F3 New Orleans

Author: The Hammer

  • Intensify to Modify: Pickaxe’s First Q

    It was a frigid morning along the lakefront the 2nd day of Christmas. While 9 year old Pickaxe, in his, ahem, first Q of his young F3 career, did not give a Tujague’s recipe for the crawfish caught in Arabi (Uptown Chalmette if you’re from Da Parish), he did come bearing gifts, 12 in fact. However, these were ones we COULD wait to open, as each contained 2 various and sundry exercises for the PAX, one on the foray out, one on the way back.

    Prethang:

    Pickaxe and his dad, The Hammer, forsook the traditional 2 mile pre-thang in order to lay the 12 gifts with great care along the 1/2 mile path to the beach. The 12 packages came in different colors: red, silver, and gold. This would be important, as Pickaxe instructed the color of each package determined the number of repetitions for the exercised contained therein, as well as the mode of transportation to the next box. The directive was as follows:

    Gold: 10 reps/each exercise, Karaoke to next box

    Red: 20 reps/each exercise, sprint to next box

    Silver: 30 reps/each exercise, bear crawl to next box.

    Full Disclosure: When assisting Pickaxe with laying out the gifts, The Hammer was only thinking of the challenges on the way out. As such, the way out brought a long (read: 200 yard) sprint followed by a short bear crawl. On the way back, however, that meant a 200 yard bear crawl. As Pickaxe would say, “Intensify to Modify”.

    Each member of the PAX would take turns opening the gifts, then calling out the exercise they “unwrapped”, there being 24 in total, covering upper body, lower body, and core. A particularly tough gauntlet was a series of 30 8 count bodybuilders, with a bear crawl leading to 20 burpees, followed by a long sprint. Pickaxe insisted the exercises were blindly placed in each box so that he knew not the order, nor the quantity. This series caused some to question the 9 year old. Intensify to modify.

    When the PAX returned to the flag, we circled up for Mary, finishing up with Hello Dollies, Freddy Mercuries, 100s, and a Mission Impossible plank (SIDENOTE: The series/movies should be named Mission Improbable, not Impossible. Think about it. If true, it would’ve been a single episode series, and the ending would not have been a happy one.)

    COT, then Russo prayed us out. Pickaxe is grateful to have had the opportunity to lead, and his dad is grateful to befriend a group of men that would give him the opportunity to do so. Merry Christmas, God Bless, and SYITG!

  • Excuse Me While I Kiss the Ground

    So there we were…how every great story starts…today was the commencement of what will hopefully become an annual CSAUP, Uncle Hammer’s 1000 Burpee Beatdown.

    First: Special Shoutouts —

    Jose 10k –DJ Jose had the best possible music, with songs individualized for members of the PAX

    Moby Dick –Dude’s 71, that’s right, 71, and he is out there making us middle agers look bad.

    Hawgcycle — Did this CSAUP on the Southshore by himself in just over 2 hours…no idea how he accomplished that. Awesome work!

    Now onto the beatdown:

    0610: Knowing this would likely be an all day affair, we skipped the normal 2 mile pre-thang, instead moseying from the flags towards the beach, stopping at each fire hydrant for a set of 10 burpees (6 sets out, 6 sets back =120). DJ 10k had Brother Angus lead us off, picking the axe (See what I did there) like lightning, but sounding like thunder. Then, while most of us may be partial to Southern Belles, Mr. David Lee Roth, with help from Steve Vai, pined for a young lass named Yankee Rose. As if the blood wasn’t pumping hard enough by 0615, Vince Neil kickstarted our hearts even further. Before we knew it, we were 1/8 the way to our goal. We returned with the remaining PAX awaiting to begin.

    0630– No warmup necessary. Jump right into the EMOM of 6 burpees. Doing this mitigates the overwhelming thought of 1000, as well as helping with the physically challenging nature of the CSAUP. As the Zen philosopher Basho once said, or maybe it was Bushwhacker, “A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single burpee.” How true.

    Mentally, the wash rinse and repeat of doing this for an hour can be quite taxing. This is where DJ Jose was so great. Always thinking of other, he picked out songs for most of the PAX. Some included were:

    The Bird (Morris Day and the Time) –Bird

    U Can’t Touch This (MC Hammer) –Hammer

    Some Moby Song —Moby Dick

    Relax (Frankie Goes to Hollywood) –Zoolander

    The Best Around (From Karate Kid) –Russo

    To be honest, the hour was over before we knew it. Most PAX were asking to continue for another hour, and Hammer could easily have been elected mayor of CSAUPtown but for all the mail in ballots. However, they all missed their wives so much, they could not bear to continue for another minute. That was the right choice, guys, as hard as it was to make.

    So, by 0730: 120+365 (5 minutes were sets of 7)+ 15 (a burpee for each PAX during COT) = 500

    Halfway home by coffeeteria!

