YHC pulled up to see Enron doing burpees out by the highway, waving at cars and showing them on his fingers the number of reps he had done. It didn’t take him long to tell me that he had done 25 already, and after my questioning the wisdom of trying to chip away at the daily 100 before knowing what the beatdown had in store, he said, “Well, I mean, surely there won’t be more than 75 burpees.” YHC just shrugged and said, “Don’t call me Shirley.”
After a warmup of the usual (backs were tight) with some additional mountain climbers to get the burpee muscles warm(er), YHC announced 11’s: burpees at the stage and Big Boi Situps at the opposite sidewalk, nur there and run back.
Yankee, Joe was immediately overcome at the idea of running through the sprinklers and involuntarily sprinted to the minivan. Upon arriving, he regained his senses and began to reflect on the shaming he would endure and the potential name change if he peeled out of there at that moment, so he gathered himself and moseyed back mumbling something about needing to change his shoes. The sprinklers weren’t too much of a problem, though some added a couple hundred extra yards of nurring in an effort to avoid wet pants.
After a nice, long recovery mosey, it was time to kill the rest of those burpees with a 5 minute EMOM of 10 burpees (10 burpees every minute, on the minute for 5 minutes = 50 burpees). It had been a while since YHC had included a burpee EMOM, and I couldn’t remember who was there and who had joined since then. That became very clear, however, after minute three as the usual shock to the system that comes from a new routine being much, much harder than it looks on paper began to set into most of the PAX. (YHC has since decided to wait until closer to the end of the month to introduce the more traditional 10 minute EMOM.).
After enough oxygen seemed to be circulating through most of the PAX’s cardiovascular systems, it was time to move on to the virtual Dice of Doom inspired by Paradox’s amazing, homemade dice, revealed on Saturday. For this one, we would use Siri (“Hey, Siri, roll the dice.”). Siri, as we know, is just a mindless computer generating random numbers, but my phone is set to Irish Siri, who, as we discovered this morning, is a very different person. She seems to be much more interested in a no pain, no gain, relentless punishment, disciplinary sort of approach, and it seems she has a thing for Bonnie Blair, who may have Irish ancestry. Maybe Siri was preparing us for Krakken Thursday (there were a lot of merkins, too). Maybe she could feel Yankee Joe, Enron and Paradox getting proud of their physiques after this past month’s shenanigans and felt the need to inject some good old fashion humility. Or, maybe she could feel Montana’s potential exploding through the roof, and wanted to fully capitalize on his ability to grow right now. Or, maybe she could feel his head swelling after Paradox shared his unfiltered admiration for his newly muscled backside. Either way, not even YHC, with Q-drenaline running heavy, could keep his composure during the brutality that Coach Siri delivered.
The first dice was the number of reps x5 (so. 1=5, 2=10, etc.), and the second dice gave us the exercise:
1=merkins (ended up with 50 in a row)
2=squats (only once x15)
3=wife pleasers (not nearly enough)
4=mountain climbers (a little more than enough)
5=LBC’s (never happened)
6=Bonnie Blairs (60 in a row at one point, 2 is 1)
COT and Yankee Joe prayed us out (thanks, bro).
We completed a total of 105 Burpee‘s during the beatdown, and with Enron’s extra 25, some ideas were thrown about creating a burpee trust fund for Cardinal with the use of some sort of Venmo-type app for sharing and distribution.
It was clear that Yankee Joe’s emotional disturbance and flight instinct hadn’t fully left him as he nearly took out a few neighborhood cars trying to escape the parking lot. But the mumblechatter later in the morning on the ISI channel proved that he is still very much in the game.
Heckuva job, fellas, and thanks for joining me in what was a killer push this morning. Love being connected with you guys at our weakest and at our strongest.
SYITG,
Goose
