F3 New Orleans

Author: Bushwacker

  • yada yada yada……gimme a 20 sack: The Misadventures of Seal Team 2

    That one time when I woke up at 4:10am, having experienced a bizarrely rough night of sleep, and ALMOST texted the only other guy with the determination and drive to join me in the gloom for a 10k to say I wouldn’t make it…yada yada yada…he and his babysitter ended up lost in the pitch black woods of Maryland with spray paint and a brush looking for the water tower.

    There’s only so much you can learn about your F3 brothers posting every saturday, or even with a few sprinkled weekday workouts. If you really want the opportunity to learn about a guy, run 6.2(+.05) miles  at the butt crack of dawn with him. YHC has had that privelage with a number of his fellow F3, and treasured each valuable moment. A rarer treat is the one-on-one. Today’s lesson was the intro course of Who is Mike “EiEi” Farmer, with a refresher course on The Woes of the Wacker.

    Two individuals on 2 distinctly divergent life paths, both of which helped shape who they are, converge on Mandeville’s lauded Lakeshore Dr with one distinct piece of shared knowledge – scales are for white people!

    A better-than-anticipated pace of 9:03/mm was determined with the use of some alternative math.

    Seal Team Hollywood’s a no go with weak walrus reasoning having to do with an event to be c0-attended by mini-wackers.

    And, finally, the grass is not always greener…sometimes it’s the color of an awe-inspiring sun set.

  • Dice of Doom’s Hard Opening and The Battle Old Mandeville

    With the winds died down and the hail unscathingly passing us by, it seemed like a good morning to bring out the Dice of Doom for and official hard opening. 12 PAX made sufficient numbers for a team battle of epic proportions.

    WARM UP

    each x20 IC:

    Toe Touches

    Windmills

    Imperial Walkers

    THANG-A-LANG

    Ok, so it went down like this – team 1 rolls the dice and then attempts to answer a trivia question for a point. While they perform the resulting exercise, team 2 planked. After each team had a chance to be “plank-in-waiting”, they each took a round to hold and Al Gore instead… and so on and so forth. The team with the most points at the conclusion won the right to casually watch the losing team do an exercise of team 1’s choice to whatever rep count team 2 rolled.

    Adding a lil lagniappe to this beat down, the PAX started at the flag and mosied down the lakefront to Marigny for the next roll, then up Marigny 1 block for the next, east 1 block, back south the the lakefront, and finally east to the playground/splash pad for the final roll.

    Considering A. this was an idea that YHC was conducting semi-on the fly and B. YHC was also doing all of the exercises along with both teams, the exact numbers and order are a little jumbled in my Wackie mind. However, there were a superlative amount of jump squats, some putins, a WILD Q set of freak nasties, a sparse sampling of merkins, and a round of 50 side straddle hops.

    QIC felt that the PAX was enjoying themselves a little too much, as shown by the over-abundance of mumble chatter. Thusly, the whoopin stepped up a notch with and abbreviated version of the B.I.T.E.M.E. (inspred by B.O.M.B.S.) better recognized as B.I.M. – 50 burpees, 100 iron hulks, and 150 moroccan nightclubs. That changed the PAX’s tune, or at least winded them enough to give their gums a little respite.

    Broken back into team 1 and 2, the indian run back home commenced. Big props and T claps to Moby who kept moving at his best pace after pre-thanin’ it and recently returning full time from IR. Double respect was duly shown by a majority of the PAX circling back to join Shooter in rolling in with the great White Whale.

    MARY

    All x20 IC:

    LBCs

    Flutter Kicks

    Freddie Mercury’s

    And finally, with a Dice of Doom trivia tie hanging over the PAX like spring-time storm clouds darker than 50 shades of gray (absolutely not erotic!), there was a final showdown still to be played out. Steve representing team1 stood eye to eye – nay, brow to brow with Ei of team 2, as these 2 titans of F3 lore faced off, each with a stare of intense animosity and rivalry that would have slain a fire-breathing dragon! With fists clenched, sinewy muscles taught, and lightening flashing in both of their eyes, their respective teams chomping at the bit with flared nostrils of wild stallions, QIC handed the numbered die to Steve to roll like a steel gauntlet slapping with indignation the faces of each of the battle-worn members of team 2. And what a blow! 50 – there would be no topping it, only another roll of 50 would agonizingly drag this battle out. Alas, it was not to be, for the brave and venerable Ei’s roll, as though time was moving at a near stand-still…..came up a 20. With the sweet taste of victory like honey on their lips, team 1 doled out the harshest penalty to their vanquished foes, BURPEES! As team 2 collapsed to the earth with the weight of the world on their backs to serve their sentence, a ray of sunny good will began to shine when team 1, under no obligation to do so, dropped to salute their worthy foes with planking of of superiorly perfected form.

