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  • False Alarm! – from America’s Best

    Boxing Day is known for many things. Well, a few things at least. Ok, really nobody knows much about what Boxing Day is, but if you Google it, you will find that the Boxing Day leftover sandwich is a thing.

    Which is perfect, because I happened to have not finished the “sandwich” week of IPC, so we would perform that as a leftover today. . .

    The Undercard:
    Bear crawl 30 yards, triple-broad jump back, with 3 burpees after each 3 jumps. Accompanying music: a leftover earworm from Paradox’s Buttcracker last week. Since it was a ballet theme, I was sure Dox would throw in the (Yacht Rock?) classic “True” by Spandau Ballet. Since he didn’t, it has been playing on repeat in my brain for a week. The only way to cleanse: do some work while the entire song plays out. Sometimes you have to poison the host to kill the parasite.

    Then we moseyed with our coupons ¼ around the CC for…

    The Main Event:

    Based on a prior template, the PAX would do an exercise while one man took a lap contemplating a question. Today, they would be mostly True or False Questions.
    Correct answer results in reward, incorrect results in punishment. With each question, the PAX had one extra chance at redemption by identifying title and artist of the song playing.

    First up: Tana. T or F: According to the Bible, 3 wise men visited Jesus’ nativity.
    We did curls while “Fairytale of New York” played. Tana returned, unaware he had even been asked a question. Nonetheless, he responded “True.” The answer, in fact, is False, and we did 5 burpees. Goose was able to identify the Pogues (2nd guess), and although I didn’t hear him name the song, he did inform the PAX that the NYPD does not actually have a choir, which is an infinitely superior piece of information.

    And for that, Goose got to go next. T or F: The modern image of Santa Claus (as we know him) was created by Coca-Cola. Now, YHC tried to pretend the question was randomly selected, but of course, it was designed for Goose since I’ve heard him state this as fact at least twice in the last week.
    White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes played while Goose contemplated and ran, and the rest did Mike Tyson merkins (it’s Boxing Day, remember?)
    Goose returned, and less-confidently than expected, answered “True.” In fact, again the answer is false, as there exist multiple examples of Santa as we know him prior to the Coca Cola ads of the 30s and 40s.
    5 burpees.

    Maneater was next, and his T or F question was: The use of an “Xmas” as a placeholder for “Christmas” began as part of the conspiracy to excise Christ from His holiday.
    We continued the Boxing Day theme and listened to a cover of “Christmas Treat” by Julian Casablancas. (the original was written by Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sans for an SNL sketch).
    I was sure to sort of mumble the original question to make sure Maneater answered “True” (which he did). Of course, again the answer was false, as the X (Greek Chi) has been used to nenote Christ since around 1500. 5 burpees
    YHC had already selected the PAX question for this round: “Julian Casablancas is the lead singer of what band?” Honeysuckle, mid-song, perhaps using mind-reading technology, before I had a chance to even ask the question, asked “Is this the Strokes?”
    The PAX was rewarded with 10 merkins.

    And Honeysuckle got to be the next man up. Recognizing that HS likely was on to my pattern, I had to switch gears and not offer him a T or F question. Instead, it was Dad joke time: What did Goose say when Pope gave him a comb for Christmas?
    Honeysuckle ran while the PAX alternated 7 Goosies with 7 Merkins and listened to “One Glove,” a duet by Jimmy Fallon and Will Ferrell. Although HS was unable to come up with the answer (Thanks, I’ll never part with it), Goose and Tana worked out both the title and artist of the song. I think we did 10 merkins as reward.

    Next Wet Tap was given:
    T or F: The lyric “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” originally was at the end (and not the beginning) of the song.
    Worded like that, it seems like it should be true, right? We did 8-count bodybuilders while Tap ran around and convinced himself of just that fact, and returned with his (incorrect) answer of True (originally, that lyric was not in the song at all).
    However, between Pope and Goose, “Christmas at Ground Zero” by Weird Al was correctly identified. The PAX did 5 8-count bodybuilders as a reward.

    We found a dry spot to alternate between 7 squats and 7 Aussie Angels (might be made up) while Safety Valve ran and pondered the question written for Paradox:
    T or F: The most popular Christmas candy bar in Louisiana is the Kit Kat.
    He returned with a very reasonable answer: True. However, according to the Paradox taxonomy of candy bars, everything is a candy bar, so the most popular candy bar in LA is actually the candy cane. So again, the correct answer was false.
    Goose identified that Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis were performing their version of the 12 Days of Christmas, but amazingly only knew their actual names, and not the characters Bob and Doug MacKenzie. Sometimes a man’s brain is too full of useful information and the useless stuff starts falling out. Sad.

