One beatdown to smoke them
One beatdown to find them
A free men’s workout that calls them home
And in the gloom it binds them …
The beacons of Gondor were lit !
And 13 pax answered. They came from all corners of Middle Lafourche on this humid fall morning for a 2 year YHC Manniversary celebration.
Members of the fellowship in attendance:
– The Elven King Hon Suk El from the high castle of Rienzi . His lands and bannermen are many including the Lowes and the Academy. He was accompanied by Royster Princes Ewok and Yelnats requesting burpees for breakfast.
– The nomadic wizard Goosedalf from the ethereal Oaks. He bringeth 3 wizard apprentices, trained trivia assassins Pope GooseSon and Coyote GooseSon and the most feared sprinter in the land Duke GooseSon.
– The Scholar bandit known as the Shimmering Lox recently released from his prison studies. The bards will sing of his quads for many generations.
– King Mudgear of the 12th cedar Fortresses. If a man threatens Merkin Rhabdo he will appear in aid , the legends be true. May his tail wind blow in your favor.
– The Bard Tom BombaDiddle from the smoking marshes of HomeMaH. No fiddle he cannot play, no score he will not slay but his gas flute is deadliest of all.
– The Warrior En Ronnie Lillicchh of the High Lands, though many question his name none question his mode of beast. The men of his family must all defeat the Snapping Turla , or be exiled .
– Captain Pop Aye, the Kings Guard and the newly minted Earl of Sandwich, expert in sword and shield, master of the one word insult, and igniter of groupme flames.
Thus they assembled the fellowship on this fine Saturday.
Their fitness was sharp but many tests of faith stood before them…
Duke!! Roll the Footage , we’re going to Mordor !
Warmup
SSH, IW, WM , AC, CP MC
YHC had trouble keeping cadence due to the loud popping and clicking of joints left over from Safety Valves obliteration of the pax lower extremities on Thursday. He could not be reached for comment but the pax were jumpy at the mere mention of Bonnie Blair’s and I knew we were in for a a battle.
As YHC was reflecting on his 2 year journey with F3 I noticed some of my favorite things about beatdowns blended nicely with a LOTR themed bd YHC has had on a back pot low simmer for a while. So I compiled my “lessons learned” over the last 2 years and sprinkled in some light Tolkien to put a bow on it.
Don’t be hasty , one doesn’t simply walk into Mordor!
Chapter 1.
The Fitness and leaving your warm hobbit hole comfort zone
YHC cherishes the moments where F3 has pushed the envelope of my physical and mental comfort zone in the last 2 years. Most ppl from my high school would tell you YHC was “fairly reserved” maybe even the dreaded “stays to himself” but f3 changes a man…
-Monkey humpers during a cross county meet, no problem.
-5 inch inseam shorts at a park at 6:30am , why ? cus YJ said so, that’s why.
-Singing sea shanties during a 5k monsoon, just another lovely morning.
So we Mosey’d to the Chimney representing our cozy hobbit Hole while training our Hobbit feet.
Indian run with drop off 3 BBSU
But today they are Bilbo Baggins sit ups. First sit-up , then right elbow to left knee , left elbow to right knee represents eating both first and second breakfast.
At Da Chimney :
Helms Deep Squat Trivia
Correct 5 burpees
Incorrect 15 burpees
1. How old was Bilbo at the beginning -(111)
2. What is the name of bilbos home? (Bag End)
Ok let’s talk about the trivia real quick.
I want you to imagine Dikembe Mutumbo (Pope) and Shaq (Coyote) standing beside a 6 foot basketball goal. YHC tosses soft layups as they swat balls into the rafters and their coach (Goose) nods in silent approval. The rest of the pax were simply spectators as they made child’s play of YHCs “moderate difficulty “ LOTR trivia. A fair warning to you trivia Qs out there, dem Dawson boys play for keeps. Do not bring weak trivia game into the paint.
Bilbos 111th birthday
111 big bilbo sit-ups
Hobbit Walk to chimney , sprint back
Many variations of the hobbit walk , all were accepted without shame while our local form police was furthering his doctoral study of burpee merkin combos this weekend.
Helms Deep Squat Trivia
3.) how many members are in the fellowship- 9
4.) can you name them all?
Gandalf, Frodo, merry, pippin, Sam, gimli, Legolas, boromir , Aragorn
Again yawns from the pope and Coyote and “you knew better Dox” nod from goose
– 5 burpees
Chapter 2
Forming The Fellowship
Many Races but One Fellowship
YHC concocted a few race schemes to display increasing difficulty paralleled with increasing brotherhood of F3.
I tell someone almost every week about F3 and always remark something like “I hate half of these exercises if I have to perform them solo but when it’s with this crew I triple set my alarm to go at 5am in cold rain while swallowing chimchuri farts “ . The magic of the shared suffering , tough to describe but I think the team races help.
The races would increase by 1 pax each round.
Winner would pick 10 reps of any exercise for the pax
1 ) solo bearcrawl – 10 merkins CrawlBear
10 burpees from Ewok/Yelnats
2 ) pax wheel barrow – 20 Carolina- swap and wheel barrow back
3) 3 man carry 25 star jumps
This sounded better on paper and YHC narrowly avoided being face to face with Paradiddles pair of diddles.
4 ) 4 pax team lungeWalk 10 Bonnie Blair’s , …team Egnul Walk back to cone which ended up looking like a well oiled machine on the front end and a drunk octopus dying in a hail storm on the return journey.
Helms deep squat Trivia :
5.) who plays Aragorn – Vigo Mortesen
6.) what is the name of the evil that Gandalf must stop in the minds of Moria to save the fellowship. – Balrog
*At this point not only was Pope guessing the trivia answers AND questions he saw us moseying toward the bridge and was like “Khazad-dum next huh?”
Unbelievable.
What are you feeding this kid goose!
Chapter 3
The Bridge of Khazad-dum and
Facing the darkness head on
During IPC month every year there lies an extra mental challenge. When the Bengay video drops there is no hiding. Crayola stands in front of you just like a Balrog and no amount of staring will change the high rep counts. It’s part of the mental iron sharpening and all you can do is face it beside the pax.
“7s “ at the Bridge
6 Freak Nastys (decrease)
Cross bridge with 2.0s as bridge troll form police while presenting 10 diamond merkins
1 burpee (increase)
2.0s were ruthless form police ! #JeauxcomeHome
Chapter 4
Finish Strong
One of my favorite parts of an F3 beatdown is the last 10 minutes. Everyone is smoked. Sweat in eyes, engine on E then some ridiculous thang gets introduced and there’s a perceptible banding together to defeat the task. You think the tank is empty but looking around and seeing others to push for and there’s always more.
The March to Mordor
Partner up
P1 lunges while P2 does 10 mountain climbers , when finishes run to p1 swap and 10 MC
Goose and Lox won it and handed out some fine dirt pile derkins.
Back to the flag for round robin Mary.
Animal shirt to Diddle for skipping LOTR to practice drums. Worth it .
Intentions for many suffering with illness, families in need and anxieties of the holiday season.
COT and Diddle prayed us out
Men it’s an absolute blast sharing these moments in the gloom with you and a privilege to get opportunities to lead.
Looking forward to another great year.
SYITG ,
Dox
