowing me the chance to lead. Always a pleasure. In the prayer I asked everyone to BE THE BACON. Be the thing that people look forward to in everything that you do.

  • Tee-Tee Returns

    Thanks to Douille for giving up his birthday Q so I could lead a 3-year anniversary beat down. I meant to give him a shout out during the work out and totally forgot so please tell him happy birthday next time you see him. I racked my brain to come up with a good workout involving the number 3 but none seemed to want to stick. I figured I’d catch my groove with something and moved on to the idea that I would provide a little F3 Nola 5/11/16 trivia.

    Warm UP:

    Disclaimer and quick mosey to the peristyle. It’s always refreshing to see America’s future lounging around the lagoon with a good vape in hand at 6:30. I must say I was a little jealous of the one guy with three girls but recalled that set up usually meant no deal was going to be sealed and buddy you might just need to pack it in the for night. Nonetheless I think they were curious of the pax and when one young lady started doing side straddle hops I lost the pax momentarily. We re-centered though and knocked out those SSH IC x 30, IW IC x 30, Grass Grabbers IC x 30, Peter Parker IC x 20, Mountain Climbers IC x 20, Parker Peter IC x 20, and something else.

    The Thing:

    Mosey around the way OYO to the little foundry. Plank and wait. Divvy into groups of 3: Al Gores, Pull-ups (count, 10), Dips. Rotate and repeat x 1.

    Mosey further around the way OYO to the track.

    Trivia fact one: 5/11/16 was a banner day at The Skinny. FNG’s included YHC plus Quick Draw (anyone spotted our favorite boy in blue lately?) and G-spot. Not sure who in the pax that day knew that ‘G-spot’ is a nickname for Greensboro, NC but the name caught on. I assume G-spot omits that nugget when detailing how he really got his name.

    Anyway the pax has caught their breath by now and is ready to run a mile. Easy enough but catch 10 burpees at the start of each lap. On the last lap instead of crossing the finish line the leader stops 20 yards short of the finish line and the next guy stops 20 yards short of him etc, etc. Plank and wait and the 6 with sweep you up to the finish. This went ok.

    Trivia fact two: I left my first beatdown with the name Tee-Tee. There was some trepidation in the name but urinary names can do that. My kids were stoked when I came home from the gloom and explained my new name. Well it didn’t last. Sometime between the post and the publication of the backblast (Shorty was Q so it may have been a bit) I was renamed Tinkles. Some backroom maneuvering but I think the right call was made.

    Indian run to the NOMA fountain. Spirits were running high so no need for more trivia. Need was for: RLSU IC x 20, LLSU x 20, Classic Tinkles (someone else said it not me) IC x 20.

    Partner up. Partner one stay and do modified LBC with feet on the bench. Partner two run around the now-open circular drive around NOMA. A pleasant mix of AC and paint fumes hung in the air around the museum. I almost vomited but survived. Switch.

    Just enough time to catch a view of Muscleship doing classic Muscleship aka Indian Walk or something like that.

    Mosey back to the flag with just enough time for some plank work on the side walk. We welcomed back Rudy from his butt cyst recovery run. Didn’t see any bloody discharge on the back of his shorts so I assume that it went ok.

    Circle up. Trivia fact three: I was EH’d by Walleye with an assist from Roots. This gave me the idea of having the pax say who EH’d them during the namorama:

    • JV- Yankee
    • Rudy- Heisenburg
    • Catfish- F3nola.com
    • 86- Tinkles
    • Angie’s List- Willie
    • Douille- Bagasse/Yankee
    • King Kong- Angie’s List
    • War Eagle- Baby Face
    • Two Utes- Hawg
    • Colonel Mustard- Seaman
    • Bongo- Maverick
    • Gabrielle- Seaman
    • Triple Shift- Triple Shift
    • Organ Grinder- Google
    • Fracsac- Maverick/Bubba
    • Heisenbery- Bogey

    T-claps to Seaman, Yankee, and Maverick for topping list of EH’ers

    Close with a prayer with special dedications to Fracsac’s mom, Triple Shift’s friend, and Moms. Thanks for the chance to lead and looking forward to another 3 years!

  • F2 Whiskey Rodeo

    “Thanks, can I have another?”

    21 PAX met in the gathering gloom of a May monday, each with a bottle in hand. The warm glow of Patois (T-claps to Squeal!) beckoned the PAX in for a communion of the spirits. Mostly the brown and amber kind.

    First up from YHC, were a couple batting practice pours to investigate a new expression from the YHC’s flatboat lab. The PAX were gracious guinea pigs.

    Then our minister of spirit and education, whiskey guardian and general great guy, one Andy Borbely, picked up the Q and delivered a homily to warm our souls. Only the hardy could withstand this THANG. 17 whiskies in 4 hours. Sniff, Sniff, Sniff again, sip, and quaff. Note the subtle hints of Peaches. Something about peat. Or was it Pete? Lather, rinse and repeat.

