By: Money Cat
The Scene: The Knoll
Conditions: Sunny (longing for arctic air in June.)
The men of F3 Baton Rouge gathered together in a circle. A voice spoke up, “who’s going to Q?” Immediately the men’s eyes darted skyward and downward. A look so reminiscent from childhood as if their mother’s caught them with their hands in the cookie jar. You could cut the fog of silence with a dull butter knife like Scooby-Doo did in his weekly cartoon. A lone wolf could be howling out on the football field. Suddenly, Fastball spoke up…”I’ll do it!” And thus was born the Ballad of Fastball.
Welcome: 11 men posted.
Disclaimer:
After the disclaimer Fastball informed the men this was his last week in F3. He explained his job with Home Depot ( cue Home Depot music ) will take him out of town for 2 weeks and after that he’ll be home to help family pack up and make the move to Georgia. This sudden news caught the men by surprise. We knew Fastball would be leaving us soon, but not this soon! The men began loudly weeping and tearing their shirts!!! Runners near us stopped in their tracks, cupped their hands to their ears and headed back in the direction they came. Thankfully someone made a joke about all of us receiving Home Depot gifts (free orange aprons) Fastball would send back to us. Aprons are nice for making lemon zest bundt cakes but I believe many of the men secretly longed for one thing and one thing only…power tools and bandoleer’s filled with beef jerky (GRUNT!) (GRUNT!) (GRUNT!)
Warm-a-Rama:
We mosey’d around the track once and cut into the middle for warm ups.
Jumping Jack’s, arm circles-forward and backward, goof-balls, Bobby Hurley’s were all done in cadence.
Merkins and burpee’s were done on our own in a count of 10.
The Money Cat was breathing heavily when Fastball gave the order to mosey to the football field.
The Thang:
Out on the football field Fastball explained the routine.
- Sprint out 25 yards and perform 25 merkin’s. Run backwards to start.
- Sprint out 50 yards and perform 50 Al Gore’s. Run backwards to start.
- Sprint out 75 yards and perform 75 crazy leg stretchy thingy’s. Run backwards to start.
- Sprint out 100 yards and perform 100 jumping jacks. Run backwards to start.
After each man lost 5 pounds of sweat on the field, Fastball told us to mosey to the sundial for more back breaking exercises.
At the sundial many F3 men planked while waiting for Worms and Money Cat who was ripely turning into a Smelly Cat. The next group of exercises started at 25 and decreased at increments of five. There were two sets: merkins and dips. The Money Cat was running on his 7th life and ready to give up his 8th when the tiny twinkling stars appeared in his eyes. He began pawing at them like a real cat would and was meowing loudly. Money Cat realized it would be best to lie down on the concrete bench and perform standard flapping motions with his arms. The amusement was seen by all but just like the Honey Badger…..Money Cat don’t care!
Fastball gave the order to mosey to the pavilion for some warm tepid water. At the pavilion Fastball noticed Money Cat hiding in the slender shadow of a pole. Fastball asked him if he was ok. Money Cat gave him a thumbs up as he figured it would be impolite to give him the middle finger of friendship. Fastball yelled out, “hey gang….lets go have a groovy time across the street on the baseball field” or at least that’s what I think I heard??? The Money Cat realized he needed water. He lumbered to the Catmobile and secured his iced cup of H2O. He and worms made it over to the ball field where the guys partnered up. Half the guys ran around poles out in the outfield and the other guys did grunting exercises. Money Cat couldn’t see what the exercises were because his concentration was on the clear frosty water cascading down his throat providing well needed relief to his thirsty soul. Not excited to pass on a raging case of cooties to the other men…Money Cat drank alone.
The guys made it back to finish up with Mary’s at the Pavillion. Not wanting to have all the “Q” glory to himself, Fastball started the first set but called out F3 names to lead a Mary. The called on dudes did as they were told and there was great splendor in the grass……well, not the 1961 dramatic romance movie staring Natalie Wood type of splendor in the grass. That…would…just…be…wrong…..
Count-o-Rama
Name-o-Rama
Circle-o-Rama
***TISSUE ALERT***
All of us F3 dudes are going to miss Fastball saying, “I’ll go ahead and Q, but you guys are going to hate me!” We are going to miss the pain our F3 brother put us through. I recall being partnered up with Fastball when he used baseball seasons’ opening day as his theme. When we ran the foul poles 5X’s in the outfield…I thought I was gonna die!!! But I didn’t and if I had…the Money Cat has 8 more lives to give. I went back to read all the back blasts that he led on those early Saturday mornings. Reading these memories are good for the soul! It reminds me what I was and where I’m headed. I believe I speak for all of us F3 guys that Josh Black aka FASTBALL lives the F3 Credo: leave no man behind, but leave no man where you find him. Fastball, you have left your mark on F3 Baton Rouge -The Knoll and The Colosseum. We all thank yeaux for molding us into better and thinner men. We know you’ll leave your mark with more guys where ever the Lord leads you.
Friends – Michael W. Smith
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord’s the Lord of them.
And a friend will not say never
‘Cause the welcome will not end.
Though it’s hard to let you go
In the Father’s hands we know.
That a lifetime’s not too long
To live as friends.