    Ok it wasn’t EXACTLY like that, but more or less.

    COT, Bubba prayed us out with solemn vigor, and The sharp-dressed man himself, Waterpik pick up the forth-coming coffee. Many thanks to you both, and to all of the PAX who put forth a mighty effort in the wake of my humble lead!

    PS – I’d also like to give special T Claps to the stellar beard that Turbo picked up in Colorado! Clean up the edges a little and you may look like a respectable lawyer of some sort.

  • Running Behind but the Timing’s Unreliable!

    YHC had a sneaking suspicion when I opened my eyes that my wake-up window for making the scramble had already started closing, rather than opening with the sounding of my alarm at any moment. I had to pee and I was wide awake – my body was screaming at me that I had missed the alarm by 20 minutes! An immediate text to the rock of the f3 northshore and it was understood that the scramble was copacetic, but without my normal morning routine would I be…?

    The now co-Q arrived on the scene to see the PAX in good hands doing lunge twists, and jumped in. The scrambling commenced along the traditional route. As we hit the Loop, though, Chewy called an audible, a la Steve’s beat down the previous day at the gipper. The Pax split up, each group heading in opposite directions around the loop in a seeming attempt to instill a little variety and sense of competition in an otherwise no-man-left-behind scenario.

    The public at-large must’ve read Monday’s back blast and sought to challenge the PAX, because there seemed to be more littler for us to tackle than normal. However, with Waterpik starting early with a piece of trash near the flag, we tackled said challenge with flying colors.

    YHC felt compelled to stop the PAX after coming off the pier for 50 OYO freddy mercury’s to throw a little more spice on the run. And upon returning to the flag, the dreaded dice of doom were brought out for for some human sacrifice! Being uninitiated, Chewy and Ei took the first 2 rolls, followed by the rest of us. 10-20 merkins, side straddle hops and putins were all well and good, but when a 50 came up, we trembled in unison as we gazed upon the other die, silently praying for anything but burpees! Jump-squats it was, and we put our lower bodies through the wringer.

    The wacker of all things wackable prayed us out, as we offered our sacrifices of copious amounts of dripping sweat for the sins of our fathers.

    Welcome back the the scramble Ei and thanks to Shooter for the cover and to the Pax for giving me a reason to look forward to waking before the sun!

  • NO FEAR!…or trash

    What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?

    -Vincent Van Gough

    Fear, largely based on the unknown, keeps us from even attempting things sometimes. Courage is the power to conquer the fear despite the unknown. Fear can pervade every area of our lives, as we can all attest, and for YHC, fear inundated me on several levels as I put together today’s beatdown – and even more so as I pulled up to the Marsh in the gloom! You see, I can’t shake the words of our illustrious brother Turbo Tax following the 2 year convergence when he told us, in essence, to stop phoning it in and be the F3 that we want by, among other things, putting thought and preparation into our beatdowns. With that in mind, I fearfully sprinkled just a little bit of Bushwacker Orgininality Spice on a piece of paper, worried that, as good as it sounded now, it may end up a flop. YHC may end up pushed past his breaking point. The PAX may snicker and scoff at the ridiculous commands presented to them and secretly ridicule the Wacker (as the southshore did with the ISI week of 100s). But courage overcame the baseless fears, and the trusty Men of the Marsh met to Master another Monday ass whoopin!

    Pre-Thang

    Slow dynamic stretching seemed in order so…

    All IC:

    Toe Touches x30

    Imperial Walkers x30

    Abe Vigodas x20

    Thang

    Off to the playground equipment for…

    (all OYO)

    5 pull ups, 10squats, 25 merkins, 50 LBCs

    5 chin ups, 10 lunges (5each leg),25 freak nasties, 50 heal pulses

    5Australian pull ups, 10 1 leg squats (5 each leg), 25 derkins, 50 putins

     

    Back to the B Ball court and partnered up for my own take on  B.O.M.B.S. called B.I.T.E. M.E.

    50 Burpees

    100Iron Hulks (1:4 ratio of merkins to air presses)

    The Two Amigos (wall squat back to back and walk from one end of the court and back)

    200 E2K (ankle over knee oblique crunch, 100 each side)

    Empty Wheelbarrow (crab walk with partner holding your legs)

    Wrap Up

    Pushing the limits of temporal respect, we finished sweaty sore and exhausted with COT and a prayer from the Sharp Dressed Pik himself.

