Four uncultured swine joined YHC in the muddy pig pen of Schriever Park for a lesson in classic America. After a warmup of mud straddle hops and other favorites, we moseyed to the mini Thunderdome for our first piece.
Aaron Copland was an American composer whose famous music has been used in movies and commercials aplenty, but not before they stood on their own as powerful, moving experiences of what makes America great.
The first would be “Fanfare for the Common Man” during which partners took turns doing step up merkins on the picnic tables (plank, up to bench, merkin, up to top, merkin, down to bench, merkin, down to ground, merkin) and plank jacks. Flapjack after each up-down.
The second would be “Rodeo” (made famous by the “Beef, it’s what’s for dinner” commercials in the early 90’s), during which partner 1 did Super Marios (box jump onto bench, and then onto table top) and partner 2 did Imperial Walkers. Switch after every rep.
The third piece was “Appalachian Spring”, which is a tune now used for a number of different hymns and other songs. For the duration, partner 1 did 10 Big Boy Situps and partner 2 did LBC’s while waiting for him to finish, then flapjack.
After this last Copland piece, YHC led the PAX on a mosey to the tennis courts, Anker speaker and phone still in hand, which caused more than one PAX to boldly claim to know what was coming next. But, we all know what happens when you assume…you get your ass kicked for the duration of the 1812 Overture (about 15 and a half minutes).
Although the 1812 Overture was written by a Russian for Russian reasons, it’s been commandeered by the US of A for use in Independence Day fireworks displays, Caddyshack, V for Vendetta, and paper towel commercials. We used it for a seemingly unending 4 corners routine.
Each corner of the tennis court was assigned a different exercise, and reps started at 1 per corner for the first go round and ascended by 1 every other time around. Corner 1: burpees, Corner 2: air presses, Corner 3: squats, Corner 4: heels to heaven. Anker’s quality was vilified as it worked hard to compete with the highway traffic and the feelings of being ganged up on, but in the end, partially due to Enron’s slow mosey, the last note sounded just as we completed the tenth round. T-claps to all the PAX for pushing hard to stay together as a unified group for the whole thing!
Though shoes were soaked and muddy, the rest of the PAX’s clothes had not yet been dipped in the mire, so YHC saw fit to remedy that with some Mary around the flag. Cardinal protested verbally and physically with some interesting wife pleaser modifications, but all performed these last exercises with courage and strength. And, though we walked away muddy, YHC thought he saw the slightest glint of a new-found depth, of cultured dignity, in the PAX’s faces as we emptied the parking lot.
Thanks for joining me in the gloom and the mud, fellas, and for putting up with my BS!
SYITG,
Goose
