Moby, a 75-year-old legend who claims he once out-sprinted a bill collector, and Jose10k , a young guy who thinks “compound interest” is a gym move, squared off in a workout that was equal parts sweat and financial reality check.
The session kicked off with burpees—because, just like credit card interest, they compound quickly and make life miserable when ignored. Jose half-heartedly flopped through them, much like someone making minimum payments on a maxed-out credit card. Meanwhile, Moby, fueled by decades of discipline (and probably black coffee), executed each one with the precision of a man who never paid a cent in overdraft fees.
Next up: core squats. “Think of this as your savings account,” Moby wheezed between reps. “The stronger your foundation, the less likely you are to collapse under debt.” Jose nodded, then immediately wobbled under the weight—just like someone living paycheck to paycheck with no emergency fund.
Sprints followed, symbolizing the financial journey of many athletes who go from millions to bankruptcy faster than Jose’s short-lived attempt at working hard. “Basketball players sign a $50 million contract and end up broke because they don’t understand debt-to-income ratio,” Moby barked as Jose gasped for air. “You know what happens when you take out a loan with no plan to pay it back? Declines. Just like this incline sprint you’re struggling up.”
Jose groaned but managed to stumble to the top. “But what if you’re not college-bound?” he asked, doubling over.
Moby chuckled. “Then you learn skills, kid. Not everyone needs a degree, but everyone needs a way to earn money. You think the guy who built this gym needed calculus? No, he needed to know about supply, demand, and not blowing his paycheck on things that lose value faster than your stamina.”
By the time they wrapped up, Jose was sprawled out like a busted investment portfolio. Moby patted him on the back. “Remember, kid—money and muscles work the same way. Put in the effort, stay consistent, and don’t expect overnight results. Otherwise, you’ll end up weak… and broke.”
With that, Moby walked off, he had given all of his Financial Literacy wisdom he could share. Jose10k could only try to apply his lessons. But he thought to himself, what about Darkwing, Fletch, B.B.Q., and Einstein? Shouldn’t they know the truth?