    Pope was the last man, and was confronted with the most difficult true or false question of the day:
    True or False: Die Hard is a Christmas movie.
    We were about to do mountain climbers while he ran, but suddenly YHC heard Montana say something, which I swear was “why can’t we do something in this nice wet grass instead?” Thinking fast, YHC quickly changed the event to WW3 situps.
    Pope returned, answering True. My knee-jerk reaction was that this should be False (mainly because all the answers were false) but this subject has been famously debated, and I honestly wasn’t sure where I fell on this one… so YHC needed bit of time to think. Luckily, we had the other slice of bread for our Boxing Day Sandwich, and we were Set Adrift on Memory Bliss, as PM Dawn sampled Spandeau Ballet’s “True” and the PAX again bearcrawled 30 yards and Triple-Burpee-Broad-Jumped back. Twice.
    This time we had to deal with the wet and slippery grass, and through the fog I could see men crashing down around me. In my mind I heard Frank Costanza’s voice shouting, “I sent 16 of my own men to the latrines that night!” I pushed the guilt aside, trying to fix my mind on the Die Hard dilemma.

    We finished mostly unscathed (you okay, Valve?) and returned for COT. YHC reluctantly accepted Bluetube from Tana. Goose prayed us out.

    Great job as always men.
    SYITG,

    AB

    AB Cs the light (post credits-scene):

    I created this beatdown as a “Not really Christmas” theme. After Goose’s OG-Christmas-Carol-Only BD, and the newfangled trendy music of Tchaikovsky last week, all of the songs this morning were intentionally Christmas-adjacent at best.

    As far as the Die Hard dilemma goes… the arguments that it is a Christmas movie are many: The word “Christmas” is mentioned something like 18 times. More times than “die”, “hard”, “bomb”, “explode”, or “gun”. The setting is Christmastime during a company Christmas party.
    Sounds Christmas-y.

    But much like the beatdown today, it is superficial. Although I was wearing bad Santa pajamas, and there was a lot of talk about Christmas-y stuff, I only mentioned Jesus twice. Die Hard probably has zero references. I know, I know, you’re all saying, “But AB, what about the scripture ‘and the Lord spoketh “Yippee Kai-Ay.”’?’ I tell you then that is also false, and I compel you to admire the number of quotation marks used in the prior sentence. Pretty impressive, right?

    So the movie synopsis: a celebration of corporate greed is interrupted by terrorists/thieves who get theirs at the hands of a NYPD detective.
    Just like my beatdown, this has little to do with what Christmas actually is all about. And from that perspective, I find it hard to argue that Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

    I Know this Much is True.

  • Xmas Morning and Not a Creature was stirring – from Mobydick

    YHC awoke to a beautiful morning and an urge to fart sack big time but a little self chat that included a recollection of some expressions of intention the week before I got myself up and out. Just when I was about to retrieve an old Tabata workout for me myself and I a long comes St Louis F3 Antman. I proceeded with a warmup of ssh/torso twists/arm circle/nolan Ryan’s/copper head squats/toe touches. The Thang I left to Antman so we grabbed our coupons and headed out on a nice long ruck walk with stops to do 30 reps of pushups and sit-ups. A great opportunity to chat and make a new F 3 acquaintance.
    May the rest of yall have a wonderful Xmas and a Happy New Year

  • Common Core Math Makes 5 Corners on a Block – from Bushwacker

    YHC was not surprised that Duke of Hazzard wanted to post on a Monday, but was pleasantly surprised when Baby Yoda acquiesced so easily. And so we three pulled up to The Marsh where expectant PAX were gathered in anxious anticipation. Expectations of a Wacker Q, of possible appearance by DR Ant Man, and of the nearing of Christmas day. A strange vehicle slowly approached as we began…

    WARMORAMA

    IC x10: SSH, High Knees, Butt Kicks, IDK…

    It was Akbar

    THANG

    Starting at Lamarg/Livingston 5 reps, going up five at each corner around the block and finishing with 25 reps at Lamarque/Livingston. Slow Squat Jumps, Burpees

    To the court baseline for suicides adding 1 burpee at each turn around, then another set adding 1 burpee upon each return to the starting point.

