“This is important.” Parting words from a random barefoot downranger (Squanto) on a random Thursday weeks ago.
Those who agree also know what we owe to our Site Q, the O.G.
When YHC heard Goose was moving, I began some soul searching (but mostly Internet searching) to figure out some way to keep him with us.
Inspired by Paradox’s face-swap chops, YHC was looking for a life-size Goose-Goose faceswap. While the Internet provided what was wanted, it also provided what was (unknowingly) needed. In the search results, an old blogpost. Four words:
“We Are All Goose”
And with that, the beatdown was born.
Negative DukeRider! The pattern is full. Get your landing gear down and roll that beauti-
HOLD up, this is “We are all Goose,” not “We are all Dox”
(Mental note for future beatdown)
Warmarama amongst the swarm:
SSH, windmills, arm circles, self love, maybe more, nobody’s reading this part anyway.
“We are All Goose” lists 4 characteristics of Top Gun’s Goose. YHC translated each virtue to our fearless leader, and we began to cultivate our Goosiness.
1. He talks the talk.
This was originally “he’s the class clown,” but the spirit of it is that Goose ensures what he says is correct and inspiring. The exicon provided us Thang 1 here, with “Coach”:
Thruple up. Man 1 does a pull-up and holds up position while Man 2 runs around the outbuilding. Meanwhile, Man 3 is Coach (Goose) and provides vocal support. Moroccan Night Clubs were added to Coach position for comedic impact.
2. He’s got his friends backs
True of Top Gun Goose and undeniably true of F3 Goose. And for Thang 2 the Exicon gives us
“Tammy Wynette” (Stand by Your Man)
Partner up. Man1 stands next to Man2 in high plank. Standing partner squats in unison with ground partner’s merkins. Switch places every 10. YHC decided to show some merkin-mercy here and changed it curls and leg lifts for a bit.
3. He’s a family man
Thang 3– Here YHC bastardized the Uptown 50 and fused it with Growing Pains (look them up, they’re in there!)
MOT was typical parental nocturnal motions: Zombie walking, zombie crawling, and crab walk (result of the ninja move required to escape a sleeping kid’s bed)
30 Little boys at the first stop, 30 big boys at the second, 30 Manmakers back at the start.
The exact form of the zombie crawl is still unknown, but depending on the specific technique used, it will abrade part of your legs off.
T-claps to Dox for suffering through his most hated exercises. Props to Pope for his music appreciation.
Having raised boys to men, now we pivot to raising girls…
Princess Tea Party (“This is in the Exicon”)
Partner up, merkins facing one another, high five ya boy at the top.
Then, back-to-back partner squats.
(During this portion of the beatdown, Enron and YHC performed an exercise which will henceforth be know as the “Look Away!” and will never be spoken of again.)
Which brings us to the final Goosy quality:
4. He plays volleyball with his shirt on
Shirtless Maverick plays volleyball IN JEANS. Goose keeps it real, is probably then best athlete, and doesn’t have anything to prove to anybody. Dude walks the walk. With quiet confidence.
PAX divided into 3 teams. While one takes a run, the other 2 teams play volleyball. The catch: anytime the ball hits the ground, BOTH teams do 3 Goosies. Winner stays on and loser runs.
YHC opened his big fat stupid mouth on one of these return runs:
“Come on Goose, open up that stride.”
Big mistake. Never challenge a Goose. YHC is still winded from trying to keep up.
One last curveball, because when you’re a family man, just when you think you’ve earned a break, your kid says “Hold me.”
Mountain climbers while Fleetwood Mac’s “Hold Me” plays. Coupon curl with each “hold me.”
Back to the flag for Top Gun Anthem and Goose tailgate reveal.
COT, Goose prayed us out.
This one was for Goose, but it’s really for all of our F3 PAX. I’m inspired by every one of you. This is important.
SYITG,
America’s Best