    LAGNIAPPE (or Post Thang)

    As has proudly become somewhat of an F3 northshore tradition, we scoured the Marsh like kids on an easter egg hunt for all the litter we could find, so as to leave the place better than it was when we arrived.

    Thank you gentlemen for your friendship, comaraderie, and following my lead, despite my fears

     

    A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature

    -Ralph Waldo Emerson

     

    As a post script for those of you still reading, I just read an article that says a meta study comprised of 2 Harvard studies that followed over 700 men for 75 years testing all aspects of health and happiness found “The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.” — Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. We, gentlemen, will live forever!

  • EH and the Brotherly Love

    Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished

    -Lao Tzu

    The Captain’s Cove is a special AO. That being said, even Seal Team 6 members need a little EH to get them out the fartsack sometimes. Yesterday afternoon the idea of a 10k post sounded fun, invigorating and much needed, but as the evening got on it was easier to imagine the warm comfort of the ol’ sack at 4am. After checking that the listed Q would be too busy in Hollywood with om Hanks to post, YHC and Shooter were insinuated into the scenario…by me. But 2 thoughts were pervasive at that point: where has the other half of the Northshore Core been and why should we do this alone?! So the EH pulled in a Reluctant Rebel in Steve and all was right in the world.

    As we 3 assembled in the gloom, the grumbles were audible and blatant. But the love was there, like making your kids eat their vegetables. COT and we were off.

    As we rounded the initial bend of the lakefront YHC, if not the entire PAX, was awestruck by the large, low-set, orangish-yellow moon! It was as incredible as it was unexpected, but ,personally, an appreciated addition to the bright stars in the clear pre-dawn sky. Now, as any of you who have ever posted with Bushwacker can attest, that guy can jibber jabber! But in the return leg of our expedition an excited mention of a Casting Crowns concert he attended with the fam lead to a discussion of more substance than your average mumble chatter is usually comprised of. Faith, hope, nature, science, the universe, and what’s is our hearts…YHC felt a closeness to the PAX that comes with unabashed realness.

    When we refer to each other as “brothers” we generally mean comrades-in-arms, but we each have our own sub-context to that term. As one with no brothers growing up, I relish the experiences and relationships I have with all of you guys, from the 1-time posters to the core of F3 Northshore to my Southshore and BR brothers. All of this was something missing, and is missing no longer. In life,as in nature, there is no need to hurry, because everything that must be accomplished will be accomplished.

    Much appreciation!

  • Homeless Hop or How Shooter Stole the Scramble…Almost

    Arriving in da gloom to find the Northshore Core anxiously awaiting the chance to activate their wonder twins powers, YHC was still contemplating whether or not to break out the toys. Not much time to ruminate on that possibility because, as seasoned PAX do, Waterpik and The Pelican pulled up simultaneously with no more time to spare. About to break the mumble chatter and get things going, YHC was precluded by the thief-in-the-night (or darkened dawn),  Shooter, who tried to oust today’s leadership from he was was listed on the schedule. Ok, we get it. This is YOUR AO, yeesh talk about a control freak! Proper order was quickly restored in the humblest of fashions and the warm-o-rama was under way.

    20xs each IC:

    SSH

    High Knees

    Butt Kicks

    Toe Touches

    On the 5K we went, passing as we always do in front of City Hall on our way to the streets. This guy always contemplates whether to run through or around the tax-payer demanded gazebo in the middle of the sidewalk in front of da mayor’s office, but today the decision was not mine to make. The openings were blocked with bikes and  what looked like a parachute was spread over the circular floor. To alleviate any remaining doubts, as we jogged by we heard muffled barking emanating from under said parachute. Honestly, I felt bad – we probably scared the sh!+ out of whoever was under there.

    The mosey continued on with an abrupt stop for 20 merkins at Monroe before proceeding to the loop and then sunset point. It was here that Steve and YHC noticed the infuriatingly hapless boxes of popeye’s on the ground in the parking area…20 or so feet from a garbage can! Upon returning from the pier’s terminus, we stopped for 25 LBCs and picked up the aforementioned refuse… and of course the challenge was on. Each man made it their mission to find some litter they could grab and pitch, with Shooter going for bonus points after being called out for a blatant missed beer can.

