YHC showed up to the stage for his first Tuesday Tuff Q. The occasion was marked with nine PAX, including Kilmer DR’ing from the exotic land of dying college basketball regimes – Raleigh, NC (though he’s actually from Carey). He definitely brought some much needed and appreciated energy.
Warm-up
– Side straddle hops
– Windmills
– OG Grassgrabbers
– Arm circles forward
– Arm circles backward
– Cherry pickers
– Self love
– High knees
– Butt kicks
– Mountain climbers
– Bumper mosey
Honestly, YHC had no idea what to do for his first Tuesday Tuff beatdown. By 8:30 pm the night before, while in a meeting, he knew time was up. The pre-blast hype GIF’s had to go out. YHC panicked. He looked around. Nothing. Then he remembered a theme he had been playing around with as his manniversary approached.
Ok, hold on. Let me back up. F3 is an interesting concept. It’s premise bears special attention. On one hand, you are voluntarily suffering through what seems unbearable. In almost all cases, rookie for veteran, you bearly make it to the end of a particular exercise. The camaraderie is powerful, but the expectations can be overbearing. The real power kicks in when you are convinced you can no longer bear it. To give up would be unbearable. So…you have only one Singletary choice. You bear your teeth and crawl on. There is much to be learned from our forbearers as they bear the torch of humility and forebearance. Your arrogance is left threadbear as fellow PAX come bearfoot, bearfaced, bearchested (embearassing for some), and bearhanded (except for a few hand models). We give each other manly bearhugs and vicious bearberries. In short, we grin and bear it.
So, as it is now probably obvious, YHC’s theme centered around not eating spicy food the night before a beatdown.
C’mon…seriously…It’s about bears (so now you know YHC can actually spell…you got it. Good job. Good for you.). Though food choices prior to beatdowns is a serious matter and should be taken up at the F3 Senior Leadership Team level, if not nationally. What Goats and Enron are capable of manifesting in this particular arena is concerning even for a bear.
So, we did bear crawling for 35 minutes with intermittent merkin and core exercises spread throughout. It was beary beary nasty.
————————————-
The First Thangggg
Paddington Bear
As we all know, Paddington was shipped off to England by his Aunt Lucy from “Darkest Peru” with a sign that read, “Please look after this bear. Thank you.” Goose answered that piece of trivia correctly, saving the PAX five burps.
The Brown Family finds Paddington sitting on a suitcase in a railway station in Paddington, England. They can’t understand his Peruvian name, so they call him Paddington. We can all relate. When I first met Paradox, I had no idea what language was falling out of his mouth. For the first few weeks, I thought his name was Fart Knocks.
To emulate this enormous literary moment in history, we set out to find Paddington.
– One PAX lunges to the marker, then the remaining PAX bear crawl to the marker to “find Paddington.” PAX then bring Paddington home, all bear crawling back to start. Paddington, while waiting in the station (marker), is sitting on his suitcase. But since we don’t have a suitcase, Paddington held Al Gore while waiting for the PAX to come get him.
– Next single PAX lunges to marker while remaining PAX hold plank, then repeat until each Paddington has been found and brought home. In all, each PAX bear crawled 255 yards. Yo, at the age of 60, Kilmer was dominating…it was crazy. He even had enough wind to throw out some chatter about “Damn” Yankee Joe and why it didn’t make sense that the Brown Family would be bear crawling if they weren’t bears. YHC was too winded to retort at the time.
Also, T-Claps to French Horn, who in just a few weeks, has caught his stride and is hanging with the elites such as Goose, Enron, and Paradox.
————————————-
The Second Thangggg
Winnie the pooh
Winnie the Pooh
Winnie the Pooh
Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff
He’s Winnie the Pooh
Winnie the Pooh
Willy nilly silly old bear
Always getting into the honey pot, Pooh Bear just can’t keep from getting his head stuck. Like Montana in Wing Stop 30 piece wing combo box (lemon pepper of all things), we had to get Pooh’s head unstuck, while also attacking some of that ‘tubby little chubby fluff’.
– Bear crawl 360 clockwise to marker, 100 LBCs (for the 100-acre wood, of course)
– Bear crawl 360 counterclockwise back to start, 100 pickle pounders
Here, Kilmer raised the pickle pounder bar (I dare you, Michael), encouraging the PAX with noises that truly justified the “respect” during nam-o-rama. Smooth Operator, not to be outdone, showed us why he’s the “diamond life, lover boy.”
—————————————–
The Third Thangggg
The Yogi Bear Circuit
Of course, we can’t have a bear themed beatdown without our ever foraging for a pic-a-nic basket, Yogi. To honor this great historical and significant bear, we utilized the six pic-a-nic tables at The Stage. Each table would increase in increments of 10 with a designated exercise (i.e. 10 Derkins, 20 incline dancing chilcutts, 30 creature merkins, etc.
But how will we get from table to table? Well, my friends, the Exicon delivers again. Who was Yogi’s best friend? You got it. The Boo Boo Bear Crawl. A bear crawl using only ONE LEG. God, I love this shizz.
It goes a little something like this…
– Boo boo bear crawl to first picnic table, 10 derkins
– Boo boo bear crawl to second picnic table, 20 dancing incline chilcutts 2:1
– Boo boo bear crawl to third picnic table, 30 creature merkins
– Boo boo bear crawl to fourth picnic table, 40 leg ups 1:1
– Boo boo bear crawl to fifth picnic table, 50 freak nasty’s
– Boo boo bear crawl to sixth picnic table, 60 incline merkins
Unfortunately, after table 3 (30 creature merkins), YHC had to call an audible based on PAX logistics as well as time. So, instead, we finished with:
40 yard Boo Boo Bear Crawl, switching legs at each picnic table back to the flag. Once you reach the flag, 100 merkins or fail. This would take the last three minutes of the beatdown. It. Was. AWESOME. Goose was the only PAX to hit 100, but we’re pretty sure Enron did too, but he forgot to count. Imagine that…a financial advisor that forgets to count. I’m sure it gives his PAX clients great confidence considering his F3 name. But what do I know? I’m just a Marketing guy, and we don’t do maff.
COT and Smooth Operator prayed us out. His prayer was short and powerful.
“Dear Lord, thank you for letting us be warriors for you today. Amen.” Should be the F3 official prayer, in my opinion.
Next stop…Manniversary
SYITG,
(Damn) Yankee Joe
