Author: Rudy

  • BurpJack Horseman – from America’s Best

    YHC had a Jones. A Basketball Jones.
    But today, I would not need someone to set a pick for me at the free-throw line of life, nor someone I can pass to. No, I would not even need someone to hit the open man on the give-and-go (and not end up in the popcorn machine).
    Because today we would not really play basketball…
    Bur first… let’s go look at the new giant flagpole. And then race back. First 3 back get the first three guesses at song lyrics. Goose, Pope and Honeysuckle won Gold, Silver, and Bronze, and thus would get to try and identify a song by the lyrics. If Goose identified it on the first stanza, we would just take a lap around the CC, if Pope guessed after hearing the 2nd stanza, we would hold Al Gore and Jump Squat on each song title; if Honeysuckle got it after hearing the final stanza, we would hold plank and merkin each song title. However, since nobody identified it, we ran in place and did a Burpee every time we heard “Mmm-Bop.” And sometimes when we heard “doo-wop” or “shebop” or whatever.

    Then on past the playground to the highest court in the land. . .
    It occurred to YHC that as many times as the PAX graced the Den’s basketball arena, we had yet to play HORSE. It didn’t occur to YHC until mid-beatdown that we likely only had the time (and skill) to play PIG.
    And the rules would be: SSH while waiting for your shot. Add one burpee on a miss (upon review of my original rules, this was to be 5 merkins). After Pope filled-up (is that the opposite of “drained”?) several 3’s, it was augmented to 3-burpees if you missed a 3-pointer. Then sprint to opposite baseline and back after your shot.
    Once you were out, you stood on the sideline and did a burpee with each shot taken by anyone.
    And the action ensued! … evoking zero inspiration and even less respect.
    But we finished our pig.
    And like a porcine character from our childhood, it was some PIG.
    “Some” being vague enough that you can take it to mean “glorious” if you are optimistic, or “interesting” if you are realistic. At least It was dark.
    There were just about 10 minutes left, so YHC called an audio-daily-double audible. The only music trivia that was in my brain at the time is something I heard long ago… that a certain song was originally “You died in Vietnam” (the actual story is much longer and convoluted… see me later for a dissertation).
    Same format as the first thang, but instead of a sprint, first 3 of the PAX to hit a free-throw would guess. Getting 3/8 to hit a free-throw should be easy…
    Several minutes later we had our men. Honeysuckle, Paradox, and Popeye. None guessed correctly (although Dox’s guess of Fortunate Son wins the best educated guess), so we ran back to the flag, stopping for burpees for every “Born in the USA.”
    Back in just enough time for 1 minute of Mary, the honors were given to Goose with the disclaimer “NO DR W’s.” One minute of wife pleasers seemed just about right.
    COT
    Animal went to Pope for his prized PIG performance. 10-Year Convergence this Saturday in NOLA.
    Lil Cuz prayed us out.

  • Multiplication of the Runners – from Charmin

    The Mustard packet and YHC started off at 5:30 with just the two of us.

    By the end, we had picked up a group of three, Pai Gow and Two Yutes.

    Overall a great morning for a workout around Pontiff.

  • Merkin mile reboot? And the Burpee and the Hammer! – from Smooth Operator

    YHC pulled up at 5:12 due to forgetting to put the two tires and maul in the truck the night before. YHC didn’t see any movement from the Doxs household this morning so i figured I’d park in the coveted Doxs parking spot. Little did I know I would be stealing his Thang from the beatdown before.

    Warmarama started immediately
    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Imperial walkers
    And a bumper mosey to get the juices flowing.

    And Yes Tana there is now a road where the bumper used to be.

    Thang 1

    Thang 1 merkin mile
    When YHC started, Tuesday Tuff was fairly new but it seemed to always start with a merkin mile around rich man’s loop.So that’s what I proposed to do this morning even with Gooses look of displeasure. Apparently a merkin mile was completed on Monday, and to be fair YHC had ever my intention of showing up said Monday but a call out fart sack was in my forecast for the day. Therefore YHC had a decision to make, do we deviate from the plan or do we get tuff on this Tuesday. Which is exactly what we did. YHC has a strange liking for the merkin mile even though it always ends with the entire PAX picking up the six (me). It reminds me that no matter how out of shape YHC gets, the PAX is there to welcome me back into the fold. The merkin mile consist of running a mile around rich man’s loop stopping every quarter mile to do 25 merkins ending back at the stage. Somehow this was AB’s first merkin mile and sounded like it wouldn’t be the last.

