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  • The Louisiana PureChest vol. 2: All Dem Teeth and No Teethbrush – from Paradox

    Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
    The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
    ( See volume 1 below)

    The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox

    So there was only one thing left to do …
    YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
    “ Greetings from Grand Isle “

    I took a sip and this is what followed…

    Duke !!
    Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!

    9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.

    After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :

    1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.

    2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.

    We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.

    The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
    Rocky balboas on the song
    Double Merkin burpee on all Louisianas

    This Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.

    We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.

    Thang 2

    Back to the Future 49 Corridor

    Format :
    7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
    The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
    The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.

    Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey

    Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.

    YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.

    Exercise: Wide Merkins

    1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)

    Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.

    Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys

    2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?

    AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
    YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.

    No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”

    Exercise: Diamond Merkins

    3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
    Who played bond? – Roger Moore
    Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)

    One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.

    Exercise : Leg Raises
    (Hidden Music Daily Double)

    4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.

    Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
    Not all apiarist wear capes.

    We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.

    **this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
    Apollo Onos (2 is one)

    5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)

    Finisher :

    Carolina Dry docks

    6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?

    The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.

    We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .

    By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.

    Announcements

    -Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
    -Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
    -Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
    -Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.

    Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.

    -Goose prayed us out

    -Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.

    It’s a joy to lead ya men

    Postscript:

    Merkin History Repeats Itself

    Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.

    In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.

    Let’s take a look:

    *This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
     
    YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.

    Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.

    Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.

    Cricket: chirps*

    Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.

    Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?

    Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.

    Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?

    White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.

    Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
     
    Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.

    They decided to suffer together.

    Their chest and their souls were all better for it.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • The Early Bird Gets Dirty – from Fracsac

    Disclaimer given then off to the warmup pad.

    Mosey to JPAS for:

    DirtyMacDeuce

    After each lap, one pax rolls the die and leads the exercise before next round. One rolled wild card, which YHC put in his pocket.

    Mini Dora 123 – 30 burpees, 60 Big Bois, 90 squats

    Wild Card comes out-Sunday Morning x 3

    Back to the flag for Catalina Wine Mixers x 10

    COT

    NMM

    YHC didn’t know he had the Q until he woke up and saw the text. It all worked out, it always does

    Glad to see the Early Bird continue to thrive!

    SYITG

  • A Rebel Without A Cause – from Mahatma

    It was Friday 10/10 YHC was heading to The Uptowner with a plan in mind pulling up with 2 minutes to go seeing 4-5 pax standing in the gloom. Upon entering the bullpen Squints starts the disclaimer to YHC’s surprise and there was short discussion who had the Q. Mr Rogers clarified and YHC confirmed his attempt to sign up was a failure! So humbly YHC fell in line to what was a solid beatdown from Squints. Yet the story continues in that determined not to make the same error YHC pulled up the Q sheet and saw Monday’s RC was open and quickly added his name, after all it was going to be epic either way as it was going to be pay day either way for Mahatma or Handgranda – the emphasis “pie bet” on the Ol”miss” VS LSU. The back story has been building for months if not years as Handgranada has been waiting for a year that he was corndfinent a Rebel victory was a high probability! He openly declared a bet at the beginning of the season that the Rebels would easily defeat Mahatma’s Tigers so with to many Pax witnessing this bet there was no backing down (or reengaging on Handgranada’s part) and the Oct 12th day of reckoning was set! Well it’s now in the history books as the game was played and the outcome came with LSU defeating the high statistical leading Rebels 26-23 in an epic game in OT!

    YHC was uncertain if the Rebel fan was going to show so his Pie preparation was not the standard recipe but a “lite” provision was made just in case….

    Pulling up there was a number of Pax in the bullpen as YHC approached with flag in hand and the 1st greeting was in fact from the Rebel! With time short and a few smirks from the Pax beginning YHC gave a disclaimer and the festivities began.

    Warmup
    Some general stuff and a little smack talk added by YHC as a reminder of some highlights of Sat game.

    Preceded by 3 rounds of 3 at the pull up bars
    Then a slow jog to the hill
    1771 – Vups and Merkins with a bear crawl up and a run down. Thanks to The Architect for clarifying the sequence of 17 and 71

    From here on to the rock pile where there was some bantering of more game highlights and low and behold out of no where Rudy added his color perspective that LSU’s receiver catching the winning touch down actually should have been called for offensive pass interference overlooking that while it was a skillfully executed play, his Irish have won so many games by no calls that YHC could only appreciate the similarities of the Irish and Rebel fan base!
    Pax were instructed to grab a medium rock….Mr Rogers and Bogey have a huge variation of the meaning yet it all worked out as each Pax had a turn with every rock brought out for the group. Various exercises and tempos were completed with a little Mary to wrap up the beatdown.

