“Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means I don’t work, I don’t drive a car, I don’t lift cinderblocks or crawl like a goddamn bear, and I sure as shit don’t do kraken burpees!”
-Walter Sobchak (paraphrased)
Well, at least I tried. YHC thought maybe a pre-beatdown announcement on slack could lure in the likes of Zoolander or Shooter, but alas, they did not take the bait. No bigge, though – the Granny regulars were there, including Granny’s favorite son, Russo, who has (somewhat) recovered from throwing out his back a month ago.
Now, not wanting to tarnish his enduring reputation for being late after a string of on-time appearances, Cowbell showed up this morning exactly five minutes after we began. What’s so crazy, and I think Hammer has pointed this out before, is that he is so precisely five minutes late every time. He’s got it down to a science, really. I mean, you’d think the guy could just set his alarm clock exactly five minutes earlier and that’d be that.
Anyway, as he sidled up next to Jose and ignored whatever warmup exercise we were doing, he mentioned that he had a really good excuse for being late this time (and boy did he): Orthodox Jews. We’ll just let that one sit for a moment.
Warmorama: Torso twists, self love, arm circles, windmills, side straddle hops, toe touches, 10x merkins.
Thang: First up today, a mosey to the lakefront, stopping at each intersection for a set of 10x leg, 20x chest, and 30x core exercises. Exercises were as follows:
Squats
Merkins
Flutters
Lunges
Diamond Merks
LBCs
Jump Squats
Explosive Merks
Freddie mercs
Star jumps
Hand release merkins
Crunchy Frogs
Sister Mary’s
T-merkins
Leg Raises
Jump Knee Tucks
Staggered Merkins
Heel Pulses
Before Jose could continue kvetching about helping his uncle with a stuck trailer, or about the number of merkins that were rapidly piling up at this point (130), Cowbell elaborated that some of his biggest (and best) clients are Orthodox Jews from Brooklyn. While detailing some of the interesting quirks of the orthodox, he assured us that he was a man of integrity (yeah, sure, a mensch) and that he loved those guys. In fact, he is often confused for being an orthodox Jew himself! But man, those guys sure send a lot of emails after shabbos…
Alright, so once we reached the sea wall, it was the usual leg work:
Step ups L x15
Step ups R x15
Freaks x15
Bulgarians L x15
Bulgarians R x15
Derkins x15
Then a short mosey to rips for 5 calf raises on each step before heading back to Granny’s, alternating between standard mosey and sprints every other block. COT where Hammer prayed us out, thanking God for all of our blessings and asking to open Cowbell’s heart to his people. YHC had to leave shortly thereafter, as the guys stood around discussing the soft white underbelly of America and, trust me, you don’t want to be a part of that conversation. Thank you men for the opportunity to get stronger alongside you, always appreciated!
