“Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.” – Thomas Paine
Warmarama
– SSHs
– Abe Vigodas (slow windmills)
– Knoxville cherry pickers
– Willy Mays Hayes
– Arm circles
– Air squats
– Mountain Climbers
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Part 1: Freedom
Earlier this week, my oldest daughter, Evelyn Grace (6 yrs old) came home with a kindergarten assignment to write two sentences with the prompt:
“In my opinion, freedom means…”
My wife and I were surprised by how difficult it was to explain the concept to her. Most likely because as a six year old, she only understands the dictatorship she currently is living under. But, like any warm blooded American Dad hypocrite, that got me thinking about my own opinion about the meaning of freedom. This beatdown/backblast represents my humble attempt to do just that.
On this day in 1789, George Washington was unanimously elected as first president of our great nation. I think my intention was to create a theme, any theme, but after some time, I was simply force feeding exercises into historical contexts. It was sloppy and disingenuous. It felt too important. I was stumped.
As I was abandoning the idea, I started thinking about our independence. I started thinking about what kind of desperate level of crazy it must have taken to, in presumably sound mind, collectively decide to take on the most powerful military (army and navy) power on earth.
Can you imagine the scene?!?
Ben Franklin (who was 70 at the time): “Let’s fight Britain.”
Thomas Jefferson: “Seriously, Ben, go back to sleep.”
(Sam Adams is off in the corner getting sloshed)
John Hancock: “Oooh, oooh, oooh…and we can sign something???”
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Mini Bootcamp Training
– 20 Imperial Squat walkers
– 10 triple Merkin, triple jump burpees
– 10 P2J2s (8ct…2 plank jacks, 2 chillcut peter parker’s, 2 j-los 1:1, 2 pickle pounders = 1 rep)
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Part 2: Reality Sets In
Of course, John Hancock would have that opportunity, and soon King George sent a 32,000 man expeditionary force to the colonies, including 30,000 Hessian mercenaries. Within a short time, the northern strongholds, including New Jersey and New York, had all been taken, and the British viewed the situation as an easily squashed uprising. Indeed, the original force of 23,000 Regulars under the command of Washington had dwindled by December 1776 to nearly 3,000 poorly trained, poorly provisioned men through desertions, disease, and expired enlistments.
It was all but over.
Washington, who had nothing like a stellar military record, was perhaps more importantly, an ingenious marketer and effective motivator. The consensus of his councils was that they desperately needed a victory or it would be over within weeks. In fact, the rest of the regular soldiers’ enlistments ended on December 31st.
At about the same time, another propaganda machine kicked into high gear. Thomas Paine, the author of Common Sense, wrote a letter to the public called the American Crisis. It, along with the small victories in early 1777, are credited with turning the tide of morale and public support of fighting for independence.
December 23, 1776
THESE are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.
Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value.
Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.
Britain, with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to TAX) but “to BIND us in ALL CASES WHATSOEVER” and if being bound in that manner, is not slavery, then is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth. Even the expression is impious; for so unlimited a power can belong only to God.
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The Thang:
– P1 Chillcut peter parker’s (aim for 50); P2 block and bear to marker (30 yards), rifle carry back; flapjack
– P1 & P2 spiderman crawl to marker; crawl bear back
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– P1 J-Lo’s (aim for 50); P2 murderbunny to marker, redrum return; flapjack
– P1 & P2 sprint (one with coupon, other with bricks); flapjack
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Part 3: We Must Go On?
A couple of days later on Christmas night, Washington took 2,400 men at three launch points across the Delaware. The temperature was below freezing, and by 11 pm when the crossing began in earnest, a straight up blizzard began with wind chills with estimated subzero temperatures. It took eleven hours to cross and the mission was four hours behind schedule.
Washington later wrote, “…As I was certain there was no making a retreat without being discovered and harassed on repassing the River, I determined to push on at all Events.”
The Thang:
– P1 thrusters (aim for 25); P2 brick butterfly walk; flying brick nuns back; flapjack
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Part 4: One More Month
On December 31st, 1776, only a week after the surprise attack and subsequent victory in Trenton over the Hessian force, Washington’s meager army was at the end of its enlistment period. The following day, the vast majority of his soldiers had the right to go home to their families and farms. However, Washington and his war council had deliberated for days following Trenton and had made the fateful decision to press whatever little advantage they add against the British forces. On that December 31st morning, Washington appealed to his troops:
“My brave fellows, you have done all I asked you to do, and more than can be reasonably expected; but your country is at stake, your wives, your houses and all that you hold dear. You have worn yourselves out with fatigues and hardships, but we know not how to spare you. If you will consent to stay one month longer, you will render that service to the cause of liberty, and to your country, which you probably can never do under any other circumstances.”
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The Last Thangs:
Song: Run Away – The Real McCoys
– Hillbilly squat walkers, burpee on “run away”
– Approx. 40 burpees
Song: Jump Around – House of Pain
– Plank jacks, merkin on “jump”
– Approx. 40 merkins
Song: We Built This City – Starship
– Lbc’s, Freddie’s, hello Dolly’s, leg lifts, flutters, etc.
– V-ups on “we built this city”
COT and the PAX excitedly welcomed MAFAT and Ponzi to the beautiful chaos. Goose prayed us out.
Let us always remember the multitude of blessings and freedoms we enjoy delivered to us by the multitude of sacrifices and hardships endured before us.
SYITG,
Yankee Joe