    After YHC recovered enough to make words we jumped right into Thang 2

    Thang 2 The burpee and the hammer

    When YHC started coming to beatdowns there seemed to be a big deal about burpees. The pax loved to give them out but hated to do them. Also YHC loves to hit thing with a hammer the bigger the hammer the better. Therefor we will be pounding a pair of tires with a 10 lb maul and we will work on all things burpee. The tire pounding timer will be ten swings at one tire, Bearcrawl with hammer to next tire and 10 more swings at that tire. Then bear crawl back. While this is taking place. The other pax’s will be at other stations

    Station 1 standard perfect burpee to work on form
    Station 2 manmakers or blockees for AB
    Station 3 goblet squats
    Station 4 4 thrusters
    Station 5 groiners shout out to YJ
    Station 6 hand release merkins
    Station 7 jump squats
    (This is not the actual order of stations, but YHC winged the order for no particular reason other than to make it more confusing on myself.)
    After one round of this with not much communication from the PAX and YHC checking the time on his phone way more than necessary we did a Lightning round of 3 swings Kareoke 3 swings kareoke back.
    After this we moved into 4 minutes of Mary.

    4 minutes of Mary
    WW1 sit-ups with terrible cadence presented by yours truly
    Dr. W’s by goose
    Freddy Merkins by AB
    V ups by Tana finishing perfectly on 0600.

    After this we had COT and talked about the upcoming convergence in NOLA and Safety Valve prayed us out. Thanks for embracing the suck with me.
    SYIYG
    Smooth Operator

  • Put The Bunny Back in the Box – from Steve

    You can probably measure the difficulty of the Spartan Beast by how many days it takes Jose to recuperate and return to the weekday beatdowns. Now, if he’s not back by Friday’s A1C beatdown, it might be time to worry. There were pictures of a shirtless Tank cozying up to Parrot circulating on Instagram and Snapchat this weekend, suggesting the ride home may well have gone sideways.

    Anywho… back at Granny’s, things were on the straight and narrow, as they say. Just Russo and I, doing the usual, which today was a simple circuit (designed to be able to chat and hear about the Beast, but alas, no Sprtaners were present to tell their tales of glory and valor):

    Start at x15 reps, then increase by 5 after each round:
    Benches – Freak Nasties
    Stage – Donkey Kicks
    West Corridor – Merkins
    Depot – Bulgarians
    Stairs – Calf Raises (*always x3 each step)
    Top of the Stairs – SMKs

    Throughout the beatdown, Russo was kind enough to indulge me in a Nicolas Cage retrospective, where we recounted the many wonders of his career – from Raising Arizona to Moonstruck, from The Rock and Face / Off to National Treasure and, of course, his Oscar-snubbed performance in Con-Air. Russo and I did our best “Cage Rage” impressions for the runners passing by, before moving on to a travesty equal to the Con Air snub: Russo’s loss in his company’s annual chili cook-off. I heard all about the machinations behind the scenes – illegal alliances and clever, quippy names that edged him out of victory with what I can only assume was a damn fine chili. But don’t count him out just yet, he’s got something special cooked up for next year’s contest.

    Ended with some Mary and COT, where Russo prayed us out. Thanks brother for the consistency, appreciate you!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNLOt–5zcg

  • 10 Years and 1 Day Later – from Reluctant Yankee

    Re-enactment of the first ever official F3 Nola workout

    The Thang:

    Gandalf’s Q (played by Hawgcycle)

    Mosey to a space near the football field, backwards run, side-shuffle left, side-shuffle right
    Circle of Pain (COP):
    Side-Straddle Hops in cadence x15
    Merkins in cadence x12
    Imperial Walkers in cadence x15
    Mountain Climbers in cadence x20
    Slow Squats in cadence x10
    Wide-Arm Merkins in cadence x10
    Diamond Merkins in cadence x10
    Mosey to bridge
    11s across the bridge with burpees on far side and jump squats on near side #crowdpleaser
    Plank-O-Rama: Regular, Elbows, Left Hand/Leg High, Right Hand/Leg High, Mission Impossible (10 count from Fracsac)

    Reluctant Yankee’s Q (Played by Triple Shift)

    Mosey back to track
    6 Minutes of Mary:
    LBCs in cadence x10
    Hello Dollys in cadence x10
    High Dollys (Rosalitas) in cadence x10
    Bicycles (Freddy Mercury) in cadence x10
    Dying Cockroach in cadence x10
    Flutter Kicks in cadence
    Quick mosey one full lap around the track

    Chong Li’s Q (Played by Reluctant Yankee)

    Loooooong mosey to picnic tables under the bridge
    Chong Li Special:
    Decline Merkins in cadence x16
    Right Leg Squat in cadence x8
    Incline Merkins in cadence x16
    Left Leg Squat in cadence x8
    Decline Merkins IC x12
    Right Leg Squat IC x6
    Incline Merkins IC x12
    Left Leg Squat IC x6
    Decline Merkins IC x8
    Right Leg Squat IC x4
    Incline Merkins IC x8
    Left Leg Squat IC x4
    Decline Merkins IC x4
    Right Leg Squat IC x2
    Incline Merkins IC x4
    Left Leg Squat IC x2
    Mosey back to the track
    Two Rounds With Tyson happened in original beatdown, but ran out of time. Yankee gave Fracsac the Q for last minute, so it was 10 burpees for the 10 years of F3 Nola!
    Mosey back to shovel flag
    Circle of Trust (COT)

    NMM

    This beatdown was held 10 years and 1 day after the original launch. T-Claps to all who kept this great thing going!

