Completely Stupid and Utterly Pointless: where else in our lives can we embrace that motto and it actually makes you a better person?
When COVID scuttled our plans for the Hood to Coast the wheels started turning on an alternative event that we could pull off locally. A combination of Yankee, myself, Nip Tuck, Cowbell, and others started talking of what we could do and someone mentioned running to the Florabama as a half-joke. From there things evolved, and true to F3 form, the group found a way to make it happen. The group evolved over time as we lost some guys to volley ball injuries and others to COVID concerns but other guys stepped up. We wound up with a solid mix of Northshore and Southshore, running elites and grinders, barely-out-of-hate range to respect-respect range, F3 old timers and relative newbies. What we arrived at was a group of guys willing to step out of their comfort zones and try something different. No one knew exactly how it would go or what to expect but everyone did know that no man is left behind and that together we can accomplish what we set our mind to. What could go wrong? Who knows but also who cares? This group was willing to take that risk and reap the rewards.
When the dual hurricanes formed we knew our run was at risk but we were prepared to be nimble and modify as needed. Fortunately (for reasons much more important than our run) we were spared the worst from the storms and we were able to depart Audubon park at 2:00 on Thursday. Car 1 kicked us off with Roots leading the charge. Car 1 consisted of Roots, Bushwacker, Catfish, and Cavalier. Car 2 was Bad Moon, Cowbell, Nip Tuck, and 86. Car 3 was Tinkles, Tanked Up, Steve, and Gideon.
Nip Tuck charted our course and he laid out the 36 leg route. The leg highlights:
- Leg 1 Roots: Run through the heart of good old Nola
- Leg 2 Bushwacker: (Armstrong park to gentilly walmart)-broken sidewalks felt like a trail run through pot smoke-filled humid jungles of vietnam
- Leg 3 Catfish: Danziger Bridge / chef highway / old gentilly road (aka the beast meets the east)
- Leg 4 Cavalier: 4:15 pm. Rainy, cool, fast paced through the lovely New Orleans East
- Leg 5 Bad moon: leg 5 was my swamp-horsefly-sweat-a-thon
- Leg 6 Cowbell: chef menteur thru Venetian isles- horseflys and humidity with a good mix of road kill
- Leg 7 Nip Tuck: fish camps, nutria and rabbits en route to Fort Pike
- Leg 8 86: Rigolets Bridge “Teddy Bears, Busted Tanning Beds and Such”
- Leg 9 Tinkles: Mosquito breeding grounds and narrow bridges on LA/MS border
- Leg 10 Tanked Up: Mississippi woods- deliverance in the dark
- Leg 11 Steve: torrential rain and the wrong pair of socks gave me a generous blister the size of Mississippi before even getting to mile 2.
- Leg 12 Gideon: Midnight run on a two foot sidewalk with crashing waves through a thunderstorm gifted by the last bands of Hurricane Laura. Screaming at the moon with adrenaline.
- Leg 13 Roots: vehicle one surviving the torrential rain and darkness on MS Coast (and 3 hours of quality sleep at the Quality Inn)
- Leg 14 Bushwacker: (pass christian to long beach) – skies opened up half way through and a passing car deluged me with a waterfall
- Leg 15 Catfish: ms gulf coast, long beach to gulfport.
- Leg 16 Cavalier: 1:37 am beautiful rainy morning along the MS Gulfcoast
- Leg 17 Bad Moon: generous amounts of rain with a tailwind…my soggiest run but favorite
- Leg 18 Cowbell: Biloxi to ocean springs- early morning rain over the Biloxi bridge made for a super enjoyable run
- Leg 19 Nip Tuck: Drizzle dark but good sidewalks leaving Gulfport through the neighborhoods.
- Leg 20 86: Oceans Springs High School”My Kingdom for a Shoulder”
- Leg 21 Tinkles: beat the heat for a sunrise run across the Pascagoula River
- Leg 22 Tanked Up: Pascagoula coast, central town area and hot 🥵
- Leg 23 Steve: it was either guardian angels or the Hickson aliens of Pascagoula that dropped a bottle of Dasani from the heavens right when needed in the unbearable heat.
