There is one among our company who claims to be a healer of rifts, recently those of the musical variety, while simultaneously spouting blasphemies (of the musical variety) on a very consistent basis. Feigning Homerian ignorance, this individual purposefully rubs an already musically chafed goose the wrong way at every opportunity while pretending to lead a Yankovician “Can’t we all just get along” campaign. Yes, there is, of course, a place for playful banter, but one you cross the line into blasphemous heresy, there is only one remedy. The heretic must be reformed, often violently, in order to mercifully save him from the fiery justice that such error duly deserves.
So, today’s goal would be to straighten the bent mind and heart of the heretic via education and suffering. The topics that would be covered:
-Who is Peter Gabriel? Are he and Phil Collins the same person?
-Would Peter Gabriel be listed on the credits of any song on a Bieber or Lil’ John album? What about 3rd Bass?
-Would Peter Gabriel be involved in any way in country (or western) music?
-What songs did Peter Gabriel sing, and what impact did they have on life, the universe, and everything?
After a robust warmup (necessary after Coyote’s flogging), we grabbed coupons and headed to the start of the new area of road, which Popeye has officially dubbed (and shall henceforth be known as) “The Stretch”. The Thang was simple. YHC would ask Paradox a question, and if he got it right, the PAX would mosey to the third set of pipes (50 or so yards away) and back. If he got it wrong, the PAX would sprint a suicide to the first, second, and third set of pipes in under 30 seconds, well…maybe a full minute…if my watch would just…hold on…ok, just friggin’ do it fast.
After the run, a song appropriate the question would be played with corresponding exercises. As follows:
1. What band were Peter Gabriel (PG) and Phil Collins (PC) in together before their solo careers?
-Answer: Genesis. Dox got this one pretty quick, but YHC knew that he had pretty much maxed out his knowledge on the subject at this point, and luck would be the only thing that would save the PAX moving forward.
Song: “That’s All” by Genesis, post PG exit: The Pax lined up and did standing lunges arm-in-arm, but on every “That’s All” each in turn left the group and did 5 star jumps on their own, solo.
2. PG and PC went opposite directions when it came to how they approached lyrics: one used lyrics that sound deep but aren’t, while the other used lyrics that sound meaningless but are usually an effort at artistic depth. Which is which?
-Answer: PG sounds crazy but is going for depth, while PC, ever the drummer, is just using cool sounding words that fit the rhythm. Dox got this one correct, too, which showed progress–he actually cared enough to distinguish and think through what made each musician unique. This was a good sign, but much work was clearly still needed.
Song: “Sussudio” by PC (pure nonsense, but sounds like the beating heart of the 80’s): plank jacks, merkins on “sussudio”. YHC mercifully stopped this one a little over halfway through.
3. Best 3/5 lyrics match–which one (PG or PC) is responsible for the following lyrics?
1. When you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand…(PC)
2. If looks could kill they probably will in games without frontiers, wear without tears (PG)
3. Don’t you know you’ve got to shock the monkey, shock the monkey tonight (PG)
4. And the bulge in my big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big (PG)
5. You could have a steam train, if you just lay down your tracks (PG)
This is where some retributive purgation took place. Just playing the odds wouldn’t work here (and they didn’t), though Popeye, or the absent AB or Honeysuckle could get these in their sleep. The heretic, though making good progress, needed to see just how far away the goal of true reformation still was. The suicide was long.
Song: “Big Time” by PG: penguins for the duration, BBSU on “Big”
5. What was PG’s greatest hit, his most well-known song by far, and which is still rated in top five of music videos of all time?
Answer: Sledgehammer. YHC thought this might be a gimme, but Dox’s disregard for PG as a person and artist as well as most 80’s music in general had brought him to this lowly state. Another suicide.
Song: “Sledgehammer” by PG: block calf raises for the duration, curls on “sledge” and for the duration of the bridge
6. And, last but not least, what was the PG song playing from John Cusack’s famous romantic boombox scene?
Answer: In Your Eyes. Though Dox had the movie title, “Say Anything”, the song was nowhere on the radar, so the sprinting continued.
At this point, an elderly man involved in the road project had backed his truck in just behind the barricade, which put him about 10 feet from us. And, there he sat, in his truck with the window down, pretending not to notice 5 men sweating to the 80’s with cinder blocks hovering over their faces.
Song: “In Your Eyes” by PG: hold blocks in bench press position, skull crusher on every “in your eyes”.
Time ran short on us, otherwise, our friend would have enjoyed some Shock the Monkey Humpers. Next time.
COT and Popeye prayed us out.
Many thanks to Dox for being willing to show up just to be singled out and treated like a leper for 40 minutes, and many thanks Safety Valve and Popeye who were willing to endure his reformation treatment. (Pope didn’t have a choice.) I’d say thanks to Peter Gabriel, but his music is a little outdated.
SYITG,
Goose
1. In Your Eyes: hold block press, skull crusher on in your eyes
