A beatdown on the Saturday of Mardi Gras weekend couldn’t leave the PAX unprepared for the festivities that awaited them. So out of charity for the brothers, YHC couldn’t let them down for his first Q.
The indisputable best way to pass the time as you’re tailgating waiting for the next parade is a rousing game of cornhole, so the PAX assembled at the Peltch for a cornhole beatdown like no other to ensure that they’d be pros by the time we finished.
First, the basic warmups of the usuals: SSH, IW, AC and CP, WM, and SL.
After that, we moseyed on over to the chimney for a more focused set of strength-training exercises. Even the most basic cornhole player knows that it’s all about the stance, the slight squat, the balancing arm (with or without a beverage in the other hand) (but definitely with). So we did some one-legged squats, nice and slow in cadence, 10 per leg, to get the balance of the throwing arm. To strengthen your core stability to ensure a clean throw, 20 big boy sit-ups followed. And to make sure you wouldn’t land a bag 3 feet in front of the board, a nice long stretch of air presses (35 in cadence).
But because we didn’t want to just be average cornhole players, but legendary, we went into round 2: A set of 15 genuflections in cadence to really get the legs pumping, 20 American hammers in cadence to solidify the core, and 30 Moroccan night clubs to get that power throw down.
To close out the preparatory exercises, and to get our minds in the right place, we listened to the hit single by Rhett and Link called none other than “Cornhole Song.” Truly an experience to listen to as a pump up before an intense game. The PAX held Al Gore position and dropped for a burpee every time “cornhole” was said. Sufficiently prepared, and thinking of themselves as “Don Cornholio,” we moseyed to our final destination – a set of cement cornhole boards that the PAX had never known was actually there the whole time.
Now, YHC had high expectations after such expert training. Each PAX got 5 throws (1 warm up and 4 throws) to try to score 7 points. If they succeeded, they were gifted with a slightly easier reward. And if they didn’t, the whole group paid for it.
Round 1: 6 or below: bear crawl around a nearby square court, with 5 diamond ‘mericans at each corner. 7 or above: run around with 5 regular mericans.
Round 2: success got them a Carioca around the field with 10 smurf jacks at each corner, while failure got them an attempted murder bunny around the field, with 7 jump squats at each corner
Round 3: if they were good, nur around the field with 10 LBC’s at the corners, and if they weren’t, crab walking around the field with 7 leg lifts at each corner.
Each PAX got the chance to throw, cycling through each round, and YHC was sorely disappointed by the general performance (including his own). The threshold of success was quickly lowered to 5, and then to 3. Sometimes we succeeded, mostly we didn’t, but fun was surely had by all.
To close us out, and to show that all he needed was a solid warm up round, Enron nailed a very respectable 7 points, and at that we moseyed back to the flag (which, I have to confess, was shamefully left in my car during the workout – forgive me, Father, for I have sinned).
Closed out with a little bit of Mary: penguins and crunchy frogs. COT and Paradox prayed us out, and welcome to Piccadilly – a unquestionably Spirit-given name to our new FNG.
Looking forward to hearing about all the cornhole games won by the PAX in the coming days.
SYITG,
Cardinal
