11/26/22 7:29 am EDW Stadium
A youth sized Wilson football leaves the rocket launcher surgically enhanced shoulder of legendary quarterback Yankee Joe Montana. The game clock strikes 0:00 and the scoreboard is locked in a dead heat 0-0, the leather-bound vessel elevates in a tight spiral and cuts through the gloom of a misty bayou morning. A bird chirps. Fresh biscuits fill the air. It reaches the peak of its flight and underneath, each PAX fight for real estate to find its landing place. Its destination is a streaking Superfun(d) who has battled through the Yellow Team defense and found wide open spaces in the endzone. Time stands still, the fate of the F3 Turkey Bowl hangs in the balance….
18 hours earlier…
Text Thread
YHC: F3 Turkey Bowl tomorrow, I’ll get flags. Can you bring an an American football?
Yankee Breaux: Yea, going to Wally today to get black Friday deals on Icy Hot. What size, Junior?
YHC: You bet. I can throw it clean over those mountains.
14 hours earlier…
Group Text with Tana and Yankee
YHC: Check out this F3 turkey bowl jersey prototype (beaming with pride as YHC attaches pic of PDOX jersey I’d been stenciling for hours)
Tana: Bro.. I’m gonna shoot you strait …that looks like it says POOX
Yankee…..
Tana:….
YHC: No turning back, see yall in the morning. (*Googles Bible verses on Humility)
6:00am YHC and Yankee setting up cones and feeling low expectations about turn out
YHC : Can you play flag football with three people?
Yankee: Who is the third? Tana had a few high APV brews yesterday, hes atleast 50/50
YHC: Man , Goose is never gonna let me Q the special holidays again. Oh well it was a good run.
6:29 am YHC and Yankee share a “yea this is gonna be awesome” nod as 10 PAX and one 2.0 FNG pour in from all corners to the Peltch gravel lot. The call of gridiron glory had not gone unanswered. Major Brat rolling in for his second beatdown! T Claps!. andddd a really special Welcome Back Kotter moment as Gordon strolled in with a fresh homemade F3 jersey and a twinkle in his eye. We got rolling with some standard warmups with somewhat proper cadence.
THANG 1 WARMUP
PAX Indian run with last man dropping off to do 5 Football Thrusters (thrusters holding a football, don’t overthink it) then runs to lateral pass the ball to the last man in the Indian run. If ball dropped we would suffer 5 burpees as a PAX. It took Cardinal approximately 3 microseconds to spot the morality loophole. “What if they drop it and nobody sees them?”. To YHCs knowledge there were only crisp albeit somewhat short passes and we made it to the EDW stadium with legs activated.
Mosey to the Center Cards logo after an impromptu cone shuttle run.
WarmUp Song
“Are you ready for some Football?”…No not the one your thinking , sorry . I left Hank Williams Jr at home. We did Zombie Walks on the song with Burpees on “Football” to this version created by …checks notes….Mr. Lewis and D.O Dubb feat Dub Ruffin. You might want to google this one because its pure poetry.
Mosey back to the endzone with a lateral cone shuttle run
YHC had PAX line up shoulder to shoulder
On Q call we passed the ball side to side
On Down hold Al Gore, On Set we chopped feet, Then YHC blew the coach whistle and whoever had the ball got to call a PAX to go out for a pass. If caught 10 SSH, if dropped 5 burpees. PAX faired well here once in a rhythm. Gave everyone a chance to see what talents would be showcased in todays Main Event…
Thang 2 The TURKEY BOWL
Divide PAX by 1s and 2s and pass out yellow and blue flags
BLUE TEAM: Montana, YJ, Cardinal, SuperFun(d), Wet Tap
YELLOW TEAM: YHC, Major Brat, Lil Cuz, Paradiddle, Gordon
The Rules were simple enough. Each possession starts on the 50. You get 4 downs, no first downs. PAX hold al gore in offensive huddle while PAX hold plank in defense huddle. Any turnover (on downs, interception, fumble) results in 10 burpees for offense and 10 SSH for defense. A touch down results in 10 burpees for defense and 10 SSH for offense.
Yellow team took the first offensive possession after winning the toss and a lengthy explanation of an alien football backspin concept that must be a “down the bayou” thing. (still don’t get it)
Yellow team with a turnover on downs to start after a failed flea flicker. Lil Cuz establishing himself as a field general early. Blue team started a steady drive and it looked like we would continue a Saturday tradition of watching Wet Tap do athletic things we usually only see on TV. Blue was threatening an early score leaning heavy on Taps speed and Tanas relentless trash talk.
…That’s when Gordon decided enough is enough. As Tap was streaking for what looked like an inevitable score Gordon met him head on to force out of bounds. Unstoppable object..immovable force..we’ve heard this song before! Some bystanders say you could actually here the moment that Taps ear cartilage gave way. When the dust settled Team blue ate 10 more burpees and with blood in the water Team Yellow had the big Mo swing.
HIGHLIGHTS
-Paradiddle kept a great attitude despite not know much football lingo
-Montana is light on his feet and has perfected the Lebron Crab dribble. Don’t let him get in open space.
-Gordon with a contested 2 foot drag interception and we still are waiting on booth review
-Legends continue to grow but pretty sure Wet Tap wasn’t allowed a vehicle as a teenager and just had to run to places. He was never late.
We traded blows for the next few possessions but remained a tight defensive slobber knocker. YHC checked the applewatch game clock and gave blue team the 60 second warning. This would be the final drive…
7:30am EDW Field Endzone
The junior size Wilson descends on its path into the EDW endzone and finds SuperFun(d) ready to cradle it like a newborn baby. Crowd noises overtakes the scene as our perception returns to real time.
The inaugural F3 Thibodaux Turkey Bowl had its victor. Blue team in Hail Mary Fashion!!
Defensive MVP- Gordon
Offensive MVP- SuperFun(d)
Wrapped up on the field with our now traditional PAX clean up then mosey back to the flag.
Welcome Lil Cuz’s FNG 2.0 –Pikachu!
COT and Cardinal Prayed Us out
Thanks for the opportunity to lead.
Lots of great ideas for this one going forward and I think the Bowl series will be a staple.
SYITG
Pdox (POO-X 4 Lyfe)