    MARY

    Bruce Lee: Superset of 20 Hammers, Crunchy Frogs, Leg Lifts, Penguins, and 100s X 3 sets

    COT
    COunt/Name Akbar prayed us out. Merry Christmas fellas…I got Jose a back blast – shhhh!

  • Frost Hard: Yippee Ki-Yay, Cold Weather Gains! Merry Fitmas, you Filthy Animals! – from Jose10k

    Warm-up:ssh, grass grabbers, torso twists, imperial walkers, self love (all to Christmas Time in Hollis Queens). Where the first trivia question, who was John McClain’s limo driver? Russo didn’t know the answer to this question last year, however, this year he was prepared for this question (which was the theme of the beatdown). Argyle was the answer.
    The next question was what was John McClain’s wife’s name: Russo was right yet again. Holly Generro
    The thang: After the warmups, the PAX moseyed to the end of the trailhead. The tragedy at Nakatomi plaza occurred on Christmas Eve, and we gathered today to honor the hero of Nakatomi: John McClain. The event occurred on the 30th floor, so that’s where we started. 30 merkins, 30 squats, 30 big boy sit-ups, 30 leg lifts. In between each exercise ran the length of the trailhead leading up to the stairs, up the stairs and then back down.
    Next question up, and again Russo was ready. How many terrorists took over Nakatomi plaza? 12 Terrorists entered Nakatomi: 12 burpees
    We now stopped on the side of the courthouse.
    ‘‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring,except for the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two formation.
    Paired up. Partner one : side lunges the entire grass section to the concrete and back, partner 2= holds an al gore thoroughgood. Repeat.
    We took a quick run to the marsh to continue the rest of the workout.
    The terrorists planned to use C4 to blow up Nakatomi Tower. The PAX completed in cadence 30 reps of these 4 “c”ore exercises: little Manny crunches, flutter kicks, Freddy Mercury’s, and penguins

    Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs.
    Famous line from the air ducts: time to do some ac duct crawling, We crawled the baseline to the half court. Mosey back to the playground to do a Hans Gruber pull-up: the pax hung from the raptors for 45 seconds then did 30 Superman’s (he did fall 30 stories) .back to the Grandmas to run the length of the trailhead, salom style, and back up the stairs one more time. And time was up.
    Trivia Question: What type of watch was Holly wearing that Hans hand was caught on? Russo was correct with Rolex. Who was the officer who helped out John McClain, who were the two FBI agents who came in and took over the investigation, these are where I stomped Russo, but luckily, Steve was on top of this.
    And to further celebrate the heroics of John McClain, a yell of Yippee Ki-yay Motherfu**er. The Trivia Question that Russo finally got correct. Thanks for letting me lead gentleman
    COT with Shooter praying us out with special thought for all those traveling. Thank you for letting me lead. I took another 30 minutes for a run/jog/walk around Mandeville. Came back to see Parrott getting for a long run on the trail head.

  • Paul Rudd looks different in real lofe – from Jose10k

    Baby it’s cold outside and we dummies decided to go run out in the freeze. Antman joined us from afar with Speedy destroying all of us. Bushwacker has the Q tomorrow, Die Hard workout on Tuesday, and inquiring about interest for a Xmas Q at the Gipper on Wednesday. Text me if you’re interested…

  • The December 17 Beatdown: A Gripping Tale of Sweat, Strangers, and the Wind Beneath Jose’s Wings – from Steve

    The morning air bit with the ferocity of a thousand tiny knives as we gathered at the trailhead. Steve, our fearless leader, had a gleam in his eye that promised pain and growth—or maybe just chaos. The big news was the triumphant return of Cowbell, whose absence had left a void only filled with awkward burpees and wistful murmurs of “I need more Cowbell?”

    Enter Jose, the early bird who, instead of getting the worm, opted to destroy the trailhead and stairs with solo laps—a full 40 minutes before the rest of us even started moving. While most were still negotiating with their alarms, Jose was out there redefining what it meant to be extra.

    Bushwacker rolled in on time, a feat in itself, and immediately solidified his status as Mr. Grumble Grumble. His truck, dubbed the “piece of shit,” welcomed us with its nostalgic vibes—turns out it’s the same clunker Cowbell used to cruise in back in high school. Talk about a blast from the past. Grumbling aside, we dove into the warm-up, marching headlong into the discomfort we all secretly crave.