    PHASE 2: Do 250 OYO throughout the day before reconvening at 6 pm at Grandmother’s House. Some went more traditional –Hammer did 25 sets of 10 throughout the day (looked weird doing it outside the Pelican Park gym before 2.0’s basketball game). DJ 10k did his while his M worked out. Of course, he overachieved, doing another 350 before lunch. Russo knocked the rest of his out before I got home, it seemed. Hawg’s Breath did a few with his adorable daughter on his back, like the true bad ass he is. However we decided to get it done, we finished 750 before twilight.

    PHASE 3: Final 250 at Grandma’s

    6 skrong at Grandma’s at 1800. Turbo, Bird, Jose, Hammer, Hawg’s Breath, Akbar. Knocked out the last quarter in just over 30 minutes. Having an eclectic mix to inspire us: CCR, NIN, and Billy Idol (twice, in fact. No really.)

    …And done! We then enjoyed some F2 at Old Rail, then home to bed.

    Thank you all for joining in this venture. Each of you inspired me along the way, and I am indebted to you all for the kindness, generosity, friendship, and leadership you all display.

    For those that “missed” it, there will always be next year!

  • Walking on Sunshine

    To commerorate the 15th anniversary of Katrina, as well as the recent tragedy of Hurricane Laura, YHC crafted a beatdown that was not designed to be finished within the allotted time. The indomitable human spirit, however, persevered, and several beasts completed the task.

    We began by saying the Pledge of Allegiance, which will always begin any beatdown Q’d by YHC, and I would encourage all of us to, when Q’ing, take the 30 seconds to unite our hearts as Americans. Regardless of our views, when we can unite as Americans, we can overcome anything.

    Warm-o-rama:

    SSH x 20

    IW x 20

    Windmills x 10

    Way Backs x 10 (Intensified versions of toe touches, with a fully extended reach back upon returning to an upright position — suggested by none other than our newest PAX, my beloved son Pickaxe.

    We then moseyed to Noah’s Ark (a fitting venue for the date). Upon arrival, we paired up, with one partner running approximately halfway down Noah’s Ark while the other did burpees. Each partner took a turn, and once Partner 2 returned, they each completed 50 burpees, starting from the lowest number completed by a partner (i.e. Partner 1 does 15, and Partner 2 does 13, then they each do 37 more to get to 50 apiece. Thus Partner 1 does a little bit more). This initial exercise was designed not to be fair, but to emphasize we give our best even when things are not, and we always pick up our brothers.

    We then broke into a series of high repetition exercises with our partners:

    Cumulative:

    250 Bulgarian Split Squats

    Partner 1: BSS on the seawall

    Partner 2: Run Noah’s Ark

    500 Shoulder Taps

    Partner 1: STs

    Partner 2: Lunge Walk to/from street

    750 LBCs

    Partner 1: LBC

    Partner 2: Crab Walk to street ( I meant Bear Walk, but was told I said Crab Walk –subconciously wanting to intensify), run backwards from street

    1000 SSHs

    Partner 1: SSH

    Partner 2: Run around Noah’s Ark

    A couple of things: ANY exercise, no matter how simple, is HARD after 400 reps. Two, I’m so proud of our young PAX, ranging in age from 9-16 for hanging w/ the old folks. They manifest far greater maturity and composure than I did at that age (or now). One of the great things about F3 is that, when you show up, you are treated as an equal, regardless of age or ability. No one is above, and no one is beneath. We require not equal gifts, but equal sacrifice. Keep up the great work, gentleman, you inspire YHC!

    As stated earlier, a couple of teams finished the beatdown as Rx’d. Amazing.

    We moseyed back to the flag for COT, and welcomed 9 year old Pickaxe to the group. I have on good sourcing that as soon as he got home, he jumped into his parents’ bed and started telling his mother all about the “beatdown”. When Mrs. Hammer asked if he liked it, he responded, “Mom, nobody likes a beatdown, but you push through it.” Pickaxe also wants to make every beatdown every day of the week, even before school, and he is ready for next Saturday. I am so proud of him for coming, and I am humbled by the way each of you inspired him.

    Lastly, as I was running on the lakefront Friday evening, after the rain (intentional nod to the Nelson song), I saw a beautiful rainbow in its full arch. Such ugly weather produced something so profoundly beautiful. I was reminded that is also true in our own lives. In Katrina, we saw the worst of nature, but after, we also saw and experienced some of the best of humanity. People serving other people. We will see that with Laura as well. I am seeing that in my own life, and I hope, when the storms come, you all see it in yours as well. You just have to look.

    Except Jose’s Gallon Sweat Jug. There’s nothing beautiful about that.

  • I Believe In Miracles…

    A beautiful, clear morning with a slight chill in the air…a harbinger of the great day to come…Pre-thang got started at the usual time of 6:10. Only YHC and Zoolander, who arrived decked out in his cat burgler outfit, which he frequently dons once the weather turns. Always great to spend 2 miles catching up with Zoo…

    Upon our return, the rest of the PAX had arrived, and we started warmups…

    Descending burpee sets, beginning with 9 reps, going down to 2. In between, Sets of SSH, IW, Butt Kicks, and High Knees in cadence x 11.