    As rocks were returned to place the Pax was eager to get back but YHC slowed their roll wanting to enjoy the saunter back all the while playing the Fighting Tigers Fight Song for setting the mood of what was to come.

    Arriving back Scantron and Rougarou were stretching out from their Knots patently waiting for the RC crew’s return. COT commenced with YHC asking Rudy to pray out the Pax while he went to the truck to whip up the coming pie! From here I will say YHC enjoyed the thrill of giving the victory pie BUT humbly knows all good things must and will come to an end when someday he will be on the receiving end! That said there is always an open invitation to take the bet. For the Rebel without a Cause….Handgranada excepted his pie like a man. The video will be attached again for those that may want to review the live action!

    All in good fun that is no doubt a part of our F3 culture. Simper Fi

  • Posting for others – from Charmin

    YHC was planning on posting this morning as a rucker and being the only rucker there. It soon became apparent that there would be a 3 ruckers in total, along with 3 runners and 1 S&M on a park bench. That being said, having conversation definitely made the 45 minutes in the gloom pass by faster vs. whatever was up next in my podcast feed.

    COT: Prayed for Mambi’s mom (May the souls of the faithfully departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace) and for Vag’s meeting today at 1 pm.

  • Cohn-lumbus Day Crew – from Goose

    Four dedicated souls braved the stench of the sugar cane plant and the lure of the warm fartsack on what for many is a day off of work. White Meat in particular shared his inner battle with himself to get out of bed and into his fly ride to make the jump across the bayou. And, Dox braved the cryptic hype Goose Q even though he has to post tomorrow for his own Q. Pope didn’t have a choice–he’s not allowed to sleep in until he can show zero sign of fatigue at the end of a beatdown that his father deems “challenging”.

    The hype had no real connection to the workout; YHC just needed a place holder to let the PAX know the world wasn’t coming to an end. After warmups, which included both versions of Nightclubs for White Meat’s continuing education, we completed a short mosey to the grass over by the stop sign at the beginning of The Stretch. YHC revealed that we’d be doing some long 11’s in the fashion experienced only by Enron, YJ, and maybe Smooth about a year ago. Knowing that those fellas were unlikely to show, YHC took advantage of the ignorance of today’s PAX and explained what sounded like a relatively moderate routine: Afflecks on the near side, gas pumpers on the far side, carioca there nur back. The far side was basically the end of the grass, across from the other Stop sign (the distance of the parking lot/drive). (Afflecks are J-Lo’s with a pickle-pounder when you cross the middle–4-count this time.)

    We started off being able to converse, but that didn’t last long. Dox showed some grit in staying even with YHC the whole time (Go Team Long-Tibia), and White Meat stayed right behind Pope in a show of his own mettle. It was a long grinder with the cariocas being the crux (the nurs in close second) ensuring some unique soreness tomorrow, but we finished in good time, so it was on to the cultural education portion of the beatdown.

    YHC was recently reminded of an musician who captured him as a middle schooler in the early 90’s, and, though not as popular as Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel, or Talk Talk, his one hit, “Walking in Memphis” opened the door to an album that’s pure enjoyment from open to close. Marc Cohn would lead us through the final 10 minutes of the beatdown with some coupon work.

    The first song was the aforementioned “Walking in Memphis”, still capturing random hearts to this day–we held coupons overhead in rifle carry position and did a thruster for every “Walking”. Pope decided to modify about halfway through by dropping to his six and holding bench press position instead and doing coupon situps on the triggers. He chose poorly.

    Song #2 was “29 Ways”, the upbeat, bluesy song on the album, and we got on our sixes and held our coupons in bench press position for the duration, doing coupon situps on every “door”. Sorry, Pope. Still no sleeping in.

    About 6 minutes of Mary included the likes of crunchy frogs, wife pleasers, static wife pleasers, Freddy Mercs, Li’ Manny Crunches (static LBC’s), slow penguins, and Nolan Ryans (with the drawl).

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Prepping for the Coyote b-day Q this Saturday, the 10-Year NOLA Convergence next Saturday, and the 4-year F3 Thib/5-year Goose Manniversary the next Saturday. So much awesomeness to look forward to!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Hunt and Gather – from Wet Tap

    Hunting & Gathering

    After a deep rabbit hole dive into the physiological advantages of prehistorical homo-sapien survival, and its similarities with the F3 style of beatdowns, a particular IPC’ish pyramid scheme was created. I mean, we as a group aren’t that evolutionarily different from our ancient ancestors. Farting is still hilarious, grunts and obscure noises are echoed throughout the gloom, and sexual innuendos find their way into any exicon maneuver.

    So, when 8 men and a 5 next generation 2.0’s joined YHC for his 4th year manniversary. I was pleased to share my brainchild.

    After a lengthy waramarama, making sure to hit all body parts, we coupon moseyed to the track. A faintly heard the remarks of a non running beatdown plan, because WETtap doesn’t like to run. While this is true, growth only comes through pain. And “do hard s%^!”

