YHC arrived early (15 seconds before Goose), full of stoke for this beatdown, but mostly for da playlist. Had one full Hawaii playlist ready, but last night, no reason, YHC switched ‘em out for one playlist of all cover songs. And, like one log cruising over da waterfall in slow motion, they were glorious. . .
Suddenly, something even more exciting:
“Hey guys, this is Austin.” White Meat had brought an FNG.
My brain squirrel jumped on the thinkin’ wheel, and the gears that push the struts that crank the wheels on the train of thought began to turn.
Austin—>Austin Powers—> Richie Cunningham … but that would have to wait.
It was time for: The Disclaimer.
YHC could not remember all the points of the disclaimer. Luckily Paradox, playing Cyrano to my Christian, stood right next to me feeding me the lines. I tried to talk over him, but we all know the futility of that. I swear I didn’t see this coming when I started this analogy, but Paradox is the perfect Cyrano due to their shared love of Roxan(n)e.
Standard Warmarama
SSH, Imperial Walkers, Windmills, William Mayweather Hayes, Mountain Climbers, Arm Circles, cherry pickers
Bumper mosey, but there was no bumper! YHC became disoriented and ran in a wandering loop… really all part of the strategy to get to higher mileage… more on that later.
Da Kine:
Many months ago, Enron gifted us all with an A to Z beatdown, assigning an exercise to each letter of the alphabet. YHC immediately recognized the value of this “Rosetta Stone of Exicon” and began planning an homage to (ripoff of) that beatdown.
And so da kine would be the same as Enron’s, but using the Hawaiian alphabet, which contains only 13 letters (if you count the okina, which I did).
They would be:
A – Aloha, Merkins (which are just merkins)
E – Elbow plank
I – Imperial Walkers
O – Okole Rollers (BBS)
U – Upright Rows
H – Humuhumunukunukuapua’a Humpers
K – Kurls
L – Lunges
M – Merkins
N – No, Oh Nos
P – Push-up Pimp Merkins (which are just merkins)
W – WW2 Sit ups
‘ – Prime Time Merkins
At the last moment, YHC added that designation to the Humpers, challenging anyone to pronounce the state fish of Hawaii. Pope nailed it immediately, completely demoralizing YHC. Mahalo, Disney.
Because the number of letters is fewer, the number of reps would be higher. YHC loves to test the brainpower of the PAX, so I let everyone know that the number would be 49, and asked if anyone knew the significance of that number. Almost in unison, the PAX fell into my trap. “Because Hawaii is the 49th state.”
No! No no no. Trick question! Hawaii is the 50th state, and we will do 50 reps of each.
I can only assume these dudes are streaming “Hawaii 4-9” on WebFlix.
Like Captain Cook, we circled 2 laps around the island between sets. Sometime during one of those laps, YHC had the epiphany that I had chosen a playlist of all covers, and WetTap fartsacked his Q yesterday, remaining under his covers. This beatdown would be dedicated to WetTap.
The PAX impressively stuck together through the first 3 or 4 letters, then began to stretch into a greater distance between men. It was interesting to see how each of us had our strengths and weaknesses. My biggest weakness? I care too much.
We ended with more music trivia, and the PAX performed well, racking up only 7 penalty burpees for missed answers. A final double-or-nothing question was offered and quickly accepted: “Who is the music playlist dedicated to, and why?”
Goose almost nailed it (“because we covered his Q yesterday”). Actually, his logic was better than mine. Anyway, we did 10 burpees.
COT
FNG became who he was meant to be: Huffy.
Rugby Jersey of Competitive Prowess bestowed upon Honeysuckle (anything to try and slow that man down)
Paradox prayed us out.
SYITG,
AB
AB Sees: That sometimes you gotta rule wit one iron fist. ‘Specially when you might be wrong.
Aftah da beatdown, my Apple Watch wen read 2.89 miles. One more lap around would give us all solid 3 miles.
But had some controversy. Mo advanced running calculators worn by mo advanced runners wen show one lower mileage count. My argument: Everybody know Apple technology, while not da best, is mo common and accepted mo universally. So it wins. Kinda like [insert hated presidential candidate]. (See also: Yankee Jeaux’s iPhone conversion).
Knowing I was up against bettah technology, YHC tried fo shut it down quick. “3 miles, I’m da Q.”
History is written by da victors, so one final lap would give us 3 full miles.
Naha stone drop.
(true story: 5-year old AB talked like that, much to the dismay of his poor mother)