    Not sure how they squeezed in 2 rounds of Tysons on that first day. The OGs were 10 years and 1 day older, so…..

    4 OGs were present- Hawgcycle, Reluctant Yankee, Triple Shift, and Redfish

  • A Taste of H8! – from Space Cowboy

    Weather: Clear, no wind, 55 degrees

    Another beautiful morning at Kennarie Ridge! Gave disclaimer and headed to JPAX.

    Warmups
    Samson Stretch 5 sec hold x 5
    Slow Low Squats x10
    Abe Slogodas x10
    Forward Arm Circles x10
    Backwards Arm Circles x10
    Seal Claps x10
    SSH x15
    Hillbillies x10

    The Thang
    In preparation for the H8 at Okwata this Thur, I thought this beatdown would help us work on those bear crawls. Kenna Brah and Charmin did their own exercise routine since they were nursing injuries.

    Start at front of JPAX
    Run to JPAX loading dock ramp, Bear Crawl up, Lunges down
    Run back to front of JPAX
    Burpees x10
    Repeat run to loading dock ramp, Bear Crawl, Lunges, and back to front of JPAX
    Burpees x10
    Merkins x20
    Repeat run to loading dock ramp, Bear Crawl, Lunges, and back to front of JPAX
    Burpees x10
    Merkins x20
    Step Ups x30
    Repeat run to loading dock ramp, Bear Crawl, Lunges, and back to front of JPAX
    Burpees x10
    Merkins x20
    Step Ups x30
    SSH x40

    7’s: BBSU, run up stairs, Step-ups, run down ramp

    Head to flag. COT

  • This is (not) Sparta! – from Russo

    With many folks off to Dallas to watch a Michigan State game, a small krewe of 3 braved the chilly mid 50s early morning temps. I thought I would be flying solo, because at 6:30 only I was in shouting distance of the flag, but alas Pika and Legal found me after their pre-thang for some:

    4 corners (at each corner of a block, perform reps accordingly…10 at block1, 20 block 2, R&R)

    Round 1:
    10 Burpees
    20 Squats
    30 shoulder taps
    40 crunches

    Round 2
    10 wide merkins
    20 monkey humpers
    30 SMCs
    40 Flutter kicks (2 is 1)

    Round 3
    10 Jump squats
    20 Merkins
    30 plank jacks
    40 hello Dollie’s

    Pik peeled off at some point, so Legal and I moved to the gazebo for 11s:

    Freak Nastys
    Carioca in between to the sidewalk
    M’ktar Jhai’s

    We moseyed back to the flag for a little Mary: penguins, gas pumps, Rosalitas, Leg raises.

    A good time was had by all as we had a quick COT and prayer, lifting up our Spartan brethren primarily.

    SYITG

  • Nearly De La Soul – from Akbar

    What a beautiful morning to start the week out right. 51 degrees and a starlit early morning gloom.

    YHC was prepared for low attendance with the Spartan crew recovering. An early morning earwig hit the brain thinking it may be Me, Myself, and I. But a familiar shadow caught my eye, Waterpik doing his regular Marsh cleanup. So we got to it.

    Warm up:
    SSH, Windmills, Arm Circles, Self- Love, Cherry Pickers, Imperial Walkers, high knees

    Mosey down to the stop sign, 10 Merkins, mosey back

    Thang: 4 corners with blocks on the court. 10 reps on each corner, carry block all the way around, run to the stop sign for 10 reps of Merkins and Abs of choice, rinse and repeat adding reps.

    1: Shoulder presses
    2: Curls for the Girls
    3: Upright block rows
    4: Goblet Squat

    Mary
    LBC, flutter kicks, Hello Dolly, Rosalita, Nolan Ryans, E2K, 30 second plank.

    Announcements: Sign up to Q, Turkey Trot, T Claps to the Spartan crew
    COT: Prayers for a couple of Waterpik’s friends, thanks for the opportunity to gather together and remind to lead those around us.

    SYITG,
    Akbar

  • LEGS & CORE at The A1C – from Einstein

    Nice and cool this morning ~ 46 degrees, atop the Justice Center Parking Garage deck.
    And as an extra bonus – the AO was well lit with Thursday’s Hunter’s Full Supermoon.
    IF BBQ had been there, he would have classified it as…”beautiful.”

