Non expanding recreational foam (NERF).
Sounds harmless. Sounds goofy. Sounds, dare I say , fun. But what if YHC told you an individual spent major portions of their life playing with the aforementioned materials and never once asked what it stood for. Now before you go and title my biography “Blissful Ignorance “ let’s go deeper. What if that same individual led an entire sophomore classroom in a riot after answering a teacher “nerf or nothing“ as an answer to an algebra problem. Lots of self worth tied up in a hidden acronym right? That’s the depth of emotional trauma YHC found himself experiencing after learning of the truth about NERF. How many more acronyms were out there, hiding in plain site, ruining lives??Are there others who have been hurt like this? This could happen to anyone!!
Two options were left , stew in my rapidly expanding negativity or let it fuel a recreational campaign so that no man would ever be hurt by an acronym like this again.
So PAX, today I bring you…
ACROGYM!
DUKE !
Convert that DOS to film and Roll the beautiful footage!
9 Tuesday Tuff regulars at the stage with light hints of fall weather.. (no sudden movements, we don’t want to spook it)
YHC moseyed in from a quality control check on Settlement porta potties, reporting to the pax that all were aging like fine wines.
Props to the men who weathered both the sweet and sour Valve beatdowns of Saturday and Monday, many well earned groans were heard in warmups. Valve enjoyed hearing the sweet symphony of weakness leaving their bodies.
We headed into yonder loop with a standard issue Indian Run 3 Apollo drop off.
YHC struggled to find true acronyms named bands or songs so I went all in for a REM mile and peppered the pax with some of their top hits. Goose smelled the competition like a shark with blood and was warming up the neurons connecting Apollos and “Man on the Moon” while giving VH1 level behind the scenes info on their videos. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I found out REM and Depeche Mode existed in the spring of ‘24….everybody hurts, even Goose sometimessss.
Tha THANG
Split into teams
-teams designate a Speaker/writer
(Man must be gifted in writing and moseying simultaneously)
Classic 1/2 numbering stacked up the trivia titans of Americas Best Goose & Suckle (sounds like a really weird bar in Austin…a story for another time) .
They looked around nodding like the trivia version of the 85 Bears linebacker core and YHC had to intervene before someone got hurt.
Somewhat more evenly balanced teams were restored and YHC would serve as live corespondent.
Rules:
-Introduce the Acronym.
-Each team mumbles incoherently then runs in opposite direction to complete 10 jump squats and 10 merkins then run back all while discussing what the acronym stands for.
-Writes answer on board (in a timely and legible manner)
-reveal , winner with most correct words/points
Winner
LBCs/SSH
Loser
10 Thrusters
Tie – 7 burpees
Journal Observations
-I was never offered a bribe for hints which was honorable although significant amounts of snark, board holding, and “cursive writing” were frowned upon.
-Team AB approach:
Step 1: hey does anybody know this one?
Step 2: ask Maneater if he is in IT?
Step 3 : wildly accept guesses on the run back while AB initimidates the other team with his LL stats.
-Team Goose approach
Step 1: Listen in awe at Honeysuckle’s clear logical thought process and bottomless tech vocabulary.
Step 2: repeat step 1 and fill in the gaps with hieroglyphics.
Let’s begin:
LASER
Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission Radiation
Team Goose off to a solid start with what will be the only perfect score. Team AB with 3/5 and ate a thruster sandwich, a bit unfair here as HS deals with “sharks with freaking laser beams” as part of his defense contract
BASE (jumping)
Building , Antenna, Spans, and Earth
Tie Game
Most of the processing speed over at Team AB went to congratulating themselves on making the E “Edge”. Ronnie protested that true courage entails not putting limits on where one can BASE jump.
****Musical Interlude ***
REM
End of the World
IW on Song
Goosie On “End of the World”
*Lenny Bruce checks under his bed for Goosies
CAPTCHA
Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart
Some great chatter over at Team Goose led to a win followed by a flatulent Pope captcha on his father’s own coupon. Can concrete hold scent particles, only Alan Turing knows.
ZIP (code)
Zone Improvement Plan
Tie game as both teams secured “zone” and later spawned a potential “guess that zip code” mini beatdown.
JPEG
Joint Photographic Expert Group
-teams had broken down into crude insults and resume inquiries at this point . No hint of joint expert groups on either side.
TASER
Thomas A Swifts Electric Rifle
-most of the chatter here concentrated on potential for Thomas Rosyters All Natural Bee Rifle – patent pending. Just know if you roll into Rienzi unannounced that he’s packing.
Throwback sprint finale:
DOS (as in MS-DOS)
Disc operating system
Both teams were close enough here to avoid thrusters and the plant siren was calling 6am.
Ronnie passed along Animal to Meat for reckless endangerment while his chest hair alone worked its way up the “voter distraction” list.
Intentions for continued medical work up for mutiple 2.0s
COT and Valve prayed us out
Postscript:
Bacronym to the Future
PAX,
This is Dox writing you from the year 2054, inside the Rienzi stronghold that is now Merica.
We remain the last of our species rebellion in the great ChatGPT war.
We are safe at the moment, between waves of CAPTCHA mediated extermination by the artificial intelligent enemy.
Professor Suckles patented Bee Laser (Blaser) has the stronghold secure and keeps the GPT drones away.
President Wells still leads the human race as he was a pioneer in spotting AIs weakness to understand the futility of passive aggressive unnecessary emails. It was our biggest breakthrough since the war began , allowing us to pinpoint other computer blindspots and communicate under their RADARs with ancient JPEGs and DOS files.
Slowly the remaining members of the human race realized that a small band of men had actually unknowingly been training to beat the CAPTCHA test. You see, AI could scope the width and depth of the internet, calculate algorithms at an instant, and even produce a hi res images of your friends with bicep veins. But gradually we began to find that the gaps of AI knowledge were actually the cornerstones of male bonding.
AI couldn’t decipher the unspoken message of a Nicolas Cage GIF. AI didn’t know why LBC methane labeled as “airport cheese” gets a laugh everytime. There is no processor for understanding why an educated man would make “Turn Down for What” his anthem. Not enough RAM to see why a 10 second video of a snapping Turla could become a lifelong inside joke.
But it was just there.
Outside of the ones and zeroes, in the gloom of our shared suffering and in the image of our creator we gained our edge.
That’s why you men must continue to sharpen the irons of F3 Thib.
One day in the future the CAPTCHA will be at the door.
And when it ask if ye be man or bot?
You will know ..
It’s NERF or nothing .
SYITG
Dox