    We then moseyed to the Gazebo, where we “enjoyed” 4 quarters of 11s.

    1st Quarter: Derkins/Bear Crawl/Jump Squats

    2nd Quarter: Freak Nastys/Run Backwards/Mountain Climbers

    3rd Quarter: Box Jumps/”Slider Mans” –Basically, Spider Walks/Merkins

    4th Quarter: “I Don’t Remembers” –I don’t recall /Sprints/Shoulder Taps

    The backwards run allowed our hands to thaw from the cold dew after the 1st quarter, just in time to refreeze them for Slider Mans after the half…

    We then moseyed back to base camp for some Mary, where we did American Hammers, Freddie Mercurys, Flutter Kicks, and Little Manny Crunches (We miss you Manny!) x 11. That left just enough time for a 44 second plank hold.

    For those keeping score, everything added up to 44 (even the burpees). 2 reasons: YHC’s age, but more importantly, the number of points YHC predicted LSU would score vs. Alabama. (The PAX can attest I made this prediction at the end.) Unfortunately, I was wrong. LSU put up 46!

    We then relocated to Book and Bean for F2. Most enjoyed coffee, but Zoolander and YHC enjoyed Hot Chocolate (the drink, not the band…but the band is awesome, too.) All in all, I would say Everyone’s a Winner…

  • Just Another Manic Monday

    At 5:12 a.m., YHC pulled into the Marsh, only to find it empty. Prepared to move forward with a Beatdown of 1, Cowbell soon made his presence known. With no Q signed up, Cowbell and Hammer quickly agreed to co-Q. Akbar must have overheard, because right as we were to begin warmups, he swooped in to create a triumvirate of Qs.

    Warmups: (The Hammer)

    SSH x18/IW x10/Merkins x10/Arm Circles –Forward x5, Backward x5/Toe Touches x10

    Cowbell took Q from here, as we began a mosey toward the Lake. We stopped on the corner of each block to perform the following trifecta in descending order: Merkins/Squats/Big Boi Situps x 25/20/15/10/5.

    Once at the Lake, Akbar took over, and we began with 25 Freak Nasties on the wall. We began our mosey back to the Marsh, and Akbar had us do the following trifecta in descending order: Jump Squats/Walking Lunges/LBCs x25/20/15/10/5. YHC has concluded that Akbar is still angry about Ole Miss’ loss to the Aggies on Saturday, and he was taking it out on us via the Jump Squat/Lunge combo. There really is no other explanation.

    Once back at the Marsh, the Hammer took Q back over and led the triumvirate in a series of suicides on the court, much to the chagrin of Cowbell and Akbar. We changed it up as follows:

    Full sprint each way/Bear Crawl out, backwards run back/Shuffle out, 10 LBCs at each line, sprint back/Sprint out, 10 of Dealer’s Choice at each line, Sprint back/Sprint out, Descending Burpees at each line –4,3,2,1, Sprint Back

    To finish with a few minutes of Mary, Cowbell had each of the PAX pick an exercise x 25. The Hammer chose (of course) American Hammers, Akbar chose Mountain Climbers, and Cowbell finished us off with Crunchy Frogs.

    Hammer prayed us out, lifting up our brothers Water Pik, Jose 10k, and special intentions.

  • No Animal Left Behind

    We began with a brief warmup: Side Straddle Hops x 15/Windmills x10/High Knees x15/Butt Kicks x15/Imperial Walkers x 15 in cadence.  We then finished with 5 Burpees on your own. 

    QIC then had us mosey to begin our commemoration of the biblical account of Noah’s Ark.  We paired up, and while one partner ran the length of the ark (450′) out and back, the other did Mountain Climbers until each team reached a cumulative of 600 (Noah’s age when he built the ark. 

    All teams performed that task with such ease, we added 300 cumulative Merkins on the back end, much to Shooter’s chagrin. (Noah lived for another 300 years after the flood.) 

    With our chests nice and fatigued, we moved on to the animal portion.  Each partner stood 75′ apart from each other (the width of the ark), and took turns doing the following:  Bear Crawls/Crab Walk/Duck Walk/Gecko Walk/Rabbit Hop/Run.  While one partner was performing the task, the other waited by doing squats.  

    As if that were not enough, we then honored the 40 day/40 night flood by doing 40 Frek Nastys/ 40 Lunges/ 40 Monkey Humpers.  (3 sets to honor each of Noah’s 3 sons.) 

    We then moseyed back to the flag for some Mary.  Since there was no dry land for 7 days after the rain stopped, we performed 7 different exercises to finish up:  20 x Crunchy Frogs/Dying Cockroaches/Freddy Mercurys/Putins/Peter Parkers/Parker Peters/Little Manny Crunches. 

    We finished by saying the Pledge of Allegiance before Bubba prayed us out.  We then enjoyed some F2 at the Beach House, as is customary.