YHC pulled up earlier than usual to an empty parking lot with some distant hopes that the beatdown that I created last night might actually be avoided. But, Enron drove in only seconds later followed closely by Fence Post, so I pulled up my big boy pants and stepped out into the cold.
Enron was in his typical warm weather gear, and Fence Post was following suit, though we still had a solid 7 minutes to wait to see if Goats would make good on last night’s commitment. So, despite the warm mumblechatter, these two scantily clad men were shivering as 5:30 slowly arrived. Slag was thrown on Goats for not showing after talking it up again, and the warmup began with the usuals.
Then, quite unexptectedly, just before the high knees and butt kicks, Goats actually showed up–he had been wrestling muddy dogs, otherwise he would have even been on time. So, it would be four of us after all.
Thang 1: Fartlek
So, Burpee is a guy’s last name–the exercise has nothing to do with burping, and any association is purely coincidental. Fartlek is a Swedish word that means “speed play”, and it has nothing to do with licking farts. Any association is purely inappropriate, so stop thinking about it. What are we, 7th graders? You can’t even lick a fart anyway, it’s gas. You want to argue about that? What would you do to test it, pinch your nose and waggle your tongue around in the air? It wouldn’t work, so cut it out. I’m trying to write a decent, mature backblast here. “Fart lick” sounds like an insult from a late 80’s/early 90’s movie, and I would hope we’re beyond that now. It could also be an F3 name for an FNG who’s a big runner, but that would be distasteful and rude. (I guess a gas could technically be frozen quickly into a solid at some ridiculously low temperature, but I can’t imagine the effect that would have on your tongue, or your rectum, so just stop it.)
A Fartlek is basically a training routine for runners to increase speed and endurance by varying your speed at different intervals while continuing to run. So, this morning, we would run the mile around Rich Man’s Loop and and through the townhouses for a full Fartlek mile, sprinting from every third to fourth light post and jogging the rest. Goats and Fence Post were none too excited, but they kept up much better than they expected, both showing massive improvement over the last few weeks.
Thang 2: Lt. Dan
Since we’ve had so much focus on upper body recently, YHC decided we needed a good leg shredder, so after Fartling, I mean Fartlicking, no, leking, we would throw down on some Lt. Dans. (“But, Lt. Dan, you ain’t got no legs.”). Starting at the edge of the concrete with one squat and two lunge steps, then 2:4, then 3:6, we made our way past the benches and to the street and back continuing to add one squat and two lunge steps up to about 12:24.
At this point, the legs were dead, so it was time to get back to the upper body.
Thang 3: More Than a Feeling
YHC cranked (after a few tries) the song “More Than a Feeling” by Boston. PAX held high side planks (with opposite hand in the air) during the verses (alternating on each verse) and during the refrain, held two-handed high plank and did merkins for every “more than a feeling.” And, more than a feeling it certainly was.
Jumped up on The Stage (a.k.a. “The Bird Bathroom”) for 15 L-Leg Step-ups (it had been a while since we did legs), 15 Irkins, 15 R-Leg Step-ups, and 15 Derkins.
7 Minutes of Mary including Freddies, The Alphabet (uppercase), LBC’s, Wife Pleasers, and Penguins (nice and slow)
COT and Fence Post prayed us out. Much gratitude for this awesome crew and for the men who were willing to enter into what looked on paper to be a stupid workout. We completed it because we got up early to do something hard together, and we’re now stronger for it. Honored to grow with you gents!
SYITG,
Goose