    The brave PAX sampled bourbons, Irish whiskies, Japanese expressions, more bourbon, and Scotch. Here’s the sequential list.

    • Elijah Craig
    • Old Forrester, 1920
    • Old Forrester, 1870
    • Weller Wheat
    • Angel’s Envy!!
    • Tyrconnell
    • Jameson Black
    • Toki
    • Hibiki Harmony
    • Wild Turkey Rye
    • Pinhook
    • Blanton’s
    • WT Rare Breed
    • Macallan 10
    • Balvenie Double Wood 12
    • Laophraig

    To nourish the PAX and keep them going for the long haul, Squeal and 86 laid out delicious provisions including boudin balls, wings, pork tacos and fries. T-Claps and much gratitude from the PAX. YHC is sure their significant others thank them as well. And T-claps to the uptown PAX for coming together for a great show!

  • Mother’s Day Au Lait

    Three PAX need to work on their priorities. Or perhaps they have superior time management and family diplomatic skills. Either way, Bean, In Time and YHC met for the weekly 10k Au Lait on Mother’s Day morning, ran for 10k at a leisurely pace while discussing the advantages of running at a leisurely pace, and then high tailed it back home for Mother’s Day festivities.

  • Easy Like Sunday Morning….

    YHC was feeling the need to add some manliness to the Sunday routine. With the kettle bell movement in full swing uptown (see what I did there), YHC took the opportunity to bring a good old fashioned beat down to the World in the confines of City Park. What YHC did not account for was the wrath of Mother Nature. The lightning show died out around 0620, along with the rains, which made for a quiet and cool time in City Park. The only issue now was the high water. YHC drove slowly down the river called Marconi Drive, and made it to NOMA.

    At 0630, YHC made a quick mosey toward the Great Lawn just in case there were Pax loitering about there, but nay, no Pax present. Mosey back to the big lagoon for a quick warmup of some side straddle hops and something else, then a run around the lagoon with some burpees. Mosey to the Foundry, where the path leading to the bike trail was over ankle deep with high water, keeping YHC from entering it. YHC did pullups, Burpees, and WW2 situps.

    Mosey to the practice track, where Roosevelt Mall was hiding under the standing waters, but YHC hopped along the protruding islands and only had to endure a few moments of submerged feet. At the practice track, which was high and dry, YHC did some sprints on the straightaways, mosey on the curves, and stopped in the practice area for a few other exercises, like burpees and such.

    Mosey back to NOMA for the virtual COT (tough to do COT with a single Pax). Announcements included the Bar-a-thon, but YHC reminded the Q that he was already signed up. Prayed for those that had damage from the waters and the storm, and that a quick recovery was in their future.

    NMM

    YHC managed a little over 4 miles, and racked up the only ISI point of the day. The new AO name shall remain unnamed, with a name coming in the very near future, one would hope, unless Mother Nature has something to say about it.

    SYITG

  • I’m told there was a 45-minute workout today

    Last week, High Rise was thrust into the spotlight at the Danger Zone when the Q failed to show. This week, High Rise was thrust into the spotlight when YHC had to make an abrupt exit to take care of a most urgent matter.

    Before all that though, we warmed up with a lap around the track, where we did some high knees, butt kicks, skipping, running sideways, zombie walks, and moseying.

    Next, we split into 2 heats for the following:

    • sprint 100, jog 300
    • sprint 200, jog 200
    • sprint 300, jog 100
    • sprint 400

    Somewhere around the time we came around the second turn of the 300 sprint, YHC broke the news to High Rise that he would, in fact, be Q’ing another workout on very short notice. Luckily, High Rise took it in stride.

    • YHC: Yo, I gotta go. real bad. you got this
    • High Rise: Sure thing. What’s next
    • YHC: Uh, sprints
    • High Rise: uhhhhh. okay

    YHC had planned some parachute runs and round two with the new, hopefully fixed, speed ropes, but when ISI doubled the normal turnout at the DZ, those plans were scrapped for a “spur of the moment” workout. Luckily, High Rise was up to the challenge. I’m told the following occurred while I was gone:

    • 400m sprint
    • Relay Races
    • PAX choice MARY (dying cockroaches, penguins, merkins, crab cakes, Freddie Mercury)

    Luckily, YHC returned in time to suggest we finish up by timing our fastest quarter mile. This was met with some groans – apparently there had been running while YHC was busy handling nature’s call. Who knew?