    Warmup: all IC15x; toe touch, side staddle hops, arm circles, neck rolls, cherry pickers,
    hi-jack hi-jills/BBQ Wings/DarkWingDuck Wings, butt kicks, high knees, shoulder rolls, scissors, etc.

    Using the parking lot stripes (fyi; there are 24 parking spaces, bounded by 25 stripes, per parking row)

    The Thang: Four sets of: a stripe exercise followed by a core exercise at each of the four corners – as we mosey back to the starting line:

    First set: Lunge walk forward three stripes, inch worm out for three merkins, inch warm in, all along the length of the deck,

    Second set: Zombie Walk; left arm to right leg, right arm to left leg, all along the length of the deck

    Third set: Wounded Bear Crawl; left leg and left arm up on the 8 inch parking barrier, bear crawl, then switch over to the other side of the barrier
    to bear crawl with the right leg and right arm up on the barrier, all along the length of the deck

    Fourth set: Star Jack Jump at each stripe, all along the length of the deck

    Core at the corners included: wife pleasers with alternating leg lift, static v-ups, roll-ups,
    supermans, scubasteve, iron crosses, big boy sit-us, crunches, dips, flutter kicks vertical,
    flutter kick horizontal, Russian twists, etc.

    Mary: finished run back to circle up as time expired

    DarkWingDuck led us out with prayers for the F3NOLA Pax traveling up to the Texas CSAUP, for world peace, for the U.S.A. election.

  • Turn it up to 13 (by Coyote) – from Goose

      YHC hopped out of the truck on this dark and refreshingly chilly morning, the Q adrenalin pumping through my body as YHC got ready to unleash the teenage beatdown. “No more fun and games,” YHC thought. “I’m going to give them a real beatdown.” The morning started well, YHC noticing that the number of men present was the biggest that YHC had ever seen at a Coyote beatdown. Suddenly, YHC saw a large white truck roll into the rocky parking lot, and a man I had never seen at a beatdown hop out. “Dumpster Fire?!” YHC guessed. No, an FNG had come to join us! 6:30 came, and suddenly, both 
Paradox and Goose revealed the game balls, Paradox wearing the Fire Within, and Goose with the Blue-tube. We started with the classic Side-straddle-hops, Safety Valve driving in right as we stopped. The warmups ended shortly after, and YHC introduced what we were going to be doing. “For this beatdown,” YHC started, “I thought I might do everything that I hate, and one of those things is coupons!” The Pax grabbed one for each brave soul, and we moseyed over to the long-forgotten hill by the park. YHC announced, “Another thing that I hate is Dora!” We partnered up, and YHC introduced the exercises, 100 Thrusters, 150 WWIII Sit-ups, and 200 Curls, and the mode of transportation being bear-crawl over the hill, and crawl-bear back. Partners were picked, YHC partnering up with Pope, and Goose started the well-thought-out “F3 Weird Al grinder” playlist.
    The Thang commenced, Pope cranking out WWIII’s like nobody was watching. The music was very attention-getting, and when the eleven-minute song “Albuquerque” came up, all ears went to the crazy song. When the Dora was done, we dragged ourselves and the coupons over to the field by Bayou Road, and YHC presented Thang 2. Since YHC is turning 13 on Tuesday, YHC said that we would do 13’s instead of 11’s, one side starting with one 4-count Nolan Ryan, and the other side 12 Inchworm Merkins, all the while listening to Weird Al crank out his parodies. This turned out be way harder than YHC planned, the Nolan Ryans hard to count, and the Inchworm Merkins almost impossible to complete without a little modification.
    After the 13’s, YHC presented the final Thang. As much as we could, the Pax and I would try to accomplish a “Tunnel of Love” across the entire field. It failed miserably, the 2.0’s all getting launched into the air by Man-Eater. Exhausted, YHC called out for us to go back to the flag. We lugged our coupons back to the flag, and commenced with the count off, numbering an impressive 16. When the time came to name our victim, we were ready for some weird stuff. The name came out to be “Blue,” or “My boy Blue,” coming from the facts that he was in the navy for 24 years, and he felt like he had to go back to college. I owe him an apology, not meaning for this to be his first beatdown. (Hopefully we’ll see him again…) When shirts came up, Paradox gave the Fire within to YHC for an IPC level workout. (Get ready to see it hanging off my shoulders next week.) Next, Goose passed the Blue-tube to White Meat for showing us the proper way to count Nolan Ryans. Man-Eater prayed us out, and we ended with a characteristic Paradox Pic.
    Happy Birthday to all those other birthday boys, Popeye tomorrow, Jackknife, Monday, Wet tap and I Tuesday, and any others not mentioned. Until next time, God bless!
                                                                         Coyote