YHC showed up solo to a beatdown for the first time in quite a while, and sat solo in an empty parking lot wondering if the Goose hype on GroupMe on another Sunday night caused the fartsack factor to rise in PAXville to a dangerous, pre-2023 level. Actually, YHC was gonna have to split 10 minutes early to get Pope to Schriever to catch a bus to D.C. for the March for Life, so it was gonna be a weird morning, anyway. Going back home was starting to look the least bit attractive when Hyundai lights swung lazily around the corner carrying a VESTED Cardinal into the lot. A Cardinal one-on-one actually sounded like fun, but not nearly as much fun as a foursome with Safety Valve and the brand-spankin’-new Mom Jeans! t’s been over a week since YHC was with the Thib PAX, and it was so good to be back!!
Warmups started a minute late, though MJ side-straddled-hopped deftly from his Dilly truck all the way to the circle. We utilized the usuals, but YHC introduced the crew to the Lafayette version of Moroccan Night Clubs, which is more like a grizzly bear roar move–arms up and toward the front at like 45 degrees. It was different, but, man, you can feel the much needed popping and creaking.
After a bumper to Stop sign mosey, YHC unveiled the “FNG”, the newly minted “Gose'”, a bluetooth Christmas miracle of clarity, bass, volume, connectivity, and dashing good looks. Though the tunes chosen for the morning weren’t the best examples of artistic complexity, Gose’ cranked them out with noticeable expertise. The PAX can expect many great things to come from this specimen of sound output.
Once YHC started the song/exercise pairing, ideas came flowing like Snapple. Late 90’s garbage piled up on YHC’s Spotify list, and muscle burn was on the menu. It would be a Gose’-palooza until 5:50am, after which the PAX would receive instruction for how to finish the beatdown without a Q.
1. “I Wish (I was a baller)” by Skee-lo: hold plank, merkins on “wish”
2. “Funky Duck” by Vulfpeck: burpees on “duck” (This is a fun one–stupid enough for the kids, funky enough for the adults).
–YHC: “Just chill between burpees.”
–Valve: “So, solid burpees.”
–YHC: “You’ve learned much.”
3. “Mari-Mac” by Great Big Sea: hold flutter kick position, flutter on every “Mary” or “marry”
4. “Brimful of Asha” by Cornershop: heel raises for the duration, genuflection on “45” and “bosom”
5. “Here Comes the Hotstepper” by Ini Kamoze: penguins for the duration, big boys on every “murderer”
At this point, it was 5:50, so YHC trusted Cardinal to lean into the VEST and lead the remaining PAX around Rich Man’s Loop and through potluck Mary till 6:00. YHC drove by at exactly 6, and it looked like he pulled through. It was a heroic, complex task requiring intelligence and leadership, but he still pulled it off. Well done, Cardinal.
No idea who got the VEST, but YHC is grateful for this crew posting on a Monday and working through the ridiculousness. Looking forward to great things from Mom Jeans! It’s nice to have some respect around here!
SYITG,
Goose
