5 Studs showed up for some F3 Poker this morning. But first the disclaimer…”If you or someone you know has a gambling problem….”
Warm-up
A standard Hawgcycle warm-up, start with SSH to 31 then loosen the hips with some Imperial Walkers. Next, stretch the Hammies with some Abe Vigodas. Then make everyone get down on the ground for some Peter Parkers and back up for some grass grabbers to continue to stretch the hammies. (Note to Amnesty: I would have taken care of you) Then grab a rock and mosey to the tree-line by the outer track.
The Thang
Round 1: Five Card Stud
My newly arrived F3 Deck of Death was sitting on a bench 50+ yards away. Bear crawl to the deck and draw a card. Jog back. Repeat until you have 5 cards. You can fold your hand or play. Folding earns you 10 penalty burpees. If you play and lose you get 15 penalty burpees. If you win, you get to return the cards to the bench at your leisure, shuffle them and return to the pax after doing zero burpees.
Boo Boo and Left Eye folded. Darkwing Duck won the first hand with a pair of Kings. We went ahead and did all of the exercises in Darkwings Hand
- King of Clubs – 25 American Hammers
- King of Hearts – 25 Mountain Climbers
- 4 of Diamonds – 14 Carolina Dry Docks
- 7 of Hearts – Bear Crawl – 40 yards
- 5 of Clubs – 15 Oblique Crunches (Both Sides)
We then did our penalty burpees as Darkwing returned the deck to the bench.
Round 2: Five Card Draw
Sprint to the deck (50+ yards) and draw a card. Jog back to the start. Repeat until you have a hand of 5 cards. Same penalty rules apply, but this time you can draw extra cards at a cost of 5 burpees per card. Left Eye and Darkwing folded, taking their 10 penalty burpees. Boo Boo drew one card at a cost of 5 burpees. YHC and Tool, flying in the face of pure logic and common sense, each drew 3 cards at a cost of 15 burpees. While YHC, Tool, and Boo Boo sprinted to the deck and paid our burpee cost for drawing cards, Darkwing Duck led Left Eye in a round of LBCs. Boo Boo was drawing for a straight and ended with a 10 high, so he took 10 burpees and folded. YHC put up my Ace high against Tools pair of Aces – 15 burpees for me.
Round 3: Five Card Stud (Fives are wild)
The last round was dealer’s choice. We sprinted to the deck and Tool dealt us each five cards calling the fives as wild. We sprinted back to the start and commenced the round. Darkwing, Tool, and YHC all folded, taking the 10 burpee penalty. Left Eye Lopez had a wild five and beat Boo Boo with a pair of Aces. Before we did the penalty burpees we did a couple of exercises from Left Eye’s hand.
- 6 of Clubs – Mission Impossible (60 seconds)
- 7 of Hearts – Bear Crawl (40 yards)
We finished our penalty burpees while Left Eye moseyed back to gather the cards and various things I left on the bench. Then it was back to the flag.
The Skinny
- Ridiculously low numbers to day, circa 2018. Was it the ISI or the fact that I was the Q. I’m telling myself it was the ISI. I’m sure the Lakeview Clown Cars were piling up the points at WPM, but where was the Old Metairie Krewe?
- Tool, being the HIM that he is, went to Amnesty’s house to pick him up for the workout. Amnesty, being the fartsacker that he is, didn’t show.
- I got the feeling that I should not play real poker with Darkwing Duck.
- If nothing else, we got better at bear crawls today.
- Lefty Eye was not pleased with the 75 yard rock mosey we started with to get to the playing field. Mr. Lopez, I am now deeming you the official Uptowner Compliance Officer. Your job is to make sure the Q adheres to the spirit of the Uptowner. Any violations should bring public chastisement and humiliation. I can tell you that Mambi will be a problem when he comes back. Start chastising him now.