    The plan would be as follows:
    Every 10 yards of the football field is marked with a cone. Mode of transportation between cones = murder bunny from goaline-50yd / REDRUM 50- goaline. Under each cone was a carefully selected exercise the PAX must complete, then run a 400m lap, then complete again before advancing to the next cone. The rep count corresponded with the yard line.

    0-10 MB, 10thrusters, lap, 10thursters
    10-20 MB, 20 CPR, lap, 20 CPR
    20-30MB, 30 zebrakicks, lap, 30 ZK
    30-40 MB, 40 BBS, lap, 40 BBS
    40-50 MB, 50 merkins, lap, 50 merkins
    50-40RR, 40 AH, lap, 40AH
    40-30RR, 30 ZK, lap, 30 ZK
    30-20RR, 20 CPR, lap, 20CPR
    20-10RR, 10 thrusters, lap, 10thrusters
    10-0 RR

    The finish line was so close. Only Goose and Safety valve were upset the clock struck 7:30 and time was called.

    We moseyed back to the flag for COT and prayers.

    Thanks to the PAX for the growth and support through this life long journey.

  • PAX in Toyland – from Kenna Brah

    Fresh from an Epic Grand Canyon beat down YHC thought it apt to apply some lessons in endurance.

    Mosey to the JPAS for some mobility and warmup work
    Worked on SQUAT form by standing face and bell to a wall and then slowly squatting, repeating till the lesson was learned

    Formed up the PAX for proper hand/elbow position for some Merkins

    Introduced the Toys and the BD
    60# Sand Bag was the timer up the ramp and down the stairs
    While the timer ticked off:
    All stations worked the sets till the timer returned, then moved Clockwise to the next station
    Station 1 – Take small steps up/down on a coupon – keeping knee engaged the whole time. Sort of like a single leg pulse squat
    Station 2 – 40# SandBag Front Squat
    Station 3 – 54 Lb KB swings
    Station 4 – Barbell complex – Deadlift, Clean, Press, Tricep Ext, Return to beginning

    Finished with 12 min of Pain
    Mission Impossible Merkins
    BB Situps/Flutter Kicks
    A combo Of Fire Hydrant Leg Lifts/Scorpion Kick and Extended Side Leg Lift

    Mosey to Flag and COT

  • Renny Duece – from Vagabond

    Warm up in motion

    Steps run up and down 10 times

    Dirty McDeuce

    Exercise and bear crawl the porch

    Merkins
    Big bois
    Squats

    Curls
    Flashers
    Bonnie Blair’s 2 is 1

    overhead press
    LBCs
    Side lunges

    shoulder taps 2 is 1
    V ups
    Lunges 2 is 1

    chest press
    Russian twist 2 is 1
    Squat kick

    Sunday Mornings

  • Football and Frisbee Chaos – from Fracsac

    No Q signed up late Friday, so YHC stepped up and made the commitment.

    10 other Pax joined bringing the total to 11.

    Warmup at the peristyle with normal stuff.

    Great Lawn has vendors setting up, so mosey to field near NOMA. Set up cones to form a field with 2 end zones. Split up pax and for 4 teams. 2 teams playing football and 2 playing ultimate frisbee on the same field. Change up games midway so everyone gets a dose of both. Total chaos.

    Mosey behind Cafe du Monde for some Dora. There was something to do with running with football and frisbee which YHCs team won.

    Mosey to flag for CoT followed by coffeteria

    NMM

    Knucklehead was wearing so much bling he didn’t notice a pendant coming off. We used the last 5 minutes scouring the football/frisbee field looking for it to no avail.

    YHC tried something new, the pax were receptive, and everyone got a good workout and had some fun.

    Sign up to Q and just go for it.

    SYITG

  • LET’S ROCK! – from Squints

    Set up 4 markers in a square, about 40 yards apart. Everyone in the Pax should have a heavy rock. Here’s how it goes:

    1. Start at the first marker and complete the designated exercise.
    2. After finishing, toss your rock to the next marker.
    3. Important: Every time you pick up the rock, you must do one burpee.
    4. Complete the exercise at the second marker, then sprint to the third marker.
    5. Continue around the square, performing the exercises at each marker, until you’ve made it back to where you originally left the rock.
    6. Keep going through the exercises and tossing the rock until the rock returns to marker one.

    Round 1 – Exercises (10 reps each):
    1. Curls
    2. American Hammers
    3. Jump Squats
    4. Earthworm Merkins
    5. Mountain Climbers

    Round 2 – Exercises (5 reps each):
    1. Shoulder Press
    2. WW3 Sit-Ups
    3. V-Ups
    4. 8-Count Body Builders
    5. Monkey Humpers

    COT: Announcements, Intentions, Prayer