- Leg 24 Gideon: Death Valley. 100+deg heat index on black top highway with no shoulder. Crossed the border into Alabama, and possibly the valley of Death. 7miles. Survived only thanks to Car 3’s help.
- Leg 25 Roots: Grateful to finish in Bayou La Batre after dodging 18 wheelers on the highway and suffering though the blistering heat
- Leg 26 Bushwacker: (bayou labatre)- the blaze was on! And the joys of being finished we’re immeasurable
- Leg 27 Catfish: out of the pine woods of to the base of the dauphin island bridge (cedar point)
- Leg 28 Cavalier: 2:12 pm. Rain dance work, lucky to have the rain for the first half of a hot 6 miler across the bridge to Dauphin Island
- Leg 29 Bad Moon: Final leg a combo of Death Valley heat and full sun made me miss the rain and wet shoes
- Leg 30 Cowbell: Fort Morgan- brutally hot but a surprise from my fan club on the side of the road helped push me through the “roast”
- Leg 31 Nip Tuck: find your own route through the wildlife refuge, beach and gated neighborhood!
- Leg 32 86: W Beach Road/Lee Callaway Bridge”Dude Where’s My Support Vehicle?”
- Leg 33 Tinkles: Highlights of Gulfshores: Alvin’s Island, Surf Style, Hooters, Seas and Suds. Feels great to be finished
- Leg 34 Tanked Up: Sprint on Perdido Beach road, Perdido. Gazing at the wonders of the sea and condos !
- Leg 35 Steve: with the sun setting behind me and familiar landmarks such as the Orange Beach Publix, this 5k provided much needed relief and an opportunity to turn on the speed.
- Leg 36 Gideon: The Final Countdown. Sweet release. The victory lap. Cool running into the evening. The energy and honor of bringing it home made it a light run. Proud to close it out for such an impressive group of brothers.
Bushwacker nicely broke down our experience into round 1, 2, and 3. Round 1 was the race, round 2 the after party, and round 3 was Saturday out on the water. Before we could close the book on round 1 we wanted to finish with a COT. The Florabama parking lot provided the perfect location to get together. We attracted a group of onlookers which included a drunk grandfather in an upside down Waffle House Visor, a cougar in a sequined skirt and sash reading ‘trophy wife’ (made us wonder what type of trophy that is!), and a guy who could of otherwise been our peer (including a trailing line of kids) though could only mutter to us ‘you boys going to get some p….. this weekend?’. It set up a surreal background about which directions life can take and for me it made me all that more thankful for the positive influence of F3.
Gideon had the awesome idea of customized medals that we all got for finishing the race. During the medal ceremony named an award for each individual signifying their contributions to the group. We had a fun time with this. The winners are:
- Bushwacker: The Sticky Icky Award
- Catfish: The Banana-Whacker Award
- Tinkles: The Coldest Cucumber Award
- Tanked Up: The Pony Boy Award
- Nip Tuck: The Cartographer Award
- Gideon: The Lazarus Award
- 86: The No Shoulders Award
- Roots: The High Noon Award
- Bad Moon: The Swcheatty Award
- Steve: The Gump Award
- Cavalier: The Rain Dance Award
- Cowbell: The What Hurricane? Award
Round 2 and round 3 will have to be the subject of another backblast but needless to say the fun rivaled that of round 1. Thanks to the social hosts and boat captains for making all of that happen.
There has been much discussion about what is next for the Roast on the Coast. I think its a start of a tradition and every F3 pax should consider joining the next iteration. Talk to any of the participants and hear some great 1st hand accounts.
So Completely Stupid and Utterly Pointless? Of course it was in concept but in reality proved to be significant and impactful! Thanks to each of you for making F3 what it is and for making this kind of event possible. Much Love!
