PAX: Paradox, Enron, Piccadilly, Smooth Operator, Honey Suckle, Safety Valve, Lil’ Cuz
YHC had this beatdown written out since early December and had in mind for a while only that the day of it would be the Monday after Yankee’s Goose Grinch version 2.0. YHC was conscious of its closeness to Christmas, until America’s Best broke the ice with the Goose commemorative on the Saturday before the fourth Sunday of Advent (one would think that someone would have at least done a Dox-themed beatdown by now). It wasn’t until the Friday before that YHC realized that that Monday was New Year’s Day and had to turn it over to Goose.
YHC arrived at the Stage on a bike (my old man being in Lake Charles) early to map out the sight and determine the specifics of the morning’s work, and saw Dox’s and Enron’s vehicles, but the gloom was empty. YHC made sure Dox wasn’t watching from a concealed position, grabbed some cones out of his truck and proceeded to determine the location of a bothersome amount of anthills while setting up.
Smooth pulled up right as YHC caught a glimpse of Dox and Enron running on Rich Man’s Loop—Dox continues to show the enthusiasm he has shown for so many announcements thus far (“Yeeah… Run-Cajun-Run comin’ up, talkin’ with NOLA, ten-man teams, count your best seven if French Horn’s on your team…); wait until right before to warm up? Yeah right!
Warmarama (honestly, who really is legitimately concerned with which exercises we warmed up with? YHC can’t recall them anyway…): Valve and Dilly rolled in, YHC attempted to set the mood for the intended theme—Tom Cruise’s Top Gun Maverick—and we Indian-ran (-runned?), with the six dropping for 5 2:1 Freddy Mercuries, to right about quarter-mile mark on the mile route.
It was then that YHC took a head count on how many of the PAX had watched the movie in order to get a “justified” amount of reps for penalty burpees. YHC’s heart sank very slowly as one or two out of eight slowly raised their hands. After no one had the foggiest idea what Maverick’s real name was, YHC decided to toss the theme and just go for it.
Thang 1 consisted of a short, easy mosey to the first left turn, a turn and an increase to about 60-70% speed until the stop sign, then a final left turn and a full sprint until failure/the next stop sign. Suckle stayed close behind YHC for most of the full run and had him really pushing to avoid being passed up. PAX executed a recovery mosey to the grass next to the ex-coupon corral.
Thang 2: all PAX partnered up and positioned themselves around an approximately 35×35 cone square and, on “go,” completed 5 T-merkins each to get the “plane” off the ground before entering the circle. Once in-bounds, PAX had to work together to “target-lock” all other opponents, a “target lock” achieved by tapping enemy PAX on the middle back (YHC did try to preserve the theme a little). Once tagged, PAX held plank outside the circle, completing 200 merkins (YHC audibled to 100) if both partners were eliminated. PAX also couldn’t stop moving under penalty of 4 dolphin-hops, so at times the environment seemed like a bunch of grown men were playing Minecraft in-real-life. Dox/Cuz ultimately emerged victorious, running victory-laps around the PAX doing merkins.
Thang 3 originally involved baseballs and a 30-yard sprint or two, but despite all the buildup to this morning, YHC forgot baseballs. YHC brought the PAX back to the flag and resorted to the good ol’-fashion Dora, with 100 merkins, 200 Freddy Mercuries and 400 SSH, with partner 2 running to the bumper and completing 5 star-jumps. Bonus points for those who actually remembered the star-jumps o the first go.
That left about eight minutes of Mary; COT—please keep me and everyone else going on the March for Life in your prayers and pray for an answer to ours—and Cuz prayed us out.
YHC was having flashbacks of the last time I Qed—I had to adapt essentially the entire beatdown to fit the Chimney at the Peltch after both the Low field and the IEW field were closed or occupied. YHC and all Qs who have found themselves in similar dilemmas are living reminders of the simple phrase, “none of us are professionals.”
Fitness. Fellowship. Faith.