    With 10 minutes for Mary, it was play time! I brought out The Beatdown Blocks! The Dice of DOOM! To all but Steve, this new form of torture was a welcome surprise. First introduced on the rainy Saturday morning the week before the convergence, these black and gold gambling devices have one block of exercises (merkins, putins, jump squats, SSH, burpees, and “WILD Q”) and one block with rep counts (5, 10, 15, 20, 25, and the dreaded 50). The Pelican started us off with 5 merkins before Shooter once again moved to steal the show by rolling 50 burpees! In an attempt to repect the time QIC feebly tried to cut us off at 25, but Steve gallantly sacrificed his roll in order that we may complete the torture we were due. With little left in the tank, we were releived to see Waterpik roll a mild 15 Putins, and YHC roll 5 “WILD Q” for which I chose pull ups. We then circled up and closed out F3 style…with Shooter trying one last time to display his larcenous tendencies by attempting to usurp the closing prayer from a beleaguered Pelican, who took us out with appreciation in our hearts.

    I can understand why Shooter wanted to lead so badly today, because it is a  humbling honor to lead you guys in our time of fruitful brotherhood!

    LAGNIAPPE:

    ISI is always better with your homies, and today’s ISI challenge was no exception. With 2 minutes of Heel Pulses, sometimes one can do nothing but laugh;)

  • Rollin’ Dice in da Rain (Gambleholics Anonymous)

    So Much for the ch4 forecast last night saying that the rain would be out of here by 5am and we would only get about 1/2 an inch! Fortunately, it settled to a light drizzle by the stroke of 6:30am. (not so much for our southshore bretheren)

    But the 1st rule of Gambleholics Anonymous is to show up…I suppose. And so 4 brave PAX indeed did just that. Calling a rain-induced audible to the planned strategy for YHC’s clandestine beatdown, we opened with a little warm-o-rama consisting of 20x each:

    Toe Touches

    Windmills

    SSH

    Imperial Walkers

    High Knees

    After an unusually brief mosey we commenced with a dice-rolling, knowledge-testing, beatdown of fun, ass-whoopin dimensions! And speaking of brief, for those who did not claim victory over the dry fart sack and the torrential weather that southern Louisiana was presented with this gloom, this is all of this sure-to-reappear beatdown  you have access to at this point.

    After returning from whence we came, we closed out with Mary consisting of 20x:

    Freddy Flutters

    Crunchy Frogs

    100s

    Count, Name , Prayer

    2 year convergence next saturday, sure to be an adventure not to be missed. Bring your bike if you can/have one

    Many thanks to the PAX who posted and endured the beta test if YHCs lead today. For those who didn’t…you’ll get your chance soon – I pinky promise!

  • Solo I Roll-O

    I came

    I saw (no other PAX)

    I rolled

    On my own, I did the half route of 3.2 miles. Without the obscenely slow Shooter or Steve weighing me down, I was able to keep a respectable 8.17/minute mile pace. Crescent City Classic immortality, here I come!

    Ben Todd

    37

    Bush WACKA!

  • A CSAUP Convergence in the Mud

    Well, the day was finally upon us. With a 50% chance of rain it was anybody’s guess what the weather would do. But when it’s called Tough Mudder, either way is good. The clown cars converged at NOLA Motor Park and the clowns met up just inside the official Tough Mudder grounds. The southshore boys called a last minute audible.With Fracsac having to pull out, Cowbell, was and easy EH to grab his spot. Speaking of last minute, YHC pulled up to the meeting spot to see that none other than the elusively nomadic Butt Splice had joined the party, having bought his ticket yesterday.

    Due to the race being 12 mud-filled miles long, not to mention this guy’s exhausted brain, I won’t list all the obstacles, but give a greatest hits and honorable mentions overview.

    Like ripping off a band aid, the 1st obstacle thrown at us was Kiss of Mud 2.o, involving an army crawl under barbed wire through the soupy mud. Butt Splice was fully submerged and in heaven!

    The Hero Carry obstacle (which was much easier the 1st time around) found us carrying our partner about 50 or so yards, then switching for the next 50. Strategically speaking we tried to match up size-wise with Steve/Tanked Up, Butt Splice/Gabrielle, Shooter/Walleye, Bushwacker/Ocho (had I only known this deceptively sized man was actually heavier than the solid Shooter, I might have chosen more wisely), and Reluctant Yankee/Cowbell. Jingle Vader paired up with a random to complete the obstacle.

    Much better acquainted, the fun continued.

