Four PAX gathered for what seems like it might become a weekly deal–Tuesday mornings at The Stage. There would have been a fifth, but Yankee Joe’s kids were stomach bugging all over him. T-claps to Fence Post for “posting” his first three beatdowns in four days! And, to Lil’ Cuz for coming two days in a row in only his second month of F3! Enron, the ever steady and the official counter (Fence Post and Cuz are still learning how to count while also breathing) made us an even four on this celebration of ALL the Saints.
After a warmup of the usuals, YHC explained that in honor of All Saints Day, we’d be making our way through the lives of a few key players.
The most obvious place to begin is Mary, the model for all saints–she was so open to what God was doing in her that she became the Mother of His Son. So, we started with some Mary, beginning with LBC’s x30 to commemorate lil’ baby Jesus and the 30 years he spent growing up with her. Then, 100’s x100 for the well over 100 gallons of water He turned into wine at her request. Then, 33 leg raises since she took her station at the foot of the Cross when he was 33, followed by 15 Heels to Heaven since her heels (and the rest of her) were assumed into Heaven to be with her Son forever.
Next was the first martyr, St. Stephen. His courage and dependence on God was intense, arguing the whole Sanhedrin into silence and then deadly rage without ever losing his awe and wonder at God and what He’d accomplished. They picked up stones and stoned him to death, so we grabbed coupons and did three sets of: 20 curls (picking up stones) and 15 skull crushers (almost crushed a couple of actual skulls toward the end there).
The next key player would be St. Paul, who actually led the previously mentioned stoning project before a dramatic conversion, which led him to become the greatest missionary who ever lived. In honor of his traveling to the four corners of the Empire and accumulating more and more disciples with every stop, the routine would be four corners, each adding an additional exercise.
1. 7 burpees
2. 7 burpees, 14 merkins
3. 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 squats
4. 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 squats, 28 line jumps (two feet, jumping back and forth over a line in the concrete, 2:1)
St. Iranaeus was a disciple of St. John the Apostle, and he wrote letters while on the way to the Coliseum to be killed by wild animals in the arena. These letters are still extremely valuable sources of information about the structure of the early Church and the Mass, and in them he expressed his gratitude for the opportunity to be “ground like wheat” by the animals teeth as an offering. Intense. So, not knowing any lion exercises, we did bear crawls to the center of the field, nur back, and again all the way to the sidewalk and nur back.
This is where Lil’ Cuz revealed his super power–there could be more, but bear crawls has definitely been confirmed.
Skip about a 1400 years–St. Ignatius of Loyola founded the Jesuits and put together the Spiritual Exercises, one of the central principles being the role of consolation and desolations, spiritual ups and downs that are necessary to the maturation process. So, ups and downs it would be: 15 irkins, 15 L-leg step ups, 15 derkins, 15 R-leg step ups, 15 dips (all IC).
Skip back about 100 years (because YHC wanted to put this one close to the end) and across some water to England, where the would-be St. Patrick was kidnapped as a youth and brought to Ireland as a slave. He escaped back to England, became a priest and a bishop, and then returned to Ireland to grow and lead the Christian community there. But, with such a strong pagan presence, it wasn’t easy. Irish Jack Ass Webbs seemed appropriate. 1 burpee to 2 donkey kicks against the column up to 5 burpees and 10 donkey kicks.
Now that the donkey legs were toast, we jumped to the 20th century to finish up with St. Pio (Padre Pio) who was given more spiritual gifts than you can count. One of them was the ability to read souls, to know people’s sins before they confessed them, which was extremely helpful for many going to Confession or on their deathbed. Thankfully, there’s an exercise called “Absolutions”, so we moved to the grass to cushion the elbows. Absolutions is a 7 count exercise = high plank, groiner, down to elbows, plank jack, back to high plank.
15 Absolutions later, and we had 30 seconds left for 10 Halleluiah Squats in gratitude for the variety of all the awesome saints He’s given us.
COT and Enron prayed us out. Thanks for making Tuesdays awesome, fellas!
SYITG,
Goose
