Theres one singular event that universally strikes fear in the hearts of men. A rite of passage complete with every potential fear being confronted. A desolate wasteland where fortune favors the bold and one misstep can leave you cemented into a hall of shame . You’ve all passed through it and been forged by the fires of ..the middle school dance.
But there IS one tool at your disposal . One shining sword for the gangly awkward youth entangled in this hormonal warfare. You’ve all seen this familiar setup. It’s the 7th grade dance and opposite genders have receded to their corners in the dance floor. The air is heavy with axe body spray. If you were like YHC , you hoped the Hollister shirt and puca shell necklace were enough distraction to overcome a genetic lack of rhythm. The dj eyes the empty dance floor ,madly spinning tracks to light the fire and then he finds it …
…The participation song!
Cupid shuffle ..
The locomotion ..
Electric slide ..
They all accomplish the same goal.
Like a flame thrower to dry kindling one kid joins, then another and as long as you are following the instructions loosely there’s a certain freedom from severe judgement that allows the dancing to begin.
These songs have saved countless male youths from the embarrassment of freestyle dancing and during my recent midnight baby burping sessions I uncovered this lucrative treasure trove of F3 enterpainment.
So with the fresh Jurpee routine in mind and a few songs in my heart YHC made a stage comeback with 10 other high impact men. A crisp bayou fall met them in the gloom and the stage was set.
Today we salute the participation song.
Duke ! Dukeeee!!!!
Hold these diapers and Roll the bean footage !
Warmup
Standard issue with Tana literally side straddle hopping across the circle. His verbal insubordination overflowing into interpretive dance as if he could preemptively feel todays theme. You can only hope to contain him at this point.
Warmup Thang
Jurpee Mile-ish
Saddled up for the well warn path of the rich man loop mile with stops for a segmented jurpee. We helped some pax in the senior divisions remember where all the stops were and YHC dialed up all the classics with JBL cranked to the level of “HoA concerns”. The air was cool and mannnn I’ve missed you guys.
(Tana keeping a Kenyan marathon pace, ya love to see it. The legendary transformation continues )
We did :
1- tempo sqats/20 groiners
2- 20 merkins/20 groiners
3- 20 jump sqats
4- 20 LBC/leg raise
Then grabbed come coupons for the :
Main Thang a Lang
4 songs to represent the transcendent nature of the participation songs across genres, live events, generations and continents.
1. ) Boot scootin boogie
2 Apollo ono plus 2 goosie on “ Boot scoot”
Coupon “2 step” on duration of song.
From now until eternity we will call them Boot Scootin Goosies and I can’t decide if that sounds more like a firework from Joe Dirt or a station for next years SV500.
Trivia : what are the first names of brooks and Dunn?
The pax had this one down cold even with YHCs brain glitches trying to find the word artist. Also from Shreveport just like Ronnie Lillich !
Track refresh mosey
2. Time for da hip hop- Tootsie Roll
(Was really hoping for a Popeye post here. Have a feeling he’s done 9000 tootsie rolls )
We did :
Donkey kick on T roll
Right Peter Parker
Left Parker
Slide – side reach
Whoop plank Jack
Trivia – Artist? : 69 boys (great jurpee team name )
I had a feeling this would be right in America’s Bests wheelhouse. with some prompting he took a minute off the pain. Goose showed signs of the move itself and YHC fought the temptation to let him tootsie roll for 5 minutes while we did kraken burpees.
3. Da community -YMCA
Y styled windmills on song
4 merkins on YMCA
Jump squat on “young man”
Fun fact: The original YMCA arm motions appeared on this popular musical show in 1979. (American bandstand)
4. International- Gangnam style
Coupon side shuffle
Thruster on Gangnam style
YHC introduced this one and had the desired response of crickets, wind, and Goose asking Enron if it was 6am yet. I’ve sorely missed that unique smell of fear and adrenaline.
YJ correctly named psy as the artist then insisted someone be appointed as the oogler so we would be music video accurate. Unfortunately by this point all the pax had gone to the dark place that thrusters create after a month of IPC and his request faded into old man grumbles about deleted cells.
So now you have the dance party fully rolling the only thing you have left to focus on is learning your partners rhythm and footwork.
So we partnered up (1 thruple)
For a Double Indian run with 3 partner hi 5 burpees to corner on Richmans loop till everyone had one round.
Honeysuckle did honeysuckle things and set a sub7 pace while we watched in awe. I can’t tell if it’s sleep deprivation but I swear his legs blur like road runner in the ole Wiley Coyote bits.
We finished with a thrilling rendition of Rah Rah JaBurpee. Tennis ball can only be advanced with feet. One burpee after kicking. Beautiful chaos ensued and we lost two good soldier tennis balls in the field. No clear winner from YHCs point of view but I saw Ronnie diving under a truck after a ball near the finish line so I’ll give an A for effort.
Jeaux continued to run headlong into the distance. Said he just needed to think about a grown man not being able to work Google sheets.
Folks in the Oaks say he’s still running…
Count them up
Name them off
Announcements:
T- claps to Hypotenuse for multiple posts and suffering through my lack of hand eye coordination.
Honeysuckle VQ!!!
Thursday at the Den
Get your running shoes ladies!
Invigor8 Grant next Tues 10/10 at 7pm (link below)
Possible $10k is up for grabs to the St Vincent pharmacy.
https://facebook.com/events/s/invigor8-live/1909647176102809/
COT and YJ prayed us out
Men I’ve been overwhelmed by the support y’all have shown my family during our new baby days. The baby/work/school/home routines are in a tornado of a transitions right now and we are just hanging in. Great to have y’all linking shields in support and prayer.
Epilogue
One jurpee
Two jurpee
Red jurpee
Blue jurpee
You can do it on a rope
You can do it with a Pope
You can try it with a Goose
Or measure your hypotenuse
Tana jurps on his strain quest
Honeysuckles uses it as rest
AB is jurping till hes fifty
Ronnie’s jurping till his knees are shifty
Bud light jurping, call it Dilly Dilly
Poor jurp form, that’s really silly
Jurptober is all about the basics
Valvelines jurping till he needs lasix
At a jurp party you’re never late
Jeauxs been jurpin since 78!
Jurp low jurp high
Jurp loud jurp shy
Jurp your best jurp along with another
As iron sharpens iron, one sharpens his brother
SYITG
ParaDr Seuss