    The stage awaited us, as did an assortment of strange teenagers who seemed utterly transfixed by the bizarre spectacle of grown men willingly torturing themselves. Were they judging us? Plotting their escape? Just vibing? Who knows, but their silent presence made our suffering even more surreal.

    The workout itself was pure madness: five brutal exercises—burpees, squats, lunges, big boys, and merkins—starting at a grueling 28 reps of each. After every round, we ran a lap around the trailhead, decreasing reps by 7 each time. It was a rinse-and-repeat system that quickly had us questioning our life choices. And yet, every lap brought us back to the stoic teen peanut gallery, still watching, still silent. It felt like a scene from some dystopian fitness reality show.

    At one point, Bushwacker and I casually debated whether Santa’s sleigh, parked nearby, would make a suitable workout station. But even in our delirium, we decided that push-ups on Santa’s ride might be crossing a line.

    Midway through the chaos, Jose slipped away, duty calling him to mold the minds of America’s youth. He is, without question, a hero, a legend, the wind beneath our collective wings.

    We closed with a Circle of Trust (COT), sweaty, sore, and better for it. Cowbell, it was good to have you back. To the strange kids at the stage: we hope you were entertained. And to everyone else, see you at the next beatdown—bring your grumbles and your grit.

    Okay, so Steve might be sick and I(Jose10K) wrote this backblast because of my abnormal obsession to reach my stupid goal!

  • Band of Brothers go to the SPA – from Jose10k

    YHC decided to try something different this morning. I recently purchased bands for my wife’s gym, so I decided to bring them to the beatdown. After a quick warm-up, I brought them out for everyone to pick a different level of band. On this chilly morning, it was time to do some leg work. With the bands above the knees, side lunges up the ramp with a squat in between. Up and down twice leading off with the different leg. At the top, side leg raises with the bands around the ankles, 10 irkins in between switching legs, 2 rounds of that. Moseyed all the way down to the first floor to our newly named SPA. The nice enclosed walkway where we did 10 minutes of core. Back outside for 2 calf raises up each step and then LT. Dan the length of the parking garage and back. COT and prayers for all those traveling. Thanks for letting me lead gentleman. Die Hard Q coming this Tuesday at Grandmas
    SYITG
    I wonder if the Splash Pad has a Spa, or even participants. Deep thoughts by Jack Handy.

  • One Pax in a Pear Tree – from Hogs Breath

    YHC arrive at the 007 brightly lit up or Slidell Bayou Christmas!

    Yhc was the only one that showed, so he took advantage to get a beatdown while looking at the Christmas lights!

    Yhc warmed up with a mosey around the circle followed by some sprinst through the lighted Christmas tunnel. A few rounds Jack Webb and some more moseying’

    Papa Noel will be there Monday the 23rd!

  • Omaha, Omaha, Omaha – from Jose10k

    The cool front came in and 4 HIMs took the red pill this morning. Steve had to drop out, so YHC took the Q. Which included some warm-ups, then we took off and ran the usual loop. The other 3 took one more lap around the subdivision, and I went straight back to head to work. Movie night at Wacker’s house tonight! SYITG

  • The 12 Days of Fitmas, 9 Days before Christmas – from Bolt

    KB was the first to both call for and seek accountability, quickly followed by Boo-boo. YHC decided to participate and then realized it was the last chance of the year to give the pax their annual gift—12 Days of Fitmas…the Q shall b YHC’s! Frac would b pleased that Rapper’s Delight would b replaced by 120bpm Christmas playlist.

    The Thang: Each additional day will add an exercise and the corresponding number of reps resulting in a ladder workout:
    Day 1: Mosey
    Day 2: Merkins
    Day3: Shoulder Taps
    Day 4: Lunges
    Day 5: Burpees
    Day 6: Squats
    Day 7: Diamond merkins
    Day 8: Big Boy sit-ups
    Day 9: Plank Jacks
    Day 10: Superman
    Day 11: SSH
    Day 12: Mtn. Climbers

    With 11 minutes left, we put our fate in the “deca-die” of pain, rolling for random exercises (OYO) including 15 squat jumps+20 burpees, 1 min wall sit+30 tricep dips, etc. COT.