    We finished up with some stretching and a bit of grumbling from Rudy, so I’d say we were fully back on track by the end. War Eagle prayed us out. Thanks for letting me lead half a workout, and thanks to High Rise for being a great sport and taking the reigns. – Kuch

  • Mother’s Day Hangover

    Never has the PAX been greeted by a larger amount of refuse at the Marsh. Obviously, it was a raucous affair for mother’s day at the park. As YHC was going about the all too routine affair of picking up the AO, Shooter pulled up and slowly ambled from is sleek ans sporty Honda Fit. Waterpik trundled up in his reliable SUV shortly thereafter. And just when we thought the roster had settled at three, the n0w-familiar truck of Cowbell illuminated the court with its headlights. Having just signed up the previous day, QIC navigated his way through the mist of hesitation that lay at the foot of the unpropitious beat down his slightly demented imagination had conjured up. (It was worse than it sounds…)

    WARM

    x15 IC:

    Toe Touches

    Cherry Pickers

    Air Presses

    Arm Circles (10 F, 10 R)

    High Knees

    Butt Kicks

    THANG

    At the corner of Lamarque and Livingston, the PAX dropped for 10 Merkins IC. Then we did another 10 Merkins IC. We followed that up with yet another 10 Merkins IC. That abuse continued until 5 sets were complete, at which time we mosied southbound to the corner of Lamarque and Monroe. There, we did the same set count with Squats. Upon completion, the jolly band of brothers skipped back to the previous corner, and proceeded to rinse and repeat. Heeding Cowbell’s mention of Q’s core prowess, it was off to center court for:

    MARY

    50 LBCs

    40 Freddy Mercury’s

    30 Putins

    20 Hello Dolly’s

    10 LMCs

    20 Heal Pulses

    30 Flutter Kicks

    40 100s

    50 Heal Taps (or Penguins)

    COT

    Waterpik prayed us us out, and Shooter welcomed Cowbell to his 1st visit to the Marsh and surprised us all with a new batch of hid very own beef jerky! Eat your heart out Steve and Captain Sparkles!!!!

  • Running With Scissors

    I had been looking forward to this (1 day after) Birthday Q. Since I am a Physical Therapist I wanted to introduce a few exercises that I have my patients perform in the clinic or suped-up modifications of those exercises. I had considered using the great lawn for a portion of the beatdown but due to the amount of rain we had received and the lack of any animal crawls I opted to stay dry (of water, not sweat) which I hope the PAX appreciated. 8 men gathered in the humid, muggy, but sunny morning, the disclaimer was given, and off we moseyed to the pavilion by the Festival Grounds as everyone carried their soon to be announced coupons while I carried the scissors so said coupons could be distributed.

    Warm Up:

    • Side straddle hops x 25
    • Windmills x 10
    • Self love x 10
    • Hillbillies x 20
    • Mountain climbers x 20

    Thang #1:

    I was inspired by 2 recent beatdowns by Mr. Awesome and Kuch that included Tabata. So I performed a dry run the night before with a free app I downloaded and chose a 90s grunge playlist on Amazon Prime for 20 sec of exercise and 10 sec of rest for a group of arm exercises all using Theraband. We performed 2 rounds, with some questionable grunge selections by Amazon (Goo Goo Dolls and Dave Matthews Band are not 90s grunge).

    • Shoulder flexion (forward straight arm raise)
    • T’s/airplanes (separate arms apart while maintaining arms at shoulder level)
    • External rotation (elbows by your side and swing open arms like a gate)
    • Shoulder abduction (lateral straight arm raise)
    • Biceps curls
    • Triceps extension

    Thang #2:

    With everyone’s shoulders burning it was time to work on some legs. After shifting the picnic tables out of the way, PAX lined up on one end of the pavilion and performed a series of exercises back and forth across the pavilion

    • Lunge with twist, there and back
    • Toe walks, there
    • Heel walks, back
    • Monster walks with Theraband around ankles, forward there and retro back
    • Lateral monster walks with Theraband around ankles, alternate direction after a lap

    Thang #3:

    Everyone’s quads and gluts seemed to be burning after those so PAX circled back up for a some merkin and plank variations all performed in cadence

    • Merkin plus x 15
    • Merkin into side plank x 10
    • Plank on elbows into a birddog position (lifting alternate arm and leg) x 10

    At this point my arms were getting worn out and I was slipping from my sweat on the pavilion concrete so I made slight change in my exercise order. Time for some People’s Chair x 30 sec each, with modifications of course to target different muscle groups.

    • Feet flat on ground
    • Shift weight towards heels to fire the gluts
    • Shift weight towards balls of the feet to fire the quads
    • Single leg with right leg in air
    • Single leg with left leg in air

    Following this I went back and completed by merkin/plank exercise group with side planks into a straight leg raise x 10 each side.

    Thang #4:

    Following our pavilion portion of the beatdown we moseyed over to the deck in front of Big Lake while carrying coupons (and scissors of course). All exercises done in cadence.