    Somewhere along the way, we chanced on a solo mudder who by some stoke of good fortune joined our  regal ranks on this muddy mission. This bald bruiser (sorry the alliteration is addictive) was visiting Nawlins with his lovely wife (who was a loyal spectator) from Chattanooga, TN. An easy Eh and a great F3 fit to round the crew out at 12.

    There were more muddy water-filled pits, walls, hay bales, nets and unpredictable terrain in store for our daring band of F3 brothers. The course lent itself to some quality mumble chatter that added to the intrinsic appreciation of the experience. Speaking of mumble chatter, between Gabrielle and Ocho’s slew of  salacious interactions with random members of the fairer sex, I’m surprised we didn’t walk away from the course with our own fan club. Or better yet, a new cadre of FIA recruits!

    Not that we didn’t all have an appreciation for the females we ran into. A bunch of us made a new friend in a medical assistant at the Trench Warfare obstacle when we gave her a big F3 group hug, sharing all the muddy goodness we had to offer…especially Ocho.

    There were back busting back flips and reverse swan dives at the Shawshank obstacle. This one was quite refreshing!

    At Everest 2.0 we joined the waiting crowd in an attempt to scale the slick quarter pipe and, with the assistance of the previous victors, to mount the 15′ summit. In an attempt to get up quickly and help some folks, F3 and otherwise, YHC skirted the waiting onlookers and made a few unsuccessful shots at the top. In between tries, many, especially the tall gents, were making it look like child’s play. I returned to the fold to find Ocho back on the ground after having already made the ascent. Butt Splice had inadvertently pulled him back down as he tried, in vain, to make it up. With the brilliant Walleye extending his lengthy arms towards the next contestants, the guys one by one made it up. After an embarrassingly  high number of failed tries, this now bruised and battered Q joined his comrades in victory.

    Anyone who knows anything about the tough mudder knows that that one of the most anticipated , and feared, obstacles is the Electroshock! While most of us caught a shock or 2, poor Shooter, who had almost made it through with only 1 zap, took a shot that rung his bell. Being St.Patty’s day, the luck of the Irish must have been shining on Steve, Reluctant Yankee and Jingle Vader (hope I got that right), because they got through scott free. We were all entertained as we prepared to move on by a bald, hardcore ranter who got tagged in the face and many other places as he worked his way through – SON OF A BITCH!

    At the last obstacle, Happy Ending, we ran into fellow F3 Saxon who, along with Jesse from Chattanooga, Ocho, and Butt Splice, formed the base and extension of our human ladder that helped a lot of recently rinsed fools get to the top. Eventually we retrieved our magnanimous brothers and slid down the other side to cross the finish line, arms locked.

    As we gathered post-race with out victory beers (and recovery drinks) in hand to close out with a COT, we were in a unique and enviable position to name an out-of-state FNG. Welcome Big Easy to the F3 Nation! We hope he returns to Chattanooga and hits up one of the 5 area posts up that way. Thanks to Butt Splice for his emotionally aroused prayer to take us out.

    Gentlemen, despite some bumps and bruises this was an extraordinary adventure, and I am blessed to have taken the journey with each of you. Many thanks for following my lead to the starting line today.

  • The Almighty EH

    With a 12 mile, obstacle-filled mud fest of a CSAUP awaiting the men of F3 saturday morning, this particular man knew a 4:45am 10k would not be high on his priorities. However, a simple “maybe-ish” text to one half of “The Northshore Core”, Shooter, was enough to stoke the irrepressible flames of the EH. Somehow, after just brief digital exchange, YHC found himself roped in as though he had signed up to Q himself rather than offering to cover for Captain Sparkles (Captain Sparkles =EiEi, but that’s a different backblast).

    With a chance groupme comment by the long lost Pelican offering similar intentions as I, YHC felt compelled to sic the EH master on him. SUCCESS! 3 sets of headlights ended up simultaneously rolling down Jackson St. to converge at the Cove.

    Today’s 10k was, indeed, and educational experience. So to recap, what did we learn?

    1. There’s no readily apparent excessive benefit to a Disney cruise over a non-Disney cruise.

    2. LBCs are a great way to break up the monotony of a long run.

    3. Though a man may keep mum about your over exaggeration of accomplishment, NEVER misrepresent that your HALF beat his WHOLE.

    4. Self-employment tax sucks!

    5. Shooter wins the gold medal for EH.

    6.Garfield can put the best of us to secret running shame.

    7. The Pelican is Japanese!

    8. Bushwacker suffers from Foot-In-Mouth disease.

    9. Small grown men drive small grown cars (but they sure are fun!)

    Class dismissed