Well, the day was finally upon us. With a 50% chance of rain it was anybody’s guess what the weather would do. But when it’s called Tough Mudder, either way is good. The clown cars converged at NOLA Motor Park and the clowns met up just inside the official Tough Mudder grounds. The southshore boys called a last minute audible.With Fracsac having to pull out, Cowbell, was and easy EH to grab his spot. Speaking of last minute, YHC pulled up to the meeting spot to see that none other than the elusively nomadic Butt Splice had joined the party, having bought his ticket yesterday.
Due to the race being 12 mud-filled miles long, not to mention this guy’s exhausted brain, I won’t list all the obstacles, but give a greatest hits and honorable mentions overview.
Like ripping off a band aid, the 1st obstacle thrown at us was Kiss of Mud 2.o, involving an army crawl under barbed wire through the soupy mud. Butt Splice was fully submerged and in heaven!
The Hero Carry obstacle (which was much easier the 1st time around) found us carrying our partner about 50 or so yards, then switching for the next 50. Strategically speaking we tried to match up size-wise with Steve/Tanked Up, Butt Splice/Gabrielle, Shooter/Walleye, Bushwacker/Ocho (had I only known this deceptively sized man was actually heavier than the solid Shooter, I might have chosen more wisely), and Reluctant Yankee/Cowbell. Jingle Vader paired up with a random to complete the obstacle.
Much better acquainted, the fun continued.
Somewhere along the way, we chanced on a solo mudder who by some stoke of good fortune joined our regal ranks on this muddy mission. This bald bruiser (sorry the alliteration is addictive) was visiting Nawlins with his lovely wife (who was a loyal spectator) from Chattanooga, TN. An easy Eh and a great F3 fit to round the crew out at 12.
There were more muddy water-filled pits, walls, hay bales, nets and unpredictable terrain in store for our daring band of F3 brothers. The course lent itself to some quality mumble chatter that added to the intrinsic appreciation of the experience. Speaking of mumble chatter, between Gabrielle and Ocho’s slew of salacious interactions with random members of the fairer sex, I’m surprised we didn’t walk away from the course with our own fan club. Or better yet, a new cadre of FIA recruits!
Not that we didn’t all have an appreciation for the females we ran into. A bunch of us made a new friend in a medical assistant at the Trench Warfare obstacle when we gave her a big F3 group hug, sharing all the muddy goodness we had to offer…especially Ocho.
There were back busting back flips and reverse swan dives at the Shawshank obstacle. This one was quite refreshing!
At Everest 2.0 we joined the waiting crowd in an attempt to scale the slick quarter pipe and, with the assistance of the previous victors, to mount the 15′ summit. In an attempt to get up quickly and help some folks, F3 and otherwise, YHC skirted the waiting onlookers and made a few unsuccessful shots at the top. In between tries, many, especially the tall gents, were making it look like child’s play. I returned to the fold to find Ocho back on the ground after having already made the ascent. Butt Splice had inadvertently pulled him back down as he tried, in vain, to make it up. With the brilliant Walleye extending his lengthy arms towards the next contestants, the guys one by one made it up. After an embarrassingly high number of failed tries, this now bruised and battered Q joined his comrades in victory.
Anyone who knows anything about the tough mudder knows that that one of the most anticipated , and feared, obstacles is the Electroshock! While most of us caught a shock or 2, poor Shooter, who had almost made it through with only 1 zap, took a shot that rung his bell. Being St.Patty’s day, the luck of the Irish must have been shining on Steve, Reluctant Yankee and Jingle Vader (hope I got that right), because they got through scott free. We were all entertained as we prepared to move on by a bald, hardcore ranter who got tagged in the face and many other places as he worked his way through – SON OF A BITCH!
At the last obstacle, Happy Ending, we ran into fellow F3 Saxon who, along with Jesse from Chattanooga, Ocho, and Butt Splice, formed the base and extension of our human ladder that helped a lot of recently rinsed fools get to the top. Eventually we retrieved our magnanimous brothers and slid down the other side to cross the finish line, arms locked.
As we gathered post-race with out victory beers (and recovery drinks) in hand to close out with a COT, we were in a unique and enviable position to name an out-of-state FNG. Welcome Big Easy to the F3 Nation! We hope he returns to Chattanooga and hits up one of the 5 area posts up that way. Thanks to Butt Splice for his emotionally aroused prayer to take us out.
Gentlemen, despite some bumps and bruises this was an extraordinary adventure, and I am blessed to have taken the journey with each of you. Many thanks for following my lead to the starting line today.