    • Prone T’s/airplanes (Theraband optional) x 15 ; my apologies to the tall people/people with long arms
    • Prone W’s x 15
    • Dips x 15
    • Step ups x 15; 1 set leading with right then 1 set leading with left leg
    • High rises x 15

    Yeah, I named an exercise after myself. I have a lot of patients at the clinic perform wife pleasers. However, I do not call them wife pleasers. They are called bridges. Wife pleasers/bridges seemed too simple for this group of men so I modified it into something different. Starting position is in a crab walk, then lift your hips/butt into the air while also lifting 1 leg in the air. So it’s a suped-up single leg wife pleaser. Hope this makes sense to anyone reading this nonsense.

    Mosey back to the Muscleship shovelflag for some static hamstring, butterfly, and figure-4 piriformis stretching x 15 sec hold for each. Count off, name-o-rama, annoucements, intentions, and sweaty ball of man prayer. Thanks to all PAX for showing up. Hope everyone was as sore and fatigued as I was.

  • 5 Stud Poker

    5 Stud Poker

    5 Studs showed up for some F3 Poker this morning. But first the disclaimer…”If you or someone you know has a gambling problem….”

    Warm-up

    A standard Hawgcycle warm-up, start with SSH to 31 then loosen the hips with some Imperial Walkers. Next, stretch the Hammies with some Abe Vigodas. Then make everyone get down on the ground for some Peter Parkers and back up for some grass grabbers to continue to stretch the hammies. (Note to Amnesty: I would have taken care of you) Then grab a rock and mosey to the tree-line by the outer track.

    The Thang
    Round 1: Five Card Stud

    My newly arrived F3 Deck of Death was sitting on a bench 50+ yards away. Bear crawl to the deck and draw a card. Jog back. Repeat until you have 5 cards. You can fold your hand or play. Folding earns you 10 penalty burpees. If you play and lose you get 15 penalty burpees. If you win, you get to return the cards to the bench at your leisure, shuffle them and return to the pax after doing zero burpees.

    Boo Boo and Left Eye folded. Darkwing Duck won the first hand with a pair of Kings. We went ahead and did all of the exercises in Darkwings Hand

    • King of Clubs – 25 American Hammers
    • King of Hearts – 25 Mountain Climbers
    • 4 of Diamonds – 14 Carolina Dry Docks
    • 7 of Hearts – Bear Crawl – 40 yards
    • 5 of Clubs – 15 Oblique Crunches (Both Sides)

    We then did our penalty burpees as Darkwing returned the deck to the bench.

    Round 2: Five Card Draw

    Sprint to the deck (50+ yards) and draw a card. Jog back to the start. Repeat until you have a hand of 5 cards. Same penalty rules apply, but this time you can draw extra cards at a cost of 5 burpees per card. Left Eye and Darkwing folded, taking their 10 penalty burpees. Boo Boo drew one card at a cost of 5 burpees. YHC and Tool, flying in the face of pure logic and common sense, each drew 3 cards at a cost of 15 burpees. While YHC, Tool, and Boo Boo sprinted to the deck and paid our burpee cost for drawing cards, Darkwing Duck led Left Eye in a round of LBCs. Boo Boo was drawing for a straight and ended with a 10 high, so he took 10 burpees and folded. YHC put up my Ace high against Tools pair of Aces – 15 burpees for me.

    Round 3: Five Card Stud (Fives are wild)

    The last round was dealer’s choice. We sprinted to the deck and Tool dealt us each five cards calling the fives as wild. We sprinted back to the start and commenced the round. Darkwing, Tool, and YHC all folded, taking the 10 burpee penalty. Left Eye Lopez had a wild five and beat Boo Boo with a pair of Aces. Before we did the penalty burpees we did a couple of exercises from Left Eye’s hand.

    • 6 of Clubs – Mission Impossible (60 seconds)
    • 7 of Hearts – Bear Crawl (40 yards)

    We finished our penalty burpees while Left Eye moseyed back to gather the cards and various things I left on the bench. Then it was back to the flag.

    The Skinny
    • Ridiculously low numbers to day, circa 2018. Was it the ISI or the fact that I was the Q. I’m telling myself it was the ISI. I’m sure the Lakeview Clown Cars were piling up the points at WPM, but where was the Old Metairie Krewe?
    • Tool, being the HIM that he is, went to Amnesty’s house to pick him up for the workout. Amnesty, being the fartsacker that he is, didn’t show.
    • I got the feeling that I should not play real poker with Darkwing Duck.
    • If nothing else, we got better at bear crawls today.
    • Lefty Eye was not pleased with the 75 yard rock mosey we started with to get to the playing field. Mr. Lopez, I am now deeming you the official Uptowner Compliance Officer. Your job is to make sure the Q adheres to the spirit of the Uptowner. Any violations should bring public chastisement and humiliation. I can tell you that Mambi will be a problem when he comes back. Start chastising him now.