Late Friday evening, when everyone else was busy pretending their weekend plans were too important to sweat it out, I decided to keep it “simple stupid” and crank out a Murph at the marsh. Because why not combine the serenity of nature with a borderline masochistic workout, right?
We kicked things off with a quick warm-up around the flag—mostly to loosen up, but also to stall and hope for a miracle excuse to skip leg day. No such luck. Straight to the marsh we moseyed, where we proceeded to grind through 20 sets of 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups, and 20 squats.
Now, here’s where the comedy gold begins. You’ve got Bird over there doing jump squats with a full spin like he’s auditioning for Cirque du Soleil, and Zoolander showing off with thumb-only pull-ups and one-legged inverted Bulgarian split squats. The rest of us? Oh, we were doing our own kind of heavy lifting—debating whether Guns N’ Roses could out-mosh New Kids on the Block, swapping embarrassing stories about our ‘90s crushes, and contemplating if VH1’s Behind the Music counts as cardio.
After wrapping up the Murph and rethinking life choices, we moved on to some Lt. Dan lunge-walking—because who doesn’t love a good Forrest Gump reference in the middle of quad destruction? We finally ran into Grundy, who had been “enthusiastically” searching for us by running laps around the lakefront. (Sure, buddy. We believe you.)
Stop signs became our new nemeses, where we busted out 20 squats at each one. At the second-to-last stop, we switched it up with two rounds of 20 penguins and 20 LBCs because nothing screams camaraderie like flapping around like aquatic birds. A few brave souls sprinted to the flag to finish strong while the rest of us casually redefined what counts as a “sprint.”
We wrapped up with C.O.T., where Russo prayed us out, undoubtedly asking for divine intervention to heal our sore muscles and to forgive Bird and Zoolander for showing us all up.
Thanks for letting me lead, gentlemen. Next time, let’s try something harder—like keeping a straight face when Zoolander breaks out those one-legged shenanigans again.
