A Long Time Ago, in an AO not so far away…
It is a period of civil war.
Rebel HIMs, feigning ignorance
of the rules from prior beatdowns, have
angered for the last time
the frustrated Q.
During the beatdown, the
PAX managed to start by
pretending to not understand the Q’s
ultimate weapon, the
FREE SOLO, a carefully-crafted
beatdown with enough
power to destroy an entire
planet.
Flummoxed by their lack of musical knowledge
and self-awareness, Popeye
stepped in and identified
most songs, while the others
were content to plod on
through the exercises,
continuing to climb that hill…
The instructions were simple. The rules were the same. Nobody cared.
While the PAX knocks out some exercises, the solo from a song is played. The song has some connection to one person in the PAX. One of three things affects the next thang:
1. The person for whom the song tolls identifies the song during the solo. If this occurs, the PAX simply take a lap around the Civic Center.
2. Someone else in the PAX identifies the song during the solo. The consequence of this is a MOT up the hill without a coupon, and 3 burpees at the top. Mosey back down.
3. Nobody identifies the song, and the consequence is MOT with coupon up the hill, and manmakers at the top. Rifle carry back down.
The exercises:
1.Mountain Climbers- bear (block)crawl
2.Jump squats – murder bunnies/bunny hops
3. Merkins- El Capitan
4.Curls – carioke/bricklayers
5.Half WW3 sit-ups – inchworm(blockees)
6.V-ups – killer Roos/broad jump
7.Burpees- crab walk (with/without coupon)
While the instructions were clearly stated, the consensus amongst the PAX was “What is going on?”
After several rounds, most of the PAX halfway understood. I guess some people are visual learners.
First song: a cover of Take on Me, by the band Goose. Months ago, YHC added this to a beatdown and made a point to tell Goose directly about the song, the cover, and the band. But Goose had to be Goose, and feigned ignorance so we could do more work.
Another Song: Safety Dance by Men Without Hats. Safety Valve has been lulled into thinking if it’s not about flying, it’s not about him. And this song was recorded twenty years before he was born.
Cherub Rock for Honeysuckle was identified by Popeye, and eventually someone knew it was for HS.
Lawyers, Guns, and Money by Warren Zevon – unknown to everyone somehow.
Honeysuckle texted me months ago to suggest that “All of My Love” by Led Zeppelin sure does sound a lot like “Olive, My Love.” Genius. It was obviously much too dark in the gloom to see how much everyone loved this Popeye reference. In space, no one can hear you smirk.
“Once Bitten, Twice Shy” by Great White… Popeye quickly ID’d it, mentioning “This band is fire.” Too soon, Popeye, too soon.
And so, amidst the confusion, Popeye and Honeysuckle identified a few songs, although nobody identified their own. But really, nobody was expected to.
Like tic-tac-toe and Global Thermonuclear War, there’s no way to win this game. You’re not supposed to play it. That’s why the reward for actually succeeding is just running a lap. That may be exercise, but not as we know it. In the words of NORAD supercomputer WOPR, “A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”
And yet somehow Paradox identified Dr. Feelgood almost immediately. Somebody make him an international incident negotiator… or at least put him on my Applebees Trivia Night team.
Thang 2: Lighting Round –
We do burpees during a mountain-themed song until someone names the song (then they change the exercise)
Song1: Mountain Song (Jane’s addiction)
Popeye identified it I think; not sure if he changed anything.
Song 2: Running Up That Hill (a Deal With God). Identified by Honeysuckle (although he didn’t realize it). Changed exercise to Freddy Mercurys , then we El Capitan’ed up the hill for the remainder. When YHC changed the lyric to “ lunging up that hill,” Pope quickly added “Make a deal with quads.”
Good, Pope. I can feel your schmaltz. Strike me down with all your humor and your journey toward the Dad Jokes will be complete!
Song 3: There is a Mountain by Donovan. Crowd favorite to end it.
Mosey to flag for COT
Thanks for putting up with it, my dudes. Always an honor to lead.
-AB
…and don’t worry—nobody will have to try and figure this game out again. For better or for worse, sometimes a trilogy should remain a trilogy.
