“Either Baps or JBL is gonna have a heck of it on Saturday.” – YHC, Thursday. Whenever YHC hears almost any song, the first thing that comes to mind is one of two thoughts: “Man, my [fill in the blank] hurt from that…” or “How could I incorporate this in a beatdown?” On multiple occasions while brainstorming beatdowns, YHC has found himself unable to think outside of the classic songs that Goose or Dox have already introduced and, in a way, trademarked. The train of thought that always follows is a retrospection of all the different songs that had a streak of selections during moseys/Indian runs. Today YHC decided to go through each one and bring back the favorites from the days when the PAX on a typical Saturday were Goose, YHC, Enron and/or Gordon plus an FNG or two, and elaborate on the already grinding routines a little.
The morning began with the usual cycle of mumble chatter, bug spray and reminding Cardinal of who’s got Animal (“Ooh…” – Cardinal). Goose listed to the PAX a few of the hype videos that YHC wishes he had seen—there are a few disadvantages to refraining from social media, and all of them have to do with F3. YHC decided to stretch out warmups a little, as a realization that the beatdown on paper might be a little short timewise.
Thang 1 was set in the Thunderdome, and YHC hoped JBL was at least almost fully charged. YHC opened the Thang with AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck,” slightly adding to the usual routine with plank jacks during the refrain and mountain climbers on the guitar solo while keeping the merkins on “thunder(struck).” Next came “Eye of the Tiger,” with penguins throughout the verses and flutter kicks during the refrain, followed by a favorite from the good ol’ Assassin’s Creed track of sea shanties, “Wellerman,” with the PAX alternating between boat-canoes and scuba steves (T-merkins on “whale/Wellerman”). Then YHC played the rousing “Turn Down for What,” with the PAX alternating between SSH and A-skips with burpees on “turn down…” The final song of Thang 1 (Jars of Clay’s “Run in the Night”) made its F3 debut, emphasizing the you-against-you of cardio and the “fellowship” part of F3; the PAX held Al Gore for the duration of the 5 ½ -minute song, with jump squats on 1st/2nd person pronouns.
Thang 2 was in the field opposite the Dome, specifically where home plate would be on the T-ball diamond. YHC explained that the PAX would bear-crawl to the location dubbed, after some consideration and debate, “yonder tree,” while JBL played two songs from the Halo: Reach soundtrack (a statement that provided revelation for Popeye that video games do indeed have soundtracks). The songs’ length totaled approximately 16 ½ minutes, which proved to be a problem for YHC, who lengthened the PAX’s final destination twice, deciding on the gate by the parking lot. Each song consisted of multiple shorter songs, and after one would end the PAX would crab-walk back 10 paces (YHC saw Cardinal’s eyes light up) and execute five (later 10) Goosies. After all PAX reached the gate, YHC led them back to the flag and burned the remaining ten minutes with a slight alteration of the typical “Baba O’Riley” routine and Mary. COT commenced, during which AB (recently dubbed “America’s Beast”) one-upped the polite PAX’s “nice/heckuva cue” with the exclamation of “DJ cue!” YHC only wishes he could have stayed afterward for more backblast material, but Coyote, who went away humming “Turn Down for What,” had flag football practice and another group of larger competitors to shame…
